Redivivus

Disclaimer- I do not own 'Holes', it belongs to Louis Sachar.

Summary – Seventeen year old Squid makes a transition from juvenile delinquent into murderer, and only the sister of the victim can give him the chance of redemption.

Warning! – Mild swearing.

Author's Note – Okay a small bundle of the plot is revealed in this chapter, and I'm really sorry if it's confusing, if you have any questions or need to know what's going on just ask.

Cityofevil – Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I think we all secretly want to get in that car. Thanks for the compliments; I assure you it is lovely to hear someone likes the story and my writing.

Horsesareamazing – It's alright, I don't expect as many reviews as I have gotten. But it was really lovely that you take your time to review. I made sure this update didn't take too long for you. Thanks for the review.

HunkyChunkyMonkey97030 – Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you want to hear more, as there is plenty to come as long as people are still reading – more secrets hidden up my sleeve, which are yet to be revealed.

Chapter Nine

"Sunken Knives"

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Squid's heart was racing. What was he doing? He dared not look at the quivering girl next to him; he dared not look at the blood splattered across his clothing. He could feel the comprehension of what he had done, sink into stomach, gushing in, flooding his insides with ache. His mother's face momentarily flickered into his sight and he swerved dangerously on the road – April didn't even seem to notice. She was sitting up straight, glassy eyes out of focus and pale hands placed calmly on her lap. She looked like one of those old, frail people, that you see sitting up in their hospital bed – weeks maybe months after they have been told they are soon going to die. She looked like she had accepted her fate.

A harsh pang erupted in Squid's chest as the leer of his father flicked in front of his eyes and once again the car swerved severely on the clear deserted road. His breaths were quick and pained as he decided to pull the car over onto the side of the road and stop, allowing himself to breath and bury his face in his shaking hands. April sat completely still, nothing but the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed moved.

"Just stop fucking shaking!" he cursed at himself, his fists pounding hard onto his knees, as if punishing himself. Squid's forehead rested on the wheel of the car and his hands twisted into his hair.

"I'm sorry." Squid turned his head to face the young girl next to him, to only see her wide eyes gazing back, sympathy pooling in them. Her voice was so gentle, all her anger seemed to have evaporated and all traces of fear seemed to have gone with it. "I can't say anything else to you, Alan, I didn't know her – I don't know you." Squid sat up straight and slammed his hand violently down onto the leather seat. He could feel his exterior breaking; falling away from his body causing his blood to flush out of him. "People will just give advice, or expect you to start anew, or just go out and pick up where you left off. They're not expecting you to change - but you do, and you just feel so empty inside like no person should ever have to." Squid wanted her to stop talking. He turned sharply towards her and leant forward grabbing her boney arm, cold to the touch.

"It isn't fucking fair, April," Squid seethed, watching her try to turn away, so he gripped her jaw and forced her to look him in the eyes. "Your loathsome brother dies, and everyone cares, people wept for him, people will remember," he began, his voice harsh and cruel "But…but when she died – when my mother was killed - murdered, April. Who cared for her, who wept, who will fucking remember?" His voice was shattering, ringing out throughout the car – his insides were twisting as he was forced to remember. His nails were biting into her skin, but at that moment he wanted her to feel what he was feeling, he wanted her to feel his pain – he wanted someone to understand. He didn't understand what was happening, but he could feel his eyes bleeding with ache, the droplets spilling down his rough cheeks as he forced April to look at him. "I see her April, I see her every fucking day. Always telling me what a pile of shit I am - and it's true. After she died, that's when I killed your brother – I want to be sorry for you, April, I really do, but who was sorry for her. The police did jack shit and there was no justice for her! After I embedded that knife into your brother, watching him double over and bleed to death – I saw my mother April, you may say it was my imagination, but I saw her and all she said was how she never wanted to see my ugly bastard face again. I just don't understand." Squid released April and punched himself hard in the cheek, punishing himself for so much self-pity, for letting everything fall apart, for allowing his emotions to get the better of him.

"You of all people should understand. We have the same questions, Alan, we have the same needs," her voice was still soft, and she allowed the blood droplets fall from her face, not wiping them away – but wearing her pain without shame. Squid snorted and roughly wiped his face, grabbing hold of the steering wheel again, he carried on along the long empty road.

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The car paused as they reached a thick wood of trees, with a road just running past it. However, the car did not follow down the road; Squid began to maneuver carefully into the wood of tall trees until they were lost, deep within the forestry, only trees surrounding them. The car had been squeezed between trees and a few dents and scratches had been gained along the way, but nevertheless Squid decided it was the safest way to stay out of the public eye.

"What do expect to do? Hide forever, they will find us," April questioned. Squid kept silent and began to rummage in the back seat, pushing boxes out of the way to clear a space. The backseat was now clear, and showed a few rips into the leather of the seat and old remains of foods crumbled over the seats.

"That's where you sleep," he told her sternly, readjusting his own seat to slightly lean backwards. April sighed and rubbed her weary eyes; it wasn't until now that he noticed a slight distance in her eyes as she looked at him, her shoulders sagging, her face sullen – she just looked so pathetic, so tired in defeat.

"I can't sleep," she whispered, her voice beginning to sound scratchy. Squid cocked an eyebrow and screwed up his face in confusion. He was going to ask how she couldn't get to sleep, as she looked so tired – but deep down he knew. He knew he wouldn't really manage to get much sleep either; he couldn't stand seeing his mother's face anymore.

"Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want," he replied harshly. Squid turned onto his side, but kept his eyes open, gazing into the inside of the car door, in which he faced. It was only now that Squid could feel the cold sweat trickling down his back, and it sent shivers down his spine. Trying to ignore the cold, Squid closed his sore eyes and tried to think of anything other than his mother – but really he should be thinking about her, he knew he should. It was just so hard to comprehend that she was really gone when she was never really there in the first place. He never really knew his own mother; he would never know if she could roll her tongue, or whether she could whistle. Nobody really knew his mother. It was then that Squid realized how lonely it must have been for her. After he was sent away to camp, she must have been so lonely; lonely enough to try and kill herself, maybe, or maybe even lonely enough for her to spur someone on to kill her. Squid could feel his eye-balls swelling with the heat of un-ushered tears, but he kept them back – he wasn't ready to mourn for her, he wasn't ready to fully let her go yet. She was still with him, before he finally accepted the fact that she is gone – she is still with him. It didn't matter what any fucking letter said, she was still with him. The letter – he had tried to blur that memory away. He ha received the letter concerning his mother's death while he was still in Camp Green Lake, and all he could do, ever so coldly, was to brush it aside – carry on laughing and joking around, for he didn't care – no, he couldn't care about her, it just hurt too damn much.

The self sympathy pooling in his stomach, was making him feel angry at himself for being so selfish. It didn't matter how much it "hurt" or how much he would cry like a pathetic teenager – he couldn't keep pitying himself. He clenched his fists and pulled them into his chest, trying to contain the need to hit himself. Squid sat up and turned to face April, her face so calm and serene, her eyes shut, and body twisted on the chair into the fetal position. She looked so childlike as she laid still, although a slight quiver convulsing through her body and he momentarily wondered whether it was due to the cold or something else. He almost hated himself for the tainted thoughts running through his mind concerning such an innocent girl. But he knew she wasn't a flower of stone – he could see her withering in front of him, her petals dying and wilting, turning so pale – the veins becoming easily seen, they're bluish tinge giving her a slightly glowing effect on his eyes.

"I'm not her." Squid was pulled from his trance as he saw April open her eyes, her voice ringing through his ears. "I can't be your mother." Squid frowned and felt almost angry at her for speaking and moving – it ruined the illusion he was building in his mind.

"I never wanted you to be," he replied sternly. April sat up and turned away from him, looking out the window.

"You forced me into this club, Squid; you want me to be exactly like you. You need someone to be damaged before you can trust their actions to be pure," April said softly. "I told you clearly what I wanted from you. Now you've got to tell me, Squid…" April paused as her voice got stronger, and she turned to face Squid, her eyes set in question. "What do you want from me?" Squid's eyes were locked upon her as she sat, staring awaiting back at him, his hand reached forward and he once again caught hold of her chin, April shuddered away from his touch, but his other hand was then fisted in the back of her hair, pulling her to face him, a slight smile across his lips.

"I'm not sure if you'd want me to tell you." April's eyes shut in fear and disgust as he advanced forward,

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Author's Note – I really hope you understand this chapter, but feel free to ask anything you don't understand and I also hope you caught onto all the little hints in the chapter as to what is to come. Please review, even if it's just to tell me how bad the story is. Thank you!