I've Got Life
If this was a joke, then it was a very distasteful one. Karma was not good to her, probably because she spent a little too much time fantasizing about him. Really, of all the parties that took place all over town, what were the odds of them even being at one, let alone running across each other?
All these thoughts ran through Sora's head as she stuttered a greeting at her handsome employer. As always, Leon looked positively stunning, even though his attire was absolutely simple. She suddenly felt unreasonably awkward, and even though Layla had assured her she looked great, now she wasn't so certain. Oh, God, why was she suddenly so hot?!
Leon's eyebrows shot up. Now why was she looking so uneasy? "Are you here to take a look at the paintings?" he asked, hoping to lighten up the mood
"The paintings?" Sora blinked "Did you have paintings on display here?"
"Yes." He answered curtly "Two, in fact. Would you like to see?"
He had to make a concentrated effort not to smile at the eager expression on her face, and in a burst of courage turned and offered her his arm to lean on. Sora blushed, and she looked confused for a moment, and then shyly wrapped one of her arms around his elbow.
Instead of feeling better, Sora felt as if she was going to start hyperventilating anytime now. Everyone seemed to be staring at her. Several times, she slacked her pace, fully intending to break a run for it and hide in the restrooms, but Leon was having none of that. Whenever she seemed to become confused or scared, he tightened his arm around her and led her a little more forcefully. She didn't know whether to thank him or be mad, and then they stopped at a row of paintings and her mouth immediately went dry.
"Leon-san…"
"Yes?" he blinked when she let go of him and moved to stand right between the two that were his
"Are those yours?" she whispered, absolutely floored.
"Yes." Leon nodded, standing next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. "How did you know?" he asked, genuinely curious. Sora flushed.
"Oh, that…." She looked at her feet "Well, I went to a gallery once and I saw one of your paintings…I guess I remembered the style."
"You did, did you…." He hummed, strangely pleased. Sora focused her attention on the paintings. His name wasn't there, but there were titles.
Band Aid….A boy and a girl in the middle of a crowded square. She was sitting on the edge of a large water fountain, he was kneeling in front of her and kissing her bruised knees. Both looked startlingly young, yet terribly mature. Their clothes were demure, no different than the people in the background, but they stood out, strangely, inhumanly beautiful. Sora couldn't put her finger on it, not quite.
Past Time…A girl sitting on the swings with a book in her lap…now this she could recognize, Sora thought. She'd caught glimpses of herself while she worked in a mirror, and she recognized the posture-the hunched shoulders, the crossed ankles…But there was also something she hadn't noticed before-the wrinkled nose, the focused look in her eyes, the way her head was bowed, the slightly parted lips….She couldn't tell what she looked like when she read, but suddenly she understood why Leon needed to sketch her face so much. Everything was in a great close up, and in such a vivid detail that she couldn't imagine how he could've gotten it done in one go.
Both girls looked like her, in a way, although the hair color was a little off. Still, she was surprised at the extent Leon had studied her features and had managed to age her so well. She didn't look more than…ten or twelve in the first picture, and not a day older than sixteen at the second. It was incredible. The pictures were fresh, exciting, delicate…and very much Leon. There was a hinted sensuality in both of them, but…nothing perverse or wrong. She felt so relaxed….
Looking at him, she also noticed the expression on his face. He never looked so wistful.
"Leon-san…" he looked down at her immediately "These are beautiful."
"Yes, well…" he huffed "I must admit that I did rather well. The event organizers gave me hell because I didn't want to put them up for sale…"
"But you have to. Isn't this the purpose?" Sora blinked
"As embarrassing as this is, I must admit that I loathed the idea of parting with them. In the end, we reached a compromise." He mumbled as he led her to look at the other pictures. Strangely enough, the people staring didn't frighten her as much as they did before.
"You got to keep one?" she asked, throwing a quick glance at a rather banal landscape
"Yes."
"Which one?" curiosity was getting the better of her, and she blushed when he looked down on her again
"Band Aid." Leon replied immediately.
"Oh…." Well, that was curious. She would've thought that if he didn't want some stranger ogling her, he would have chosen to keep Past Time….On the first picture, she was hardly recognizable, and it was overall much more innocent and childish that the second one…
Get a grip, Sora, she chastised herself, don't you get it. He uses this as just another example to show you that he doesn't see you as a sexual object. More like…a kid sister. A girl he could speak his heart to without any emotional problems. The fact that you have hardly had a heart to heart with him is not a point. He doesn't think of you as a woman.
Her eyes stung with angry tears and she pushed them back rapidly, along with the vengeful thoughts. Wasn't this what she wanted? Wasn't this for the best? She was dramatizing over the fact that May would hate her if she found out that Sora was with Leon, yet she didn't welcome his assurance that nothing inappropriate would happen between them? Where did this get off? She couldn't have it both ways-she could either keep strictly professional (or friendly, depending on the semantics), or she could try and get into his pants.
The latter option was going to result in the complete obliteration of her friendship with May…and probably the ones with Mia and Anna, because they wouldn't forgive her for not telling them. Hell, even Layla would disapprove of her double standards. Not to mention the strain it would put on whatever relationship she could have with Leon if this happened.
Everything pointed towards one answer…then why was her heart pointing towards the other?
Sora wasn't silly. She knew that essentially, she wasn't afraid of the emotional train wreck that a relationship would cause, but of the fact that she could end up alone.
"Sora…" his voice floated towards her and she looked up to his serious face "Are you alright?"
"Yeah….just a little…dizzy…" She mumbled weakly, as she straightened up. Without blinking, Leon quickly led her through the crowd and suddenly….they were alone.
Sora blinked, surprised at the sudden darkness. She could still hear the people talking outside, but they were no longer in the ballroom, but in a sort of a corridor. Stakes of light shone marred the gloom, but she was suddenly feeling much better. Curious, she looked at one of the stakes and realized they were cracks in the wall, showing the room from inside.
"Leon-san, what is this?" she asked, baffled "Was this an original part of the building?"
"No. It was an idea. We put up cardboard walls around the room with cracks in it, creating a sort of a secret room. We hung the paintings on the cardboard walls, and when the party is done, we'll take them down again. The idea is to re-create the feeling of ancient times, when the noble houses and castles were littered with secret passages and peepholes." Leon explained, his voice dropping to a secretive whisper. Sora suddenly flushed, remembering the last time he spoke to her in such a tone. The situation was eerily familiar to the one in the library-the air was heavy in the confines of the darkness, and her skin tingled with their proximity. The way she was looking at the ballroom was almost like her looking at the exuberant couple too-sure, they were merely socializing, not doing anything inappropriate at all, but somehow, her observing them without giving them a chance to glare at her in return made her feel like a voyeur.
"Is this a part of the display then?" she whispered, her throat dry
"Yes, but we didn't tell them that." Leon replied "It's the charm of things…chancing upon this, or have it shown especially to you."
A new blush reached her cheeks and pulled away from the crack, panting slightly. For some reason, the image was more erotic to him than anything a woman had presented him with in his life, and he fought the urge to reach out and touch her. She was troubled, obviously, and his advances wouldn't be welcome.
"Can I sit here?" she looked at the bench and without waiting for an answer collapsed on it. "It's those damned shoes…" she explained, reaching down to shimmy out of them and stretch her sore feet a little "I can't get used to heels."
Nodding, Leon made to join her on the bench just as she was bending down to inspect the damage on her toes. He froze in mid-pace as he took in the picture in front of him. Her hair was escaping the bun it was pulled in, her skirt was spilling in each direction, and one of her legs was crossed over the other so that she could see better…It reminded him of a Degas painting, but there was something else to it as well. The lines of her body were smooth and perfect without any adjusting, beautifully flowing from one into the other. His gaze traveled down the neck, passed the shoulders, the pine, and swooped over the arches of her arms and legs right to the small toes and fingers.
It was such a beautiful model, he thought, finally gathering his wits enough to sit down next to her and look at her better. Sora finally straightened up and met his gaze, flushing once more.
"This is…" she began, gesturing unsurely around herself "Really something, Leon-san. I never expected to see something that amazing."
"You enjoy yourself, then?" god, he hoped she did.
"Yes. And the paintings…." She sighed "I can't even begin to describe them. It's…like opening your eyes after being in a dusky room for too long. Everything, the color, the shapes, it invades your senses and…I feel almost disorientated. It's absolutely breathtaking." Finally, Sora gathered the guts to look at him "Is it like this with all of your models?"
"Not always." He replied evenly "Most of the times it's a torture. When I draw you, though, it almost comes naturally."
"Do I…remind you of someone?" Sora asked, genuinely curious this time
"You could say that. The painting I kept for myself…it's a childhood memory of my sister and myself…but I used you as a model." He finished softly.
"I remind you of your sister?" she blinked
"Yes. You have…a lot in common. You're both very innocent, but very perceptive. Shy, but bold. Willing to go at great lengths to do what's right. There are a lot of similarities…" he paused "And differences."
His words were almost indistinguishable at the end, and she wondered for a while if perhaps she was pushing him too far. She'd never known he had a sister…Now that she thought about it, she'd never heard anything about his family before. As eloquent as May had been in her descriptions of parties and other social outings she'd accompanied him on, she had never mentioned a word about his parents or his sister. What was more, Leon had never mentioned them to her. It made her wonder what had happened, and, after a little hesitation, she decided to try her luck a little more.
"Where is she now?" Sora asked
"She died." Leon replied curtly, looking out the crack in the wall as if it was a window to another world.
"I'm so sorry…" she hurried "I shouldn't have…"
"If I did not want you to know, I would not have mentioned Sophie in the first place." He replied "I'm not clueless, Sora, I know that sometimes, statements provoke questions. If you don't want a certain question, you don't provoke it."
"You would know, wouldn't you?" as soon as the words left her mouth, she felt stupid. God, he'd just been talking about being careful what you provoke! Ack!
"No, I wouldn't." He looked at her, curious "Why would you say that?"
"Ugh…Because you've dated most women?" she suggested, wishing the ground would open and swallow her whole. Leon seemed to think about it for a while, and then shrugged casually.
"I'm not so sure. My…former relationships weren't so much about personal comfort as to…other things."
"Such as?" Sora's face was blazing red, but somehow, she forced herself to sit this through. Her plan was crazy and genius at the same time. He wasn't going to get her this time. She would make him talk about himself, be brutally honest and clear. He had no problem with that around her. And when he did, she would see the true face of Leon Oswald, the one she had witnessed all the time before the fallout, the one she knew that was his true face, the one she could hate. Once she demystified him, getting rid of the stupid longing would be a piece of cake.
Leon didn't fail her expectations. Giving her a long look, he let a smile tug on his lips and he explained in a low, raspy voice "Such as gratification…physical release. Love is a very selfish emotion, Sora, in spite of what you've heard. Although giving is fine, receiving is even better…." He paused "Or so I thought."
"Oh?" very intelligent, Sora, her inner voice rolled its eyes "You didn't use them then?"
He got up so quickly she got afraid he would walk out on her. Instead, he motioned her to follow him through the corridor, almost to the door. Once there, he got their coats and instructed her to wait for him a little. Confused, and utterly humiliated, Sora wrapped her coat around herself and wondered briefly if it wasn't better for her to make a run for it now. Although, he really didn't seem mad.
Suddenly, a black Mercedes pulled over in front of the building and Leon opened the passenger door for her. She got in quickly, and seconds later they were speeding through the streets.
"I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to take this conversation somewhere else. I really am not in the habit to discuss my personal business at a public function."
She opened her mouth, and then closed it promptly. Was there really a way to argue with the guy? "I didn't mean to insult you. Really. I know we're not on the best of terms, but…"
Leon pulled up in front of some curb and turned around in his seat to look at her "Alright, I've had enough. I've been drawing you for what, three, four months? All this time I've been feeling there is some animosity-don't talk back, please-and you're either tense or angry around me. Obviously there are some issues that we'll need to discuss, but let me get one thing straight-is it because May or because of me that you're so angry around me?"
"Wha…I'm not angry!" she nearly shouted "Leon-san, you…I…I'm confused…" she finally mumbled
"Why?" he asked her, sternly
"Because…because you're never consistent. Nothing is consistent. May is fine, most of the time, but sometimes she breaks down and I don't know what to do. I feel guilty, and your constant reassurances aren't making things better. Furthermore, how exactly should I act, when you obviously used my friend and then made something that not only caused her to break up with you, but also to traumatize her in such a way she still doesn't want to talk about it? What am I supposed to think?" she asked, completely frustrated. Leon regarded her for a while, mouth opening and closing silently, his eyes wide with disbelief and…something she couldn't quite pinpoint. And then he did the strangest thing in the world.
He laughed. Not a devilish chuckle, or a dry ha-ha. He threw his head back and gave a full-blown, deep laugh that completely took her aback.
"So May still hasn't told you?" he cracked up again, trying desperately to calm down. Oh, sweet God, this was too much "I never would have pegged her for such a persistent liar."
"Leon-san, this is getting a little too confusing." She glared at him "If May doesn't want to tell us, isn't it obvious that you hurt her?"
"Oh, I hurt her alright. I hurt her pride." He finally straightened up and looked at her, amusement twinkling in his eyes "Sora, do you know the reason why my relationships usually don't last long?"
"Because you're proud and you don't understand their needs?" She ventured. Leon flinched, just barely, at that comment, but recovered quickly
"Will you believe me if I tell you most of them end it? You see…" he started the car again, visibly more relaxed now "When I enter a relationship, I confess, I do it mostly for my own benefit, but I always make that clear to a woman. To May as well, I made sure she knew where she stood before we…stepped up a notch. It's her own fault if she wants something more…if she imagines something more. Do you understand?"
Imagine something more? Did he mean that he was letting women think whatever they wanted to think as long as they didn't act on it? Wow. Just wow! And here she was thinking he didn't encourage heartbreak. Although, now that she thought about it, it did make sense that May never let him speak to them. They would've seen he was nothing like the man she described him to be. Still…
"So May went ahead of herself, thought about some stuff, you disagreed and you broke up?" she asked, looking for clarification
"Almost." He nodded, before they reached their street "Is anyone…"
"No. Mia, Anna and May are all out of town. I think Layla-san is with her boyfriend." Leon nodded and pulled over in front of their house. "So…" Sora pressed "What exactly did you do to burst her bubble?"
Amazing…that woman made it look like something bad. Knowing that this would come sooner or later, Leon just shrugged.
"I asked her to marry me."
A/N-*whines* Sorry guys. This chapter took forever and I have to tell you, I've been feeling as if I'm on an emotional rollercoaster as I wrote it. I'm not totally content with it, it's an infodump and overall not what I wanted. It's the curse of a Leon in a tuxedo! Eeek!
So, in honor of his apparent curse, I won't chance anything. I'll rely on your good grace to leave me a review, although I can't promise a treat or a quick update (end of terms. I suck at math. I have huge history exams. Enough said). Instead, allow me to offer a little question to you.
Have you ever liked a guy you (literally) know nothing about? There is this boy in my class who is very nice, but also very, very shy. And who, in spite of all my attempts at conversation, doesn't seem to think it necessary to talk back at me. Honestly, I don't know whether to like him or be annoyed. I don't know if I like him or not because I know nothing about his tastes, or his character, and he damn well doesn't want to tell me anything. *whines again* An emotional rollercoaster indeed.
Finally, a song suggestion. The chapter bears the title of a song by E-Type of Sora, titled "Sora's got life" and can be found on youtube. Also, I'd like to recommend a vid titled simply "Leon Oswald" with the song 'Only if I' by Kate Ryan (it has Leon hanging upside down on the picture, I dunno why). Those songs energize me and remind me why I love Kaleido star (the first one especially), and I hope you guys like them too.
What else? I hope you had a great time on the 1st!
