A/N: Wow… you guys are seriously the best thing since sliced bread… I mean: wow! I can't believe you rallied like that… I went to my computer this morning… all mopy and already feeling sorry for myself (I get my reviews first thing in the morning, what with most of you being in the US and the time difference and all), and the reviews started pouring in… ahm, I seriously love you!!!!! I mean it!

And since so many of you seem to be having a rotten time at the moment too (Sabriel, honey, I hope you're feeling better), I figured I'll just focus on All Green and Blue and give you lot as many updates as I can manage (I'll put my other stuff on the backburner for the time being… you all deserve my full attention right now.)

And this is how this works, ladies and… ahm? (I don't think there are any gentlemen reading this, are there?): You review, and I write twice as fast.

Disclaimer: I own my OCs, nothing else.

Jim's head was lolling forward in a wobbly semi-circle before his chin came to rest on his chest; he gave a small snort and looked up almost as if startled.

"You're drunk." Shrem informed him.

"O' course I 'm… wouldn' you be?"

"Fair enough."

"Why arn' you drunk?"

"Six foot four, one-hundred-and-twenty-seven kilos, five beers… not gonna happen."

"No' what I meant… You' not upset?"

"I think you're plenty upset for the both of us, sweetie."

"Don' call me that."

"Honey? Treasure? Bunny? Captikens?"

"Shrem!"

Shrem ruined his own joke at this point by bursting into a small fit of giggles, the indignant scowl on Jim's face, coupled with his heavily lidded eyes and slightly swaying form was just too much to handle.

"Calm down, Jim. Gaila just wanted to hear our opinion, she hasn't exactly told you to marry her or anything… even though I'm pretty sure if that ever came about, that would be exactly how she'd do it: she'd just tell you."

There was another scowl, which Shrem took as concerned agreement.

"'Don' know if I can do this." The older man's expression had become genuinely concerned, he gave Shrem one of his lost puppy looks, then downed the last of his beer and waved the empty glass at Bob and then almost smacked Shrem in one antenna when he indicated him with the same glass.

"Watch it, that one's still not at full capacity."

"Sorry…. Phffft… you've got antennae."

Brilliant! Jim had just passed emotional drunk and had gone straight into silly, annoying drunk… just wonderful.

"Yea, yea… and I'm blue…" He sounded intentionally bored.

"That's not funny."

Figures.

"So, you're not sure you can do this… do you want to?"

"I dunno… just one chick… that's kinda weird… don' you think?"

"Well, yea… but we're not talking about me here."

"'S just… I don' know anyone like her… well, I don' know anyone like you, or Eya, or Pavel, or Bones, or…"

"I get it, Jim… but anyways, Gaila's special."

"Yea, man."

"Right… and?"

"Ahhm… just… sometimes when it's just the two of us…" He seemed to get flustered at this, turning halfway on his stool and throwing Bob a reproachful look, as if a full glass of beer in his hand right now would solve his problem. Shrem figured some light teasing was in order:

"You miss my naked ass and think it's not the same without me?"

"No!"

Shrem crossed his arms in front of his chest and chucked at his friend's obvious discomfort.

"Sometimes I think stuff I don' us'ally think, you know… like how pretty she is, or how great… ah, shit, never mind… you don't think those sorts'a things?"

"Are you asking me if I think Gaila is pretty and great, or are you asking me if I have these random tender moments where my brain goes mushy and I turn into a girl?"

"Oh, shuddup Shrem… and look who d' fuck 's talkin'… you prac'lly are a girl."

Shrem just shook his head, the oddly vulnerable and completely pissed off expression on Jim's face making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He'd only used the girl thing because he knew it would rile the other man, but there was something almost cute and adorable about that whole drunk macho I-don't-have-feelings crap.

"I think you have your answer, Jim."

"Well, shit."

Bob placed two full glasses in front of them with a rather audible 'clack' and raised an eyebrow at Jim, who'd once again slumped forward and was now the picture of misery.

"What's wrong with him?" He turned his mildly curious gaze on Shrem.

"Oh, he's screwed…he's in love, and she loves him back… tragedy."

He downed a substantial part of his beer and winked at Bob, who just rolled his eyes and made his way back to the other end of the bar again.

"How come you' not upset?" Jim asked his beer.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I'll miss your tight little body, sweetie, but you're not all that."

"Uhhhh… and 's not so funny now that I know you sleep with guys."

"So, you figured that one out?"

Jim surprised him and just shrugged:

"I know you like girls better… why'd you do it?"

"Why not?"

"Fair 'nough… Waddabout Chris?"

"Interesting mental leap, but you'll have to fill me in on how you got there."

"I mean: 'You sleepin' with Chris?"

"What? Hell no!"

"OK then… no need to get pissed… she's not that bad."

"Not that…? …what?... now hang on a minute here… Chris is great… and pretty… and way too caring for her own good, only she doesn't know it, and…"

"Fas'natin'"

***

The more peculiar parts of their conversation stayed with Shrem all week. He was genuinely happy for Jim and Gaila; the fact that their first tentative steps in the realm of monogamy were freaking hilarious… like watching a couple of still blind kittens wobbling around, looking for milk… certainly helped too.

But two things had struck him: Firstly, the fact that, no, he'd never had a random tender moment with Gaila, or anyone else for that matter, and had never thought too much about that, but suddenly he wondered if this should warrant some attention.

Secondly, the mention of Christine in the context of sex had oddly thrown him for a loop. He'd thought about her in that way… what with the whole antenna fiasco, how could he not have… but always in a rather theoretical capacity. There was something very asexual about Christine… no, actually, that wasn't entirely true… it was the wrong word… there was something sexually fragile about her, and he felt almost guilty thinking about her naked and sweaty… even though….

Yea, he'd just gone and freaked himself out again… in that disturbing, aroused kind of way… great!

And the whole 'breaking up with cheating ass-wipe Robert' thing didn't exactly help his little mental issues… even though it was great, of course; that man should be shot into a sun. But here was the thing: What Christine needed was a friend, not a fuck buddy… and seeing as those were the two things he was good at (apart from engineering, and cooking, and… oh well, a few others), and considering that Christine was the sort of girl where he'd have to pick being one – unlike Gaila, who could handle both at the same time – he had to go with the first one. Still, he was standing there, screwing up the wiring of their model flyer for the third time, which made Eya lightly smack him on the back of the head (she had to jump pretty high to do that… so it meant she was pissed if she was willing to put in all that effort), staring at Christine, who was happily discussing hull coatings with Pavel, and wondering what the hell Jim had to go and put weird thoughts in his head for.

"Andromeda's pussy, what is wrong with you today?... Or in general? You've been spacing out non-stop… I thought you were OK with the whole Gaila Jim 'we now only fuck each other' thing."

"What?... No, I am… I'm a bit preoccupied… Do you think they're onto something… I mean just one…"

"Ahm… Shrem, baby… you do know who you're talking to, right? I'm sort of, for all intents and purposes, married."

"Right… never mind."

As if on cue, the hanger doors opened and Spock stepped through them, a tray of thermal cups balanced on one hand and a rather large box on the other; after setting both down to relock the doors, he made his way towards their table.

"I believe there is a certain fondness for creating 'traditions' in this group; even though I have pointed out on numerous occasions that this is a grave misapplication of the term, I thought it might be appreciated if I hold with one of the actions that I have performed every year since first being involved in the Lennox Challenge."

Aureya practically glowed, her smile so wide Shem thought the top of her face might fall off.

"You brought us coffee and doughnuts?"

"Indeed."

Aureya turned to Shrem, both hands on her hips, a mockingly stern expression on her face, and eve though he didn't have that whole mental bond thing going on with her, he was pretty sure she was telling him:

"And you go and ask stupid questions like that… my man just brought me sweets and you wonder if monogamy is the answer… really."

Weird.

Pavel had made it over to them, Jim, Gaila, Lily, and Chris right behind him, and was stuffing half a doughnut into his mouth before giving a little squawk and announcing around a mouthful of sugary mush:

"Oh, 'fore … forget, Sirr," some mush flew out of his mouth at that "I'f laid a course fo'… challenge." He finally swallowed. "Vould you mind checking it?"

"Is it entirely ethical for a competitor to actually lay the course, Mr Chekov?"

Pavel looked a little sheepish when he answered:

"I did suggest you, Sirr, but Aureya and Shrem insisted that you vould not approve of inconweniencing Commander Grogan by hawing the final stretch of the course run past his office vindow, Sirr."

"We wanted to go through the office originally, but that wasn't really feasible." Eya supplemented helpfully.

Spock gave her a firm look:

"I thought we talked about this, Cadet Newman, the irrational dislike that both you and Cadet P'Grell have for Commander Grogan is unnecessarily complicating what is already a highly dubious endeavour at best."

Uh-oh, he'd just called them 'Cadets', bad sign.

"Actually, Sir, you talked, and I said that your professional integrity was admirable… true, but not a form of agreement. As for Commander Grogan… the man covered the basic components of a warp core in his last lecture, I can practically feel my brain-cells shrinking every time he opens his mouth… not to mention that he insulted Shrem by calling him 'blue mountain'… and that, Sir, is unprofessional."

"If I remember correctly, Commander Gnall used to call him 'big, blue, and frisky', I fail to perceive the difference."

Shrem felt decidedly uncomfortable at this point, glancing over the faces of their small circle of friends battling it out for the last few doughnuts, he noticed Christine giving him an amused smirk and a raised eyebrow. He sort of forgot about Eya and Spock bickering for a bit… sometimes he thought they just started these little arguments to have make-up sex… and thought about how glad he was that Christine's smiles had multiplied by about 100. Smiling back, rolling his eyes, and giving her a small shrug, he turned to Spock:

"My friends may call me whatever they want, Sir… Grogan intended to be hurtful in his comment… I'm sure you perceive the difference in that." He gave Spock a soft smile to take away from the rather direct nature of his words, even though Spock would be the last person to ever be insulted by a statement of facts.

Due to form, the older man gave him a thoughtful nod, then stated:

"I see. Still, do you think it is wise to indulge in personal vengeance during the course of something that should be executed with the memory of precisely the kind of friends you were speaking of in mind?"

"I'm pretty confident that both Commanders Lennox and Gnall are figuratively rotating in their graves due to Commander Grogan's attempts to ruin all their fine work, Sir."

Spock just quirked an eyebrow and looked pensive.

Good enough.

***

The day he'd been dreading for weeks finally arrived. He'd been issued with instructions to care for his injured antenna himself, but had to go for one final examination to verify that everything had healed according to plan. He was now standing opposite Bones in a small room in the med lab, both men with their arms crossed, their stance wide, and eyes squinty as they glared at each other. Eya was fond of old Terran westerns, and Shrem thought that all that was missing was a ball of tumble weed bouncing across the disinfected floor.

"So, how exactly are we going to do this?"

"I don't know, but you're not touching it."

"I don't bloody wanna touch it… damn it, man, I'm a doctor, not your little sex bunny."

They glared some more.

"Oh hey Shrem, I'm off in 15, want to grab some lunch then?"

Both men jumped like skittish deer when Christine poked her head into the room and a horrible sense of foreboding came over Shrem; turning frightened eyes back to Bones, his worst fears were confirmed when he saw the huge evil grin now spreading across his friend's face. Shrem shook his head and mouthed:

"Don't you fucking dare!" but all that seemed to do, was make Bones grin wider. He gave Shrem a small wink, then turned to Christine:

"Excellent! Cadet Chapel, since you were the primary medic in the treatment of Cadet P'Grell's injury, I think it's only fitting that you do the final exam."

"Certainly, my pleasure, Sir."

Bones snorted at that, and Christine gave him a puzzled look and a small: "Sir?"

"Ahm, I'll be outside."

"You don't want to observe, Sir?"

Bones was actually turning purple at this stage:

"That's not really my thing… I mean… I have full confidence in your abilities, Cadet Chapel."

"Thank you, Sir." Christine turned to Shrem with a happy little smile, placed her hands on his arms and led him backward towards the small bed.

"Now, just sit down there for me and relax." She told him soothingly. Shrem was caught between staring at her like a rabbit in headlights, and attempting to send a final death glare at the back of Bone's head as it disappeared through the door, bobbing slightly from silent laughter.

If Shrem had thought that last time was bad, he clearly had another thing coming. The pain and large audience had kept thing within the realm of the bearable, but now…

They were all alone in the room, his antenna was pretty much healed, and all the stupid thoughts he'd had about her as of late were doing the conga line in his brain.

Crap!

To make things worse, she leaned over him, one knee on the bed beside him to get better access, and her uniform clad breasts were right in front of his face.

Hmmm, for a skinny thing like… Oh, shut up, Shrem!

And then things got really bad. He remembered how delicately she'd touched his antenna last time, how her hands had been cool and comforting, but today her fingers were warm, still gentle, but more sure of themselves… completely beyond his control, his eyes rolled back into his head and he moaned quietly.

"I'm so sorry, did that hurt?" She sounded concerned.

"No… just sensitive." He felt like such a fool.

"I'll be careful, I promise."

The new purpose to her actions made her lean a little closer, and now he could feel her breath on his antenna, could smell her clean, soap and water scent while her fingers gave the gentlest of strokes as she simultaneously passed the scanner over his head. He just barely managed to suppress the shudder and low grunt as he slumped forward.

"There, all done." She smiled happily.

Yea, me too.

"Are you alright? You look… um, bluer than usual. And are you sweating?"

It's called 'flushed', buttercup, but you don't need to know that.

"The scan indicates that the injury is fully healed, and you've got complete flexibility back… did I do something wrong?" She sounded a little panicked by now.

"No… it's… ah… fine… just very sensitive, like I said, and… ahm… stressful…?"

"Oh… I didn't realise, I'm sorry… You should have told me to stop." She was blushing now and looking up at him through her lashes.

Don't go there… just don't.

"Don't look like that, it's fine, buttercup." He managed a little smile, figuring his problems were just that: his; he was plenty uncomfortable for the two of them, might as well not make things worse.

She gave him a tentative little smile almost like a reward for his selflessness, and asked:

"So, lunch?"

"Sure, sunshine, just give me a minute… oh, and could you send Bones in here?"

"Will do." She smiled a little more brightly and was off. Bones sauntered into the room a mere minute later, the smug little smirk on his face enough to make Shrem contemplate wringing his neck.

"You asked to see me."

"I hate you… I just wanted to state that for the record."

"I think I can live with that… was that all?"

"No, you self-satisfied bastard, that was not all… I need standard issue underwear… and if you so much as think…"

Too late, Bones was already bent double, his rather substantial barky laugh bouncing off the walls of the tiny room and making Shrem wince.

"I swear, if you weren't about to become a father, I'd… uhhh… also, this has to be in violation of the right to individual dignity… it just has to be…"

***

He was poking at his food, shoving what looked like chicken, but could have just as well been diced slug worm, around his plate. He decided embarrassment was one of his very least favourite emotions.

"Are you alright, you've been a little muted lately?" Christine had two bug-faced expressions: one was shocked, where her mouth scrunched up and her nose wrinkled and her entire face turned pink, and the other one was serious concern, where her eyes just went really wide and extra blue, and the lines in her face softened and her lips parted slightly… the second one was downright unfair under the current circumstances.

"Eya said the same, but I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry, Shrem."

What? How the hell… how would she even know this had anything to do with her… well, sort of… in a round about kind of way… and…

"I knew you'd mind, I told Gaila as much."

"Huh?"

Now he was just plain confused.

"I said it would hurt you… I'm sorry."

There was a faint glimmer of comprehension.

"You mean Jim and Gaila?"

"Yes, of course." She looked a little uncertain all of a sudden, and then a lot, as Shrem began to laugh.

"That's not it, I'm happy for them… they're cure… don't you think they're cute?"

It was her turn to look confused:

"I clearly still have some work ahead of me as far as that whole 'other people's perspectives' thing goes… Gaila said you would be fine… I just… ah, I don't know."

He couldn't help but smile affectionately at her; she'd slumped forward and was resting her elbow on the table and her chin in her hand. She gave a little grunty laugh, which should have been gross, but was really just a little adorable:

"Well look at us, all single and stuff…"

"Well, you seem to be doing well with that." He observed.

"Yea, mostly."

"Hm?"

"It's just… I'm glad to be rid of him… and I'm glad it's his fault… but being cheated on is a bit of a blow… I was so focused on being relieved, it took a while to realise that he's been playing me for a fool for who knows how long… and I'm not exactly the most confident of women… and, well, it's not nice to be… ahm, so undervalued and replaceable… does that sound crazy?"

"Yea, it does… he probably cheated 'cause he knew you were too good for him… you know… pre-emptive strike." She grinned widely at him and he smiled back.

"I know what you need… you need to get laid… no strings attached."

Christine just groaned.

"Now you sound like Gaila."

"Well, the woman can be wise in the way of the cock."

"Uhhh, Shrem, that's disgusting."

"Oh, don't be such a prude."

"Thanks for reminding me… important point: I am a prude."

"Who says that about themselves?"

"Well, obviously I do." She gave him another grin.

"Tell you what… I really need to get laid… never mind about you… so, I'll make you what's called a wing man… we'll find you someone nice and gentle, and gloriously handsome of course, and…"

"Then you'll snap him up for yourself." Christine finished for him. He gave her a mock scowl.

This plan was brilliant. He'd find her someone really sweet and considerate, she'd get over that giant dent the even bigger asshole had left in her ego, and he'd be able to regain some much needed perspective on all that monogamy nonsense… only problem was: how would he ever find anyone good enough for Christine… even just for one night?

"I don't like the sound of that. I thought I told you about the whole thing with me and sex."

"How would you even know about you and sex. Has Robert ever given you any indication that he was particularly talented or gifted as far as his skills were concerned?"

"Just so you know, I'm already squirming on the inside just talking about this, I really don't think…"

"Exactly. You're squirming 'cause we're talking about Robert."

"No, I don't think that's it…"

"Will you have a little faith in me, woman."

"That's not the problem… I just don't have an awful lot of faith in myself… not where sex is concerned… I've gotten a lot better about everything else."

"That's just my point… and aren't you the one who always goes on about a well rounded education?"

"I don't know, Shrem, this seems kind of wrong."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to… but it can't hurt to see what's out there. I think this is one of my more brilliant ideas."

Christine just shrugged and stuffed a forkful of pasta into her mouth.

Cute.

A/N: Yea, he's really dumb for a smart person.

Fewer words in this chapter, but a lot of dialogue, so it's not really short.

Would it be too much to ask for you guys to do a repeat performance on the review miracle from last time (So, OK, 13 isn't a miracle, but it's the most I've ever gotten for this story.)