Disclaimer: I don't freakin own YYH
Dream: Heyo! Sorry it took so long but I had to take care of my mom. The surgery went very well and I am back to cause more havoc.
Hiei: Joy and rapture.
Vhee: I'm so glad.
Dream: Yes. And now some smut.
Vhee: WHAT?!
Hiei: It better not be with me.
Vhee: HJGFSHJSFJDHGKJSDH
Dream: Well, smutty thoughts anyway.
Vhee: :O
Hiei: You are evil...I like it.
Dream: Why thank ya.
Vhee: He likes her and not me...
Dream: Oh, get over it. He'll hate me very soon...
Vhee: O.O
Hiei: -_-
Heads or Tails
Chapter 9: Some stuff happens
X -x-x-x-x- X
I think foam was coming out of my mouth as I fumed on my bed. No really, white poofy stuff spilling down my face as I totally lost my shit all over the place.
Mating season?! That crap is real?! That's just fanon! Then again so were the tear gems... NO! This can't be true! He's fucking with me cuz he's Hiei...and evil...and Hiei! There's no way! I stomped to his room and kicked open the door, seething at his confidant smirk. "YOU!"
He blinked. "Me."
"Yeah, I got your strength to knock down doors too, pal!" And the door fell off the hinges with a huge crash to the floor. "Oh, shit."
"Heh heh." He picked at a nail (one of mine dammit don't break those!). "You've got about ten seconds before Genkai comes here and beats you into oblivion. And I'll let her to get some peace."
"There is no way mating season is real!"
He looked at me. "And why do you say that?"
"It wasn't in the anime! It's a fan made thing!"
His eyes narrowed. "The...fans...make up stories about us?"
Boy, did he hit the nail on the head with that one. "Uhm...kinda...like we talk about stuff and think up theories..." He glared at me and I gulped. "But that doesn't matter! It wasn't in the manga or anime! It can't be real!"
He swung his legs off the bed and stared me down. "This isn't your little cartoon anymore. This is our world and perhaps some things in here don't match your idiotic, pathetic entertainment. Get over it. It is real and you will just have to deal with it like I am with you." I bit my bottom lip. "You're sucking on my lip."
Again, something I didn't think Hiei would say in this context. I sighed and hung my head. "It's really real?"
"How did you find me when you woke up in my body?"
I gasped. "That's why you were out there with your shirt off and all sweaty? Oh, GOD! Dude, you stank! Is that how you attract someone?!"
He scoffed. "I wasn't trying to attract anyone. I was trying to be alone."
"EWWWWWW!"
"Training, you idiot!"
"Yeah, you can call it whatever you want..."
He sighed and rubbed his temple. My period must be giving him a migraine. "Look, I didn't want to be around anyone at that time and if you're smart - which is completely impossible - then you will do the same."
"What are the symptoms?"
He chuckled and laid back down on the bed, his hands behind his head. "Oh, I have no intention of telling you that. You wanna know? Ask someone who gives a damn."
"Oh, you little...YOU ASS!"
"You're thinking about my ass? It's already started."
"I didn't...! I wasn't...!" My eyes moved.
"Now you are."
"I AM NOT! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"You have a dirty mouth. Perhaps your mind will be just as dirty. I almost feel sorry for you. Almost."
I screamed and the last thing I remember was Genkai's fist headed for my cranium and then purple stars flying around my head and birds tweeting and when was the last time I Tweeted something and then some shrieking and gagging sounds right before I passed out.
The sunshine poured through my new window and I groaned rubbing my poor headache head. "Oh, I don't think I ever really liked her anyway..."
So I guess mating season was real after all and if I wanted to know what would happen to me I'd have to ask someone.
And there was only one person that would know.
One person.
The worst person.
The devil in sheep's clothing.
Prepare for fangirl screams as I type his name; Kurama. Freaking Kurama. It's always Kurama. ALWAYS. Remember that.
UGH JFHHFKFHKJHFKHF WHY IS THIS SHIT HAPPENING TO ME?!11111111111
A little girl knocks on a door, which opens to reveal a young woman with red hair and green eyes. "This is my brother who needs an operation. Can you please buy some cookies for him?" she asks pointing to a pale skinny boy sitting in a wagon.
The redhead blinks and takes out a can of mace. "How many times do I have to tell you?"
Spray in face.
OKAY! NO! That is NOT what happened at all...it was totally accidental and it was Lysol cuz he was coughing everywhere. I am not a bad person!
I sighed heavily and went to the kitchen, hoping to just get through this as easily as I could. After all, my mind is female and we are so much better at controlling ourselves than men. Since when have any of us heard someone say, "Well, if she had only kept it in her pants!" or "All women want is sex!" or a man scream at his girl "All you want is my body!" and run away crying? Pfft, I can handle this.
And then I walked into the kitchen and Yusuke was cooking shirtless.
"What the hell?!"
He turned to me. "Oh, hey."
"Why are you naked?!"
He blinked. "Huh? Oh, that. Yeah, the grease flipped up on my shirt and Keiko hates that so I just took it off. Easier to shower than listen to her yell."
I tried not to, I really did, but my eyes traveled down his torso to his ripping abs and back up to his arms which I always liked better. He was sweating due to cooking and it glistened off every detail making him shine like a new penny or a melting popsicle just for me. "Want some sausage?" the voice I've had a crush on since I was 13 asked and my mouth watered.
"Oh, yeah...your sausage, Yusuke..."
"Huh?"
And then next thing I knew, he was under me and I was nibbing on his neck. "Where did you say the grease popped on you?" I huskily asked as he tried to get away, rubbing a very pleasurable spot down below my waist.
"OH, MY GOD! YOU FREAKING HAVE A HARD ON!" He threw me off him and that snapped me out of my daze as I hit the wall. "What the hell?! You licked me with HIEI'S tongue! WHAT THE HELL?!"
I blinked a few times as I sat up. "You mean...this isn't another dream?"
"Another dream?! What the hell are you talking about?!" And I started crying, the gems hitting on the floor and rolling all over. "What the..."
And the pan on the stove caught on fire causing Yusuke to curse again as he went for it, burning himself and screaming as the pan went flying, flaming sausages hitting the wall and sliding down leaving a trail of burning grease to the floor.
Yusuke was blowing on his hand and sticking it under cold water when Yukina came in, gasping at the scene. "Oh, my!" She turned to the combustion of meat and shot her ice powers, freezing the sausage and putting out the flames, but that also froze the room and Yusuke who had his hand under the water and now his hand was stuck in a frozen stream. "OH!"
Yusuke swore things even my foul mouth had never thought of and Yukina unfroze the room just as Yusuke pulled his hand away and fell on his ass, sliding on the floor from the melted ice to the counter that held other breakfast ingredients, including flour for pancakes which fell on him and exploded.
Now the room was covered in wet flour and burnt breakfast meats.
Kuwabara came sasquatching in and bellowed, "YUKINA! What happened?!"
"Oh, Kazuma...it..."
"Why are your tears on the floor?! What made you cry?!"
She looked to where he was pointing and then to me. There was no sadness, no fear, no disappointment, no nothing. Not a single emotion crossed her face. She looked up at Kuwabara. "I was upset that Vhee fell and Yusuke burned his hand, but all is well now. I put out the fire with my powers." She wiped her eye. "It's okay now."
"Yeah, swell," Yusuke spat as he stood up. "I'm gonna go take a nice scalding shower and burn about eight layers of my skin off." He stormed out and I just looked down, feeling ashamed.
I guess being a female means jack shit. My brain is still that of a male demon who apparently is a giant pervert.
Genkai came in and growled. "You just cause chaos everywhere you go, don't you? Seriously, did the ass kicking last night leave no impression? "
"Relax, Genkai. It was all Urameshi's fault. He hurt Vhee and made Yukina cry. I'm gonna kick his butt...when he gets out of the shower..." and Kuwabara offered to help me up but I did that on my own. The flour on me was dry so I dusted it off and ran outside.
Or tried to when I made it to the door and facefaulted to the hardwood. "Damn you, Koenma!"
Which caused Hiei to howl and run out of the room. "What did I tell you about asking me permission first?!"
"Screw you, man! I've had a really bad morning!"
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Who did you try to seduce?" I looked up at him as he lorded his stupid ass over me. "Anyone could be a victim in your clutches. Tell me, who was it?"
I sneered. Then I grinned maliciously. "Yukina, jackass."
And he paled. "What?"
"Yep, I totally went for her. You don't believe me, go look in the kitchen. Her tears are all over the place." I think he actually turned green. Apparently this mating season makes you have lots of stupid confidence. And pure wickedness. "Just think Hiei; I almost kissed your sister with your mouth."
His nostrils flared and before he could reach me I footed him in the abdomen. Right in the ovaries. That doubled him over and I stood up, lording myself overhim. "TAKE THAT YOU BASTARD! THAT'S FOR NOT TELLING ME THE SYMPTOMS!"
"Symptoms?" That voice sent a chill up my spine and before I could react, a hand was pulling my ear into a bedroom.
"Wait! The connection thing!"
"This is well within fifty feet," he stated as he closed the door. "I thought so but now I have confirmation. You are in the mating month?"
"Hiei's body is. And mating month? You mean this shit is gonna last a whole MONTH?!"
Kurama shook his head. "No. It lasts a week and is just one month a year."
"Oh. Like a period only once a year." I rubbed my hands together. "Ha! That jerk! I only have to suffer this one week and he has to suffer mine once a month until we switch back!" and then I laughed like Melvin from Dexter's Lab.
"Did I mention it gets worse throughout the week, until it peaks with the intense urge to mate that is almost uncontrollable?"
I stopped dead and gulped. "W-What?"
"Hiei probably has the mental will to control it. You...probably not."
"WHAT?! I'M GONNA WANNA HAVE SEX?! WITH HIEI'S DICK?! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!"I wailed and hyperventilated.
And Kurama waved some leaf thing under my nose and knocked me out.
When I woke up again I had another killer headache. "Oh man, he chloroformed me..." I sighed and heard a knock on my door.
"Vhee, are you awake?" was Yukina's soft question.
"Yeah, unfortunately..." I grumbled, seeing her open the door with a tray full of tea.
"This might make you feel better."
"You forget I'm not the one having cramps."
She giggled. "This is a special brew my people used to make. It quells the desire to mate."
I blinked. "Really? Wow! Yeah, please give me some."
She set the tray betwixt us (bet you don't see that word often and yes, it is a word). "But I will say the formula is for women and you are inside a man...I'm not sure if it will affect you the same way, even though he is of our blood."
I coughed the whole sip I just swallowed all over the floor. "W-what!" I managed to squeak between hacking.
She smiled ever so gently. "You don't have to hide it. I know. I have for a while."
I rubbed my burning throat. "Ohh...I figured..." She looked at me. "The anime seems to suggest that you know."
She blinked a few times. "Oh, I see." She giggled again. "How odd." She took a sip of her tea and paused when I stared at her. "Hiei and I are twins, remember?"
"You're going through mating season too?!" She nodded and took a drink. "Ho my gawd! Then Hiei knows you are but won't say anything 'cause he's an asshole but he knows and OMIGOD what about Kuwabara?!"
She sat down her cup. "What about Kazuma?"
"Does he...know? And do you...want to...with him?"
She looked away with a blush. "Sometimes, but I know I can't. We aren't ready for that. I'm not sure we ever will be. I love him...I know that...but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him...or even what that means..."
I sighed. "Yeah, me too. I've never been in love. Not really." I looked at Hiei's bandages. "I mean with anyone rea..." I stopped and cleared my throat before I said something monumentally stupid and Mary Sue.
Random asshole: You love -
Vhee: -dumps ten billion cheese balls on him- Ahem.
Yukina hummed as she drank. "The blend is wonderful. I think it will help." I sighed and took a drink. I was expecting it to be awful cuz her cooking is but this was delicious! I said so and she laughed. "Yes, I am able to make tea and not much else."
The door knocked again and I heard Botan. "Can we come in?"
"Um, sure." And then Botan, Keiko and Shizuru were in my room. "Wow...uh, what's up?"
"Red told us that you might need 'womanly cheering up,'" Shizuru said as she lit another cig. "In other words; girl talk."
I looked at Keiko and looked away feeling sick. "What did Kurama tell you?"
"He told us that Hiei's body is in heat. And that means you are," Keiko said as she sat down next to Yukina on the bed. Shizuru took a chair and Botan sat indian style on the floor.
I nodded. "Yeah, did you talk to Yusuke yet?"
Keiko frowned. "No, he's still in the shower. Why?"
I looked away. "No reason."
Botan loudly and obviously cleared her throat. "So..."
"So what. We technically do the same thing," Shizuru commented dryly. "I know I get horny once a month."
"Shizuru!" Botan scolded and she shrugged.
"Just sayin'. It's not a big deal."
Yukina smiled. "I'm just glad I can help since I am experiencing it too."
Keiko gasped. "You are? How odd that you and Hiei are at the same time..."
Awkward silence.
Yukina tilted her head. "Oh, Keiko doesn't know? I thought you would've told her."
"YOU KNOW?!" Botan fell over.
Yukina blinked innocently. "Yes."
Keiko looked around. "Know what?"
"That Hiei is Yukina's brother," Shizuru stated as she blew out smoke.
Keiko gasped. "The one she's looking for? Wait a minute...what?"
I sighed heavily. "Hiei doesn't want her to know but she does anyway and I guess she doesn't want him to know that she knows 'cause it might upset him and she doesn't wanna rock the boat. So everyone knows about 'cept you and Kuwabara but I guess you know now."
Keiko just stared blankly. "Oh, uh...wow, okay." She looked at the smoker. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She shrugged. "I saw the tape saying he was her brother. I figured it wasn't my place."
Keiko nodded and gently hit Botan on the leg as she sat up. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She wailed with big anime tears. "'Cause Hiei woulda killed me!"
I shook my head and smiled. "No, Botan...he wouldn't." They all looked at me. "Think about it; when Ruka trapped him in that tent, he could have killed her - he should have, but he didn't. He let her live after she humiliated him in front of everyone." I smiled. "And Botan...when he grabbed your wrist in that creepy house to keep you from putting the seals on him, did he hurt you?"
She put a finger to her chin. "No...he didn't have that strong of a grip on me now that I think about it..."
"That was after the Dark Tournament and according to Koenma, he had the strength of Toguro at that time. Think what Toguro did to Yusuke. Hiei coulda snapped your wrist like a twig and he didn't."
Botan gasped. "Oh, but he wouldn't anyway because of the rules. You can't hurt a ferry girl."
I shook my head. "You don't get it. He doesn't hurt girls period."
Keiko nodded. "Yeah, like I remember him just putting me off to the side and leaving me there. I was unable to move or fight back and he could've done so much to me, and he didn't."
We all looked at her. "Keiko...you remember what Hiei did?" Botan whispered.
She shrugged. "I know he kidnapped me and Yusuke beat him. I don't really know everything because Yusuke won't tell me."
Botan gulped. "Well, that's what happened! He knocked you out and kidnapped you and Yusuke beat him silly!" She laughed like she does when she's scared shitless and rubbed her neck.
Keiko scrutinized her. "Is it?" She turned to me. "Really?"
Botan gave me a pale pleading look and I inwardly rolled my eyes. "Yeah, that's what happened. He didn't hurt you."
Keiko didn't seem convinced but nodded anyway. "Alright."
I sighed. "Guys, I really just wanna be alone right now and I know you wanna help but I dunno if you can. I just have to stay away from men, I guess."
"But...wait." Shizuru stood up and put out the butt on the wall. "Wouldn't that body want females? Or is Hiei gay?"
Insert another spit-take from me and Botan at the same time. "OH, GOD!" I screamed. "I don't know that, man!"
She laughed. "Well, if you like guys and he likes girls wouldn't his brain be attracted to girls? Or is this all a mind thing?"
I groaned, holding my head. "It is totally a mind thing, okay?" And I left out the part that I find women attractive too. Don't get me wrong, I like guys more - MUCH more but girls can be pretty hot too and there have been times that...er - uh...oh shit; if Hiei's brain does like girls then that means the like I have will be that much stronger and I'm fucked.
However, none of the chicks in this anime dress like some others do with giant bewbs flopping and jiggling every other frame. Maybe it won't be so bad since they all look like lesbians. And not the good kind either.
She shrugged. "If you say so. Let's leave her alone, guys."
Yukina stayed behind. "Drink it up. It'll be okay." She smiled and left me to my thoughts.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock...
Well, this was exceptionally boring. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Lock myself in this room and drink tea all day? What am I, British?
Rim-shot.
Eh, I guess I have to go outside sooner or later. So I finished my tea and walked out.
And saw Yusuke standing in the bathroom door, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel.
The blood drained from his face as I regarded the water rippling off his toned biceps down his shining torso to his panting stomach. His hair was matted to his face, water droplets slowly running down his innocent cheeks finally falling off his chin.
And I blinked. "Huh. Nothing. Zip. Nada. That stuff works! Thanks Yukina!" And I happily marched away, leaving Yusuke to recover from his heart attack.
I strolled into the kitchen to see Hiei at the fridge, freezer door open and eating the strawberry ice cream straight out of the bucket. "AH-HA!" I pointed an accusing finger.
"Ah-ha, what?" he blandly retorted as he slammed the door and went to a stool.
"You like ice cream! ADMIT IT!"
He blinked and took another bite. "I never said I didn't."
I sputtered and stuttered. "You...you didn't?"
Quote from chap 8: "It's tolerable," was his answer.
Oh, I guess he didn't. Damn. "So, do you only like strawberry?" He said nothing and just kept eating. "Would you try any other flavor?" Still nothing. "What are you gonna do when it's all gone?" Nope, nothing. "Did you know that Kuwabara has pictures of Yukina naked?"
He spit it all over the counter. "What?"
"Haha, I win."
"You!" He slammed the spoon down. "Why don't you go choke on something?"
"Why don't you go stick your head in a gopher hole?"
"Get a purpose in life."
"Get an emotion in life."
He grunted. "That makes no sense. Must you always prove how idiotic you are?"
I crossed my arms. "Must you always be such a prick?"
"How can one be a prick? Do you even know what that word means?"
I huffed. "It's a human term, okay? It means asshole!"
He chuckled. "Pricks and assholes, huh? You got it bad..."
"UGGGGGH! For your information, Yukina gave me some special tea to help with it. 'Cause you know she's going through it too." He looked up. "And she totally knows, by the way." Guess I'm the prick now.
He narrowed his eyes. "Knows what?"
"That you're her brother. She told me."
Random asshole: Okay, hold up.
Vhee: What.
Asshole: You're just gonna tell him? Just like that?
Vhee: Yeah. Cuz I hate fics where they just keep it secret for endless chaps and just ugh. It gets old. So yeah. Now die. -snaps fingers and he is eaten by a Syfy style yeti-
Some guy: You know he'll be back.
Vhee: Yeah, I know. -snaps fingers and he is eaten as well- Ah, I feel better.
Rabid fangirl: YYH QUOTE! YYH QUOTE!
Vhee: ... -and Mr. Yeti eats her too but not before she glomps him-
The look on his face was a dangerous gleam, that one he gets. "You're lying."
"Am I? Go ask her yourself if you don't believe me."
He snarled as he stood up, throwing the spoon across the room. "You told her!"
I swished my hips. "She already knew. Has known since the Dark Tournament. She told me."
He spat at me. "As soon as this is over, I will kill you." And he stomped off without me following him and soon... "AGH!"
Yeah, it hurt me too but it was worth hearing him react. "And that's what you get for messin' with me," was my smart remark as I got up off the floor.
Perhaps his body was giving me confidence. Perhaps I was stronger now. Perhaps I was always just an evil bitch so who gives a fuck.
I shrugged and walked over to his smoldering body. "Hehe, shit works both ways doesn't it, hot stuff?"
He growled as he got up. "Figures I'd be trapped inside someone suicidal."
"Oh, please. You won't kill me. I'm human and a girl."
"What does your being female have to do with anything?"
I smiled. "You don't hurt girls."
"You must have me confused with that fool. I have hurt women before."
"Name them."
He blinked a few times. "Name them? What kind of asinine request is that?"
"Well, if you hurt some women then tell me their names."
He rubbed his temple. "I never got to know my opponents personally, you idiot."
"Then what did they look like?"
His head snapped up. "Look like? What are you..."
"If you hurt or killed some women then tell me what they looked like. Explicit details, please."
He shook his head in true exasperation as he stood up. "What is wrong with you?"
I shrugged. "I just can't believe you hurt any girls unless you give me details."
"I refuse to play this ridiculous game with you. I'm not telling you anything."
I grinned, knowing Hiei speak. "And that means you didn't do anything."
He considered me. "How do you figure that? Your little show tell you that?"
"Somewhat," I admitted. "I just know you wouldn't hurt girls."
He sneered at me. "You know nothing. How many times do I have to tell you this isn't your pathetic world anymore? I am me and not whatever it is you think I am. I can and will hurt you."
"Then why didn't you kill all those ice apparitions in the village?"
And oop - whoop, that went too far. Me and my big mouth. There it went, popping like a balloon that was too full of hot air anyway. I felt it and stumbled back, still in shock, non believing that this actually happened. He coulda punched me, blackened my eye, bloodied my lip, gone for my neck again, kicked me, shoved me, thrown me, but no.
Hiei fucking slapped me.
Right across the face, simple as can be. Slap and I jerked back, losing my footing, eyes wide. It wasn't that hard, not really, not as hard as he coulda done, and I suppose that could be my body at play or the fact that I know he wasn't really trying.
But that's not the point. The point is how degrading the act of slapping someone is. Like they're trash and below you. Like they don't even deserve to be really hit. Like a child, a whelp, a loser.
Like a woman.
A man slapping a woman.
I gasped. "You...You...YOU BASTARD!" and I slapped him back. Really hard. His bodily strength came into play as I knocked him back a few feet, my own hand stinging from the contact. "HOW DARE YOU?!" I roared. "YOU NEVER SLAP A WOMAN! You as a man should never slap a woman! It's so degrading! DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"
He rubbed his cheek with hate shining in his eyes. "It's my body I hit; I will do as I please..."
I threw my hands up. "I can't believe this! This is totally out of character for you!"
He gave me an unreadable look. "What does that even mean?"
"I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!"
"...I hate you and everything you stand for," he finally spat venomously.
I sighed heavily. "I didn't even do anything to you..." He inhaled. "ON PURPOSE!" I sighed. "Like for instance, maybe the boys would get a kick out of you picking your nose and eating it!" I turned off my Gazer.
He quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Maybe they would get a kick out of your chest."
I gasped. "You what!"
"I told you not to push me, girl." He turned off his Gazer and bolted to the kitchen.
I ran after him, trying to turn his necklace back on. "God, you're a bitch on PMS!"
The gang sat in the kitchen trying to enjoy the tossed salad Kurama had made for them when Vhee came stomping in and grabbed her shirt intending to flash them.
Hiei tackled her with a screech, pulling on her hair. "DON'T YOU DARE!"
"What's the matter? You don't want them to see my grotesquely large milk sacs?!" she yelled back.
"About as much as they wanna see my TINY PENIS!" he finished with a shrill scream.
Kurama deadpanned. "The necklaces are off."
Kuwabara took a bite. "Yep."
Yusuke shook some dressing. "The clothes are a clear giveaway. You two need to shut the hell up and get over yourselves."
Hiei turned to him. "Hey, screw you, Yusuke!"
The ex detective glared. "No thanks. You already tried that, remember?"
Vhee stopped. "You what?! You tried to have sex with him?!"
Hiei sputtered and turned red. "I wasn't trying to have sex with him! I'm not sure what I was doing!"
Yusuke snorted. "Well, your tongue sure was sure as it licked my neck."
Vhee grabbed a steak knife. "YOU LICKED HIM WITH MY TONGUE?!"
Hiei held up a dinner plate to shield himself. "Well, if you had told me about the symptoms and helped me!"
"Do I need to get more leaves?" Kurama blankly asked.
Genkai took a bite of tomato. "Sure, or I could knock them out."
Shizuru held up a hand. "Nah, I'll take care of this." She stood up and strolled over to the bickering pair as her form cast a shadow over both of them, causing them to pause and look up. She rolled up her sleeves.
Hiei let out a high pitched shriek and ran like hell out of the room while Vhee just stared her down.
"Touch me and you die," was all the little ginger said.
"Maybe, but I'm sure I won't now," was the response as the taller female grabbed the knife, kicked the redhead in the shins causing her to yelp and fall down, stomped on her back and pulled her hair, forcing her into a choke hold. "Leave. The girl. ALONE. We got that, short stuff?"
A gag sound was all she got. "Good. Guess without all the fancy stuff and strong body you got nothing, kid. Now where is that girl..." she mused to herself as she left the humiliated pile of flesh laying on the floor.
"OH, GOD NO!" Hiei wailed forty nine feet away. "I WON'T DO IT AGAIN! I PROMISE!"
Insert more Mortal Combat punching sounds ending with weeping as Shizuru came strolling back in wiping her hands. "And there you go. Now let's eat."
Vhee stood up like nothing happened and walked into the living room seeing gems littered all over the floor. "This is how Yukina found out, you little moron."
Hiei wiped his face. "She already knew, you jackass. I told you that."
Vhee snorted. "As soon as I get my body back I'm..."
"You what?" Hiei challenged as he stood up. "You coulda fought back against her even in my body and you didn't. Case in point; you don't hurt girls." He paused. "Except me it seems."
She snorted. "You make it easy."
"No, I'm in your body. That's why. You still aren't really hurting me! HA! I WIN!"
And he ran around the room singing his victory as Vhee rubbed her temples. "Maybe I should make some toast in the bathtub..."
~TBC
Dream: Yeah, yeah. I know. It's shorter but hey at least a few chaps in here were 5k so there. Life got in my way and I'm glad I wrote anything at all and I had to give something after two weeks.
Vhee: It's okay. We understand.
Hiei: No we don't. First a two week wait and now this short crap? I say we boycot the story and never review again. That'll show them.
Dream: -_- Nice try, honey.
Vhee: People can't be that mean...right? Hello? -taps glass-
Dream: Well, I can still make it longer!
Hiei: Oh God, not -
Q&AWH CHAP 13:
From: Liana Wolfe
"If I gave you a brief couple page cameo on my fan comic over on Deviantart, would you kill me?"
Hiei: No, since I don't know what that is. Though I may kill you out of boredom.
"If you were to suddenly become human, what would you do (And no, the answer can't be 'kill myself')"
Hiei: Well, first I would troll Facebook and get like 800 friends, then post vids on YouTube of me falling off my skateboard, then I would go to a bar, get wasted, and f-ck some random chick.
Vhee: Is that what you think humans do?
Hiei: The male ones in my age bracket, yes.
Vhee: Not true, there are many responsible 27 year old males in human world.
Hiei: Fine, then I would kill you. Is that a better answer?
Vhee: I would totally fav your skateboard vids.
Hiei: Mmm hmm.
Vhee: Moving on...
From: Trappersgirl
"The only thing I guess I can think of is, do the guys visit you while you're in demon world, or you them? The barrier is down so it would be pretty easy for anyone to cross between worlds who knows where to go. It just seemed at the end of the series that you all went your seperate ways and everything and I'm just curious if you guys stay in contact."
Hiei: I visit Human World only for my needs. As for Demon World, Yusuke loves it, and Kurama has dealings there, though I can't mention what they are. The fool is the only one I don't see, and I am utterly heartbroken. I mean, am I not good enough or something?
From: HeeHeeHee01
"Why do only part of your clothes disintegrate when you use the Darkness Flame? Or really any other time your clothes are destroyed? I mean, if you are powering up to the point where your own clothes rip themselves from your body, wouldn't it make sense for the rest to disappear? God, now I feel like a pervert..."
Hiei: My shirts are made poorly but my pants are top notch.
From: Kaori Minamino
"And here's a tub of ice cream for you Hiei, and a box of chocolates for you Vhee! Happy almost Valentine's Day!"
Vhee: Valentine's Day! Got a Valentine, Hiei? Hmm?
Hiei: Yeah, tall, long red hair, green eyes...
Vhee: NOT funny.
Hiei: -lisping- Or maybe the cute one with brown eyes and way too much hair product.
Vhee: Dude, you suck.
Hiei: -normal voice- You wish.
Vhee: OH YOU PERVERT! -throws a brick at Hiei's head-
Hiei: -brick dissipates- Amateur.
From: ninjagirl91
"Alright I have a question for hiei. If you started going on a murderess rampage and yukina showed up will you stop mid kill like when you saved her the first time. You seem to be taken out of a train of thought when she shows up."
Yukina: -shows up out of nowhere- Hello, Hiei! Hello, Vhee! I just came to return your razor. Well, goodbye! -leaves-
Hiei: ...
Vhee: I think he lost his train of thought.
Hiei: She uses your razor?
Vhee: And yet he hears that! Next!
Hiei: I expect an answer, woman.
Vhee: Yes, and we have slumber parties where we tickle each other. Next freaking question!
Hiei: That's not what I asked, you insufferable idiot.
Vhee: You were thinking it! -points an accusing finger-
Hiei: Moron.
Vhee: NEXT!
From: Kurama's Sister
"Hiei: Which pairing is worse HieixKuwabara or HieixYukina (I hate them both)"
Hiei: Gee, the one where I'm f-cking my SISTER.
"Do you think Kurama looks like a girl?"
Hiei: Especially when he strips on Thursdays.
Vhee: -starts to yell- Aw, hell, I'd slip a 20 in his G-string.
Hiei: I know you would.
"Does your hair ever go flat?"
Hiei: When it's wet.
"What would you do if Yukina had Kuwabara's kids?"
Hiei: Like I said before. Nothing. Let them. He'll be in for a world of hurt when all his sons set his house on fire.
"For Vhee, Would you ever write yoai?"
Vhee: That depends on so much. I would need to be a little more popular here before I would try something like that.
Hiei: -raises eyebrow-
Vhee: I mean no. No way!
Hiei: -shakes head- You will never get any sleep, girl, with the way you go.
Vhee: Quit threatening to kill me in my sleep! It won't work!
Hiei: That's why you wake up every hour.
Vhee: You watch me SLEEP?! YOU - Wait. You watch me? At night? Without my bra on, in bed?
Hiei: I could care less about your undergarments.
Vhee: That's not an answer.
Hiei: Will you be my Valentine?
Vhee: Ugh. Next!
From: Trapped in Reality
"Hiei, you're in a room with a bunch of kids who all want to touch your hair (b/c your hair is so fascinating), and Koenma is watching you. What do you do? Yeah, I'm running out of ideas for questions. Sorry."
Hiei: Open my Jagan and make them all pass out. That doesn't hurt them and Koenma cannot do anything about it.
Vhee: But what if when they pass out they crack their heads open? Blood everywhere. Koenma would have your ass.
Hiei: Koenma would be too busy running from his burning office.
Vhee: Oh, okay then. Next!
From: BlackBelt
"Hello again Hiei! I hope you had good holidays!"
Hiei: Uh huh.
"What class in school do you think you would enjoy?"
Hiei: Chemistry.
Vhee: Seriously?
Hiei: Explosions.
Vhee: Oh, ja.
"What would you like to get as a Valentine's gift?"
Hiei: A shrunken head.
Vhee: Ass.
Hiei: How about peace and quiet?
Vhee: NEVA!
"Is your goal in life just to reach your full potential in power-and even then try to push past it-and protect your sister or is there anything else you hope to do?"
Hiei: I hope to marry, have 7 kids, live in a 2 level house in the suburbs, with a white picket fence around the front yard. Ooh, and a dog. Yeah, a cute little doggie.
(Anyone else hear Chuck Huber here?)
From: inspiration-arts
"I have one question and some comments. My question is for Hiei: What/Who would you give up your Jagan for?"
Hiei: If I needed to, my sister.
Vhee: Aw, really?
Hiei: NO U
From: Hiei Emiko
"Is it really so difficult for you to smile once a while?"
Hiei: It makes my nose bleed.
"Which user am I whose reviewed your more than twice? Love this still, but made a new account since I'm trying out a couple of things."
Vhee: I dunno. I would have to go through all my reviews to see who else has this style of typing. Which I won't do, cuz I'm lazy as hell. But thanks for reviewing!
Hiei: Multiple accounts=BAN.
Vhee: Why, cuz you tried to troll and flame and got bannod?
Hiei: ...No.
Dream: There ya go. Much longer now. -smiles innocently-
Hiei: Not much.
Vhee: 'Bout 1k.
Dream: I'll make both of you have sex with each other.
Hiei: -looks sick-
Vhee: -looks thoughtful-
Hiei: Oh ugh.
Vhee: Huh? What? No I'd never wanna sleep with the hottest guy in YYH. WTF man. Ew no.
Dream: Yeah, okay sweetie.
Hiei: I'm sleeping with one eye open tonight...
Vhee: Don't you always? Ha.
Dream: Jagan jokes are lame.
Hiei: Yeah. Besides if I slept with that eye open you'd all be acting out my dreams.
Vhee: Is that why I clucked like a chicken last night?
Dream: Is that why I killed Mrs. Sanchez?
Vhee: ...What?
Dream: Nope. Nothing. -more innocent smiling-
Hiei: She did dance naked in front of the window.
Vhee: And she was a hundred and two...
Dream: Yup, nothing bad happened. Review? Or Hiei might control me again...
Hiei: That would be terrible.
Vhee: I'm never sleeping again, apparently.
Hiei: Apparently.
