A/N - Only one chapter today people! I need more reviews! ;) Yes, I know I'm being very needy :P
Hope you like this one!
Sugar, Spell It Out
Chapter nine
Mondays... Officially not I fan of those either anymore. I'm back on my couch, wallowing once again in self pity and remorse and you know what? It's still not attractive.
I woke up early today, 'cause I gotta head to the movie set and talk to Madison but since I'm not very much in the mood for that I ended up in my couch trying to gather my thoughts and some courage. With my luck I'll probably run in to Spencer which will suck. I'm definitely talking to Jamie too, give her a piece of my mind. That bitch isn't really on my list of people I like right now. No, definitely not. Anyways, I've been on my couch the last two hours and the clock is now 10:13am, which means I really got to go if I'm going to manage to do all the things I have to do today. I have to go to an NA meeting since I'm not going to be able to do that tomorrow because I'll be spending to whole day in the studio with Kings and after my almost relapse yesterday it'll be good for me. Kyla and Eric is having a dinner at their house tonight with relatives and close friends which means Jamie's going to be there. Fun, fun, fun.
I didn't tell Kyla what happened yesterday and she didn't ask. I'm going to tell her though, I just don't now when 'cause I don't wanna bother her with my shit right now when she already got so much on her plate. She's getting married Saturday. Yeah, my little sister is getting married. I'm really happy for her. And for Eric, I think I might going to have the big sister talk with him tonight. Yeah, that one. Where I tell him if he hurts her I'm going to make him into a very crippled person. And then I'm going to bury him alive. Harsh? No, I don't think so.
10:27am, yeah the clock is ticking. Hm? What's with that phrase anyway? The clock is ticking? Actually my clock is pretty quiet. Doesn't make a sound. But it wouldn't make much sense if the phrase were; the clock is quiet. Sounds more like it's dead. Come on, the clock is quiet! No, that does not make sense. Not even a little. But then again, what does? Not my life that is for sure. Man, I'm stalling now. Got to go.
I get up from the couch, gather my things and leave the house.
30minutes later, after an long detour almost changing my mind and turn back home, I'm parking my car at the movie set. As I walk slowly through the area I spot Madison. Here we go! Life is so much fun, loving it.
"Madison, wait up!" I shout after her and she stops and turn my direction.
"Hey, what's up?" I say carefully as I reach her and we begin walking together.
"Not much, just hanging around here today waiting for something to do. After all I'm getting paid to be ready at all times for whatever I'm needed for." She says offering me a small smile that looks sincere. Maybe she's not mad anymore, she doesn't look mad and she is talking to me which is an improvement.
"Sounds pretty good." I say.
"Yeah, it is. So what are you doing here today? Looking for Jamie?"
"No!" I answer a little to fast and she gives me a confused look. "Jamie and I aren't really on speaking terms. Or I'm not speaking to Jamie." She chuckles at me.
"Sooo. What are you doing here?" She asks again and stops walking.
"Well, I was looking for you."
"Okaaay. Not to sound weird, but why?" She asks looking really confused.
This really isn't how I imagined this conversation in my head. I expected her to avoid me, scream at me and maybe even a slap or two. Expect the worst, you know?
"Jamie thinks you're mad at me for... you know... what happened..." I say really slowly hoping this doesn't backfire.
"What are you talking about?" She asks and I think she's smirking now.
Is she really going make me say it? I don't wanna do that. I wanna erase it and never think about it again. I already said it out loud to many times and I really don't enjoy it.
"Uh.. for eh... you know?" Please know, pretty please know.
"Relax, Ashley. I'm just playing with you chica. I know what you're talking about and I was never mad."
What, she wasn't? Why did she act so weird then.
"You weren't?"
"Maybe a little disappointed at first when you didn't remember, but then I overheard Spence and Jamie talking saying you didn't remember much from that time because of the drugs. So, now I understand why and I've left it behind me and you should too. It's in the past now."
She sounds sincere but something feels weird.
"But why didn't you come to the party Saturday? And Jamie says you've been mad at her?"
"I couldn't make it to the party, I had a dinner with my husbands parents which I couldn't get away from. And well Jamie, she totally crushed some of my work which I took to the heart. But I'm over that now too, so we're all good. Anymore questions Miss Davies?" She asks with a smirk.
"No, I'm good now." I say with a smile. Damn Mondays are getting a little better.
"Lovely and I promise I'll come to the next party. Was totally bummed out that I missed this one. A party at the legendary Ashley Davies's house shouldn't be missed." She says with a laugh.
"It actually was pretty uneventful, almost boring." I say chuckling. "I gotta throw another party in the near future to prevent my reputation from a total destruction."
"Yeah, you totally should and you should definitely invite me. I'll help you put yourself back on the map."
"No doubt about that." I say. "You know what, Duarte? I think you and I could be friends."
"Agreed, Davies. But I gotta run now, so we'll have to work on our friend thing some other time. Jamie has probably gone nuts by now." She says chuckling.
"Yeah, definitely sounds like Jamie." I say with a small smile. "Do you know where I can find Spencer, by the way?"
"Yeah, she's probably in the actresses' trailer. I can show you, it's on my way anyway." She says and starts to walk.
"Thanks." What am I doing? Why am I on way to see Spencer? This not going to be pretty. But I feel like I have to say something about yesterday and the fact that she called Kyla to come and find me. Kyla knew where to find me, which means Spencer probably saw me going in at that bar, which means she followed me, which means she probably saved me from destruction. Why would she care? After the way I treated her, she shouldn't be caring.
"We're here." Madison says motioning towards the trailer door and then turning to open it.
"Hello guys. Someone's here to see you Spence." Madison says looking inside and then giving me a smile and walks away. Wonder who's in there more than Spencer. I take a deep breath before stepping inside and seeing Spencer and the guy, with the name that starts with an A sitting around a table in the back of the trailer.
"Hi." I say with a sad smile looking at her.
"Aaron, will you leave us alone for a sec?" She says turning her head to him. Well, now I know his name and I was right. Started with two A:s even.
"Of course." He says and leaves us to our silence just staring at each other. Saying something would probably be a good idea now Ashley. Come on brain, form sentences please.
"So, what do I owe the pleasure of the screw up Ashley's presence? I mean, weren't you suppose to stay the fuck away?" She says with a harsh tone.
Ouch, that hurt. Get the anger though, I deserve it. Angry Spencer is still very hot, too bad the anger is directed at me now.
"I just wanna thank you for calling Kyla yesterday. So, thanks for caring even though I was a royal bitch to you and didn't deserve it." I say sincerely and when I get no response I continue "I'm gonna go find Jamie now, so guess I'll see you around." I say turning to leave.
"Wait." She mumbles and I turn around facing her again and wait for her to continue.
"You are okay, right? I mean... you didn't, you know? Yesterday." She says quietly. Why does she care? If I were in her shoes I probably wouldn't give a damn.
"Yeah... I'm fine. Your phone call probably saved me. If Kyla hadn't arrived I don't know where I would've been today." I say with a sigh running my hand through my hair. "So, thanks again." I say once again turning around to leave but only to be stopped when I reach the door and have my hand on the handle to open it.
"Ashley?" She says with a shaky voice.
"Yeah?" I say without turning around.
"Take care, okay?" She says sadly sounding like this is goodbye and it kind of is. We won't see each other for other things than work and barely even that since I'll work from home. Even though I know it's for the best, it breaks my heart a little.
I just nod in acknowledgement before opening the door and leaving her for the second time in two days.
It doesn't take long for me to find Jamie, she's standing by a table staring down at some papers. I walk up to her.
"What the fuck is your problem?" I ask trying to contain my anger. This is not the time and place for a total Ashley outburst.
"Save it Ashley! I really don't have time for this shit now and I already got the lecture from Spencer and I'm pretty sure she covered everything."
Cue total Ashley outburst.
"Yeah? You think? Well, I don't think she did. And I don't care if you don't have time for this now. In fact I don't give a fuck about you and your needs right now. We are doing this now because the next time we meet will be at Kyla's and I refuse to do this there in front of her family. Do you have any idea what I went through last night? How the fuck could you lie to me about something like this? I mean, you could've just ask me to stay away nicely but no, why do it the right way? You fucking crossed the one line we promised each other we would never cross when we left rehab. Never keep secrets! That's what we promised each other before we walked out those doors and you just majorly screwed that up, you know that? And for the sake of what? Your fucking movie. That promise has saved me so many times through the years, knowing that I couldn't do something without having to tell you in shame about it afterwards. You failed me Jamie and you did it the worst way possible." I finish my rant taking a deep breath.
"What's the big deal Ashley? She's just a girl." Jamie says with tears in her eyes.
"The big deal is that I can't trust you anymore which means I can't be your friend." I say with a sigh.
"Ashley, you don't mean that? I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have lied to you. I'm so, so sorry!" She says desperately.
"No. Drop it Jamie. From now on, don't talk to me unless I tell you to. And, Spencer, she's definitely not just a girl. She makes me feel something I've never felt before. But since you went through so much trouble keeping me away from her, I'm going to do that. I may be a screw up but unlike you, I don't screw over the people I love." I say calmly before walking away.
Ugh, this day has not been one of the greatest and now I'm on my way to Kyla to play happy family. Yay! Just what my day needs. I can't wait to get home so I can sleep away all this, pretend it never happened and dream of a better world. I pray to God the night will be uneventful. I can't handle more drama.
As I park my car outside Kyla's house I notice Jamie's car is already there. Too bad, hoped she would stay home. I don't bother knocking and make my way through the house knowing that they all are probably out back.
"Kyla, I don't know how to fix this." I voice, that is Jamie's, from the kitchen speaks up sounding pretty broken. I quietly steps closer to eavesdrop. This ought to be interesting.
"Well, you better come up with something 'cause you're her safety net and without that I don't know how long she'll make it. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister to death and she is one of the strongest persons I know, but you've been the only consistent thing in her life since rehab, except for me. But we are sisters and that is not nearly the same as your relationship with her. You understand her on a level that I never will be able to." Kyla says before continuing "What the fuck did you do anyway? Neither of you are speaking to me. I know something pretty big must have happened yesterday but I don't get it."
"I lied to her, which is unforgiveable, since our whole relationship is built on one promise and that was to never keep secrets. I broke it and I hate myself for it." Yeah, you should...
"What did you lie about?"
"Spencer. I made Ash believe she was straight in order to keep her away from her."
"That is absurd Jamie, and really stupid. Didn't you think for a second that hell would break loose if, no when the truth came out, which it obviously did."
"I wasn't thinking."
"Again obviously. Besides can't you see the attraction between them, it's almost ridiculous." Kyla says laughing. "They kept stealing glances at each other all night Saturday, though I don't think either of them saw the other one do it." I can't help but smile at this and wonder how Kyla saw it but not me.
"Don't you want her to be happy Jamie?"
"Of course I do! What kind of question is that?"
I take this as my cue to enter, I walk quietly back to the door opening it only to throw it closed.
"Hellooo! Anybody home?"
"In the kitchen." Kyla calls back.
"Hey Sis." I say hugging her, ignoring Jamie's presence.
"Hey, want a beer?" She says.
"No, thanks. No alcohol for me today." I don't dare to drink anything today, I know I'll just want more and more until something bad happens.
"Well, I'll leave you two to talk." Kyla says and starts to walk away.
"Not necessary, I've got nothing to say to her." I say walking past Kyla and out to the backyard.
The night when by pretty fast, and the clock is now 11:57pm as I leave the bathroom to go downstairs and say goodbye to the ones that are still here. Got a early start tomorrow so I better get home to my lovely bed. As I walk down the stairs I see Jamie standing at the bottom waiting for me. Damn, couldn't she just left me alone? I need to process all this shit. She sounded really sincere and very sorry when she and Kyla talked but that's a conversation I'm not to suppose to have heard. I'm definitely not going to forgive that easy, she is going to have to work for it, hard. I walk past where she's standing without a word. I'm going with the silent treatment for now.
"Come on Ash. I'm sorry, okay?"
I don't answer her, just take my car keys and my jacket.
"Please talk to me Ashley?" She says desperatly. Do not give in, do not give in.
"I told you before, I've got nothing to say to you." I say and leave her standing there.
Damn, what happened with silent treatment? Well, at least it was just a rerun of what I said in the kitchen.
