Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Winter Song

Chapter 8: Thank You

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why

I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window

And I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be grey—

But your picture on my wall

It reminds me that it's not so bad

It's not so bad

And I just want to thank you

For giving me the best day of my life

And oh, just to be with you

Is having the best day of my life

"Thank You" by Dido (No Angel)

Spike was surprised to see them all together on a school day; he'd opened the door wearing a black undershirt and a pair of gray sleep pants, and most of the lights inside the house were off. He eyed them speculatively.

"What're you lot doin' here on a school morning?" he asked.

"We need a place to hang for the day," Willow announced.

"Red is skippin' school on purpose," Spike drawled, a slow smile curving his mouth. "That's a day I've been waitin' for me whole life."

He let them in to the two-bedroom apartment that he, Angel and Dru were sharing. It wasn't an unattractive building; in the center of town, private, out of the way. It was sort of like a triplex – Angel's home was all the way to the left, facing an empty lot, with a home in the center and a home to the right of that. Inside, the lights had been arranged artistically to display the artwork and odd collections Angel had adorning the walls and the shelves.

"Was just makin' some coffee, case any of you want some," Spike tossed out over his shoulder as they all trooped in.

"Where's Angel?" Buffy asked as she sat down on the easy chair. There was a small couch across from that and another chair, all arranged in a sort of triangle. There wasn't a TV because no one who lived there watched it, except for Spike. He was addicted a soap opera called Passions, and he watched it every day on an old, beat to shit black and white ten inch screen in his and Dru's room.

"He's at work," Spike said shortly. Funny, Xander thought to himself, coming out of his daze a little. He'd never thought to ask what Angel's day job was. From the look on Buffy's face, neither had she. "So's Dru."

"Drusilla works?" Willow asked curiously.

"Yeah, got a job as a receptionist for a private investigator," Spike said with a snort. He came in carrying a chipped tray with some old coffee mugs on it.

"What?" Xander asked in disbelief.

"God's honest truth, though it beats the hell out of me how she got the damn thing in the first place," Spike said. He took a sip of coffee and sighed in pleasure before continuing, "One day she just up and decided that she didn't want to be dependant on me n' Angel for the rest of her life and says, 'I'm gettin' me a job.' I says, 'Alright, Dru, here're the want ads,' cuz I figure she's gonna give up the way Dru does after a day or so," he said fondly.

"Anyway, she steps out after she sees somethin' interestin' in the paper, and she's gone for four or five hours. Gettin' a little worried when she comes in with some official form to sign or whatnot and next thing I know she's workin' for some bloke name of Wesley Wyndam-Price, Esquire."

"Get the hell out of here," Buffy commented with a grin, drinking some of her coffee.

"Oh, no; me n' Angel thought it might not be on the up n' up so's we went and checked the bugger out. Clueless chap, can't figure his head from his arse, but he's rich so he's started his little business. Real insistent you say 'esquire' too." He grinned at them all. "You know the hell of it all?"

"What?" Willow asked, grinning despite herself.

"His company's named 'Angel Investigations,'" Spike said gleefully.

"No!" Buffy and Xander said together, and just like that they were all laughing and it was like an enormous weight was being slowly lifted off of Xander's shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah, his tag says 'we help the hopeless,'" Spike said, laughing, "so I says to Angel 'why don't we give him his own card?' and the big man just did his manly sigh and walked out of there fast as he could."

"Jesus, that's funny," Buffy said after a moment of giggles. "This is really strong coffee."

"There's creamer and such in the fridge," Spike said graciously. He waited for Buffy to get up and come back, dumping the milky stuff into all of their drinks before he spoke again. "So, you gonna tell me why you're all sneakin' off from school to come hide out at my place?"

"Well…we sort of had something that we need to help deal with, and I figured that you'd be able to handle it and come up with something," Willow said guardedly.

"M' flattered," Spike said, taking a strong draught of coffee. "What's up?"

"Xander…" Buffy trailed off, then gestured at Xander. It was up to him to decide whether to say it or not, she was telling him. Xander smiled at her warmly that she was giving him this. This piece of him was his, and it was up to him who he should or should not tell. It was so big, so massive, that he could feel it unburdening him that he'd told it to Buffy and Willow. He knew in the warmth in Spike's blue eyes that he was okay here.

"I…told them that I…that I'm gay," Xander said firmly after a moment.

Spike spit out his coffee. He hacked for a few minutes while Xander watched him anxiously, and Buffy reached over and robustly pounded on his back a few times. After a few moments, Spike leaned back in his chair. "Wot?" he gasped.

"Xander's gay," Buffy said helpfully right in his ear.

"Shit, really?" Spike said inquisitively. Xander nodded. He was starting to feel a little nauseas again; having an old friend nearly kill himself with coffee when you say that can have that affect on you. "Are you sure—oh, hell, that's a dumb question."

Xander drew his knees up to his chest again, feeling small.

"I get it," Spike said after a minute. "You haven't got a clue what you're gonna say to mummy and daddy, cuz you're the kid that tells his parents everything."

"One of many problems, yes," Xander said.

"Another big one being that Cordelia Chase knows," Buffy spat angrily.

"Oh god, that bitch?" Spike said in horror. "I remember her! I remember, I was datin' this girl in my year, two years up above this lot, and she and Cordelia ran against each other for some queen contest or something. That bitch made my life a living hell for two months straight, and then the contestant got 'mysteriously ill' the day before the winner was announced and Chase won by default!"

"I remember that," Willow said. "They never said 'mysteriously ill,' they said food poisoning."

"Exactly my point," Spike said grimly. "What'd she say when she found out."

"I convinced her that it'd be healthy for her life expectancy if she kept her big fat mouth shut," Buffy said flatly. "So that means we've probably got one week, maybe two before she 'accidentally' lets it slip to Harmony, and that girl's got a bigger mouth than a reporter for the National Enquirer."

"Did I ever tell you lot I shagged Harmony?" Spike reflected.

"EWWW!" Xander and Willow screeched in unison.

"You popped her cherry?" Buffy asked in disgust.

"Hell, no," Spike said with a grin. "Little missy was no first timer when I took her down. Regretted it immediately after, of course, cuz she suddenly thought that we had a relationship because we both got noshed one night and I took a drunk slag home with me."

"So what do you think we should do?" Xander asked, forcing the conversation back to why they were there in the first place.

"Well, I don't know," Spike said after a moment. "This is really up to you. I mean, this is a huge thing, Xander; this is going to change your whole life. You've gotta figure out what your next step is gonna be." He lit up a cigarette. "Are you okay, pet?" he asked, eyeing Xander with concern. Xander smiled slightly. Spike had always been protective of him like that, like an older brother but better.

"I'm not really fine right now, but I think I'm going to be. Just not too sure how yet, but, you know," Xander said.

"That's good – good to know that it's gonna be tough," Spike said. "As Red – hell, ask me."

That took Xander by surprise. "You're gay?" he asked, surprised.

"No," Spike said. "Just, guy, girl, never really made much of a difference to me. Person's a person, once you get past the skin. You don't fall in love with a pair of tits or a dick – or, if you do, you're a dumbass."

It was one of the more profound statements that Spike had ever made.

"My parents were pretty good about it," Willow said. "I mean, they're just so open-minded about everything, so as long as they knew that I was being safe and not just acting out for attention or something stupid like some girls do, they were really great about it."

"I actually knew this girl back at Hemery," Buffy said reflectively. "Her name was Jesse; she was this cute redhead and she wanted to make her ex-boyfriend get back with her (his name was Dirk and he was so cute but such an ass) so she told everyone that she was bi and good at sex and all that. So one day I finally got fed up with it (she was trying to steal my boyfriend, too) so I just walked up to her in the cafeteria and planted one right on her lips."

"Buffy! You kissed a girl?" Willow asked, amazed.

"I could stand to hear a little more," Spike said lasciviously.

"Oh, get your head out of the gutter. It was gross – I mean, she tasted like this nasty lemon lip balm and she used way to much of it, it wasn't like kissing lips but it was like kissing…I don't know, like kissing a honey bun that just got drizzled."

"Ew," Willow said. Xander fervently agreed.

"What happened?" he asked.

"She flipped out. Ran out of the room screaming about dykes and all, and I went home with Jeffrey that night and she never talked about it or talked to me for the rest of my time at that school," Buffy said with great satisfaction.

"God, if anyone in this town knew that story you'd never be able to show your face again," Spike said once he'd stopped laughing.

"Well, it's not like I'm going to run around singing 'I kissed a girl' at the top of my lungs," Buffy said with a grin.

"But it would be worth it if you did," Xander said with a laugh.

"Maybe for senior prank!" Willow said excitedly.

"That's not a prank," Spike said authoritatively. "No, setting things on fire and then making your teacher take all the blame – that's a prank."

Xander looked around at them as they sat in a circle, this group of friends that he could call family. Buffy was rolling her eyes at Spike and tossing her golden hair back, so full of light and laughter and strength. Spike was eyeing him every once in a while, as if to make sure that Xander was alright, lean and strong and caring but trying to hide it from everyone there. And Willow, his sister, best friends since childhood, her bright red hair pulled back from her face, laughing and relaxed and happy.

He could face anything as long as he had his friends behind him.

There was a lot left unanswered and a lot that was unsure about his future, but for right now he could just enjoy this one morning of coffee, laughter and friendship before he had to return home that night.