A/N: Again, many thanks to ladygris for Beta-ing this chapter. We've both been beset by RL issues lately making me doubly thankful for having her as a friend.
Merci,
~Sandy
Broken Mirror
Chapter Nine
On their fifth date, John and Kiana went to a country western bar for dinner and dancing. She challenged him to a game of pool as a joke. He took her up on it then paid one of the sharks swimming in the periphery to be his proxy making him the hands-down winner. And being the sore winner that he was, he challenged her to darts. She accepted with the provision that the only help he received from anyone was to aim him at the dartboard. Kiana won, but it was because his last shot went wild ending up in a biker's beer.
She thought the burly guy dressed in leather was going to beat John to a pulp, but somehow, they'd ended up spending the rest of the evening with the guy and his girl laughing and joking. The guy promised to take John on a ride up the coast when he came back from Bike Week in Daytona. None of them mentioned John's eyesight and what it would mean if he hadn't regained it in that time or if the opposite happened and he returned to his duties. Thinking of him becoming whole again made her happy and sad at the same time. She wanted him to regain his sight, but at the same time, doing so would take him away from her. And she wasn't sure how she felt about that.
~~O~~
Date nine…or was it ten? More? John had lost count of how many times he and Kiana had spent time alone or with others in date-like pursuits over the last few weeks.
Today he had a special treat planned. Not just for Kiana, but for the kids as well. Aaron and Felicia were off school for the entire week and as luck would have it, the state fair was in town. He had even convinced Sophia to come along. At first she'd declined because she couldn't afford to be docked a day's pay. She readily agreed when he confessed that he was a little wary of being out in such a chaotic setting as the fairgrounds with two rambunctious kids and wanted an extra pair of adult eyes to help keep them in line.
At one point, the kids had taken him by the hands and dragged him to the Ferris wheel. Felicia and Aaron rode with Sophia while John naturally rode with Kiana. The ride had stopped at the top and John, who'd been here before, again wished he could at least see Kiana's face as she beheld the view. But he was content with the kisses they'd shared until Aaron began making retching sounds from the seat behind them, Sophia gently reprimanding him. On the ground again, he wrapped his arm around the boy's neck but didn't give him a noogie.
When the day was over, all five were exhausted, Sophia and the kids falling asleep in the backseat of the SUV they'd borrowed from Stephanie. John had asked her to come along, but she was head of the charity event for the children's hospital and they still had much to do before the big night.
His sister-in-law had tried to convince him to attend, but he declined. "Pizza and beer is more my style." Though he did promise to think about it for the following year.
As he said good-bye to Kiana with a series of semi-passionate kisses, he enjoyed how over the weeks they'd known each other that she'd given him back something he'd thought he lost with his eyesight. And it wasn't just her.
The possibility that his career in the military was over had wounded him deeply and he'd become depressed, in a sort of mourning for the only existence he'd known for most of his adult life. Flying anything, choppers, jets, F-302's, Jumpers. It didn't matter. Being at the controls of a machine capable of achieving speeds that were unthinkable to many on Earth thrilled him. Some would call him an adrenaline junkie, but they would be wrong. He didn't do it just for the thrill. He did it because it was his job. Sworn to protect his world, his country, and by extension, his family, John tried hard to do the right thing. And to him, being in Pegasus with the Atlantis expedition, well that's how he fulfilled his duty. If he couldn't make good on that promise, what kind of man would he be?
A sudden realization made John smile. Kiana, just by being his friend, had made him feel like a man again. A man who could do anything he put his mind to. And that lead him to another realization…that he was falling for her. Through her eyes, and those of Aaron, Felicia and Sophia, who had opened their hearts to him from the moment they'd met, he felt that even if he never regained his sight, in their eyes at least, he had worth, something to offer to world. And that was a very good thing.
A Few Days Before the Big Event
The sun was just touching the edges of the rocks and boulders throwing golden beams over everything, including the couple lying on the blanket on a patch of cool grass shaded by the bright green leaves of the trees. The horses were tethered near the water, the saddles on the ground nearby.
John had often ridden bareback when he was younger and though he was confident that he'd be able to even without his eyesight, Kiana was still a novice so he used the saddle as well. At the moment though, the horses and the picnic basket were the last things on their minds.
With Kiana's upper body draped over him, his hands roamed up and down her back making her moan, the sound swallowed by him as he kissed her and she him. The feelings he had for her were so intense, he did know if they were because of his blindness or in spite of it. All he knew is he wanted, needed to be closer to her, to feel…more. To feel something that had nothing to do with his family, his medical condition or returning to Atlantis.
His right hand slipped under the edge of her tank top to touch the skin he'd been fantasizing about for weeks now. What did Kiana look like? What color was her hair, her eyes, her skin? Did she have freckles? A tattoo? Several? He'd asked her to describe herself on several occasions and each time she'd refused. Told him to figure it out himself…so he did.
She didn't wear glasses, her hair was short and she came up to his collarbone. Her waist wasn't small but it wasn't large either though none of that mattered. Without his eyesight, he filled in the blanks with his mind. And again, it didn't matter because he liked her for herself, not for what she looked like, and that told him how shallow he'd been up until now. In the past, he'd been attracted to women who were pretty or beautiful in his opinion. Now, thanks to his blindness, he'd gotten to know a woman for who she is first. Gotten to know the real woman inside what is ostensibly a shell around the mind that he admired and was falling for.
Kiana slipped her hands under John's shoulders, the short nails of her fingers digging into his flesh through this T-shirt as she made sounds that turned his blood hot. Taking that as a signal that she wanted more, the hand under her shirt worked its way up to fumble with her bra strap. And the next thing he knew, she'd pushed away, the loss of her body heat almost chilling.
"Something wrong?"
"No, it's just that…I don't think either of us is ready to go beyond what we have right now."
Trying to lighten the atmosphere, John raised up on his elbows and let one side of his mouth lift in humor. "Don't make me beg. It's not a pretty sight when I have to beg. But if you say no…"
She stopped him with a kiss, her small hands pressed against his cheeks. He wrapped his right hand around her left wrist when she pulled away. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying not yet. We both have things in our past that we need to deal with before taking that step."
"Professional opinion again?"
"You could say that though it's not entirely accurate. Mostly because you won't talk about some aspects of your past. I understand that the work you do for the military is highly classified and if I had to make an educated guess, I'd say it contributed to the breakup of your marriage."
The mood broken, John sat up, bringing his knees up and resting his arms on them. "And you'd be right." He stayed quiet for so long she thought he wasn't going to speak again. "We married just before I enlisted. Once I'd moved up in the ranks, I was gone much of the time, and said she understood. Until one day I came home to find the house empty of furniture aside from the television, a recliner and a few dishes. She'd cooked meals and frozen them for me to nuke in the microwave, enough to last at least a week. I found my belongings in the spare room, hung neatly in the closet and folded in the dresser. My surfboard, scuba equipment and bike were still in the garage.
"On the counter in the kitchen was an envelope with the divorce papers. We hadn't signed a prenuptial agreement and she never asked for anything. On my father's advice, I signed over all of our combined assets, the house, the boat, some property on Catalina where we'd planned on retiring. The only things I kept were my car, the motorcycle and my autographed poster of Johnny Cash that she'd given me for our fifth anniversary."
John didn't know what had gotten into him. He'd never even shared these details with Rodney or Ronon. Yet here he was telling Kiana intimate facts of his failed marriage. "What about you? Something in you'd like to share?"
"Not really. But fair is fair. You told me something highly personal and I should reciprocate. Quid Pro Quo."
~~O~~
John listened to Kiana take a few breaths as if she were gathering her courage. Then she began to speak. "I'd just graduated from Berkeley with a combined Master's degree in forensic and clinical psychology when I became engaged to my high school sweetheart, Darren, a criminal attorney. We decided to wait to get married until we'd both become established in our careers.
"I received my doctorate a few years later and the wedding was planned for the following December twenty-eighth while both our families were in town for Christmas. It saved us from having to pay airfare.
"That spring, I went to work for the San Francisco PD as their staff psychologist. A sniper on the SWAT team…he and his squad had been called to the scene of a shooting turned hostage situation. The father had gotten drunk and killed his soon-to-be ex-wife and her mother then barricaded himself inside the home with their three children.
"The Captain tried to talk him out, but he wouldn't pick up the phone. The sniper, a young man in his early thirties with no family aside from an elderly aunt, stationed himself on a roof across the street, with orders from the Captain to take the shot."
Kiana stopped talking to get a drink of water, passing him a bottle as well.
"Just as he took the shot, one of the kids stepped in the way and was hit instead. He died on the way to the hospital. Jerry blamed himself and was put on indefinite leave. I went to his apartment three times a week as required when a member of the force is involved in a fatal shooting. The first few times, he slammed the door in my face, but when he realized that I wouldn't give up, he finally let me inside.
"The first couple of weeks we talked about everything but the shooting. Then one day, he brought it up, telling me that he would never forgive himself for shooting the boy though eventually he did come to understand that it wasn't his fault. Or so I thought." She paused again, but for a bit of laughter that held no humor. "I should have seen what was really happening, but Darren and I were fighting. Mostly about little things that seemed so damn important at the time and not so much later.
"One day, I went to Jerry's apartment for our scheduled appointment, but he didn't answer the door. His truck was parked outside and I couldn't see in the windows. His Captain came down to speak to the apartment manager. When we opened the door, Jerry was on the sofa, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head, the weapon still in his hand.
"Seeing it as my fault for not getting through to him, I quit. Just walked away from the job and a few months later, Darren left me for one of the junior partners in his firm. I came here to stay with my mother. When my savings began to run out and Mom had gotten tired of me moping around her house all day and night, I opened a private practice locally. That was three years ago."
~~O~~
Kiana let her words fade away and waited for John to say something. Anything. He stayed quiet for the longest time. Getting to her knees, she started gathering up the remains of their meal, shoving it into the picnic basket with more force than necessary until John's hand found hers, griping it tight.
"I'm sorry."
It was just two words softly spoken, but somehow, because they were coming from him, they meant more than all the platitudes the pastor of her church had spouted when she'd gone to him for counseling.
"Me too."
Keeping hold of her hand, he lay down, urging her to do the same. His arm slipped around her and she found herself being cuddled against his side. John kissed her tenderly on the forehead and they didn't say another word until the sky had turned completely dark, the stars winking at them from above. And then, though it wasn't much of a surprise, to her at least, she realized that she'd fallen for him. Not hard and fast, but slow and easy. She rested her hand over his heart and closed her eyes.
The Night of the Children's Hospital Charity Event
"We'll be fine. Kiana will be here soon and she's bringing pizza. We'll watch movies and play video games. Well, they'll watch movies and play video games." Even with these reassurances, John could tell Dave and Stephanie were reluctant to leave.
"You have our cell numbers and Dad's, right?"
John held up his personal cell. "You programmed them yourself. Now go before Dad gets pissed again."
"Okay, okay." Dave opened the front door and ushered his wife through. A short time later, they heard the limo pull out.
"Finally. Now we can have some fun." John set his cell on the table beside the front door and rubbed his hands together. "When Kiana gets here we'll set up shop in the rec room upstairs."
"Great!" Felicia always seemed to be up for whatever John had planned no matter what it was. She'd already talked him into going on another horseback ride in a few days, just the two of them.
On the other hand, Aaron had to complain at least once before agreeing. He was like Dave that way. "Geez! Why we gotta wait for your girlfriend?"
"She's not my girlfriend. She's just a girl who happens to be a friend."
"Whatever. Ya know I wish you could play Fighter Squadron with me. I bet you'd be awesome!"
John reached out and clipped the boy on the shoulder. "When I'm better. Promise."
The doorbell rang and Aaron rushed to answer it.
"Hi. You must be Aaron. I'm Kiana, a friend of your uncle's."
"Yeah. Hey! You brought Luigi's. What kind didya get?"
"One all meat, one supreme and one with just cheese."
John heard Kiana's voice and couldn't stop the smile or the way his heart sped up just a little when she touched his hand. "Hi."
"Hi." To John she sounded as breathless as he felt at her nearness. "Kids, go get the plates, napkins and drinks. We're right behind you." Aaron and Felecia took the pizzas and ran toward the kitchen pushing and shoving each other. Their voices faded behind the kitchen door just as Kiana curved her fingers around his. He gripped back and using that as a guide, turned her toward him to drop a kiss on her mouth.
"Now that's the way to greet a girl at the door. Do that a lot, huh?"
~~O~~
John tucked her hand around his elbow and followed the kids. Cabinets opened and closed with a slam then a few moments later so did the refrigerator. He smiled at her tongue-in-cheek inquiry while she took in his faded jeans, black sneakers and dark blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Plain but on him it looked sexy.
"Not nearly as often as Rodney thinks I do."
He said it with an edge of annoyance, but underneath she could hear the genuine affection John had for his friend, for all his friends, though he wouldn't say so out loud. "Then we'll have to do something about that."
"How about making out in a drive-in instead?"
She squeezed his arm a little tighter. "I'd say, crack the windows so we don't fog up the windshield."
"If the one over on Main hadn't been torched a few years back we could be there right now kissin' our way through the dancing hot dog commercial and Bugs Bunny cartoons."
"Then maybe we should improvise."
John snorted. "That's why I like you. You have great ideas."
"That the only reason?" The steady beat of her heart sped up at his next words.
"No. But we'll talk about it when the kids aren't around." She was glad he couldn't see the silly smile on her face or the embarrassment would be devastating. Just as devastating as his smile. "Tell me something."
"What?"
"What're you wearing?" Not sure how to take that, Kiana didn't respond immediately. He picked up on her discomfort and rushed to set her mind at ease. "I'm not asking for some creepy, stalkerish reason. You won't describe yourself so I'm just trying to get a picture of you in my mind."
"Nothing spectacular. Pink top, jeans and sneakers." He led her to the stairs and they climbed to the second floor. At the doorway of the rec room Kiana let go of his hand knowing he could find his way without assistance. The room was approximately seven hundred square feet with all the gadgets a family needed to keep themselves entertained. "Whoa! What a setup!"
"Yeah. Turns home movies into your worst nightmare."
The group settled down to eat and watch Spy Kids. When that was over, they decided to watch the second movie in the series. While the credits were rolling, John sent the kids to get chairs from the dining room setting them up two and two with Aaron and Felicia in front and Kiana and he in the back. They turned out the lights just as the movie started.
A few minutes later, Aaron turned to look at John. "This is it? You just sit in the car to watch the movie?"
"In the real thing you'd hang a speaker on the window so you could hear. Later, you could use the car's radio." John had his arm around Kiana, her head resting on his shoulder. He wanted to be able to see her face, to see if the picture in his head matched. If it didn't, well, too bad. He cared about her and wanted her close no matter what she looked like.
"This is so lame."
"Just watch the movie, pal."
~~O~~
Aaron and Felicia held the bowl of popcorn between them munching and watching Carmen and Junie Cortez kick bad guy butt. Their uncle and Kiana had been quiet so long he held the bowl over his shoulder. "Want some popcorn, Uncle John? Kiana?" When he received no answer, he turned around. John and his girlfriend were kissing, completely wrapped up in each other rather than the movie. He groaned then faced forward again. "If that's why they went to a drive-in then I'm glad there aren't any more."
Totally ignoring what was going on, Felicia used the remote to shut off the movie. "Let's play a game."
Not at all embarrassed to be caught kissing Kiana, John pulled away while keeping his arm around her shoulders. "You play and I'll sit over here and be the cheering section."
Felicia let out a small moue of distress. "Oh! I'm sorry, Uncle John! I keep forgettin' you can't…ow! Whatcha do that for?"
The last was apparently because Aaron had jabbed her with an elbow or punched her on the shoulder. "Felicia! Ya don't have t' keep sayin' he's blind. He knows!"
~~O~~
"It's okay, pal." John got to his feet bumping into the small table in front of the sofa as he helped move the chairs out of the way. Above the voices of the kids, his hearing picked up a sound that was out of place. "Sh! I heard something."
"Mom and Dad?"
"It's not them. Stay here and no talking." He went out into the hall, creeping to the top of the stairs to listen taking care to avoid that board in front of Dave's room that creaked. A moment later, he was back with the others keeping his voice low. "Kiana, cell phone?"
"In the car. Yours?"
"Front hall table. Kids?"
Aaron hadn't liked the tone of John's voice and now stood protectively next to his sister. "Don't have one. What's goin' on?"
"Someone's in the house who does not belong here." He picked up the house phone. No dial tone.
Kiana moved over to touch him on the arm. "How can you tell? It might be your dad or Sophia."
"It's not." John knew the sound of each family member's footsteps and the ones he'd heard were made by strangers. Several strangers. "Kiana, take Felicia and Aaron to my room. Go to the bookcase by the bathroom and pull out the First Edition of Moby Dick on the second shelf."
"Why didn't the alarm system go off?"
"Because I didn't think to arm it. The bookshelf opens up into a passageway that'll take you outside. No matter what you hear, if anyone but me comes out, hide until they're gone then go to Beatrice and Jefferson's cottage and call the cops. They're out of town so you'll have to break in."
"What about you?"
He snorted. "I can do this in my sleep."
"But you aren't asleep, John. You're blind. What if you get hurt or…worse?"
"Don't argue! Just go! And be quiet."
John waited until the sound of their footsteps faded before making his way to the back stairs that came out near the den. In one corner of the den, his dad had a collection of firearms. He remembered spending hours just studying the different weapons hoping one day his dad would actually let him touch them, hold them in his hands, feel the kick when they fired. Now it was something he did every day. He eased the hidden secret door open just a crack and listened. Nothing. They had moved to another part of the house. Good. That would make his next step easier.
When he neared the den, he heard a crunch under his foot. Squatting, he felt around and found what he assumed were what was left of his smashed cell phone.
Slipping inside the den, John went to the bookshelves in the farthest corner. Counting up to the fifth one, he ran his fingers over the spines of the books counting once more until he came to the tome he wanted. He pulled it from between its neighbors, flipping open the cover. Instead of pages of text, inside was a cut out space where he found a single key. With a grin, he carefully made his way to the hidden panel, opened the front, unlocked the case and took out two handguns. After a moment's thought, he decided against using lethal force. Feeling around for some other weapon he could use he found a set of knives new to his dad's collection. He slipped one into the each sock, pulling his pants leg down to cover them then returned to the den doors.
Time to go in the offensive!
TBC
