prompt given to me on ao3, actually. this is mostly crack but the ending was sweeter than i was going for. also possibly OOC but also possibly because it's a slightly non-canon world (also, did i mention the crack?). Deviates (a lot) from the original prompt but the promp-giver said it was fine. this was more fun for me to write anyway :D


Tracer was being even more of a pain than usual.

And considering they'd only met once before, when the shorter Brit was trying very hard to not let an Omnic become another piece of trash, that was saying something.

There was no reason she – Widow, Sombra, god even Captain 'back from the dead' Amari – needed to be here! What kind of matchmaking was this, Talon and Overwatch teaming up? Ugh, it was an insult.

Especially because that god dammed monkey was also here.

Really, they should be dead. But, no. Instead, they were all alive and well, walking alongside a slow-moving truck in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Everyone was sitting on it at this point, except for Tracer.

"Ah, go easy on 'em, chica," Sombra purred, obviously noticing Widow's bad attitude. "One mission and we're done."

That was easy for her to say. Widow kept her eyes trained on the young agent, watching her as she bounced around the… whatever it was they were escorting. She didn't know and she didn't care. The only thing she cared about was getting this over and done with. The urge to put a bullet through Tracer's foot was only getting stronger by the moment.

Of course, the girl chose that moment to pause looking at Widow with a tilt to her head.

"Wotcha lookin' at?"

Widow's eyes narrowed. "An annoyance."

Infuriatingly, she didn't seem fazed. In fact, she broke out into a wide grin and resumed her dancing around the payload. Vehicle. Whatever.

"You can't hurt me," she sang, "because I've got a hot date tonight~"

No one showed the slightest interest in her – in fact, Widow was pretty sure that the monkey was asleep – so she pushed on anyway. Even Sombra tuned her out, quite literally turning up one of her augs so even Widow could hear the mariachi music.

"Yeah-huh. Me 'n' Emily are going to this great new restaurant, and-"

She was interrupted when Sombra reappeared from the air, hands still held up. The music stopped abruptly.

"Hold on, Amélie?"

Widow snorted.

"No, Emily. Completely different name."

Winston snorted, waking himself up just enough to say, "What's that, Lena? You and Amélie have a date? I wasn't aware the two of you were involved."

"Emily! EM. IL. Y."

"Amélie is a very pretty name, dear," the captain said. The first words she'd said, actually. "While it may not be usual, you should always fight for what you believe in."

Tracer looked helplessly at the one woman who could put a stop to this. Sighing, Widow stood up, stretching as the payload shifted beneath her feet. Jumping down, she walked over to Tracer and bent low enough to be eye level.

"Ah, ma chérie. You are… embarrassed of me? You would not even tell your dear friends of our… courting?"

Tracer turned a strange shade of puce as she sputtered for a response. "Courting?"

Widow turned away and shrugged. "It sounded better than 'wild animal sex'. No need to be ashamed, ma chérie. I assure you, the handcuffs are well-hidden. Though your doctor may want to check your rope-burn…" she added, almost as an afterthought. Someone gave a snort, and it was probably Sombra.

Tracer made a low sound in her throat before she threw her hands in the air. "Fine, you guys win. And suck. You mostly suck. I'm going home."

"Don't get started without me!" Widow called after her as she stormed away. Tracer flipped her the bird before blinking away.

Hmm. Perhaps teaming up with Overwatch wasn't all bad. Teasing Tracer was probably more fun than killing her was going to be, especially if she got a reaction like that.

The ghost of a smile stayed on her lips all day. It only reappeared in full-force after Lena came home from her date and noticed a single rose sitting on her coffee table, a note tied to it.

"Bonne chance avec ta chérie," it said. Watching through her scope, Widow could see Lena look out the window, almost directly where she was. She could see Lena grip the rose tightly, cradling it to her chest.

She could see the smile that stayed there, all through the long night.