Disclaimer: I don't own it. So, please, please don't sue me! I am but a humble college student. I have none of the monies!

Chapter 9- Conflict and Tears

My wide eyes brimmed with tears...I didn't know what to say...

"Aya.."

"Don't...don't pity me or feel sorry for me. I don't expect you to do anything...I just thought that perhaps you should know...Anyways, you seem to be more emotionally stable now. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Any sign of sadness or hurt was immediately and completely gone from his shining smile that he sends my way.

"Aya, don't you think that we should talk about this? I mean, this is a big deal. How long has it been?"

"...There's no reason to go there Haru. What matters now is your pain. Please, tell me-"

"Don't you change the subject. Damnit, Aya...how long?"

My persistent glare told him I wasn't going to back down now. He threw a contemptible, slightly exasperated look at me.

"I don't know when it first happened. I just remember looking over at you as you slept...and I knew that I didn't want anybody else at my side. You don't know what that's like for me. I'm the family whore, right? Never once have I ever thought that about anybody else. Ever since you and I have been sleeping together, I've stopped going to bars and picking up guys, they just weren't the same; they were just meaningless lays. I've always loved that kind of sex, complete unattachment. But it just became...empty." He tried to smile at me, but I saw the tears in his golden eyes. "It wasn't like I could just overlook these feelings...they probably don't even mean anything. I just thought that you needed to know, but now...I don't know, I'm almost sorry I said anything. Now please, leave it alone. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Tell me what happened."

"Fine, but don't even think this is the end of this." I didn't know where to start.

"I've ruined everything...after Hatori took me home, I went to my room and I just laid there, feeling the dark smother me. I started to get more and more pissed off, but I don't even know at what anymore. I guess the whole damn world. Anyway, I went into my black form and then went to Gure's house. I took Yuki outside and as soon as I looked at him, with that stupid, worried look on his face...all hatred evaporated and it was just me standing there in front of him. I got so frustrated with myself, I started to cry. He took me in his arms and tried to get me to tell him what was wrong...but I couldn't find the words. How could I tell him that I was slipping into depression because I knew that I could never have him? So I followed my heart and...and...I kissed him. I knew that I shouldn't. If Akito finds out, the shit will really hit the fan, but that's not even my main concern. I didn't know what to do, so I ran. I ran away and just left him standing there, confused. I think he tried to follow me for awhile, but I can't really remember much before I saw your shop. He's never going to even want to look at me after this, it was bad before, but at least I could be around him. But now,...now he won't want anything to do with me! I don't know..." My tears had returned. "I don't know if I could...if I could take that." Way too many times have my words been cut off by my sobs tonight. I couldn't go on...and once again, he pulled me close to try to comfort me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where to go...there's nowhere that I feel safe...I didn't know what to do...I knew you'd be here and that you would give me what I wanted, what I needed."

"Haru, you don't need to be sorry. How many times do I have to tell you that as long as you continue to come to me, I will always be here for you, even if you never feel for me as I do for you. That's what it means to love someone."

Confusion seemed to be the theme of the night. I was at a loss of words, once again. I knew that he knew the gratitude I had for him, but I had to show him. And show him I did, in the only way that I could think of.

I think a kiss was the last thing you expected at that moment, but you didn't seem to think it inappropriate...I guess that you never find anything inappropriate, though. You kissed me back, but not the harsh, lustful, needy kisses of the past. This kiss was like silk...it wasn't just your lips kissing me, but you were using your whole heart. I wrapped my arms around you and lowered you onto the bed. I was moving up to straddle you when I felt you hand stop me.

"You don't-"

"Shhhh. . .I know. I want to. This may be the last time, so shut up and enjoy it." You feel my smile through my kiss and graciously return it.

We undress each other quickly. Why you didn't lock the front door, I'll never know.