CHAPTER NINE:

Letting Go

Waking up, I showered first, and then dressed in a pair of sweats and a tattered t-shirt. I would dress up more when I arrived at the Chapel. It sucked, having to sit through two funerals. But this was what I signed up for when I turned seven.

Shuffling to the bathroom, I made the shower quick and changed into a clean pair of sweats and a dark purple long-sleeved t-shirt. Walking back to my room, I grabbed the dress, the shoes, and the box that held the red sash. Heather had the non Assassin dress all set for me at the funeral home.

After chugging down a glass of orange juice, I grabbed my car keys and hit the button. The lights on the dark red 2008 Mercedes Benz CL65 AMG lit up as I hit the unlock button a few times. Gently placing the items in the back seat, I slid into the driver's seat and backed out of the driveway. Heather was long gone by now, getting the non Assassin funeral prepared and Derek and Erik were hopeless causes when it came time to wake up. My head still aches when I think about my attempts at waking Derek up about a month ago. Who knew a fully grown man could make a soft pillow feel like a brick when he threw it at your face?

I took my sweet time getting to the funeral home and I used that time to reflect on what's in store for me. It was still two weeks before my birthday, two weeks until I had to come up with the lame excuse of having to be homeschooled. Derek never had to deal with that, he was still allowed to attend school after his initiation into the Order, but I guess William wanted to mix things up a bit.

I pulled into the parking lot about ten minutes later and grabbed the dress, shoes, and box. Jogging inside, I walked towards the back and Heather poked her head out from one of the spare rooms. "Good, you're on time!" she grinned. "Can't say the same for your brother and my son huh?"

I laughed. "Trust me, if I could wake them up, I would."

Heather laughed. "Just as long as they are here for the funeral, I see no problem letting the boys sleep in."

I grinned as I dangled two sets of car keys. "But I wanted to get some revenge for that prank they pulled on me the other day…"

"You stole their car keys?!" Heather's eyes were wide.

"I hid my bike keys from them."

Heather laughed and handed me the ebony black dress that stopped mid-calf. After I had put it on, Heather guided me to the make-up area and I applied the make-up—I'm a tomboy yes, but that doesn't mean I don't want to actually look like a guy!

"Perfect," Heather smiled as she stood behind me and placed her hands on my shoulder (lightly touching my left shoulder). "You look like your mother."

I smiled as I set the mascara down and looked back at myself. "Well, you would know, now wouldn't you?" I quipped with a light tone.

Heather gently cupped my cheek and kissed it. "I'm going to see if the boys are here, I think some of the guests are already here."

I nodded. Understanding that Heather still needed some time to get ready and she also needed to make sure that her son and my brother arrived on time. I slipped the black version of my heels on and walked down the hall and into the large room. The casket was closed and it would be open when the funeral began.

"Emma!" Casey cried and I looked over to see her and Tanner waving at me from the other entrance. Smiling, I walked over and gave my two best friends hugs. "I'm so sorry Em," Casey sighed as she pulled back.

I nodded and looked at Tanner—who was a deep red for some reason. "I-I'm sorry Emma," he stammered as he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at the floor. He was in a nice tux jacket with a simple black tie and nice dress pants and dress shoes.

Casey was in a shorter version of my black dress and her heels were about two inches shorter than mine. She looked better in black than I did, that's for sure.

"I'm so glad you guys could make it, I hope you aren't missing anything important," I smiled as Casey flipped her hair.

"Only Trig and Geography."

Tanner chuckled as he looked at Casey. "I'm just using my two free periods to be here," he replied in a gentle, polite voice. "I'm sorry Em."

I looked at the ground then at my friends. "Thank you for coming, it means a lot to me and my family."

"Well, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go talk with some people over there that look interesting…" Casey trailed off as she eyed a few guys in the back corner and I nodded at them as they waved at me.

"Go, I can keep Tanner out of trouble." Tanner frowned playfully and I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks Em!" Casey hugged me again and made her way over to the boys.

When she was out of ear shot, Tanner cleared his throat and I looked at him. "You look beautiful Em," he mumbled.

I laughed nervously. "Thanks Tanner." I looked at him. "You look really nice too."

Tanner blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "D-Do you mind i-if we take a seat out in the hall for a minute?"

I shrugged. "Sure, it's getting kinda stuffy in here anyways." I walked out into the hall with Tanner and we took a seat on a leather bench. I had to force myself to cross my legs and not sit like I would if I was trying to blend in—in other words, I had to remind myself not to sit like a guy.

"So…how're you holding up?" Tanner asked.

"Fine, just fine."

"That's good. I wanted to ask you something and I don't know if I should do it here or not…"

I patted Tanner's arm gently. "Just tell me, I'm sure it's nothing."

Tanner turned fully and looked at me. "I w-was wonder if you w-would like to g-go on a c-coffee date with m-me?" he asked with a small voice. I thought I heard it hitch once or twice.

I hadn't been on a date since Jake and to be honest, I wasn't planning on dating for a long time. But Tanner was just a friend. That's how I saw him. "Um…" I rubbed the back of my neck as I looked at the ground. "Now's not exactly a good time Tanner, I just lost my dad…" I trailed off as I looked back up at him.

"I knew that it wasn't gonna be a good time!" he groaned as he rested his face in his hands. "I feel like a dick."

I gently tugged his hand and he looked at me. "Don't feel like that," I assured him. "But I'm not really looking for a date or anything right now. I just want to be with my family."

Tanner took a deep breath and wrung his hands together. "I'm sorry Emma; I must sound like a jerk now. I honestly didn't mean to sound like a douchebag…"

I laughed. "No, you don't. Think about what's going on with Casey in the other room."

Tanner laughed and shook his head. "We should probably get back to her before the funeral starts."

"Agreed," I said as I stood up and Tanner followed my lead. "Still friends?" I asked.

"Yeah." He wrapped his arms around me and for some reason; it felt too intimate for my tastes—I mean, I've hugged Tanner thousands of times before, but this one feels different.

"There you two are!" she shook her head. "No matter, Em," Casey said as she looked at me, "you're brothers are looking for you."

I grinned. "Oops…" I stated innocently and Casey caught on fast.

"You stole their car keys again didn't you?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. It's not like they can do anything here, it's a funeral."

Casey rolled her eyes and a few minutes later the funeral began.

One down…one to go…I thought glumly.

It was a traditional funeral, people came up to the podium and talked, Derek said a few words, and then it was my turn.

I brushed some hair from my face and looked down at the poem I found the other day. "Um…I would like to read a poem." I wiped my eyes as tears began to fall. I looked at my father again and I swallowed the lump in my throat. "It's called…" I had to clear my throat, "…it's called Letter from Heaven, by Ruth Ann Mahaffey."

I took a deep breath and looked at the faces of my aunt, brother, half-brother…I looked at the faces of my best friends. They looked at me with nothing but sympathy and respect. They'd never seen me break down like this before. Never. "S-So," I began shakily, "I will begin reading…"

"Letter from Heaven

To my dearest family some things I'd like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived today,

I'm writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
Here, there's no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said "I welcome you,

It's good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you are part of my plan
There's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man."

God gave me a fist of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you

I looked up and I saw the familiar gray hair and gray beard and dark eyes staring up at me. I swallowed and tried to compose myself, but he shook his head in disagreement. Even though he was an ass most of the time, he did seem to understand that this was a hard time for my family and myself. Not to mention, William and my father were really close friends. After Desmond had gone missing, my father had spent countless hours trying to find the guy, but obviously, never succeeded in doing it.

And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you… in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

My voice cracked and I looked up to see Heather placing a hand over mouth as tears fell from her eyes. Derek discreetly wiped the tears away with his thumb and index finger. Erik's eyes looked bloodshot. I cleared my throat and continued reading.

One wish that I could tell you all that God has planned
If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand
But one thing is for certain though my life on earth is o'er
I'm closer to you now than I ever was before."

I nearly keeled over when I saw William discreetly wipe his eyes and I looked back down at the paper in front of me.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind

I pictured him standing next to me, his hand on my shoulder, while his other hand held my mom's hand. Fresh tears spilled over and I took a breath. I continued reading.

And when it's time for you to go... from that body to be free
Remember you're not going…you're just coming here to me."

I wiped my eyes again and I folded the paper up and looked up at the audience. I didn't like public speaking, but this was a time I was willing to make an exception. The crowd clapped softly as I walked back to my seat and Heather wrapped me in a tight hug.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered.

I hugged her back and I felt someone place a hand on my shoulder. Casey nodded at me and Tanner gently squeezed my right shoulder.

"I'd like to say a few words, if I may?" William said as he walked to the podium and I stared at him. He cleared his throat. "Stephan Hale was one of my closest friends, he was a remarkable man, strong, determined…loyal. Traits that are most noble in a man such as him. But we mustn't forget about the ones he left behind." William looked at me then Derek. "Emma, Derek, your father was a man that knew what humility was. I could never become half the man that he was.

"He was everything that I wanted to be. He was a natural leader, a great friend, and above all…" William looked directly at me. "He was an amazing father. Stephan Hale will be missed dearly, and my deepest condolences to the Hale family." I looked at the ground. "Thank you." William left the podium and sat back down in the back of the room.

The priest finished the ceremony and after the ceremony was done, everyone was slowly shuffling out of the funeral home.

Casey and Tanner hugged me good-bye. "We'll see you at school on Monday?" Tanner asked.

"Definitely," I replied.

"That was a beautiful poem Emma," Casey grinned and I noticed that her eyes were a little bit puffy. I hugged her tightly.

"Thank you for coming, it really means a lot to me."

Eventually, everyone was gone and then, Assassin mode kicked in. I took my shoes off and swiftly walked to the changing room and changed into my white dress and draped the sash over my left shoulder and around my waist. I fumbled with my sweatpants as I looked for my necklace and when I found it, I latched it around my neck. I just finished putting my non Assassin funeral dress in the box and Heather walked in, decked out in a similar dress, but the dress stopped at her mid-calf, she had a white version of my black dress. The sash was neatly draped around her waist then around her neck.

"Ready?" she asked.

I wiped my eyes and reapplied some make-up. "Yeah, now I'm ready."

Heather nodded and I hopped into my car and followed the Hearse to the chapel. Heather was behind me, and Derek and Erik were behind Heather, riding their bikes.

About fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the chapel and I parked in the spot closest to the double wooden doors. Getting out, I smoothed my dress out and waited for the rest of my family to catch up. When they were caught up, Derek slid his arm through mine and he guided me up the stairs.

A few Assassins were greeting us, most of them were already in the chapel. "Emmy!" a familiar voice called and I turned to see Lilly Tranes walking over to me.

"Lilly!" I grinned weakly as she hugged me. I looked at my old Training Camp buddy. She had cut her hair short and it reminded me of a bob cut, her green eyes seemed dulled, void of any emotion, then reality sunk in. This was the actual good-bye. The funeral before this was just the dress rehearsal. This was the real deal now. "Thank you so much for coming…"

"My mom and dad had to come; your dad was a great man." It should've been comforting to hear those words, but my mind was too scattered to really appreciate them. "Well, I better go sit down, I'll see you later?"

"Yeah," I nodded and Derek patted my shoulder.

"Ready?" he asked as two Assassins opened the doors for us and held them open as Heather and Erik walked in. They walked ahead of us. It was customary that the immediate family goes last and seeing as how Derek and I were the kids, we had to go last.

"Yeah, I'm ready." My voice was already hoarse from crying at the first funeral. Heather walked forward with Erik and after exactly five seconds, Derek and I started walking forward.

I gripped my brother's arm tightly as he started walking forward down the aisle, five paces behind Heather and Erik. I kept my gaze on the ground, praying that I didn't trip and make a complete fool of myself. "Easy Emma," Derek murmured too low for anyone to hear.

I looked up from the floor and nearly broke down when I saw the coffin at the altar. It was simple, a wooden coffin, and the Assassin symbol in fine silver, engraved into the wood. Two banners draped over the sides of the coffin elegantly. As I walked, I felt as though someone was staring at me—okay, so everyone was staring at me, but this gaze felt different. Looking around, I instantly found the person—or boy.

He had messy chestnut brown hair and amber brown eyes that seemed to stare beyond what you wanted to show. He smiled as Derek and I walked past and I tore my gaze from his—my heart for some reason cringed when I did that. Derek and I bowed before the Mentor, we took our seats, and I frowned as I heard someone talking.

Turning my head at the source of the noise, I found the boy that had smiled at me looking at me and I raised an eyebrow asking a silent question: Why the hell are you staring at me? As if I had upped and walked over to him and asked him the question, the boy looked down and the man next to him whispered something into his ear—to which the boy responded with a whisper that I didn't pick up.

"Do you at least know her name?" the boy that had looked at me asked rather loudly and I frowned as I looked back at him and (sadly) he didn't notice. Wait, why the hell do you care Emma? You aren't looking for a guy right now, not after what happened with Jake! I rolled my eyes. First Tanner and now this stranger!

The beginning was long, and bearable. But I started losing control over my emotions when a woman with dark brown hair and light brown eyes walked up and started the speeches. I kept my eyes on the woman, afraid to look at the coffin.

"Emma?" Derek said as he held a hand out to help me up from my seat and I took his hand.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I stood up and smoothed the front of my dress out.

Derek smiled weakly as he and I walked up to the altar (again I felt someone staring at me and I was surprised to see the boy from before looking directly at me) and knelt before the coffin. Lowering our heads, Derek and I said a prayer that we had picked out for this occasion. In fact, it was another poem that Derek had found last night before he went to bed.

"My Dad, My Angel, By Jamie Cirello,

Your battle is now over, no more tears flowing down your cheek,
no more pain, no more suffering, now you are no longer weak.

I still do not understand why this had to happen to you,
but I am proud to say you are my dad, the greatest man I ever knew.

Although you will not be here to walk me down the aisle,
when that day comes I know you will be by my side with a smile."

I wiped my eyes as I finished the first half of the poem and Derek finished.

"You were always there for me and never once made me cry,
until the day you closed your eyes and had to say goodbye.

Now you are my Angel, so spread your wings out wide,
please wrap them around me whenever you see me cry.

Our time together was memorable and God took you way too fast,
But the most precious thing to me was you being there for my first breath,
and me being there for your last."

As Derek finished, we both turned to face the coffin and we held each other's hands. "Rest in peace," we both said at the same time.

"Rest in peace," the audience quietly murmured.

No one really said anything and everyone left the chapel quickly. I didn't really see what happened after that, seeing as how everything around me was in a blurry haze of tears and I knew that my dad was buried with my mom in the Holy Angel Cemetery. Again, I don't recall much of the drive home, but when I stumble through the door, I walk up to my father's office and find four letters, addressed to each member of the family.

I opened the letter addressed to me and placed a hand over my mouth.

To my dearest daughter,

I'm sorry that our time together ended so abruptly, I know that it is foolish to leave this world with so many regrets and wishes, but as a man who has seen and lived through much, I cannot help but feel the regret of not seeing my son and daughter grow old and have a family of their own, of handing my daughter off to get married to a man that would make her life and world a better place.

Emma, you've been so strong, so determined to be the greatest. You don't have to go looking for the recognition that you want so badly. What you do, and who you are already is enough to earn that recognition. When your mother gave birth to you, I knew you were destined for greatness, destined to change the world, however small of a part you would play.

We come from a long line of Assassins, Emma, but we are far from being "pure blooded" as the other's put it. But if you look at the past, you will miss your future and the present. Do not let other's discourage you from obtaining your goal. Perhaps one day, you will be what I was to the Order, someone to come to with problems, someone that other's can trust.

I want you to find her Emma, find her and tell her everything, who you are, who I was, what we are as a family. She needs to know that you and Derek are alive. She needs to know what she is.

I know that the last few weeks haven't been easy on you, with your birthday around the corner, and your friends…you're torn inside. Emma, I want you to have fun in your life, I know you can find the balance between your Assassin half and your normal 'Emma' half. I don't want you to dwell on my passing, for there will be a time when your mother and I welcome you home with open arms. You don't have to go through this alone, you have Casey, Tanner, Derek, Erik, and Heather, people that care for you Emma. I'm asking you one final favor.

Let go.

Love,

Dad.

P.S. I only hope you continue on a path that you have chosen for yourself.

I walked out of the office and into my room. Suddenly, the paper fell from my hand I fell onto my bed, curling in on myself as fresh tears spilled over my eyes.

I just wanted to die right there…