Rain and Tear

He watches the little boy. His heart breaks a little bit. The boy looks just like him. There's something in the child's smile that reminds him of Stephanie. But the boy looks just like him. Shining eyes, straight smooth hair, and flawless skin. And a part of him can't help resenting the beautiful child for this. He sighs and closes his eyes. His chest tightens with regret. He will do anything to bring back his long lost chance. He's too tired of mourning his cold dead dreams. He's lonely. He's grumpy. He's miserable. He hates Stephanie for being happy, contented, and fulfilled. But he knows for a fact that he's still in love with her. Helplessly. Hopelessly. Stupidly. A prisoner of desperate love. Sentenced to life without parole.

He wishes he can stop wanting her. He wishes he can quit needing her. He doesn't want to keep dreaming of her. He doesn't know why he just can't forget her. He wants and hopes and needs to hate her. He has to let go of all those memories. He has to let go of her smiling face. He has to let go of her misty eyes. He has to let go of her dreamy moans. He has to let go of her crystal laughter. He has to let go of what they had together. How he wishes that child is his. How he wishes she is wearing his ring. How he wishes he didn't make all the mistakes. He yelled at her because he loved her and he cared. He just wanted her to be safe. He just wanted her to wake up from her impossible dream. He just wanted her to be reasonable, to know her limits. What was wrong with that?

He opens his eyes and sees her father walk out of the bakery hand in hand with her son. He sees the large pastry box in her mother's arms. He heard the little boy loves doughnuts, chocolate chip cookies, and cupcakes. He heard the little boy likes hamsters, dolphins, and cats. He heard the little boy is a Phillies fan. He heard the little boy is polite, cute, and smart. He heard the little boy can speak Spanish. He watches them drive away. He hates this gloomy weather. He doesn't cry. He doesn't break. he sits behind the wheel and thinks of what he has lost. He gets out of his car, walks across the street, goes into the bakery and buys himself another box of cupcakes.

Rain starts falling from the sky. It is just another ordinary day in Joe Morelli's life.