Author's notes:

Thank you my sweet readers for linking my story. I'm honestly IN LOVE with Jagan right now. They just work so good together.

Here's more about Logan's pregnancy and a tiny bit extra. Just a tiny bit. It's my special Christmas gift to all of you. Love you all so much!

Merry Christmas to all!

Pletty pletty pwease don't shy away from reviews. They'd make my X-mas. *wink*


"GET THE DOGS IN MY OFFICE NOW!" Gustavo yelled in Kendall's phone, instead of a "good morning" a few days later. He had allowed Logan and James to take a few days off, until he would come up with the solution and now that he had the dogs had better agree, or else!

Kendall sighed into his pillow. He and Carlos had taken Gustavo's wrath for the past four days, for the sake of Logan's pregnancy. Kendall had yet to believe it or say something about it, actually, but he supported his friends unconditionally, as he always did.

He slowly threw his legs over the bed and wet to wake up Carlos then the future parents. Carlos didn't even budge. He was so deeply asleep. Kendall sighed again and went across the hall to try his luck with James and Logan. He sighed at the sight of the two of them hugging even in their sleep. He went to the foot of the bed, gently shaking James' leg. James woke up easily, smiling down at Logan before even noticing Kendall.

"Gustavo wants us all in his office." Kendall sighed and walked out of the room, leaving James to wake himself and Logan up, heading to Carlos to give it another go at waking him up.

Carlos registered being shaken slightly. He opened his eyes and grunted. Sleep was taking everything away – all the pain in his body and his heart. In his sleep he wouldn't have to take Gustavo's yelling or the fact that Stephanie had found someone else, someone who had time to spend with her. In his sleep tears would stay away on they own, he didn't have to fight himself and put on a fake happy face. In his sleep everything was perfect. He saw Kendall at his side and tried to smile, but feeling Kendall's warm hand on his shoulder, feeling his quiet support, he just couldn't smile, couldn't lie anymore. Kendall didn't notice though.

"Gustavo wants all of us in his office." Kendall said, still half asleep, getting up to leave. He took a couple of steps to the door, but heard a little sob and turned on his heals instantly, his loyalty to his friends taking over, waking him up on the spot. Carlos had curled up on his side, in a shaking ball. Kendall's eyes bulged. He crossed the distance in a single step. "Los… what's wrong?" He asked gingerly, fear gripping at his insides. Carlos hadn't cried since they'd gotten to LA – and that was years ago. "What made you cry, Los?"

Carlos said nothing, just allowed his tears to fall, quiet little sobs escaping him as Kendall hugged him from behind. "Los, please tell me what's wrong." Kendall asked quietly, the same way he used to do when they were kids and Carlos would get bullied into tears. "You can't beat anyone up for me, Ken. Not this time…" Carlos finally said; his voice shaky from crying. "But I can listen, Los. Maybe that can help." Carlos shook his head, yet he still turned in Kendall's arms and cried in his chest. Kendall could do nothing but hope that his presence would be enough to help Carlos, even if he had no way of knowing what was actually wrong – apart from being tired to the limit of exhaustion.


James woke Logan up, gently kissing his temple. Logan opened his eyes, smiling up at his love, receiving a sweet kiss on the lips. "Morning." He whispered into James' neck, spoiling himself a little with James' scent. "Morning, love." James replied, caressing Logan's hair. Over the last three months these kind of moments had become James' favorites – feeling Logan nuzzle his neck as he stretched the sleep out of his body, like a cat cuddling into his body, just made him feel happy and safe and needed and complete. He hated cutting this moment short, but he had to. "Gustavo wants us in the office…" Logan's head shot up worry etched on his beautiful features. "Why?" James shrugged a little. "I don't know, baby. Kendall woke me up just now and told me." Logan nodded and put out his brave face. "Shower?" James asked with playfulness on his face, trying his best to get Logan to stop worrying.

Logan smiled wide at the thought of James' naked body and nodded, not even bothering to answer before getting out of James' embrace and their bed, almost bouncing his way to the shower, getting the water just right.

James followed Logan, leaning in the door frame, watching his deliciously naked lover get their shower ready. Logan turned to see him. "What?" He asked playfully. "Just watching my gorgeous naked boyfriend." James smirked at Logan' gentle blush. He loved it only took a few words to still make Logan blush, after all the time and all the times they'd been together, all the time they'd known one another, Logan still blushed. He took a baby step forward. Logan blushed deeper, raking his eyes on James' own naked body, his Adam's apple moving as he swallowed down an evident lump. "What is it, baby?" Logan shook his head. "See something you like?" James teased. "Nope." Logan lied, moving his eyes up into James' hazel ones. "Really now?" James kept teasing, closing the distance between them, making Logan step inside the shower. "Really." Logan replied back, still holding James' gaze. "Well, I do." James replied, stepping inside the shower, closing the door behind him, moving in Logan's personal space, making sure both of them got under the warm spray.

Logan allowed James' embrace. He loved the feeling of skin-to-skin contact, even if there was nothing sexual about it right now. James' hands felt so loving on his rounding hips, it reassured Logan he was still appealing to his lover.

It took them about 20 minutes to get out of the shower, washing each other, playing around like children. It took another 15 minutes to get fully dressed and get to a perfectly empty living room.

"I thought the boys would be waiting for us by now…" Logan said with surprise in his voice.

"I know… me too…" James agreed. "KENDALL! CARLOS?!" James yelled while Logan rolled his eyes as James went "hunting" for their friends. He went to Kendall's room – empty. He went to Carlos' room. The door wasn't closed so James saw Kendall holding a shaking Carlos with ease. It felt like they were back in school, when Carlos used to get bullied around. James worried. He caught Kendall's eyes, quietly asking what was wrong. Kendall just slightly shook his head, telling James he had no idea. James took a step forward, but Kendall shook his head "no" again, James seeing the same protective Kendall he always saw when is friends hurt or in any kind of trouble. James nodded and went back to Logan.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, standing up when he saw James' expression.

"Carlos is crying… I think…"

"What happened?"

"I have no idea. Kendall's with him though."

Logan nodded remembering Kendall's protective instincts.

"We should go to Gustavo's… distract him until Carlos is ok to come in…" Logan said.

"Yeah." James agreed with half a voice. He feared Gustavo's reaction. He had barely controlled himself when Gustavo had suggested Logan have an abortion, he would not guarantee he could do that again. Logan saw it in his eyes and place a hand on his forearm.

"Let's go." James nodded.


After more than half hour of having Carlos cry into his chest, Kendall wanted to get him talking. He wanted to know who to kill already!

"Los…" He tried again, his voice low and soothing. Carlos shook his head. "Los, look at me." Carlos hid his face. Kendall sighed. "Los…"Carlos shook his head again. "You wanna stay here all day long?" Carlos nodded. "But, I'm hungry, Los." That always used to work. That used to get Carlos up and running.

This time, though, not even the promise of food got Carlos to feel better. He just let go of Kendall, turning to the other side, no longer crying, just sulking in his own misery. "Go eat." He simply said, hiding his face in the pillows. Kendall sighed. "You know I'd never leave you alone when you're like this. Come with me." Kendall tried again. "No. Just leave."

It was the first time Carlos had pushed Kendall away. It hurt. Instead of leaving, Kendall hugged Carlos again. "Never." He whispered and Carlos began crying again. "It hurts, Kendy, it hurts so bad." Carlos finally got out. "What does, Litos?" Kendall had already hit his limit. All he wanted was a name. Just to know who to kill for hurting his friend this bad. It wasn't normal. "Steph broke up with me…" Carlos finally got out. "Oh, Carlos." Kendall calmed down and pulled Carlos to his chest a lot tighter. He knew how it felt.

Carlos instantly felt better. Kendall's warmth radiating through him. "And seeing James and Logan all happy and couple-y and starting their own family really does not help…" Carlos got out with a sigh. "I know, Los. When I came back from my trip…" Carlos nodded. "I'm sorry, Kendall. I was such an insensitive ass…"

"It's ok, Carlos. I was mostly over Jo. It's ok." Kendall said before kissing Carlos' temple. He didn't even realize the gesture, just placed his cheek over Carlos' and held him close. Carlos did realize, the warm outline of Kendall' lips almost throbbing on his skin. He blushed slightly and felt grateful Kendall would miss his embarrassment.

"You said you were hungry." Carlos finally said. "Let's get something…"

"Corndogs?" Kendall offered with a smile.

"Yeah and that sauerkraut Logan bought the other day – if he didn't eat the whole jar by himself." Carlos let out a little giggle. The sound put Kendall's heart at ease as he reluctantly opened his arms and let go of his friend.


James and Logan walked inside Gustavo's office with their heart beating at insane rhythms. James' arm around Logan's neck. Gustavo sighed at the sight.

"I thought I told you that outside your home you two are just friends." He pinched the bridge of his nose. James shrugged but kept his arm in place as they both sat on the couch. "Where are the other dogs?"

"Carlos wasn't feeling well. Kendall is taking care of him." Logan explained.

"And, besides, I have a feeling that you wanted to talk to the two of us anyway." James added cockily, never letting on as to how nervous he really was.

"You're right. We…" Gustavo gestured to him and Kelly. "…have found a solution to the problems you keep throwing at me." When Logan and James kept silence he continued. "Kelly did some research and found out about a bug that causes weight gain and anemia. It takes months for a healthy body to process it. And hospitalization. It's the perfect excuse."

"EXCUSE?!" Logan burst, standing up. Gustavo put a hand up to make him shut it.

"Your pregnancy is high risk. I spoke with your doctor. You'll need bed rest and constant watching over. We need an excuse for you to be fat and in a hospital without paparazzi around and fans going insane over this."

Logan sat back down. "Sounds reasonable…" He mumbled. "But what excuse will you find for our baby, when she's born?" He mumbled through his question.

"We still have some time to think of that." Gustavo sighed. His voice was at a normal volume which scared both Loan and James. They weren't accustomed to Gustavo's normal voice. "For now you need to study this bug and go on an interview and tell your fans not to worry." He got up and handed Logan a bunch of papers. Logan took them and skimmed them over.

James looked at Logan in worry. He wasn't ok with lying to his fans. But seeing Logan's acceptance, he decided to go with whatever his love wanted to do. It was his body and his decision, after all.

"I'll get more info on this thing when I get home." Logan simply stated. "How much time do I have before the interview?"

"Two days."

"More than enough."

"Good. Now that's settled – get to the studio. You're back on three songs."

Logan and James nodded. They both got up and went right to studio A. James stopped Logan before going in. "You're sure this is what you want?"

"I don't have a choice."

"You do – we could tell the truth."

"That would ruin the band, our hard work and your dream. I won't allow that to happen." Logan replied, entering the studio, a hand gently on his belly. James sighed looking at his love's back as he went up the four steps leading to the studio.

They spent the day recording, catching up on the songs Kendall and Carlos had already recorded.


Two days later Logan found himself on Ellen DeGeneres' couch, nervous as hell, without James or Kendall or Carlos by his side.

"So, Logan, why the pounds?" Ellen started to badger him.

"Well, that's a bit of a story. Emm… I have a bug."

"A bug?" Ellen raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. A few months back we had some time off and went on vacation in the islands of Hawaii. I ate a couple of raw shells, on a dare, and I got a bug."

"Oh…" Ellen made.

"Yeah. Because of it I have been gaining a bit of weight. It also causes anemia. It depletes calcium and magnesium, mostly. That's why I fainted and ended up in the ER a couple of days back. I'm fine now, I'm just not allowed to do effort of any kind."

"Not even… you know…" Ellen put a lot of double meaning to her words. Logan laughed.

"Not even that, Ellen." He laughed once again. "That's a lot of effort!" He added and Ellen laughed, leaning on her elbow. "So what now? I mean, you can't live with that all your life."

"No, no, of course not. Doctors say it takes a little time, but the body gets rid of it naturally. I'll have to go in a medical center where doctors will be able to keep an eye on my anemia."

"So, you'll be taking a break from…"

"Yes. Unfortunately."

"What do your band mates have to say about this?"

"What can they say? I mean, neither of us likes putting Big Time Rush on hold, but I'll wait for as long as I can before going in the center. I'll be recording the whole time, try to get the album out, for our fans, before taking a bit of time off."

"So, no tour, no promos, no nothing."

"Not for me, no."

"That's sad news."

"I'm sorry. I just need to take care of my health for a little while. It will get worse before getting better…"

"That's ok, Logan! We understand!" A girl in the studio audience shouted. Logan turned and smiled.

"Thank you so much. I know we always say this, but it is the truth – your support means the world to us – to me. Our rushers really are the most supportive and best fans in the world. Thank you."

The crowd awed at his statement and Ellen went to commercials, allowing Logan to sign some autographs and take some pictures before going backstage. "Logan, don't leave till the end of the show, kay, I need to talk to you a bit." Ellen called out after him. Logan nodded with a smile, heading for the green room where James was waiting for him.

"How was it?" James asked, hugging Logan to him.

"Easier than I thought. Ellen was nice." Logan allowed the hug. "She asked me to wait for the show to be over."

"That's only 15 minutes. We can wait." Logan nodded and settled on the couch, into James' side, watching the show on the little TV set.

When the show was over Ellen came bursting in the door. She greeted James warmly.

"You should have come on the show." She told James.

"This was about Logan, not me."

"This is about the both of you. Gustavo told me the truth."

"Thank you for keeping our secret. We hate having to lie, but…" Logan said from behind James.

"Believe me, I know the price of fame." Ellen nodded.

"You said you wanted to talk to me…?" Logan asked.

"I just wanted to congratulate you both and tell you that I'm here for you, should you need help with anything. What you're doing is brave. I have nothing but respect for you." She said plainly, patting Logan gently on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Ellen. Thank you."


From then on Logan was more comfortable with his extra weight. He worked as much as he could, giving it his all in the recording booth. Especially after Kelly had a bar stool brought up inside jut for him.

Gustavo wasn't shouting anymore. Which was a wonderful new little detail that showed just how much heart Gustavo did actually have, even allowing Logan to take all the breaks he needed.

His new doctor – Dan Williams – was nice and caring AND a sight for sore eyes. Logan loved going in for his weekly check-up – to James' annoyance. The only thing that made his new doctor a bit imperfect was his preference for women – which was the only reason why James still accepted doctor Williams as Logan's OBGYN.

Weeks passed in a blur.

Logan was horny as hell, tiring "poor" James out every chance he got. He had the weirdest of cravings and the best puppy eyes to get James, Kendall, Carlos, Kelly and, at times, even Gustavo, to cater to his cravings. Yeah – the fat man had a heart.

It showed the first time Logan felt the baby kick. A weird feeling in what seemed like the pit of his stomach took over him. Like butterflies, but stronger. He placed a hand over the butterflies, rubbing slightly with his fingertips. He felt a little gentle push against his fingers and teared up instantly, in the middle of a verse. James ran to him, worried and flushed, but Logan shut him up before a single sound had the chance to leave his lips, taking his hand and placing it over the butterflies, pressing down ever so slightly.

James finally felt the kick. Tears ran down his face. His smile brightened the room. "Hi little one." He spoke softly to the baby, kneeling down so he could "face" his daughter. "This is your daddy, honey." The baby kicked again. Logan giggled at the feeling and the cheesiness of it all, caressing James' hair.

Gustavo came in and joined them. Neither had expected that. Like they hadn't expected Gustavo's hand on Logan's belly, his eyes wide – wider than the blue bug eye sunglasses he chose to wear that day. James stood up and allowed Gustavo to feel the little movement on his own. "Oh." He made when it finally happened. Logan smiled.

"How is it like?" He asked Logan, still in awe.

"Like butterflies. Just in one spot. More defined."

"Butterflies." Gustavo echoed, looking down at his hand on Logan's abdomen. He took his hand away and simply left, still looking at it.

Two days later Gustavo had them record a new song called "Butterflies" about his experience with Logan and James' unborn child. Of course no once could ever hear the song, but the boys worked on it gladly.


When Christmas came along Logan was already five and a half months along. His big belly was getting in the way. He was bigger than a woman would have been at this time in her pregnancy, but Doctor Williams said it was all right, his child growing normally, even under the conditions of his male body.

Logan wanted to go home, to Minnesota, for holidays, but the doctor said it wasn't a good idea, so Kendall and Carlos decided they would stay with him and James and make it a Big Time Christmas.

Logan wasn't happy, but he made do. He had James buy the biggest tree he could find and cleaned out the decorations shop. He got the prettiest white angel for the top and a huge star to go in the middle of their tree. Carlos got Christmas huge red socks and had them embroidered with each of their names and hung them over the living room fireplace. Kendall got the food – well, Kendall hired a caterer to bring their food. He ordered every one of their favorite dishes and some extra sweets, as Logan was going through a "sweet period" in his never ending cravings.

But the best part was definitely decorating the tree. It took hours. But art usually does. When he was done he was the happiest camper, sparkling lights and shiny decoration almost smiling back at him.

James wrapped his arms around Logan and their baby – they had refused to know the baby's sex, being sure they were expecting a daughter. Logan leaned back in his love's embrace. "It's beautiful." Logan said. "You're beautiful." James replied, kissing Logan's temple. "You keep saying that." Logan giggled. "Because it's true." James replied, his baby kicking his hand through Logan's belly. This had happened so many time before. Him hugging Logan, feeling their daughter kick at the sound of his voice. It felt like she recognized him somehow.

"Logan… I've been thinking…"James' heart sped up behind Logan's back. "Mmmm." Logan let out. "I think we should do this right."

"Do what right, baby?" Logan asked dreamingly, still lost in the beauty of their Christmas tree.

"This. Us. Our family." James let out, his voice shaking. Logan moved his head slightly on James' shoulder so he could look up at his boyfriend.

"What are you saying, Jamie?"

"I'm saying we should get married." James looked down in Logan's chocolate eyes. The love inside of them always gave him power to get over his own fears.

"You… You…" Logan mumbled, his eyes wide in surprise.

James let go of Logan with one hand, taking the little secret in his pocket out.

"I've been carrying this around for weeks. Just looking for the best moment to ask you." He opened up his hand in front of Logan showing him a beautiful white gold ring with tree small yellow diamonds on the top. "Logan Mitchell, you make me the happiest man alive. Please share your life with me. Please marry me."

Logan stood there, frozen, looking down at the ring in James' palm. He could not say a single word. He could not move a single muscle. Then his baby kicked again and he breathed out a small "yes", lifting his hand to touch the little band that would show the world he belonged to James with his entire being.

"Yes?" James asked with hope in his voice.

"Yes." Logan uttered, nodding.

James' heart started a normal pace, matching Logan's, as he placed the ring on Logan's finger.

Kendall and Carlos awed from somewhere behind them as Logan turned and kissed his fiancée's lips for the very first time.