Let the Fun Begin!
"Please, sit down." – Instructed SSA Jasper Collins as soon as Reid and Rossi entered his office back at the Quantico Base on Monday morning. – "I hear you two did exceptionally good." – He added with the hint of a smile.
The two profilers shared a confused look. Had the strict and unpleasant unit chief just praised them or were they hallucinating?
"Ahm… Thank you, sir." – Said Rossi politely when it became apparent his younger colleague wouldn't be able to speak from shock.
Collins smirked.
"What, young man? You didn't think I could be human?"
"Khm…"
"Anyway. I hope you liked my little team building exercise, for-"
"Wait a minute!" – Interrupted him the senior profiler rather rudely. – "Team building exercise?" – He narrowed his eyes dangerously.
Spencer gaped as well.
"I thought we needed training! You said it was important for the assignment!" – He accused the man.
"So? You needed to gain confidence in your new teammates and they needed to get to know you and your working style. You'll be cooperating with them for who knows how long and it would be highly unfortunate if you didn't even know their names until you'll have to trust them with your lives." – He reasoned, not looking apologetic at all, more like already bored with the topic.
"A welcome drink would have done, man!" – Groaned Rossi angrily.
"If you're done whining like a baby, I will tell you about your task now. Shortly, you'll be transported to Madison, Wisconsin; the rest of the team is already waiting for you in the jet, so let's make this short: you, young man…" – He pointed at Spencer. – "will become a high school student."
"Excuse me?" – Reid asked, voice frighteningly calm. His older colleague knew it wasn't a good sign but apparently the chief of the Organized Crime Unit didn't realize the danger.
"I said: you'll be enrolled as a high school student. Of couse, we'll need to make some alterations to your appearance, otherwise, we'd have a hard time making them believe you're 16."
"I'm 21, sir! Nobody will believe I'm a teenager!"
"You're right: you look 12. So, as I just said-"
"That's a lie! Even Gideon said I look at least 14!" – He argued, petulantly crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Rossi smiled.
"When you do that, Kiddo, you look about 5." – He teased.
Reid stuck out his tongue at him.
"Three." – Sighed Collins, shaking his head. – "Anyway: as soon as you arrive in Madison, my men will take you to the hairdresser's; they already made an appointment for you with someone we can trust completely. There a reason I didn't let Commander Matthews cut your hair; and believe me: I had to fight him hard on the matter. And when you're done there, you'll all visit some stores to buy new clothes for the both of you. SSA Rossi needs elegant suits and the team will make sure you become a modern, trendy sixteen-year-old teenager instead of… khm… well. What you are now."
He finished and Reid gaped in disbelief.
"You can't change me! I'm ME!" – Shouted the genius, face red from anger and he was breathing hard. – "I won't let you do it! I'll-"
"Kiddo. Enough. So, and what about me?" – Asked Rossi, already afraid of the answer. – "What will I need the suits for?" – Suits were fine with him, the questions was: why did he need them?
"You'll be David Rossi." – Replied the unit chief simply.
"Oh. Well, that at least won't be too difficult." – Shrugged the older profiler relieved.
"That's unfair! How come he gets to keep his personality and I have to become a kid!?" – Sulked Reid.
"I don't think you'll have a problem; you already have the behavior of a moody teenager, young man." – Countered Collins, feeling irritated with the boy already. – "And SSA Rossi is too well-known to be anyone else. So, you'll be David Rossi the writer, father of sixteen-year-old Spencer Rossi."
The man smirked.
Reid gave off the perfect image of a gaping fish.
Rossi blinked.
"W…what!?" – He stuttered weakly after a few seconds. He had waited but nobody had shouted 'April's Fool!' – never mind that it was only the end of March and SSA Collins didn't look like someone who played practical pranks anyway. Though the team building exercise had been a blow below the belt so who knows…
"David Rossi, retired FBI agent, now a famous writer moves with his troublemaker son to Madison to begin a new life." – Explained the unit chief the backstory patiently. – "The boy will begin his studies at the Albert Farrer Public High School on Tuesday-"
"Nobody enrolls in a school on a Tuesday." – Muttered Reid but he was ignored.
"- and David Rossi will accompany him on his first day to talk to the principal. Who happens to be a big fan, so don't be surprised if you'll be asked to visit a few Literature classes and talk to students about writing." – He finished, satisfied that he finally had their full attention.
"But… Ahm… Where will we live?"
"You'll get an apartment for yourselves. It has to be believable, for the boy will surely have friends to invite from time to time."
"I don't make friends with teenagers! I'm an adult!" – Again, he was completely ignored.
"But I'm Italian and he's not! We don't look anything alike!" – Complained Rossi but it was in vain. Aside from visibly hurting the kid's feelings once again, it didn't do anything, since the unit chief didn't seem to hear him at all. Or care about what he had to say… Anyway, Rossi gave up the fight and asked instead: - "And what about the rest of the team then?"
"They'll be in another apartment one floor above yours. SSA Kennedy will be the new sports teacher, starting next week. The others will all have their own jobs but you don't need to worry about that. All you need to know is that they'll be closeby to help, should you need it and also: they'll be watching you; guarding you. So, I hope you trust them."
Reid crossed his arms again and huffed.
"And what exactly is it that we're expected to do there, Sir?"
"I'm glad you finally asked!" – Clapped the unit chief his hands. Rossi shot a glance at his young friend to see what he was thinking about this whole thing but found that the youngest team member was pointedly avoiding meeting his eyes. Just great… Playing the part of a difficult teenager certainly shouldn't be too hard for the boy. – "Previous investigations have led us to believe there's a worker; possibly but not necessarily a teacher; who's leading a secret cult; into which only selected students are invited. This group uses drugs, performs satanic rituals and we have reason to believe the members, or at least some of them, are planning to commit mass suicide soon. Obviously, we'd like to prevent that but our efforts to learn more about the cult or find its leader had been unsuccessful. The team thinks only a student would be able gain the confidence of this person."
"Hey, wait a minute!" – Burst out Rossi. – "You're saying the kid has to join a satanic cult!? You can't be serious! We're not trained for things like that! And he's only 21! NO!"
Reid who was still feeling the sting of the earlier rejection, had just about had enough of being treated like a child.
"I'm here, you know!" – He said, rounding on his older colleague before the unit chief could say anything. – "And I can take care of myself just fine! You told me not so long ago I'm a proper FBI agent and that nobody could question it. Was it just a phrase that sounded good? You didn't mean it at all?"
"You know it's not about that, Kiddo, but a cult…"
"I can do it! And I will!" – The boy stated, turning towards their temporary boss expectantly. – "How will I do it, sir?"
Collins, who had watched the two fight as if he had been attending a curious tennis match, hid a smile at the very strange behavior and answered the question, ignoring the worries voiced by the older agent.
"The targets seem to be young, insecure teens who have trouble fitting in and are looking for acceptance from an adult. They're probably integrated into the group gradually, without them even realizing it at first. You have to be more vigilant than that, young man! You'll have to know what you're walking into. You need to keep your eyes and ears open; try to find out who the leader could be and also: who the members are. They could be in your classes, or sitting next to you on the school bus-"
"The school bus!? I don't ride-"
"- or even become your friends. As a matter of fact: I'd like to to befriend them, learn what they know, how they see all this. They will sympathize with you if you tell them your mother just died and your father is more concerened about his books than you. Complaints teenagers usually have. You'll have SSA Kennedy at the school watching out for you, the rest of the team around all the time and your 'dad' looking out for your best interests. You'll be fine."
"So, my job will be to watch out for the Kid and try to give a few lectures at the school?" – Wanted to clarify Rossi. – "The hard work will all be done by the boy?"
The unit chief sighed.
"Look, I know you're worried about him. I get it, but I swear, we've taken all the precautions. We needed someone who can pass as a teenager and neither of my men can. They have tried doing it lots of other ways but they didn't work. We needed someone undercover in that school and the youngest person within the whole FBI is Doctor Spencer Reid. Everyone knows that-"
"I'm so glad people talk behind my back about me!" – Burst out the young man.
"- And he is an agent, albeit a highly unusual one…" – Remarked Collins thoughtfully. – "He did better on the training than anyone had expected him to and he is currently behaving like a child. He looks like a child. Absolutely perfect."
"You're talking about me like I'm not here at all!"
"Why do you need me then?" – Inquired Rossi, brushing off the genius' tirade as 'not important'.
"I'll be frank: there's no way I'd have gotten the kid alone. You people are famously protective of your cub ("I'm not a cub!") and the Director told me to forget this whole thing unless I have someone from his own team with him for the mission. But I am glad to have you for yourself too, SSA Rossi. Finding the culprit will take some serious profiling and my team can't do that. We need the two of you to work together with them and act very professional. Unless you're at school, young man, or with your future friends, or-"
"I'm not befriending children!"
"So, I think we've cleared everything. The jet is awaiting you and the rest of the team will brief you about other preparations you will take. Good luck, gentlemen."
Ignoring the dismissal, Rossi extended his hand towards the man, much like the unit chief had done with them when they had arrived here last week.
"We'd like our cells back, sir." – He explained.
The other man just blinked innocently.
"Oh, haven't I told you? You're not allowed to talk to your teammates during the assignment."
"WHAT!?"
"It's an undercover job, SSA Rossi. You don't contact your friends when you're playing a role. Off you go, shoo."
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"Hotch, I'm so sorry, I swear, I have tried everything I could think of, and nothing worked." – Emily hung her head sadly, hating to admit she hadn't been able to help their 'lost' friends.
The chief of the BAU and Emily Prentiss were both in Hotch's office, behind closed doors. They knew the others were getting increasingly curious about why the two of them had started to whisper among themselves recently, and – in the case of Morgan and Garcia – they had even begun to formulate wild theories, like them being secret lovers and such things. In reality, they were only doing their best to get Reid and Rossi back from the Organized Crime Unit that had borrowed them for an indefinite time. So far, they hadn't made any headway though.
"It's not your fault, Prentiss. Thank you for everything you've done." – Hotch sighed, feeling totally defeated. His two team members had been gone for over four days (this morning being the beginning of the fifth), and they didn't even have an idea where they were and what they were forced to do.
"You're welcome. I just wish I could have really helped."
Hotch nodded absent mindedly… He didn't trust Jasper Collins or the Organized Crime Unit in general, and everything Emily had told him about her brief encounter with the group had only strengthened his dislike towards the unorthodox tream. Everyone knew they weren't like any other unit: they had much more freedom to make their own calls with the Director himself having much less say in their matters. They were not a unit Rossi and especially Reid belonged with. And then there was the other problem…
"Do you have an idea why they sent their go bags back to me right on the first day when they had especially requested they bring them?" – He suddenly asked Emily. – "Does it mean something…?"
"Ahm…" – This was even worse then than she had expected, thought Emily. – "Well… They're mostly wearing regular clothes, like us but… well… there are certain… occasions…" – She didn't want to continue. She didn't even want to think about any scenario that would require her FAMILY to not wear normal street clothes.
"Yes?" – Pressed Hotch anxiously.
"Sometimes they'll go on… assignments… where they need to wear uniforms. And guns…" – She finished very softly.
"WHAT!? You mean a war zone? No… I can't even imagine… Not Reid!" – Exclaimed Hotch, clearly horrified.
"It could be a Boot Camp… I hope I'm wrong."
"I hope that too. Please, don't stop trying, Prentiss! We have to get them back!"
"I'll do my best."
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"I can't believe I let them do this!" – Complained Reid mournfully, studying his image in one of the store windows with disdain as they were walking away from the hairdresser's that had just taken most of his beloved mane, letting the rest curl lightly just below his ears in small locks. – "That's terrible!"
"As a matter of fact…" – Laughed Marshall. – "… it is very handsome."
"Shut up!" – Groaned the boy. He had just lost the battle against the no-nonsense barber so he wasn't in the right mood for any friendly conversation yet.
Rossi smiled to himself, being careful not to let the young man in his current rage see him do so. The truth was: the boy did look extremely good with his new hairstyle, not to mention the clothes Walker had gotten him just before the trauma with the hairdresser. They had apparently figured the bigger shock would be enough for the genius to forget to complain about the stylish acid washed dark blue jeans, plain white T-shirt and the light blue hoodie. Oh, and the dark sneakers, letting his simply black socks show when he sat down. The socks could be a problem-
"I hate looking like this! This is so… NORMAL!" – Continued the youngest profiler, sounding very much like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
"I'd have never thought your hair could be this wild when cut properly!" – Giggled Dean, running his hand through the untamed locks. – "It's so cute!"
The boy's enraged growl was enough to stop him right away and withdraw his hand as if it had been burnt.
"Hey, Tiger, it's okay." – soothed Ian, barely holding back his laughter. – "You really look good, but if you don't like it, you can let it grow back in just a few months. We always need to do this for our assignments. I once had my hair so long, I could pull it back in a ponytail. I had to play a rockstar."
This perked the young man's interest so much that he momentarily forgot about his grief.
"Really? I can't imagine it!" – He chuckled. – "Did you dress accordingly?"
"Ohho! He did! We can all attest to it!" – Confirmed Simon at once, then he leaned closer to the boy to whisper into his ear: - "We also have photos to prove it."
"Hey, what are you two murmuring about?" – Narrowed his eyes suspiciously Ian.
"Nothing!" – Said both simultaneously before breaking into a laughing fit.
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"So, Genius Boy, tell us: what do you like to do as a hobby?" – Asked Simon out of the blue as they were leaving the office supply store loaded with various notebooks, pencils, pens, erasers, highlighters and such things for a grumping Reid to put into his – also newly purchased – backpack.
"I don't need all these things! I never had half that much when I was actually going to school!" – He complained, ignoring the previous question.
"Come on, Kid!" – Nudged him Dean. – "We still need to get decoration for your room. You might have visitors, it needs to look authentic. So, what should we get?"
"I don't know!" – Shook his head the young man, sounding tired and irritated at the same time.
Rossi took pity on him and offered helpfully:
"Are there any bands you like listening to? TV shows to watch?"
"Hm… I listen to Mozart, Bach and Schubert and-"
"These are not bands! We needs something a teenager would like!" – Cut him off Walker exasperatedly. – "A normal teenager, mind you." – He added, seeing Reid starting to open his mouth to protest.
Spencer just shrugged. He had no idea what other people did but he had never liked anything else; not even when he'd really been sixteen years old.
"Okay, okay. Forget about music then. Television?"
The young man was more excited about that.
"Oh, there's this science show where they always do experiments to prove or rebut theories like-"
"Grrrrr!" – Simon felt like pulling out his hair.
"I guess this is not fitting for a normal person either?" – Asked Spencer innocently. – "What about Star Trek? I love it! Though some aspects are fairly unrealistic, like-"
"Star Trek will be fine!" – Interrupted him Marshall quickly before he'd give them a lecture about science fiction vs reality. – "What do you read? We should get some books."
Reid's eyes lit up upon hearing that proposition.
"Yes! I read everything! I read at least 9-10 books a week, so we should get a lot! Everything about math and chemistry and psychology and chess games and conspiracy theories and…" – And the list went on and on. Reid never even realized the others weren't listening to him anymore. – "… and history and literature and horror and crime and…" – He was still at it when Dean and Ian disappeared into the bookstore, leaving the others outside, not daring to let the genius close to the selection for fear they'd never get out alive again. – "I love reading novels in the original language, like Mario und der Zauberer in German or Anna Karenina in Russian and…" – He was still listing preferences when the two agents rejoined them, carrying the whole series of the Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and a few Star Wars books. Reid finally stopped, seeing the purchases. – "What are these? I've already read them all! I have an eidetic memory! What should I do with them!?" – He shrieked.
"Sorry, Genius Boy. We need them for display and the nice lady inside said these are the most sought for by teenagers nowadays." – Apologized Ian half-heartedly, steering the still gaping boy towards the building that would house them for the duration of their assignment. After climbing the stairs to the third floor ("Sorry, the elevator hasn't been working for months, according to the landlord."), they got a key to the apartment in the farthest end of the long corridor.
Rossi and Reid said goodbye to their temporary teammates and entered their new home.
AN: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone! :)
