Why So Angsty?

*Cue emotional music and dramatic narrator voice*

Percy Jackson is a boy filled with pain and sorrow. He was abandoned by his father at birth and left with his mother. His mother was a kind and beautiful Mary-Sue woman, but not really all that much since Rick Riordan is too much of a genius to make a Mary-Sue character. I mean, seriously, Piper McLean may have been beautiful, but she wasn't perfect. Annabeth is pretty, I guess, but a total bitch, complaining all the time. Silena Beauregard was kind of a cry-baby. I hope Aphrodite girls have waterproof makeup or some shit like that, because the amount of times Silena cried…

Where was I?

Oh yeah…angst Percy.

Anyway, Percy's mom, Sally, married this really stinky fat dude because he was rich and shit. But this really stinky fat dude, we'll call him "Smelly Gabe", abused Percy and raped him and touched him sexually and threatened to kill him blah, blah, blah…I couldn't care less about the words I'm saying right now, you know? I mean, I didn't even want to narrate for angst Percy Jackson fic; I wanted to narrate for angst Harry Potter fic, but noooooo. They said my voice wasn't cut out for that. They said I could narrate for an angst Twilight, but isn't that book angsty enough? I mean, I tried reading Twilight and immediately stopped after the first chapter. So I just took the Percy Jackson job.

Where was I?

Oh yeah…Smelly Gabe abusing Percy.

So anyway, Smelly Gabe abused Percy to the point where Percy wanted to commit suicide. But Percy kept hanging on. However, he became very angsty and depressed and crap…*sigh* this is so boring. I don't see how people can just narrate in a movie. I mean, sure, they get paid a lot of bucks, but this job is honestly SO boring! It's not even worth reading this, to tell you the truth. An emo boy filled with sadness falls in love with a girl and she helps him through all the hardships in his life—HOW ORIGINAL *sarcasm*! Besides, the stories about Percy being a demigod are wayyy cooler. Percy being emo and sad…BOR—ING! Percy kicking monster ass and being a total BAMF…AWESOME!

*Sigh*

My boss is yelling at me for insulting the story. My boss is such a douche…

OH SHIT, I THINK HE HEARD ME!

Anyway, the first day at Goode High School finally came, and, of course, Percy was feeling sad about it. He'd never fit in at school. Everyone hated him because he was ADHD and Dyslexic and emo and shit. So Percy was walking down the hallway, and suddenly something caught his eye.

Actually, someone caught his eye.

A girl had walked past him. A beautiful girl. She had long, curly blonde hair and the prettiest gray eyes Percy had ever seen. The very sight of her made him happy.

Okay, HOLD UP!

This boy is abused and sad and doesn't know his one father and nothing, not even a birthday party at Chucky Cheese or something, makes him happy. But when he sees this hot blonde babe, suddenly he feels happy like he just won X-Factor. UNREALISTIC, PEOPLE! Unrealistic!

Percy wished she hadn't walked past him so fast. But alas!

OKAY, WHO THE HELL SAYS "ALAS" ANYMORE! THAT IS SOME FUCKERY!

The girl was heading toward Mrs. Conway's room, and Mrs. Conway was his homeroom teacher. Percy didn't walk toward Mrs. Conway's room…he ran. He ran so fast he knocked down two sophomores, but he didn't care. He'd do anything to get to Mrs. Conway's room.

When he arrived there, Percy burst through the door, spotted the blonde beauty, and hurriedly took a seat next to her.

"Hi," he panted, trying to smile.

The blonde girl stared at him. "Are you all right? I mean, I know it's the first day of school and everything, but you don't have to bolt through the door like that." She laughed a little.

Her laugh was so beautiful and melodic that Percy was full of sunshine.

*Grunt*

Ughhhh…my stomach is hurting…

*Groan*

Ugh! I have to poop!

*7 minutes later*

Whew…I've never been so happy to take a poop in my life.

So, I'm just going to skip over all the boring school stuff and get to the action part of the story.

It was late at night and Annabeth was walking home from her friend Silena's house. Suddenly, two big and tough-looking guys appeared next to her. They started feeling her up and touching her up and crap. She screamed for help, but no one was there to help her.

Suddenly, Percy just burst out of no where!

He beat the two guys up and carried and unconscious Annabeth to his apartment.

So then, Annabeth woke up. She was really surprised but when she saw Percy she said, "I love you!"

And he said, "I love you too!"

They got married, had more kids than Octomom, and lived happily ever after.

The end.

Now…didn't that make you want to gouge your eyes out? Come back later if you're still alive.

AN: That was a nightmare. I think I just killed some more of you guy's braincells. Wow, I haven't updated in a long time! Review please!