Brand New Start

Chapter 9

Finn POV

It's been four days. Four long back breaking days of sleeping on the couch. Rachel is still not talking to me either. Not even a hello. When she enters the room and sees me she turns quickly and finds another room. I've tried talking to her; I've tried begging her to talk to me, and nothing. After the second day I decided I was sick of this crap. If she wants to play the silent treatment game, then let's play. Game on Rachel Berry.

But then I realized that she's way better at this game than I am. I tried not speaking to her when we were getting ready in the bathroom but then she took off her top and I couldn't concentrate anymore and ended up blubbering like an idiot when I asked her to pass me the toothbrush and then I put shampoo on it and brushed my teeth. It took me hours to get the taste out. Then I tried to ignore her when I was getting my clothes out of the dresser but she took off her shorts which were hiding a new pair of sexy panties I had never seen before and my mouth went dry and I slammed my hand in the drawer. Rachel plays the silent game dirty.

We've been driving to school in complete silence every morning as we fight over which channel to listen to by changing it every thirty seconds. So yesterday when my instructor advised we would not be having class I announced to an empty room that I was not driving in to school the next morning and if anyone wanted to go to school they should take the damn truck and drive themselves. I knew Rachel was in the bedroom so I yelled it loud enough so she would hear me. Blaine came out of his room startled.

"Um, why are you yelling to an empty room?"

"Because it's the only way I can talk to HER!" I yell pointing to the bedroom.

"Ok you two need to talk already. This is getting old." He says sighing.

"Tell that to the princess holding fort in OUR bedroom." I yell again.

I hear the bathroom door slam in our room and I throw myself down on the couch frustrated.

I don't know when I feel asleep but I know it was late. I tried to stay up and watch some skinemax because REALLY it's been four damn days and Rachel is dressing pretty damn sexy every day! I was woken up by a really loud sound and I realize it was Rachel slamming the front door of the loft as she left for school. I drag myself up from the couch and walk back to the bedroom. I slide myself into the bed and sigh in complete comfort as my head hits the pillow. Oh bed how much I have missed you!

When I wake up again I realize I have slept for probably the best two hours of my life. I roll over and look out the window. Fuck! How did everything get so messed up? Why is she so angry? I reach in the table on her side of the bed and feel around for the leather bound book. I pull out the diary and flip to the back. Maybe she wrote in it recently. But I see that her last entry was back in high school. I flip the book open to the middle and read an entry.

'Dear Diary,

My life is over. I have hurt the only person I have ever really loved more than anything. More than singing. More than New York. I cheated on Finn. I was so hurt and upset with him when I found out he slept with Santana, that I wanted him to feel actual pain. How could he choose her over me? Why would he sleep with that slut? So I kissed Noah. It was so stupid and I knew the whole time that it was wrong. It was so wrong….'

I quickly turn the page. If I'm trying not to be mad at Rachel, that sure isn't the way to do it. I flip a few more pages and read another entry.

'Dear Diary,

I miss Finn. My heart breaks every single time I see him. I love him so much. But I don't think he loves me anymore. He's back with Quinn. Of all people. I cry myself to sleep at night. I feel like I'm dying without him. Like my dream of having him will never come true again. I write him text messages but never send them. I write long emails and make videos for him but never post them. It's weird. I know when he's around. I don't know if it's the way I've memorized his scent, or the fact that I always have this way of finding him in a crowded room, but I still feel him near me. Sometimes I swear he's looking at me, but why would he be when he has her now. I hate being away from him knowing that I am the reason he's not near me. When I know it's all my fault and there is nothing I can do or say to fix things. We should be happy together but instead we are playing this game where we pretend that everything is fine. I pretend that I am ok with being friends when I'm really not. Being away from Finn Hudson is like having my heart ripped out. I miss Finn.

Rachel ='(

Shit. I know I'm crying. And I know that I feel the same way she did. Being away from Rachel is like having your heart ripped out. I don't ever want to go back to a time when I didn't have her. I remember what it was like back then. Feeling like I had to be ok in front of her when really I was in misery. I can't do this again. I grab my cell phone and quickly send her a text.

'Rach, we need to talk. Now. F'

It doesn't take long, maybe a minute before my phone buzzes with her response.

'Fine. Be home soon. R'

I turn a few more pages in her diary while I wait.

'Dear Diary,

I'm going to New York. I love it there. I know that Finn will probably never come, but I have to do it. This is my dream. I know in my heart that I am meant to do something amazing. I just have to try really hard. It means so much to me for this to work. I have to make something of my life. My dad's worked really hard to get me everything I needed to make something of myself and I'm not going to let them down. I don't have time to play or mess around. If you want something you have to work hard for it and I'm going to do that until I achieve it. I don't understand how some people can have a gift and not perfect it. What is the point of being good at something if you don't take a chance and see if you can be the best at it?

Rachel'

I hear the door slam shut and I know it's her.

"I'm back here." I yell.

I see her coming down the hall and she stands in the doorway. "Talk." She says simply.

"WE need to talk about this Rachel. I'm not going away, you can't ignore me forever."

"Just go play Finn. You don't need me." She says walking in the room and sitting at the desk.

"Just stop. You are really out of line Rachel." I say raising my voice.

"Don't you yell at me Finn Hudson." She says starting to stand up.

"NO! You are being ridiculous. You want to be a singer! I want to play drums. There isn't a difference, don't be a hippogriff!"

"HYPOCRIT!" She yells! "IT'S HYPOCRIT FINN!"

"What do you feel when you sing?" I shout.

"What?" She asks shocked.

"When you sing, how do you feel?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer me!"

"I FEEL HAPPY!" She shouts.

"Well when I play the drums, I feel free Rach."

"It's not the same." She says shortly.

"That's not fair; you are acting like a child."

"You are the one being a child Finn! Giving up on a real career for what?"

"That's not what I'm doing, but you aren't listening to me!"

"I am listening; you are only doing this band thing so you don't have to grow up!" She shouts.

"See you aren't listening; all I'm asking is for you to support me. Nothing else. Why can't you just support me and what I want?"

"I do support you!" She yells.

"You are acting like what I care about doesn't matter!" I yell back at her.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" She yells.

"I love you! And I support you no matter what you do. No matter what you want. If you wanted to join the damn circus Rachel, I would buy some cotton candy and sit in the front row and cheer you on!"

She gets up to walk out of the room and I stand in the doorway.

"This is stupid!" She says pushing past me. I grab her by the arm and pull her back toward me.

"I do whatever you want me to do Rachel. But I'm going to do this for myself."

"Do whatever you want!" She shouts in my face and I walk toward her as she back up into the door frame.

"I don't want to do this without you dammit!" I holler at her as her back makes contact with the door.

"What does it matter, you already said you are going to do it anyway." She says as she pushes her hands against my chest and shoves me back from her. I reach down and grab her hands and close the distance between us leaning over so that I'm level with her face.

"This matters Rachel, you and me. You can yell and scream and hate me all you want, but in the end it's you and me."

"I can't do this Finn." She says trying to move away from me but I don't move and I don't let her push past me.

"You don't get to make this decision Rachel. It's my decision. But I still need you." I lean over and quickly attach my lips to hers and she squeals as I make contact with her mouth. She shoves me backwards and I stand up looking down at her. Tears are streaming down her face and I reach over to wipe the tears as they fall.

"I miss you. My heart misses you." I whisper.

"Finn…" She says quietly.

"What is the point of being good at something if you don't take a chance and see if you can be the best at it?" I say it so quietly that I'm not even sure she hears me until her head jerks up and she is staring at me. I don't even care if we are fighting anymore. I just need her so badly. I lean over and take her lips on mine again and this time she doesn't fight me. I quickly pick her up and carry her over to the bed and we both tumble over onto the mattress.

Without even stopping to undress her I lift her skirt and run my hands up her thigh reaching for her panties and sliding them down her legs. I feel her hands quickly pushing my sweats down until I feel my erection spring free and I settle between her legs and push into her in one move. She moans loudly and pulls my face to hers.

"I missed you so much." She moans as she stares into my eyes. "I'm so sorr..."

I don't even let her finish before I smash my lips to hers and bury myself inside her once again until our rhythm is in complete unison. My body has missed her so much and I can feel from the way that she is clawing at my back that she feels the same way. I kiss her cheek and feel the tears falling down them as her lips find mine again and she kisses me with such passion that I have to catch my breath.

It's quick and it's messy but it's everything I need. Just feeling her skin touching mine as our sweat mixes together and our bodies slide off of each other. Feeling her lips on my neck and my cheek. The feel of being inside of her, of being one with her is everything I need. Rachel and Finn, Finn and Rachel and you can't tell where I begin and she ends. It's all I ever need and it's the only thing that makes sense sometimes. Even when I'm mad, or upset, or disappointed in her, being this close to her changes everything. I need her. I always need her.

"I love you." I whisper in her ear as I grasp her hand and bury myself in her one last time.

She's panting when I finally slide off of her and she reaches over and touches my cheek. "I love you too."

I take her hand and kiss it. "Baby, you have to know that I'm not giving up on my future. But I have to do this. I have to try, to take this chance on an opportunity that I may never get again."

"If you really feel like this is something that is calling you, then you have to do it. And I'll be there to support you." She says quietly.

"Thank you. I can't do it without you." I stroke her cheek and she smiles at me.

"I'll be your number one fan." She giggles.

"I'm still changing my major." I announce suddenly.

"What?" she says surprised.

"I told you I'm not giving up on my future. I want to be a music teacher. I want to inspire kids. I can work toward that while I'm performing. And I can make some money and help pay for college. I can do both Rachel. I just need you to believe in me."

"Finn, I never stopped believing in you. I just….." She looks down and frowns. "I just don't always know what it's like to be able to focus on anything but one dream. I want to be a singer, and that's all I know to do."

"That's not true. You focus on me. Every single day. You make sure I get up for school; you make sure I don't forget to change my underwear, even though I find it annoying that you know when I haven't. You make sure I eat well, that I do my homework. You take care of me. You take care of us. And you still do amazing at school. You do more than you realize."

"I take care of you because I love you. Because I want to be with you."

"Because it was a dream to be with me?" I say pointing to her diary. "And now we've shown that you can focus on more than one dream." I smirk.

"You need to stop learning so much about me in that diary Finn. I hate having my own words turned on me." She laughs.

"Well you ARE usually right so on the small chance that you are wrong, who better to argue your point than yourself." I say winking at her. She rolls her eyes and giggles. "SO, my number one fan huh?" I say leaning over and pulling her toward me.

"Oh yes, I'll be at all of your shows, in the front row. Watching my hot sexy drummer."

"Hot AND sexy huh? So you will kinda be like my first groupie?" I laugh.

"Finn Hudson, I had better be your ONLY groupie!" She says as she rolls over on top of me tickling my sides.

"Ok, ok, how about I let you be the president of my fan club." I say as I raise my eyebrows.

"President huh? Do I get special benefits?" She says leaning over to nibble on my earlobe.

"OH yeah! You get special benefits alright. Personal access to one Finn Hudson with VIP treatment after each show."

She squeals and rubs herself against my growing erection.

"And what exactly do I get with this VIP treatment?"

"Any damn thing you want!" I say rolling her over and sliding into her once again.