"No."
"You don't even know what I was going to say!"
Latula looks at you and sighs, brushing her hair back with her hand so that she can see. You're not actually sure how she's able to see with those glasses, anyway, but apparently they aren't the issue and a few strands of hair are.
"C'mon, just hear me out," you say, and she glances back to Mituna, who is in one of his calmer moods, sitting on the ground and picking grass by the handful. "I'm not gonna hit on you."
"Are you sure about that?" she asks. Fuck. At least Rufioh would let you get a word in before outright refusing you. He just sort of tiptoed around the fact that he wanted you to go away.
"Yeah! I just need some advice, and Rufioh's no help," you say. Latula raises an eyebrow. You decide to just jump right in because if you don't you have a feeling that she'll just leave. She might just leave anyway, but she might actually give you some ideas before leaving if you start talking right away. "How do you keep someone liking you?"
"Someone likes you," she said, sounding like she can't believe it. You aren't surprised. Everybody's been like that. "Porrim said she saw you with some human god-tier with totally rad shades the other day. That true?"
"Yeah, that's Dirk, and I don't want him to stop liking me!"
You might be a little frustrated. Nobody would take it seriously. Nobody ever took you seriously. Not when you were in your wizarding phase, not when you learned about humans, not when you pursued them romantically. They either ignore you or laugh at you, and you are fucking sick of it.
Predictably, Latula giggles. "I don't know! Ask Meulin or something, she likes romance! Later!"
With that, she grabs Mituna and leaves in an incredibly strange and smooth exit.
You really don't want to go see Meulin. First of all, visiting Meulin usually means you'll get Kurloz along with her, and Kurloz really freaks you out for some reason. He's just... creepy. And you have a feeling that he wants to kill you. Even though you're already dead.
And there's the small fact that Meulin usually bursts your eardrums every time you go near her. It's not like she's excited to see you - she hates you as much as the next troll - but she just doesn't ever control her volume. Sure. She's deaf. But seriously.
You decide to pop back into your hive to see if Dirk is back. He's not. He's completely gone. Damn it. Hopefully he'll come back tonight and you can make out, or have sex. One of the two would be nice. Or both. Yeah, both would be even nicer.
You're going to have to look for Meulin.
Shit.
You take your time heading over there, wondering if you could get out of it by doing something offensive. Kankri's a little easier on you than the others, but if you do something really offensive, then he can't help but come lecture you! And then you can talk to him about your problems (tagging your triggers, of course) and he can lecture you and by the time you're done Dirk would probably be back.
If Kankri wasn't celibate you'd definitely go for at least a pale relationship with him. At least. Maybe if you didn't have Dirk it would edge into something else. Something redder, probably.
Yeah, if you didn't have Dirk you'd like Latula in red, Meenah in black, and pale for Kankri. Latula and Meenah could switch frequently, you just feel blacker for Meenah most of the time.
But you do have Dirk, so you don't have to be thinking about your quadrants.
Besides, humans don't use quadrants.
You manage to waste about ten more minutes contemplating quadrants and humans and how Dirk looks naked, but then you have to admit you're going to need to see Meulin. It's stupid, you don't actually have to see her, but she's the only one left who could possibly help you. Even at the risk of running into Kurloz and possibly gaining severe physical and emotional damage, you need to know how the hell you're supposed to keep a relationship working.
Meulin is alone when you find her, bent over a tablet, scribbling something down.
You tap her on the shoulder and she jumps and screams, turning around to face you.
"Cronus!" she shrieks. You wince. Great. Maximum volume, just like every day.
You don't want a huge conversation with her, so you decide to keep it short. "How do I get someone to keep liking me, and how do I get him to want to fuck me?"
"Who? It really depends on who the person is! Is it that weird human? I bet it is! I don't know anything about him except he's a heart player! Like me! So think about me!"
You're starting to get a headache, and also a weird feeling, like someone's watching you. You glance around. Yep. Kurloz. Right behind that tree. Meulin is also absolutely no help, and you don't want to stick around because wow those are some really threatening gestures. Yeah. You're going to leave now. Right now. Backing away from Meulin. Leaving. You're totally leaving and you don't really understand why he's still staring at you. Can't he tell that you're leaving? You don't really want to run but you have a feeling that you're going to end up running anyway. You don't want to turn your back on him, either, because then he might... rip your spine out or something, you don't know, you just don't want to turn your back on him.
Once you get a decent distance away from Meulin (a decent distance being you can't see Kurloz anymore and can therefore think about Dirk instead) you turn around and walk back to your hive.
Halfway there, someone grabs you around the waist and pulls you into a kiss.
Dirk's back.
"Dirk," you gasp, and he smiles.
"Busy day?" he asks. You nod, and open your mouth to tell him how fucking creepy Kurloz is and how fucking stupid Mituna is and how fucking turned on you are right now (okay, maybe not that last bit), but then remember that you should think about his interests, too.
"How about you? What did you do today?" you ask. He grimaces.
"Doesn't matter," he says. "You shouldn't have to worry about it."
Well, you're not going to argue there.
You kiss him. It's nice to have someone pay their full attention to you, after a day of chasing people around, asking for romantic advice. His mind seems somewhere else, though, which is sort of really annoying, but at least he's kissing you. At least his hands are around your waist, fingers playing with your belt loops. At least you're close enough that you can feel the hard muscle beneath his shirt.
As long as you have that much, you figure you'll be fine.
next chapter more shenanigans i promise
cronus's chapters always turn out way shorter than dirk's it's kind of weird
