I have not updated in agggggges! I am so sorry! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you are all wonderful, thank you so much! And now exams are over, I should hopefully begin updating more frequently, although I can't make any promises as I am juggling quite a few other fics as well, in addition to all the forums I am the admin of :S. Oh, and my new job. And university visits. And then starting A2 Levels…Oh fun. And also, the new image manager thing is so cool! I hope you guys like the cover I made for this fic; you can find the full sized image on my Polyvore account (Sapphire-Oceans) if you want to get a better look :).
Anyway, on with the chapter, and again, a massive thank you all reviewers; you guys rock socks!
7
It's funny. If whispers follow you for long enough, you can almost get used to them. They are a constant presence now, always hissing in my ears, murmuring away, their owners just out of sight. Taunting, jeering, muttering. I walk through the corridors like a ship slicing through water, leaving torrents of whispers in my wake. Word has got out about what I said to Miss O'Keffee yesterday and tongues are already beginning to wag. Lunatic. Prophet. Attention seeker. Alien. Freak. Freak. Freak.
I sit down in my usual seat at the back in registration, but today there seems to be an invisible barrier around me that no one wants to try and permeate. The eyes that look at me are suspicious and flick away quickly when I meet them, darting wildly around the room, fixing on anything except my gaze. Slowly I pull out a book and fix my eyes on the pages, but just like yesterday it is impossible to focus; the words twist and turn in a mass of seething black lines, like dark worms on the white paper, spiralling and curling like the tangled mass of my thoughts. I thankfully put it down when Mrs O'Doherty enters, staring straight ahead at her and trying not to notice the distinct lack of a certain presence at my side. If I look very carefully out of the corner of my eye I can see the familiar mass of blonde curls on the other side of the room, looking determinedly away from me. Kaitlin knows that torrents of whispers can drown people, and she's jumped away from the sinking ship before it's too late, leaving me to sink down to the rocky ocean bed alone and lie there, a forlorn, empty wreck, without her. The thought makes something in my stomach twist violently and sickeningly and I drag my eyes away from her, trying to ignore the bitter, angry taste in my mouth.
Art is somewhat of a release. I let my feelings spew onto the page, dark, strong brush strokes leaving their mark, laying my anger bare. The fine, delicate strokes that mark the page are my hope. The twisting, seething purple mass of tendrils which curl around the black is my confusion. The blood red lashes are my fear.
It's while before I realise the teacher's watching me. I glance over my shoulder to see an frown on her face. "Aislinn, that wasn't the work I set. I asked for a self-portrait."
I turn and glance back at my paper and see the mass of lines. "It is a self-portrait." I say harshly before picking up my brushes and heading over to the sink, leaving her to stare at the page with furrowed and brows. I know what she sees; a barren landscape; thick black tree trunks topped with purple canopies, the ground around the trees sparkling faintly with delicate gold flowers which are all but smothered by red weeds. I wonder if; she stares hard enough, will she see my soul?
I make it to lunchtime without incident, sitting down at the end of a table in the canteen, a few seats away from anyone. I pick at my pasta pot for a little while, but in reality I'm not that hungry. I wonder whether to save it for later or just chuck it away, and I'm just glancing up to assess the distance to the nearest bin when I meet a familiar pair of green eyes staring at me from behind a pair of square lenses. Kaitlin hesitates as our eyes lock, before beginning to move towards me, her face determined. A curious hush descends on the canteen as people register the purpose in her stride, the direction she's heading in. I was wrong. Kaitlin isn't a desperate sailor jumping ship; she's my sister ship, joining my fleet. Kaitlin is making ripples of her own. She pulls out a chair and sits, setting her tray down beside mine. She's breached the invisible barrier. I look at her and she looks back at me.
"Hi." She says finally in a shaky voice.
"Hi." I reply, a faint smile tickling the corners of my mouth.
She glances at my tray. "I swear that the food in this place is greasier than John Travolta's hair."
"Well they do say that 'Grease is the word' Kate."
She grins and I grin back.
A bubble of laugher rushes through me and the anger I felt begins to lessen slightly. The trees are waning slightly, the weeds are slowly receding and the golden flowers are beginning to bloom.
-x-
Kaitlin and I walk out together at the end of the school day, ignoring the stares of the other students. Kaitlin babbles on about this new anime she's started watching and how hot one of the guys in it is and I half listen, smiling slightly to myself, just happy to have her familiar chatter next to me. That's when I notice the gleam of silver in the dirt. I frown and bend down, scooping up the silver charm bracelet holding it between my fingers.
"What's that?" Kaitlin breaks off from her stream of words to frown at the object in my hand. "Maybe you should give it into lost property?"
I nod and start back towards the school, but instantly freeze. Not now…please not know… The throbbing headache is beginning to pound in my skull; my hands are cold and sweating, my body shaking.
"Ash?" Kaitlin swears violently, trying to tug the bracelet away, but I suddenly grasp it more tightly, my hand acting without my instruction.
Pain.
The sensation slices through me like a shard of ice piercing my soul.
It hurts. It hurts so badly. Make it stop. Please, someone make it stop. Someone help.
I can hear my heart thudding hard in my ears. The ground lurches under my feet and I can hear Kaitlin calling my name. "Ash! Aislinn!"
Someone help me. Please. Please. Metal, twisted around me. Trapped in a warped cage composed of jagged spikes and jagged edges. Wetness on my face. Trickling down. In my eye. The wet in my eyes. Can't see, blinded. It hurts. Pain. My leg, my leg. Wetness on my leg. Pain wetness. Stop. Please make it-pain. Leg twisted, metal crushing-hurts. Hurts. Make the hurt go away. Warmth through body. Make the hurt- make the hurt…yes, the hurt is going. The hurt is going. Metal is going. It's alright now, safe, safe, sa-
I retch, the greasy pasta almost making a reappearance. I'm curled on the ground and my face is wet- wetness on face-no, a different wet. Tears. I am crying. I feel a sob shake through me and detect a hand on my arm.
"Ash? Ash, can you hear me?"
I open my eyes and stare up at the creased anxious face above me, the eyes magnified by the thick rimmed glasses.
"Ash, say something…"
"Kate?"
"Good, okay, that's good…No! Don't get up you ninny!"
I ignore her, clumsily swaying to my feet, looking around for her. Where is she? Where-
I see her. I know it's her, although we've never really spoken. I start to walk towards her, Kaitlin trailing behind in confusion.
"Ash?"
I don't stop until I reach the girl. What's her name again? 'R' something…Rose? Rosheen?Róisín. That's it.
"Hi." I blurt out, startling her.
"Urm…" she stares at me, looking slightly perplexed and a little scared. "Hi?"
"Are you going anywhere soon, anywhere by car?" I say, my hands trembling.
She looks even more nervous. "I'm…I'm going to my grandparents' house in Galway this weekend…"
"Don't go."
"What?" she stares at me like I'm a lunatic. I know I look like a lunatic, but I have to try, have to do something…
"Don't go. Something bad is going to happen if you do."
She laughs. "Oh come on, seriously? I thought someone your age would be above trying to freak me out…"
"It's not a joke. Seriously. Don't go. Please."
"Whatever." She rolls her eyes and begins to walk away.
"Róisín, wait!" I cry, chasing after her.
"What?" she snaps, exasperated.
"Is this yours?" I hold out the silver charm bracelet. "I found it on the ground."
She stares at me for a moment before picking up the bracelet and putting it on. "Thank you." She says curtly before turning away and walking off again.
I sigh and return to Kaitlin who looks rather worried. "What was all that about?"
"Just a feeling." I mumble, but inside my head is spinning. It was different that time. More fluid. Less solid. That must mean it can be changed. Of course that's what that means. The past, which I've seen with the old woman's relics and Miss O'Keeffe's scarf, that was clearer, much clearer. I knew what was going on and knew that it was carefully fixed in time, unchangeable. But just now…it was more disjointed. Fragmented. Like it was still settling. Like there was a chance…a chance…
I sigh. It was similar too though. I knew who the vision referred too, I obviously lost my senses whilst it was happening, I still needed contact with a personal object…
This strange mass of disorganised theories, of course, rests entirely on the principle that I am sane and am not merely experiencing some strange hallucinations. I say goodbye to Kaitlin outside the gates, ignoring her pleas for me to see a doctor, and head for my bus whilst she heads for hers. Just as I board the bus I think I see a strange shadow watching me from the darkness of the alleyway between the shops facing the school. But when I go to get a second look, the figure has vanished.
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