Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.


One More Try: Chapter Nine


ARIZONA'S POV


Waking to find my wife wrapped around my body, an instant smile settles on my face but my heart feels heavy. The things she told me last night about how she feels…how she doesn't feel like she is good enough. How our children don't love her. God, it broke my heart, it really did. How could she ever even begin to think those things? She is an amazing mom and I thought she knew that. I thought she was confident about it. I mean, she's hidden things extremely well from me and it doesn't feel good. Knowing that I couldn't be what and who she needed doesn't make me feel good at all. I should've recognized it. I should have known she was struggling but I didn't. Was I too caught up in my happiness? Was I too busy concentrating on myself that I totally neglected my wife? I don't like the idea of that being the case but I can't change any of that now. I can't make up for the fact that I totally left her alone and feeling like she was in the dark. I was so happy. Everything felt perfect. Seems it wasn't, though. Seems my head was so far up my ass that I didn't know my wife was slowly slipping into a depression. A depression that ultimately caused us to separate and almost divorce. Fuck, this is hard.

Dipping my head a little, I press a kiss to Eliza's messy dark hair and the scent of her shampoo makes me feel warm inside. Something about this moment feels perfect even though we are totally broken. I know we fell asleep together in each other's arms last night but that doesn't make up for any of this. It doesn't heal the wounds we have both created. It stems the flow for a second, but it doesn't fix things…not at all. I wish it could. I wish it could all just fall back into place but life isn't that simple. Love isn't that simple. We have to work through this. We have to go slow and get our relationship back on track. I want our usual morning routine so much but Eliza can barely even look at herself in the mirror. She can barely even think positive thoughts and we both know that. I didn't think she would ever struggle like this but I was foolish to think that she was invincible. I was foolish to think that she would just be okay and our marriage would be perfect.

After Dillon was born, I felt nothing but complete love and happiness and I guess I just figured Eliza would feel the same. I guess I just assumed everything was okay. Right now, that couldn't be further from the truth. Right now, I feel like a complete failure to my wife. This isn't even about the kiss anymore or how she treated me. It all totally makes sense and I can't help but feel totally useless. I promised to love her and protect her but she felt as though I couldn't be what she needed. I've gone wrong somewhere and I need to make this right. I need to figure out how we can begin to rebuild and to do that…we need time alone. We need to be together and just us. I know our kids come first, but Eliza needs a break. She needs a break and she deserves it, too. Not just because she is struggling, but because I've had the opportunity to leave and go to work and she hasn't. Sure, she's back at work now…but she hasn't had a moment to herself. Not really. When she isn't looking after the kids, she is working. When she isn't working, she is at home. She needs a day to just breathe. She needs a day and an evening that involves a world of attention and love. Attention and love I should have been giving to her. I feel like a stranger in my own home right now, but that's about to change. I'm taking this back. I'm doing what I have to do to make things feel better for her.

"Hey…" Our alarm is about to wake my wife but I want to be the one waking her. Leaning over and stopping it before it blares out around us, she mumbles against my chest. "Eliza…you awake?"

"Y-Yeah." She nods against my skin. "Five more minutes."

"Okay, I'll fix us some coffee." I press a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be back in five." Slipping out of our bed, my wife shifts into my spot and moans at the warmth I've left her with. Smiling as I watch her for a moment, her hair is splayed across my pillow and her arms are wrapped around it. I love watching her sleep but now isn't the time. I have to get to Alex's place and get our girls to daycare. The plan is to do this together but I'm not sure how Eliza is feeling this morning.

Preparing a pot of coffee, I lean back against the counter and my body feels a little more relaxed than it did the last time I was here during the morning. Dillon's toys scattered about and a genuine family feel hitting me square in the chest, my eyes close and tears slip down my face. I haven't felt this positive about being around since the night I messed up at the bar. Maybe Eliza is still mad in some way, but I can live with that. I can live with it because I know she's having a hard time with everything else in life. She didn't need someone kissing me to come into play too. It was unnecessary and it should never have happened. I just hope she really does know that. She says she does, but I don't want her to pretend if it is just to make me feel better. If she honestly believes that I did it intentionally, then I need her to tell me. I need her to tell me exactly how she feels about it.

Grabbing two cups, I turn back to the coffee machine and find my wife watching me from the other side of the room. She looks well rested but her silence is worrying me right now. Back when we were good, she would greet me with her arms around my waist. A kiss below my ear. Even just a general good morning would do right now. "Hey…" I give her a small smile as I try to gauge her mood.

"Hey…" Closing the distance between us, she pulls herself up onto a stool at the opposite side of the counter. "Thanks for staying last night…"

"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else…" I go about my usual morning routine and set a coffee down in front of my wife. "I was hoping maybe I could stay again tonight?"

"I'd love that." She smiles. "We're okay, right?"

"We will be." I give her a nod. "Can we still take the girls together this morning?"

"Of course."

"Did you want to shower first, or?" My fingers tapping against the marble, she drops her gaze and I furrow my brow. "Eliza?"

"Y-Yeah, I guess I could." She nods, her eyes still focused on her lap. "Sorry, I just…I wish I could give you whatever you need."

"You are." I round the counter and approach my wife. "I'm home and I have you…you're giving me exactly what I need. What we need."

"You know exactly what I mean, Arizona." She glances up at me, sadness in her eyes. "We always used to shower together."

"Eliza…" I take her hands in my own and stand between her legs. "This is perfect right now, okay?"

"Except it's not." She scoffs. "You've no idea how much I want to touch you…be with you."

"In time…" My thumb grazes the back of her hand. "We are in no rush for anything."

"You won't wait forever." She shakes her head. "And I wouldn't expect you to."

"If I have to wait forever…I will." I give her a knowing look. "Today is going to be a good day."

"You think?" She wrinkles her nose. "It's barely eight in the morning and it already feels like I'm going to fail."

"Fail what?" I ask.

"Everything." She admits. "When you weren't here, it was easier." Stepping back a little, she tightens her grip on my hands and stops me. "No, not like that. Just…I didn't feel the pressure to be the perfect wife. I didn't feel like I had to try as hard."

"I don't want you to feel that way…" I squeeze her hands and let them go. "M-Maybe I'm doing this too fast, I don't know." Clearing my throat, I head back to my coffee and a silence falls between us. I don't want silence from either of us, but I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to do. "I'll get ready…"

"Arizona…" Eliza sighs. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like I don't want you here."

"It's okay." I give her a smile. "However you want to do this, okay?" Heading for the staircase, I glance back and find her with her head in her hands. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to stay over tonight, but I'd like to share dinner with you and the kids."

"I-I thought we were spending the day together?" Her head snaps up. "Y-You said last night…"

"We can if you want to." I nod. "But it's okay if you want time to yourself." Suddenly I don't feel so confident about all of this. Maybe she does still hold that kiss against me. I don't know why I get that impression, but it's how I'm feeling right now. "I'll see you in a little while." Climbing the stairs, my eyes fill with tears but I need to keep my emotions in check. I need Eliza to not see me upset. It won't help her and it certainly won't help matters.


Helping my daughter out of her car seat, her arms wrap around my neck and she squeezes me tight. Her eyes lit up this morning when Eliza and I both arrived at Alex's place and honestly, it's the first time I felt happy having all four of us together in a long time. My wife has been kinda quiet since our discussion this morning but that's okay. I don't expect full-blown conversations from her right now. She seems to believe that I need the perfect wife and the perfect life but I really don't. So long as she is okay and feeling good about herself, I can live with a little uncertainty. She knows I love her and she knows I believe she is perfect for me. She knows this…but her mind isn't in the right place and it hasn't been for a long time. "Okay, Miss Dillon." Setting my daughter down, she takes my hand and Eliza sees to Nevaeh. Heading inside daycare, I'm feeling kinda proud this morning. The past several weeks have been spent doing this alone and right now it feels good. My kids and my wife beside me…it's hard not to feel good about it.

"Momma?" Dillon tugs my hand. "Home tonight?"

"Yes, baby girl." I crouch down and meet her level. "Momma is going to cook dinner and then it's bath time, okay?"

"You stay…" She gives me a grin. "With me?" Glancing up at my wife, she gives me an adorable smile and I nod.

"Yeah, Momma is staying with you."

"Uncle Alex no more." Furrowing her brow, I know she doesn't understand what has been going on but I'm thankful for that. The less she knows the better. "Stay home?"

"I'm staying home." I press a kiss to her forehead. "Now, you got some stuff to do today…" Running off to her friends, she suddenly turns back and smiles.

"Mommy!" Rushing to Eliza, she wraps her arms around her thigh and hugs her tight. "Love you."

"I love you, too." My heart bursting when my wife's eyes brighten, it's the little moments like this that she needs. Dillon is very vocal when it comes to her emotions and the love she has for us and I know that she can help me to make her mommy better. It's a no-brainer really. "Be good, yeah?"

"Yup." Disappearing again, we set Nevaeh up for the day and Eliza stands back watching. Checking that everything is as it should be, we both head out and back onto the street. Heading for my car, I open the door for Eliza and she gives me a thankful smile.

"So, uh…" I slip inside and furrow my brow. "Am I taking you home?"

"No." She clears her throat. "I'm sorry about this morning, Arizona." She takes my hand in her own and settles them both on my lap. "I want to spend the day with you."

"Are you sure?"

"I am." She nods. "Maybe some breakfast together?"

"I could definitely use some breakfast." I breathe out. "And thank you…"

"For what?" Eliza gives me a look of confusion.

"For trying." Squeezing her hand, she relaxes back in her seat and releases a slight sigh. "You know, I slept better last night than I have in a long time."

"Mm, me too." She turns her head a little. "Felt good."

"Yeah?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I want you home with me, Arizona." She turns in her seat a little as I fire up the engine. "I want us all back together."

"I want that, too." I agree. "I'm just not sure you're confident about the outcome."

"I am." She gives me a sad smile. "I know what I want and it's you, Arizona. You and our kids." Leaning in, she presses her lips to my own and one hand grips the wheel. This is what we need. The unexpected kisses. The honesty. It's all I'll ever need in my life. "I love you and I need you at home with me."

"Okay," I whisper against her lips as my forehead rests on her own.

"I want to be that woman again…" She takes my bottom lip between her teeth and suddenly I'm not sure where I even am anymore. "I want to be the woman you fell in love with." She smiles against my mouth. "The woman who didn't care what people thought…just you. Only your opinion matters."

"You want my opinion right now?" I ask as she pulls back a little, giving me a nod. "You blow my mind." I grip her jaw gently. "The first time I kissed you, you blew my mind…and just now? Yeah, mind…completely blown."

"Feels good to hear you say that…" Her hand grips my thigh.

"Yeah, well if you keep doing that…I'm going to go insane." Deciding to be a little bold, I tease her like I used to do. She loved it and I need her to love it again. We may be parents and our bodies may have been through it, but we're still hot. Hot and so very in love.

"S-Sorry." She attempts to pull her hand back but I grip her wrist.

"No, don't move." I smile. "Feels good and I need to feel it a little longer…"

"You know I want you, right?" She studies my face, her eyes boring into my soul.

"I-I think so, yeah…" I give her a small smile, my voice unsure. "It's not what you need right now, though."

"No?" She furrows her brow. "Maybe it's exactly what I need…" Oh, god. Don't say things you don't mean, Eliza. My eyes closing, I run my tongue across my bottom lip before taking it between my teeth. "What do you think?" She asks.

"I think you should stop teasing me…" My eyes opening, Eliza is fixed on mine and something has changed. Something about how she is feeling has changed. I can see it in her features. "What?"

"How about that breakfast?" She disappears from my space and settles in her seat. "Then we should spend the afternoon at home."

"If that's what you want, okay." I nod, trying to remove all unnecessary thoughts from my mind.

"It is." She clears her throat. "It's really what I want…" Her tone of voice changing, my body shudders. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. How she glances my way. How the green of her eyes deepens. Yeah, I know exactly what she has planned but I won't build myself up. Not yet, anyway.

Just remember that it could come to nothing, Arizona…and that would be okay.


Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.