It's been two weeks since I woke up in the hospital. I'm starting to remember bits and pieces of my life from when I was a younger nation, but it was the memories of Nonno and before I lived with Spain. Feliciano and the others tried to help me remember, and I found it harder to remember with them explaining it.
So basically, it hurt to try and remember my past. I tried remembering my time with Spain, my time of independence, my time growing after Nonno's death. Not remembering sucked ass too because Spain and Feliciano worried about me more than they should have to. It made me sad to see them sad. There were flashes of memories here and there about being in love with Spain, and calling him Antonio. I figured right now though, I should refer to him as a country, just until all of my memories are back.
I had to do physical therapy, to get my knee and ankle back to the way they should be. The doctors said I would have full use of them without any worries as soon as PT was over. I also had to see a regular therapist for the nightmares I have of the attack, which I still don't remember, and of the nightmares of Nonno. All of it was confusing to me, but I wanted to remember as soon as possible so I didn't hurt anybody anymore.
Spain and Feliciano visit everyday, and I'm happy they do. I get lonely fast when it's just me in a hospital room. It is still tough to see them everyday though, since I still..you know. I guess I don't have to keep repeating everything I say. I always ask myself why I got this hurt and forgot, even when I'm a country. Remembering things like getting hurt, flashes of Spain returning to the house after war flooded my mind. Him beating me flashed through as well. "Romano, are you okay?" I heard Spain ask me. I asked him and Feliciano both to call me Romano, just until all of my thoughts were mine again.
"No. I'm not. I just got hit with more flashes of memory," I said taking a drink of the water he handed me.
"What memories? You look like you've seen a ghost," Spain asked sitting back down in the chair by my bed.
"You coming back hurt from those wars you were always fighting," I said, trying to hide the fact that there was something else to add to that statement.
"What is it Romano?" Spain asked.
"I also remembered the times when you would beat me," I said. Just at that same moment, Feliciano walked into the room.
"You did what?" Feliciano said coming over by Spain.
"I didn't do anything," he said, trying to convince my brother that he didn't just say that.
"He used to beat me Feliciano. The other day you asked how I go the scars on my back, but I couldn't remember. Those are because of Spain. But, don't freak out about it, because I forgave him a long time ago, and I found out why he did it. Just drop it, alright?" I said/asked Feliciano as I kept my gaze on Spain.
"Okay," Feliciano said sitting down on the other side of the bed. I got flooded with more memories of my younger days, this time with Spain as my "father", and how he tried to trade me for Feliciano. I started crying, and I didn't know why, until the memories defuzzified themselves. Spain always liked Feliciano more...that's how everyone was. But eventually I started getting liked for myself, for who I was. More flashes came, about a conversation I had with Spain. He was talking about how he loved me for me, and I should try to think of it like he does.
"What is it now?" Spain asked.
"I'm getting flashes of when you tried to switch me with Feli, and of the night before I left to come to Italy and how you told me all that stuff," I said looking at him.
"I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have been so thick-headed and stupid. I shouldn't have been so reckless with the fights and wars either," Spain said taking my hand again.
"I'll wait to forgive you on that until I have my memories again. Feliciano, don't you have a date with Germany to go to?" I asked turning to my brother.
"Ve! Oh yeah, I forgot!" he kissed my forehead and pulled his shoes and coat on," I love you Fratello! See you soon!" I was kind of glad he left…
"Love you too, bye," I said back as the door shut.
"I honestly thought he was never going to leave. I want you to at least be truthful with me. How much do you actually remember?" Spain asked.
"Not too much more than I talk about," I said turning to him.
"I thought maybe you remembered thing you didn't want Feliciano to find out about," Spain said leaning back into the chair.
"I did stuff I wouldn't want my brother to know about?" I asked, and then more flashes of memories played in my mind. Memories of the first night I busted my own walls and let Antonio in. The night I very willingly let Antonio make love to me. I felt as my face turned shades of red and I turned away from Spain.
"You just remembered, didn't you?" Spain asked holding back a laugh.
"Y-yes. I did." Days passed, and so did weeks. My memories still weren't fully back, but I did start calling Spain 'Antonio' again. And Germany became 'damn potato bastard'. There were still key things I was missing, like my attack, but I got released from the hospital anyway. Antonio took me back to Spain, and had Feliciano and Germany bring the spare car back. It was early December now, and I figured I should start making plans about getting people stuff for the holidays.
"Welcome home Lovi," Antonio said as soon as we got into the house. I smiled and took a few steps in.
"It's good to finally be home," I said turning to him. He smiled down at me, and I could see him physically holding back doing something to me. I told him until I remembered every little detail, I didn't want to do anything. So he's been restraining himself for the longest time, and I sort of felt a little bad for it, but I needed the space to remember.
"Lovino?" Antonio asked after a while, and I looked up at his face to see the worried look in his eyes and across the rest of his face.
"I'm okay. Come on, I want a tomato," I said walking to the back door and going out to the garden. I looked around and picked a tomato for me and one for Antonio. I bit into mine and felt even more at home. I got flooded with a few more memories, and one in particular stuck with me. The night I asked Antonio to kiss in me for the first time. The time I actually wanted to say something in Spanish. I smiled to myself and looked at Antonio who was looking at the sunset, and I smiled even more at that sight.
We talked under the stars for a while after that, which was the most fun I've in a few months. Just me and Antonio under the stars. I felt better, and happier, here at this house with Antonio than I did in that stuffy hospital room. I wished I could actually recalled what happened to make me lose my memory, but I guess fate wants it another way. Maybe I'm not supposed to know.
~Antonio's POV~
It's been a little tough these past few months. Getting the call about Lovino, going to see him, learning he lost his memories, watching his every movement while he was sleeping, how beat he was. I have to say though, the hardest thing for me was the fact he lost his memory. He was completely unaware of everything once he did wake up, and I thought he wouldn't ever remember. When he started recalling stuff, I wanted to cry and hug him in joy, but he didn't know me well enough for that.
Now, the hardest thing for me is not kissing Lovino, not calling him Lovi, and not being able to tell him I love him. I've been holding back on all of that, and I'm quite proud of my self control. I really didn't think I had this much. I could tell it bothered Lovi that I couldn't, and I know he probably blames himself for that, but he shouldn't. After all, if it was me in this situation, I would want the same thing. I looked over in the direction Lovi was sitting, and I saw him dozing off. I figured now would be a good time to go back inside and up to our room. That is, unless Lovino didn't want to share a bed. "I think it's about time we should head in. Do you want to sleep in your old room, or are you okay with sharing the bed again?" I asked him.
"I'm okay with sharing the bed," he answered.
"You sure?" I asked.
"Can you control yourself?"
"I think so."
"Fine by me," he said walking to the bedroom. I followed behind him and he soon had the door open and was walking to his side of the bed. When Lovi first lost his memory, I didn't know what to do. You see, I didn't know if I could ever get him to fall in love with me all over again. I don't think I would've tried. If it wasn't for Feliciano and Germany, I wouldn't have come back that day in the hospital. They told me I should wait and see what happens. So, I did. And I was glad I did, because Lovi started remembering things, and eventually, he remembered me, and what we had between us. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me, and I cried. I just felt so happy!
"Antonio?" Lovino asked from somewhere next to me.
"Huh? Oh yeah...I'm sorry, was I spacing out Lovino?" I asked, scratching the back of my head.
"Big time. You didn't hear a word I just said," he said rolling over onto his side, facing away from where I was just standing.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked crawling in next to him.
"I asked if you were okay. But I knew you weren't once you started crying. So I just waited until you looked like you came back from your own little world," he said...still turned away from me I might add.
"Oh, can I hug you?" I asked, like normal. I felt like I had to ask him before I did anything.
"Sure," he said turning to face me. He wrapped his arms around my chest and held me close. I tangled myself around his waist and held him as equally close. We talked for a while longer, and then I could hear Lovino's quiet snores under my head, so I knew he had fallen asleep. It was an hour or so later when I joined him in slumber.
~Lovino's POV~
Antonio has been worried and sad lately. He tells me he's fine, but I don't think I believe that. He's careful around me, he asks me before he goes near me or touches me, his smiles are rare. He turned into me after my accident. I'm just the way I was before the accident, dammit! Why the hell does he think he's going to hurt me? I've regained all of my memories back. At this point, I've even remembered the accident itself.
~The Accident~
"I think that went well fratello," Feliciano said walking next to Lovino.
"Me too," Lovino said back. At that moment, a group of angered Italian men circled around the brothers.
"What's going on Lovi?" Feliciano said hiding behind his brother.
"I'm not sure, but I can't understand what they're saying. Too many if them are talking."
"They look mad at you. Is it because of what you did and said to them?"
"If that's the case, I don't want you getting involved."
"Fratello! Look out!" And with that the men attacked Lovino and Feliciano. As the twins suspected, they were after Lovino. Then beat him, and they cut and stabbed him. When they were done, Lovino was a bloody mess on the ground.
Feliciano managed to call an ambulance, and they took Lovino away. After going through surgery and a good washing, Lovino was taken to a recovery room and Feliciano was able to go in with him. Lovino had many blunt blows to the head, sending him into a coma, along with having a concussion, causing him to lose all memory.
He was stabbed seven times to the chest and three in his back. The men fractured his ankle, kicked his kneecap out of place. His tibia and tibia were both snapped in one of his legs, along with many cuts and deep gashes. His arms were cut up, and both his arms and legs will end up heavily scarred.
~Present Day~
My legs and arms did end up heavily scarred like they said would happen. My leg healed fine, and the stab wounds left scars as well. With my back the way it is though, I can't tell which scars are from the stabbing, and which ones are from Antonio. I guess if I tried hard enough I could tell. I just don't really care. I just try to accept that all of this is a part of me know, and no matter what, I know Antonio still loves me, even with all my scars. I love him and his scars too, so we're even.
I decided for Christmas, I was just going to get something for Feliciano. Antonio deserves more than what money can buy, so you people can just imagine what I'll do for him. Just, don't make it too bad. I was going to get Feliciano some pasta, and fresh tomatoes from Antonio's garden, and a picture of him and I taken a few years ago at a party we were at. I really hope he likes it.
So when Christmas finally rolled around, Antonio went to France's house to hang with him and Prussia. I decided I would call Feliciano and ask where he was. I already knew the answer, so I don't know why I bothered. "I'm at Luddy's house!" he chirped through the phone at me.
"Of course you're at the damn potato eater's house. I have a present for you, so I'm going to bring it to you. It's not much, but I hope you like it anyway," I said back to him. After our goodbyes, I hung up the phone to drive to Berlin. Antonio left on the twentieth, and I left for Berlin the next day. I would arrive there by tomorrow or so, with stops and what not. I was glad that I could see Feliciano again, and spend the little time with him that I'm going to.
Feliciano did end up liking the present I gave him, and even made the pasta and tomatoes into the dinner we had. After that, he gave me the present he got me. It was a few bottles of my favorite wine, and a couple new dress shirts. I thanked him, and told him I had to head back home. I still had to be back in time for Christmas and Antonio.
I made another drive back to Madrid, and I was happy when I finally made it home. I had something special in mind for Antonio, and I knew he would be returning later that night. So I got to work setting up the kitchen for dinner, the bathroom for a bath, and the bedroom for, the other thing. After the bathroom and bedroom were done, decorated, and festive, I made my way back down to the kitchen and made Antonio's favorite dinner, as well as picking ripe tomatoes, and pouring a couple glasses of Antonio's favorite wine. I even made the bastard churros.
I just finished up a few dishes when Antonio walked in the front door. "Lovi! I'm home!~ Oh, it smells wonderful in here!~" I heard him laugh, and he made his way to the kitchen.
"It's ready when you are," I said sitting down in my seat.
"Oh, it looks wonderful too!~" he mused to himself as he came over and sat. We ate dinner and had a few more glasses of wine. After that, I dragged Antonio up to the bathroom. Walking in, I could smell the gingerbread scented candles doing their job. I started running water, and I walked over to Antonio.
"Merry Christmas, you stupid bastard," I said as I tugged at his shirt.
"Merry Christmas to you too," he said lifting his arms up. I slipped his shirt up and over his head and threw it on the ground next to us. I told him to finish undressing himself, and I got undressed soon after Antonio had stepped into the tub. "I didn't know you were coming in to Lovi!~" he mused out loud.
"Did you not want me in here? I could leave," I said standing back up.
"No! Stay, please," Antonio said.
"Are you sure?" I asked stepping out of the tub with one foot.
"Yes, I'm sure," Antonio said grabbing my hand and helping me back into the tub.
"Okay...are you really sure?" I asked.
"Lovino. Stay," he said entwining our fingers together.
"I will," I said getting comfortable.
"So, what else do I get for Christmas?" Antonio asked winking at me.
"Nothing if you keep that up," I said grabbing the wine and two glasses I brought in here earlier.
"But Lovino! There has to be more!" he whined. Okay. WHAT.
"What do you mean there has to be more? Is this not good enough for you?" I asked as I stood up and got out.
"Lovino, I was only kidding! Come back Lovi!" I was already out the door and down the hall when he yelled that at me. Is my being kind, caring, and considerate not enough for him? I think I may be overreacting a bit. I defiantly am...
"I'm so idiotic," I said out loud.
"I still love you, no matter what," Antonio said wrapping his arms around my waist. "Come back to the bath, mi amor," he said picking me up bridal style and taking me into the house. Somewhere throught the hall or the bedroom, I lost the robe I put on. Antonio set me back down in the water and climbed in across from me.
"You need to learn to be patient, Antonio," I said pouring us some wine.
"I'm sorry Lovi, I really am," he said taking his glass.
"It's fine. But I don't want to give away what the rest of your present is," I said looking over in his direction.
"Oh, I guess that statement is logical," he said smiling up at me.
"What the fuck?" I asked almost letting go of my glass and dropping it into the water.
"What?"
"Please don't talk like that. Ever."
"Ah, okay Lovino!" Antonio said. We finished up our relaxing bath, and got out to dry off. Antonio was drying his arms, and I saw his muscles moving along his skin, making his scars appear...fresh. I walking over to him and put my arms around his waist and kissed his back. He tensed at my touches, and I loved every moment of it. "Lovino," I heard Antonio whisper. I could tell he was holding so much back.
"Yes?" I whispered back to him, just as soft and quiet.
"Te amo." With hearing those words come out of his mouth, I turned him around and kissed him. Things quickly escalated and heated up, because before I knew it, I was lying on the bed with Antonio above me, and I loved every moment of that, too.
"Antonio, please, you don't have to hold back anymore. I'm the same as I was before the accident. Please stop treating me like I'm about to die," I said wrapping my arms around his neck and my feet around his waist.
"Are you sure?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yes. I'm really sure of this Antonio," I said as I pulled him down for another kiss. I felt as he slowly became hard, and I was right there with him. He stopped kissing me, but only long enough to grab some lube from his nightstand. He opened it and spread some on his fingers.
"This might hurt a little, because it's been a while," Antonio said slowly pushing the first finger in. I hissed a little, but I got used to that, and the next two to follow.
"Antonio?" I asked while he thrusted in and out with his fingers.
"Sí, mi amor?" he said focusing on his work.
"T-Ti amo," I said as he pulled his fingers out and prepared himself. He thrusted in right away and hit my sweet spot head on. "O-oh fuck!" I yelled in slight shock and then I started squirming when Antonio quit moving to look at me. "K-keep going, idiota!" I yelled at him rolling my hips. He nodded and then started thrusting even harder and faster. Soon after that, his thrusts became uncoordinated, and for the first time, Antonio and I we're throw over the edge together.
" I love you too, Lovino."
"Merry Christmas, you stupid bastard."
"You too."
