My excuse this time is that I started a new game of Skyward Sword and was distracted, which may not seem like much of an excuse, but srsly, have you ever played Skyward Sword? You can't just stop in the middle. My excuse next time will be that I'm going on vacation for a week and won't have access to a computer, so you know, nothing will change. I know I say this every time but I promise I'll get better at this.

Enjoy.


March 17, 10:15 AM. District Court, Court Room 3.

Mumble mumble mumble.

BANG BANG!

"Witness, please state your name and occupation for the court, and where did you get that tea?"

"Arthur Kirkland. I work for the British Government, and I brought the tea from home."

"I'm not sure how I feel about the witness drinking tea while testifying."

"It's an ancient English pastime," sip, "You never get between an Englishman and his teatime, your Honor."

"Still, YEOW!"

"It matters not if he drinks tea or 17 cups of coffee. All that matters is his testimony!"

"I suppose you have a point. How exactly are you related to the case, Mr. Kirkland?"

"Well I-"

"He is a witness. He witnessed the crime."

"But you said Mr. Jones was the only one in the alley during the murder!" POINT! "So if someone else was there-YEOW!"

"Everything will be made clear in time, Phoenix Wright."

"Mr. Kirkland, please tell us what you know about the case."

Sip.

WITNESS TESTIMONY
-What I Saw-

"Alfred and I had just parted ways.
I decided to take a shortcut back to the hotel when I may have gotten a bit turned around.
That's when I heard the gunshot.
I peeked into the alley and saw Alfred, covered in blood, dropping the gun.
The police showed up moments later, and that was that."

(If that was true, why didn't he tell me that yesterday? Something doesn't add up.)

"Mr. Wright, you may begin your cross-examination."

CROSS-EXAMINATION
-What I Saw-

Alfred and I had just parted ways.

"HOLD IT! What do you mean by 'parted ways'?"

"I mean we split up. He went one way and I went another sort of thing."

"But you were both going to the same place weren't you? Why not go together?"

"I, um, well, we sort of had a disagreement of sorts."

"A violent disagreement?"

"What the, no! Just because you feel the need to carry a whip doesn't mean everyone…OW! Don't do that!"

"What did you and Mr. Jones disagree about?"

"It doesn't matter, can't even remember all that well myself to be honest."

"It's clear what happened: Alfred Jones initiated the fight so he could get to the alley at the appointed time and murder the Congressman."

"OBJECTION! You don't know who started the fight!"

"Witness, who started the fight?"

"…I did."

(So much for that theory, Franzika.)

"YEOW! I didn't say anything!"

"It was all over your face!"

"Witness, what happened next?"

That's when I heard the gunshot.

"HOLD IT! You said you heard the gunshot. How many did you hear?"

"One, well, I only recall hearing one."

(What?! Arthur was the one looking for the second bullet, but he only heard one gunshot?)

"But, there may have been-"

"OBJECTION! The witness already stated he only heard one. Any information outside of what he recalls is irrelevant at this time."

(So he only heard one, but still believes Alfred's story over his own memory? That makes even less sense!)

"Well, what happened after you heard the singular gunshot?"

I peeked into the alley and saw Alfred, covered in blood, dropping the gun.

"HOLD IT! Did you see anyone else in the alley?"

"…"

"Mr. Kirkland?"

"…No, just Alfred and the victim."

"Tsk tsk, Phoenix Wright, you're not getting it that easily."

"Well, when did the police show up?"

The police showed up moments later, and that was that.

"HOLD IT! Why didn't the police question you if you were there?"

"Well, I got out of there as soon as they showed up, but there wasn't anything really to say to them."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, I already told the operator everything I knew." Sip.

"Wh-WHAT?! When did you talk to an operator?!"

"Did I not mention? I placed a 999 call, or what is it over here? 911? Yes that's it, a 911 call as soon as I heard the gunshot. How else do you think the police got there so fast?"

(Why didn't he mention that before?)

Murmur murmur.

BANG BANG.

"Witness! Why didn't you mention you were the one that called the police in the first place?"

"I didn't think it was necessary." Sip.

"Not, how could that not be necessary? What did you say to them?"

"Exactly what I told you, I believe."

"The prosecution has acquired a copy of the call's transcript. Unfortunately we couldn't obtain the actually recording itself, but for the purposes of this court, this should suffice."

911 Call Transcript
A transcript of a call placed on March 10 at 9:30 PM.
Operator: 911 Emergency response.
Caller: Whoa hey whoa hey okay.
O: Um Sir? Can you please state the nature of your emergency?
C: You sound kinda hot.
O: Sir, do you have an emergency or not?
C: What, yeah! Yeah! Yeah I've got an emergency! Some guy's just been shot!
O: Where are you?
C: Uh, hang on. I just learned the street name like five seconds ago. Uh, 5
th Street. Yeah 5th Street. Right by that building thing.
O: Sir, do you know the condition of the man who's been shot?
C: He's bleeding, like a lot. The other guy's helping him, but-
Background: Is that Alfred? Shit, we gotta go now!
C: Uh, I gotta go, but call me later!
O: Sir?
CALL END

"…"

"I, may have had a bit too much to drink that night."

"I was under the impression you were at a work meeting with Mr. Jones until that point."

"No one said it was a dry meeting."

(I guess that's possible, but something's still off about that phone call.)

"What I don't get is, who was the voice that identified the defendant? It seems like there was more than one person there at the time. Ms. Von Karma, do you have an explanation?"

"Just a straggler in the background; it's not of any concern to this court."

"OBJECTION! A straggler that knew Mr. Jones? Who just happened to run into Arthur on his way home? I don't think that's likely."

"Well it doesn't matter what you think, Phoenix Wright, what matters is what actually happened."

"Your Honor, I request that the witness gives more testimony about the 911 call."

"Very well, I'm a bit curious as will. Witness, if you don't mind."

Sip. "Of course not."

WITNESS TESTIMONY
-The 911 Call-

"I made the call right after I heard the gunshot.
I was a tad drunk, and a bit disoriented. I guess I just never expected Alfred to be in that kind of situation.
The police showed up a lot faster than I expected.
No one else was with me when I made the call, I know that much.
"

"You didn't leave anything out this time."

Sip. "Not to my knowledge."

"Alright then, Mr. Wright, you may begin your cross-examination."

CROSS-EXAMINATION
-
The 911 Call-

No one else was with me when I made the call, I know that much.

"HOLD IT! Then how do you explain the voice in the background?"

"A random straggler who knew Alfred I suppose. He lives in Washington, so I assume a few people here know him," Sip, "I didn't know they were there when I was making the call."

(Should I press him on that? Or maybe I should just let it be…I won't get anything running in circles.)

"How could you not know they were there? In order for their voice to be heard by the operator, whoever it is must have been pretty close."

"I wasn't in a state of mind to notice all that much, what with the alcohol and the bloody Alfred. I didn't even know another voice showed up in the call until later."

"Well Mr. Wright, is what the witness just said important?"

"Yes, it is," POINT! "I want that added to the testimony!"

"Grabbing at loose ends will only end in your failure, Phoenix Wright."

"I only learnt about the other person after the fact."

"Nick, does something seem, off to you?"

"His entire testimony seems off, but I can't pin down exactly what."

"Maybe it's just because he talks funny. There's just something about a British accent that makes you believe he has to be telling the truth."

(Even when he's not.)

I only learnt about the other person after the fact.

"OBJECTION!"SLAM! "Mr. Kirkland, are you really the one who placed the 911 call?"

"Of course I am, you twat! Why else would I be here?" Sip.

"You said something funny just now: 'I only learnt about the other person…' Who uses learnt?"

"That's proper English, git! What's off is your whole 'learned' nonsense. Utter rubbish. Who would use that?"

"Apparently you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"The caller from the 911 call said, and I quote, 'I just learned the street name.' Either you slip into an American accent when drunk or, it wasn't you who made the call!"

SPIT-TAKE!

Murmur murmur murmur.

BANG BANG.

"Witness! Is that true?"

"O-of course not, that would be preposterous. Whoever transcribed the call was an American and clearly butchered my flawless English."

(Ack! I hadn't thought of that.)

"Ooh! Ooh! Wait wait! I have one of those objection thingys!"

"Mon ami, you're doing it wrong. You have to slam the table and point in order to get their attention."

"Right right, I've got this," SLAM! POINT! "EINSPRUCH! I mean, OBJECTION!"

"Who, who are you?! This is a murder trial, not some circus!"

(What the…)

"Gilbert!"

"Herr Wiellschmidt, just what do you think you're doing?" WHIP!

CATCH! "No it's cool, Franzi. I just remembered! See, it's been bugging me ever since you brought it up, but that phone call sounded awfully familiar."

(D-don't tell me…)

"You were the one who placed the 911 call?"

"No, not exactly, but it's my awesome voice that's in the background!"

Murmur murmur murmur.

BANG BANG.

"Order! You mean you were with the witness when he came across the crime scene?"

"God no; everybody knows to never go drinking with Arthur. He's a depressing drunk and a real buzz kill. The lawyer's right, Arthur didn't make the call."

"Witness, is that true?"

Sip. "Um, well, it's certainly p-possible." Sip.

Murmur murmur.

BANG!

"Witness I will not tolerate lying in my court! Miss Von Karma, did you know about this?"

"No. He admitted to the call and no one came forward to contradict him, so I didn't look into it. That was my mistake."

"Why would you say that, Mr. Kirkland?"

Sip. "I have my reasons."

"Care to explain them to the court?"

"Not really." Sip. "I assume you're not going to let me testify after that yes? I'll just be on my way."

"Not so fast, Mr. Kirkland! Lying in a court of law, disrupting a murder investigation, these are serious charges you're facing right now."

"Oh yes, about that. Well, if my status as a British national and my diplomatic immunity isn't enough to get me off, and I see no reason why they shouldn't, I suppose I can make a few phone calls."

"Mr. Kirkland, I don't think you realize the extent of the charges against you. I don't know who you think you can call to get off-"

"And you, your Honor, I don't think you realize just who I am." Sip. "I'll have my people call your people to sort this all out. I'll see myself out."

(Arthur Kirkland, a mystery wrapped in an enigma.)

"Well, Mr. uh…"

"Gilbert Wiellschmidt."

"Mr. Wiellschmidt, since you were there would you mind testifying?"

"OBJECTION!"

"What is it, Ms. Von Karma?"

"W-we don't know if he was there! The prosecution doesn't approve of just letting some lunatic testify in this court of law!"

"Aw, Franzi, that hurts."

(Well if Franziska has an objection to it.) "The defense has no objections to this witness and insists on proceeding."

"Very well. New witness, state your name and occupation."

"Gilbert Wiellschmidt. And my job is being awesome."

(That's not a real job!)

"Well, tell us what you remember."

WITNESS TESTIMONY
-What the Awesome Me Remembers-

"…

…..

…..."

"You don't remember anything do you?"

"Not true! I was drinking, with Francis and some other guy, we called him Antonio, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't his name, and we ended up on a roof somewhere."

"That's it?"

"Fool! You're wasting the court's time!"

"Since the witness's testimony proves insufficient, I have no choice but to-"

"OBJECTION!"

"Yes Mr. Wright?"

"Mr. Wiellschmidt's testimony could explain everything! We can't just toss it out."

"There's nothing to toss out. He can't remember anything."

"He might, if we give him some time, maybe."

"It's already been a week!"

"No the lawyer's got a point! One time I accidently sold Feliciano when I was drunk and didn't remember it until a week later! Lovino and West were so pissed. Good times."

(Do I really want him to testify?)

"Herr Wiellschmidt, just stop speaking."

"At this time I am not in a position to deliver a verdict. I am willing to postpone this trial another day in order for Mr. Wiellschmidt to recall what he did that night and for both the prosecution and the defense to continue their investigation and find out who really made the 911 call."

"Yes, your Honor."

"Hmph."

"Then court is adjourned."

BANG!