Me: Alright, here's the deal. One more chapter and then… the end of Roomies. Which sucks, yeah, but that's the way life goes.

Tum: Yeah, you weren't all ' go with the flow' a little bit ago when you were trying to get this chapter from your iPod to the computer.

Me: Yeah? Well six plus hours of technology turning to shit will do that to you. I only have so much Zen, okay? So shut up.

for you lot (points at screen) you better –

(Dad walks in)

Dad: Why are you pointing at the screen?

Me: Emphasis, father. Emphasis.

Dad: (blinks)(leaves)

Me: Anyways, you better enjoy this chapter. A lot of sweat (couldn't find my deodorant this morning,) tears (what? I'm tired,) and blood (okay, not really) went into this.

Tum: Are you still talking?

Me: Not done yet. I have a little story for everyone…

Tum: Oh, wonderful.

Me: I was camping last weekend. After an arduous hike, ascending 2000 feet in an hour is no joke, I stood atop the continental divide. But did I enjoy the wonderful view? Did I look down into the valley I had started in and relish in my accomplishment? No. All I could think was, "God, my nipples are cold."

Tum: o.0

Disclaimer: I tend to share way too much. I tend to write long authors notes about useless nonsense. I do not tend to own Bleach.


Chapter 9 - ... Or So We've Been Told...

T minus 1 day 'til memory loss

"Oh, this is so illegal. I'm going to get arrested," I whined to Renji, shifting several bottles of liquor in my arms.

"Chill out. We're not really underage, we just look young."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure. Never heard that one before." I pushed the cargo onto the counter and motioned for Renji to do the same with his. The cashier raised an eyebrow and glanced at a clock on the wall behind him. "What?" I snapped a little defensive.

He said nothing, but he didn't need to. It was written all over his fat raised eyebrow. It's six thirty, lady. In the morning.

Screw buying alcohol for minors, judging me because I buy it before the sun rises should be illegal. It's just rude.

And hey, they were the ones who were open...

"Heh. That's what she said."

"What?"

Crap. I really needed to stop saying things out loud. I looked at the little price display on the register and watched as any hopes of me being able to afford food were obliterated more and more with each beep.

"You guys better be paying me back," I grumbled, watching the cashier scan bottle after bottle.

There was a strange splat-like sound from the front of the store. All three of us looked to see the source; it was Rangiku. She was squished up against the front window. She began hammering and shouting through the glass.

"Don't forget the sakeeeee~!"

Now this scene, under normal circumstances, would only have been vaguely embarrassing. What made the difference? Her outfit. My precious little Rangiku was wearing her uniform. Her high school uniform.

"Oh, lord."

"What the--"

"Shit, Matsumoto!"

I covered Renji's mouth. "We don't know that person!" I said, much too loud.

Mr. Cashier narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I need to see your ID."

I dug through my pocket sheepishly and handed him the card. He eyed it carefully. "See? Perfectly legit," I told him.

He frowned, and held it back out to me. I stuffed it back into my jeans, wincing at the muffled "sakeee" from the front. Was she drunk?

"That'll be 24,553 yen."

"Waaah? That's so much money!" I cried woefully. "Couldn't you give me a discount or something?" I smiled at the hopefully at the man.

"...No."

"If I show you my boobs?"

"No."

"Not fair!" I was practically crying as I surrendered my sole credit card to him. No way I had that kind of cash on me.

"Fine." I sniffed angrily after her wrestled it from my hands. "But what if I showed you her boobs?" I nodded towards Rangiku, hoping to sway him with her more impressive breasts.

He considered it for a moment. "I'm pretty sure that's illegal," he said, not taking his eyes off her chest.

"Illegal?" I spat.

"Yeah," he returned his attention to my credit card. "Pimping out underage girls is illegal."

-o0o-

"Illegal, my ass," Aiko snorted as she stuffed the plastic card back into her pocket.

"I don't know much about the real world, but I'm pretty sure it is illegal." Renji couldn't keep a grin from sneaking onto his face.

"Whatever. He probably has backne or something. And stop looking so entertained, this isn't funny."

"It's pretty funny." Renji pushed open the liquor store's front door. They were immediately accosted by an excited Matsumoto.

"Did you get the sake?" She bounced between the pair, trying to peer into the brown paper bags each held.

"Yes, Rangiku. I got your fucking sake." Aiko said impatiently. She glanced back into the store at the stating clerk. "Could you please be less obvious?"

The shinigami stepped back. "Sorry!" she said cheerfully and glanced at her soul pager. "Oh! We're gonna be late for school!" She strolled quickly away.

"Wait!" Aiko shoved her bag at Renji and took off after her. Renji followed as quickly as he could without dropping any of the precious cargo.

By the time he caught up to them, they had been joined by the rest of the shinigami, as well as Ichigo, Chad, Orihime, and surprisingly even the Ishida kid. It was a strange group indeed.

"...better pay me back!" Aiko was griping again.

"Don't worry about it!" Matsumoto waved it off. "I'll put it in the budget for this mission!" she chirped, smiling widely.

Hitsugaya looked angry. "You'll do no such thing."

"But, Taichou--!"

"Matsumoto." The captain growled her name in warning and she seemed to deflate.

"Fine." Her bottom lip protruded forward in a pout. "You're so mean, Taichou."

"Look, I don't care whose money it is," Aiko interjected. "As long as I have it before rent's due, 'kay?"

Such subtlety and class.

"Renji, where are you going?" He looked around to see his roommate stopped several feet behind the group. "Home's this way."

"I was going to school..." He knew it was no use before he even finished the sentence.

"No. Nuh uh. Not today, Bakuha. Today you're staying home with me. Besides, you've got the booze."

Matsumoto perked up. "Ooh! Be sure to do lots of naughty things!"

He ignored her. He stared at Aiko for a moment, then gave a defeated sigh. "I don't know if I can handle a whole day of you." But he trudged in her direction none-the-less.

Aiko frowned and Matsumoto spoke up yet again. "Aw. Renji, you hurt her feelings!"

He twitched. "That woman doesn't have feelings."

-o0o-

T minus 23 hours 'til memory loss

"What the hell is that?"

I turned my head to see Renji emerging from the bathroom, crossing the bedroom and coming to a stop next to me in the tiny family room.

"My old DJ machine!" I said proudly. He scanned over the two CD slots, the various buttons, knobs and switches, and finally onto the cheap little fold-up table it was placed on.

"I meant the music."

"Oh. It's Bob Dylan. You like?"

"It's... good?" he practically asked.

I rolled my eyes and punched him in the stomach.

"Ow! The hell was that for?!?" he shouted.

"Grow some balls you moron!" I shouted just as loudly. "Tell me what you really think."

"I think it sounds like a banshee is trying to sing. Happy?" he huffed angrily.

"Hm," I pondered it for a moment. "I'd have to agree with you there." I said thoughtfully. "Great songwriter, awful singer." A tinge of melancholy colored my tone with the last few words. "Ah well. I better find some music you teenie boppers would like." I moved away from the table to inspect a small stack of CDs.

"What are you wearing?"

"Really?" I looked up to meet his eyes, only to find him looking elsewhere. "Really, Renji? This bothers you? I thought we were past the whole 'not-wearing-pants-around-each-other-is-awkward' stage?"

"That's a stage?"

"Most certainly." I gave a small nod, returning to me perusal. "Though I really think it should be done much earlier in a relationship than most."

"You would," he muttered. And then louder, "That's not what I meant though. I was seriously asking what you're wearing. What is that picture on your…" he looked uncomfortable. "crotch?"

"Oh," I said, slightly disappointed. "You don't like Transformers?"

-o0o-

T minus 16 hours 'til memory loss

"Renji! Get your ass up! They'll be here in less than twenty minutes." I poked him for good measure.

"Wha? So?" He looked confused, bless his retarded soul.

"So? So we don't have any decorations up! They're going to wonder what we did all day!" The truth is that Renji had spent the better part of the day snoozing on the couch.

I, on the other hand, had pulled out my box of party decorations. I went through them, trying to figure out which ones we would use. In the end decided on four pink lawn flamingos, a pin-the-cash-on-the-male-stripper poster, a five foot tall inflatable palm tree and a banner that read "Congratulations! Twins!" And of course, streamers.

It was all very cohesive.

"Here," I thrust the palm tree at Renji. "Blow this up." He stared at it for a moment and then complied.

I pushed a step ladder to one side of the room and began taping a red streamer to the ceiling there. It was quiet except for the sound of the slowly inflating palm tree. For the first time in my life, I questioned whether I should say something. This, after all, could very well be one of our last sober moments together before… tomorrow.

I should say something.

I inhaled. Something cute or clever. Something important. Something. Anything.

"Eyes off my ass, Renji."

-o0o-

Renji's heart beat heavy and fast as he trailed his hand down her back, kissing her harder.

Though she gave no sign of dissent, he still felt slightly defensive.

But, really what had she expected to do. Parading around in her underwear was one thing. He could handle that. But then she had said that.

It had been so stupid. So annoying and conceited. So completely Aiko.

He just couldn't help himself.

The brilliantly colored front door suddenly flew open with a loud 'smack.'

"PARTY~!" Matsumoto called gleefully. Then she spotted the pair and an impish grin climbed its way onto her face. "Uh oh!" Renji looked behind her at the various other faces crowded in the doorway. He looked back at Aiko. Her shocked, wide eyed expression was replaced by an equally deviant smile.

Great.

"I told you," Matsumoto shook a berating finger at him. "To do filthy things ibefore/i the party."

"Actually, no." Aiko returned, cheekily. "You didn't give us a time frame."

Ikkaku snickered from his spot in the doorway.

Renji detached himself from her sourly. She started to bounce away, saying, "I'll get the sake!"

"No," He placed a hand on her head. "I'll get it." She looked up at him questioningly. "You," he turned her head so it faced the bedroom. "Go put some pants on." She looked slightly rebellious. "Now," he said forcefully and released her. She skipped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

The group slowly gathered in the living area. Yumichika looked disdainfully around at the lone streamer and the sad, half inflated palm tree. "These are awful decorations."


Me: So, I tried to make the price on the sake as accurate as possible. Did a bit of research, and in the end it came out to about 260 American dollars.

Tum: I believe that is the only thing you've ever written in an author's note that is actually important.

Me: Oh, Tum. Foolish Tum. Everything I say is important. Like this: Aiko buys her skivvies in the little boy's section of Target.