BPOV
"Hello?" a weary voice drifted through the earpiece of my phone. It was, in itself, contradictory. Smooth and rough, weary and cheerful, playful and serious.
"Hello?" Jake asked again, confused and more alert now. I heard sheets rustle in the background.
I quickly shook my head and replied. "Um, hi," I said, a bit awkwardly.
Yes, Bella, because hi explains who you are and how the hell you got his number.
"Who is this?" Jacob asked warily.
"Um, my name's Bella Swan...you, erm, you dropped your number by me earlier and-"
"Oh!" Jacob said, and I could hear his understanding. "Oh, okay. Yeah, hey!"
"Hi. Um, did I wake you up?" I asked, the question popping into my mind.
"No no, I was just, erm... watching the news?" It came out like a question.
I instantly felt guilty. Could I not reign in my desperateness for just twenty four hours?
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"No, it's cool. So, hey, I'm just gonna bring this straight up, but, uh, do you, uh, wanna, y'know, catch a movie tomorrow night?" he cleared his throat as I sat there in shock.
Do you wanna catch a movie tomorrow night?
Hell yeah I do!
"Yeah! Sure!" I said excitedly. After my mind caught up with my mouth, I blushed. Thankfully he couldn't see.
"Awesome! So, um, I'll... pick you up at eight then. Is that cool?" Thankfully, he sounded excited too. It boosted my ego, however insignificantly.
"Yeah. I'm at Oxford, too, 'FYI,'" I teased him.
Jake laughed; it was a throaty sound. "Cool. Which hall?"
"103."
"Aw, you're so lucky. You're near practically every class. I'm in 405, the only class I'm even slightly near is physiology."
"You're training to be a doctor?"
"Close. Psychiatrist. I've always been interested in the workings of the human mind."
I smiled. "That's awesome. Here I am, thinking the age old art of writing is anywhere remotely complex."
"Hey, now, writing's not easy! In fact, the other day I forgot how to spell psychology. My very own subject. So chill. I bet you could spell... I dunno. But a ton of stuff, am I right?"
I blushed. I had never been comfortable showing off. "Um, yeah," I muttered.
Jake laughed again. "No need to be embarrassed. If you know it -- oh damn. I, uh, I gotta go. I'll see ya tomorrow at eight." Without another word, he hung up.
Well.
That was odd. I wonder why he had to go.
I shook my head, trying to dispel my petty thoughts. It was nearly midnight, I was tired, so he must be, too.
A strange sensation, a nagging guilty voice babbled on and on in the back of my head, but its words were unintelligible, its sentences incoherent. I ignored it and trudged to my suitcase. After yanking on my pajamas, I headed down to the lounge, where I would once again be sleeping on the couch.
I could've sworn I heard a noise coming from above, but I shook it off. It was probably just the wind.
I slept on the couch again, feeling my muscles curve into the soft leather once more.
EPOV
Damn. She'd called him.
I heard her tap her foot and I could practically feel her nervousness. I'd been sitting on my bed for a few hours now, staring at the blackness of my room, seeing the empty shadows of the branches fly across my wall with the wind. Everything seeming to laugh at me, seeming to say, "Your fault! Your fault! You screwed up, Edward!"
And I just took it. I sat there and listened to the shadows.
Because I knew they were right.
"Yeah! Sure!" I heard her say. Due to the walls, the sound was faint, but I knew the emotion was there.
In an act of puerile frustration, I nearly mimicked her reaction. The only thing that stopped me was that I knew I'd regret it later.
God, I couldn't get tonight out of my head, and it was slowly eating me alive. Every time I tried to think of something else, I instantly connected it to Bella or to my frustration. I'd connected shoes to the furious clicks I'd heard after she'd swept past me. I'd connected a snowflake to the way her tears had hung to her thick lashes like snowflakes. I'd connected optical illusions to the pattern on her skirt!
That's it. I was officially insane.
My breath whooshed out irritatedly and I grabbed fistfuls of my hair. How did I let my frustration get the best of me? I'd been trying to control myself, but hell, did that guy make me angry. The pathetic part was that I didn't even know why, exactly. I needed to figure out my feelings.
Come on, Edward, think. You've known her for forty eight hours, this shouldn't be too hard.
Well... I knew it wasn't something petty, like lust. I rarely if ever had those kind of feelings, Esme taught me better. I also knew I was confusing myself. I knew I didn't love her, which was kind of a given, knowing the brevity of our acquaintance. But I didn't see her as just my roommate, as someone that I'd want only a friendship with. I knew I wanted her around me, often.
Contradicting myself made my mind spin in circles, and I couldn't form a coherent thought. My shoulders slumped and I sighed, flopping down on the bed beneath me. My eyes closed and I was greeted with the familiar blackness of sleep.
BPOV
I woke up with the yellow sunlight flowing through the windows. Sitting up and rubbing my bleary eyes, feeling the crusted makeup on my face, I heaved myself up and trudged up the stairs. I saw my empty white room again and a wave of memories flooded my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to forget last night.
As I was grabbing my clothes for the day, I spotted my cell phone and smiled. I was oddly looking forward to tonight, despite the disaster that had happened yesterday. I was trying to convince myself that tonight would be better.
I stepped into the shower and I realized that, eventually, I'd have to talk to Edward again. Which would most likely include a very awkward reference to the night before.
My mouth pressed in a thin, petulant line. I'd have to think of excuses for my behavior.
Like he won't.
I scolded myself for thinking that. I knew he wouldn't lie, that just wasn't something I could see him doing.
You also couldn't see him becoming furious like that.
Shut up! I thought to myself.
My eyes widened and I swallowed hard as I realized that I'd stooped to arguing...with myself. I couldn't let last night control me forever. My emotions were locked into that memory, true, and whenever I thought back to it I'd remember it with sadness, yes. But I couldn't live my life as an out of body experience. I'd have to move along with the time.
But...but Edward's back in the memory. We can't leave him behind!
I took a deep breath. I instantly felt guilty that I was going out with Jacob tonight when I knew that he wasn't the only person I was interested in.
Besides, Edward'll live his life, he'll move on like I will. He won't be left behind.
He'll just be parallel to you, you'll never quite be able to reach him.
I'm not even moving on, per say. I didn't think there was much to move on from, anyways. We went as friends and we came back...
Like you wanted to be more than friends.
Didn't I tell you to shut up already? I thought back heatedly.
I stepped out of the shower, towel dried and got dressed. A yellow, strapless sundress and brown cutoff leggings with a black wrap, along with a thick read headband.
It was like I was forcing myself to be happy, and I had to admit that to myself. I was not happy yet. Sure, after going out with Jacob, I might be happier, but the nagging guilt will always be there.
It was like last night was the only chance, and I blew it. It was like it was going to turn into one of those 'what if' situations that you always look back on later in life. It would always be there, even when I left Oxford. It'd nag me constantly, and eventually it would drive me insane. Worse yet, after I left here, that was pretty much it. Sure, I'd keep in touch with Alice and Rose. I could already feel a strong friendship growing there, despite how little I knew about them.
I think you're over thinking this, Bella I reminded myself.
Slipping on a pair of gold studded black flats, I went downstairs and was greeted by a sleepy Jasper, trudging his way to the lounge, or more specifically, the coffee maker. His hair stuck up a bit in the back and in random spots on the sides of his head, making me giggle slightly.
"Good morning Jasper," I said, facing him as I caught up with his lengthy stride.
He grunted in response as he nodded his head in my direction.
We walked in companionable silence for a flight of stairs until he suddenly seemed to remember something, and his head shot up. Much more alertly he asked me, "What happened last night?"
I blushed. Crap. Did everyone see that? "Er, um, well..." I stuttered.
"What did he do?" Jasper pressed.
"C'mon Jasper, it wasn't him, really," I tried to convince him.
"Bella everyone saw," dammit, "if--" suddenly he stopped and tried again.
"Look, just know that we're all here, okay? And, I don't mean to brag, but people usually say I calm them down a lot," Jasper said kindly, adding a small smile in my direction at the end of his statement.
I was touched at his sincerity. "Thank you, Jasper. That means a lot to me."
He shrugged it off. "You'll be stuck with a bunch of crazy people for the next four years - it's the least we can do to thank you for putting up with us."
I laughed. "You guys aren't that bad, from what I can infer in seventy two hours."
"Oh, you've seen nothing yet, Bell. You've seen nothing yet..." he trailed off, jokingly ominous.
I rolled my eyes at him. We'd reached the landing of the first floor, and we headed to the lounge, where strong coffee was already brewing. I saw Jasper's eyes fill with yearning and he drifted to the coffee pot dazedly.
As I was heading to sit down near the fireplace, Alice came in. She laid questioning eyes on me and then she saw Jasper, and all was forgotten for the moment. She stayed hesitant, biting her lip, before timidly asking him for the coffee.
I smiled to myself when I saw Jasper's eyes light up a bit before he handed her the steaming coffee pot. Alice looked down fixedly as she drank her caffeine fix for the day.
"GOOD MORNING WORLD!" Emmett boomed as he entered the lounge, stretching his arms above his head.
While everyone was busy covering their ears, I chuckled. I wasn't the type to complain about waking up early, unless I really needed the sleep. It seemed like Emmett was that way, too.
"Morning, Emmett," I replied amiably as I got up to grab an apple off the shelf of the small kitchen. Emmett stood next to me and grabbed about three times the amount of food I could possibly eat in a meal: two bananas, an apple, and an orange. At least he had an excuse; he was at least six three.
"See, see? At least someone responds to my salutations! How are you today, Bella?" Emmett addressed me as he opened a banana.
"Pretty good, thanks," I said, feeling better than I was before. Emmett had that 'I don't give a damn about something I don't need to' air about him. It was infectious, and I was certainly feeling lighter.
We all sat in a comfortable silence. I actually was feeling happy and I'd just sat down with a book Renee had given to me before I left. Still on her sci-fi craze, she'd given me The Dispossessed. It reminded me a bit of The Giver.
I'd just reached the second chapter, my mood not yet downed (the others here certainly helped - they all balanced each other out) and as Jasper was turning on BBC, Edward entered.
Aw, crap. This was gonna be awkward.
I ducked my head, staring intently at the words on the page. I read the same paragraph for about five minutes, before giving up. Closing the book, I sipped at my coffee that I'd gotten earlier and focused on the news for a solid ten minutes.
...Or tried to. As much as I hated to admit to myself and my whole 'you're moving on' idea, I had to look at Edward.
So, as discreetly as I could, I looked to the side, where I could hear him pouring a second cup of coffee. Being careful not to tilt my head in his direction, I looked to see a mess of copper hair gleaming in the sunlight. It stuck up in every direction.
Beautiful I thought before I could contain myself.
Dammit! I told you to shut up an hour ago!
His green eyes were hollow, dark and emphasized with circles under his eyes. His cheeks were red in random places, like he'd applied too much pressure. His white cotton tee-shirt was rumpled and so were his sweats.It didn't look like he had gotten too much sleep. I idly wondered why, oddly feeling like it was my fault.
I shook it off and sipped on my coffee more, looking back to the television. The weather looked nice for the day, I decided to head over to the coffee shop and --
Oh, well this was just lovely. If I got a job there, I'd be reminded of last night constantly.
All the more reason to go. Get over yourself, Bella.
My eyebrows furrowed indecisively.
Look at it this way: Earning money, or cowering because you didn't want to be reminded of something.
Well, that actually put a lot in perspective.
Determinedly, I stood up and went to grab my wallet from my room.
What I didn't notice, though, was that Edward had followed me. It was kind of sad, really, I only noticed at the beginning of the third floor.
"Um, Bella?" Edward asked me timidly. I started and looked behind me. Beyond the fright, it was so awkward it felt like the elephant had just invited all of its friends.
It's awkward for him, too, Bella. Remember that.
"Can I talk to you?"
AN: Don't you just love cliffies? I won't ramble on here, except to thank my lovely readers/reveiwers/alerters.
Review plz!
-cullenite21
