Yay! I'm back! Sorry for keeping you waiting for so long, but first week back at university takes up a lot of time. Thanks for the reviews and glad you liked the chapter. Oh, and as for the cliffe: he he he. I try my best to be evil. And a bit of suspence is always good. Anyway, here's my update (finally). I promise to try my best to update sooner. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. So don't even bother suing me.


Chapter 9 - Operation: APE

First thing Wednesday morning Q entered the Hogwarts greenhouses with Millicent and Goyle for Herbology. Though he was an omnipotent entity, Q did appreciate the simple beauty of plant-life and would at times spend days walking through the wild rainforests on Risa (not that he'd ever admit that to any of his Starfleet acquaintances).

He did not, however appreciate having to trim vicious Firespikes, which had large thorns and bright red and white flowers that spit sparks into his face at random intervals.

The best way to trim the plant was to do it delicately, fingers running along the bluish spots on its stem. Hating to do things slowly and never one for delicacy, Q merely grabbed the plant and sniped off the necessary shoots. He received several bursts of sparks, which singed his robes and would have done something quite nasty to his face had he been human. As such, Professor Sprout took ten points away from Slytherin for blatantly disregarding instructions and fleetingly wondered how it was that his hair was still intact.

Q cursed colourfully at the plant in Klingon and wished he could invite Kes to take the class for him. She had, after all, managed to successfully create and maintain a hydroponics bay on Voyager. The fact that none of the plants she had grown there would ever have tried to hurt her was only a minor detail in Q's opinion.

Before the end of class, Professor Sprout asked if anyone knew what the Firespikes were for. Q's suggestion that they would make a wonderful self-lighting bonfire did not amuse her in the least. It did however draw numerous smirks from the class, most of whom, like him, developed a deep sense of loathing for the plants shortly after the first five minutes of class.

Only Neville and a few Hufflepuffs had not had problems with trimming the thorny, spark-spitting monstrosities.

His only other class of the day was Astronomy, which was essentially the most boring and pointless thing he had ever experienced. And considering he had once spent a century as a lamp post, that was indeed saying a lot.

Ten minutes into the class he unilaterally decided that the professor was even more incompetent than most humans and that Voyager's Doctor could teach the class better if he sang his lectures as an opera and used stick-on, glow-in-the-dark plastic stars. Not that Q ever wanted to experience that particular scenario, but it would certainly be more exciting and educational than his current class.

Q ground his teeth in frustration in order to avoid constantly correcting the professor's facts. Unfortunately, in order to prove him wrong, Q would have to explain where he got his facts from and why he was one hundred percent positive they were right. He was not about to lose a bet with q over such a trivial matter. No matter how irritating it was.

Instead Q let his mind wander and he found the Dream Team in the library researching American Wizarding families. Well, Hermoine researching, Harry trying very hard to make out the blurry words in front of him and Ron snoring loudly, head resting on an open book.

Q shook his head and wondered how long it would take them to come to whatever conclusion they were going to come to. He was a bit curious to see what explanation their limited intelligence would enable them to concoct.

He couldn't wait for the end of the year, so that he could tell the wonderful Hermoine Granger just what he thought of her so-called intelligence. And also to banish the Astronomy professor to the deserts of Kazon.

Between Herbology and Astronomy, Q and the other Slytherins had worked out the details of what Blaise had dubbed Operation: Annoying the Professors Enormously (or APE for short). It had taken a bit of research to find the correct charms and several hours of testing to make sure the spells worked perfectly. And, with a bit of persuasion, most of Slytherin House was convinced to join in.

Q was actually rather impressed with that particular development and surprised that somehow Crabbe and Goyle were the strongest proponents of the idea. Q got the distinct impression that had they not been sixth year Slytherin students, they would have been jumping around Common Room, waving their hands about in a giddy fit of excitement.

He was eternally grateful that they were in fact sixth year Slytherin students or he would have had to strangle them both with some left over sausages from breakfast.

It was decided that Operation: APE would commence on Thursday morning when both the sixth years and fifth years had Professor McGonagal for Transfigurations. The only professor excluded from the prank would be Snape. The Slytherins knew better than to anger their Head of House, even if he did favour them.

At exactly four 'o clock on Thursday morning, Draco, Millicent and Q met up in the Slytherin common room.

"Good morning guys!" Millicent practically sang as she bounced in. Draco, who was for once regretting being one of the best at charms, since he would otherwise still be in bed, groaned.

"I honestly didn't think it was possible for you to be any more cheerful in the mornings." He yawned. "Don't you ever need sleep?"

"I guess I don't need as much beauty sleep as you," she teased and then ran her fingers through her hair, "I'm beautiful naturally."

"Well I'm certainly glad I'm not your kind of beauty."

"True, you're vain enough as it is. We probably wouldn't be able to tear you away from the mirror if you were as beautiful as me."

"You're right, you'd have to hide all the mirrors so they wouldn't shatter as I walked past them."

"Actually. . ."

"I do believe we have more important things to do than waste time establishing that you're both ugly!" snapped Q, impatient to get started. He couldn't care less what they looked like, nothing could improve on the fact they were human.

Draco and Millicent looked at Q in shock. Especially Draco, who had never been told he was ugly by anyone who wasn't a Griffindor. Millicent noticed the look on Draco's face and burst into a fit of giggles. The Slytherin Prince tried and failed to keep a straight face as he looked at his friend.

Q rolled his eyes as the he watched the two wipe the tears from their eyes as they laughed.

I think there's been a miscommunication somewhere, that wasn't meant to be funny. I was actually being serious. Though, now that I think about it, this is actually the first time I've ever seen Draco actually laugh. Usually he just smirks or chuckles. Interesting. . .and if we weren't supposed to be heading off to do something I might even pretend that I care.

Finally, Millicent and Draco calmed down enough to be able to effectively sneak out into the hall without getting caught. They walked up the stairs from the dungeons and went their separate ways. Draco headed up one flight of stairs to the second floor where the Transfigurations classroom was, while Millicent went to the fourth floor to the Arithmancy classroom.

Q pretended to head off to the library, but stopped once he was out of sight. Then he waved the books he had gotten out in front of them and watched them as they disappeared, only to reappear in their proper places in the library. Then he snapped his fingers and moved himself to the hall in front of the DADA classroom.

He knew very well that q was probably already aware what the Slytherins were doing. And that whatever spells they used in the classroom could easily be neutralized by q the moment his father left. So Q decided to use his own powers (which were stronger than his son's since he was much, much older) to put something in that would not be quite so easy to get rid of.

By the time they got back to the common room, it was packed with students. Most were doing some last minute practicing of the spells they learnt the day before.

"Wow," said Draco as he entered the Common Room after Q, "I never thought I'd see the day when Crabbe and Goyle became experts at a spell."

Indeed, the two Slytherin gorillas were among the first people to master the charm and were now walking around helping the younger students along with Millicent, who was already back. Looking up, she noticed Q and Draco and walked up to them.

"Hey, you're back!" she said brightly, "so how did it go?"

"I had a bit of trouble with the Charms classroom," Draco shrugged, "but I managed. You?"

"I ran into Mrs. Norris on my way to the Divination tower, but luckily I was prepared," Millicent stated.

"How?"

"I brought a pocketful of cat treats along."

"Oh."

Just then Pansy walked into the room and stopped, clearly amazed at the amount of people inside. Her eyes swept the room and landed on the group by the door.

"So, is everything set?" she asked after she having weaved her way through the crowd.

"Yes, it is," answered Q.

"Umm. . .Pansy, where's Blaise?" asked Draco scanning the room.

"Don't know, probably still asleep."

"Damn it! I thought I made it quite clear that he had to be up for this." the blond Slytherin seethed.

Q said nothing out loud but silently agreed with him. He hated waiting. Without warning, he broke away from the group and plowed his way through the students to the entrance to the boy's dormitories. Pansy, Millicent and Draco gave each other questioning glances and then followed after him.

They found him standing outside the door to the room Blaise shared with Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. He seemed to be pondering something. Before they could question him though, he swung the door open and strode in.

Draco, Millicent and Pansy cautiously padded to the doorway and looked in. Q was standing in the middle of the room with his wand pointed to a spot above Blaise's bed. In a flash of light a bucket appeared, hovering in mid-air for about two seconds, before turning over and dumping water over the unsuspecting sleeper.

Blaise let out a high-pitched scream and shot upright; his eyes were wide open, darting about in panic and confusion.

It took the trio at the door a few moments to register what had just happened. First their mouths dropped in shock. Then the corners of their mouths began to twitch. Millicent put her hand to her mouth, covering her wide grin, but not the sheer amusement in her eyes. Pansy burst into an all-out giggling fit. Draco grabbed the doorframe for support and began laughing so hard that moments later his face was completely red.

Blaise's disorientation was meanwhile beginning to wear off. His sleep-addled brain slowly registered what was going on by presenting him with bits of information about his surroundings. First he realized that he was in his bed and that he was awake. Then that he was somewhat cold. Wrapping his arms around himself for warmth, he added wet to the list. Which made him wonder why he was wet. Suddenly he recognized the noise he was hearing as laughter and when he looked to the source he saw his friends literally falling over themselves laughing.

'Why are they laughing,' he thought and looked around the room. Then he noticed Q with an evil smirk plastered on his face and his wand in the air. It was pointing to something above his head. Blaise looked up to where it was pointing. Then he saw the over turned bucket.

It suddenly dawned on him why his friends were laughing. He scowled and shot death glares to every one of his friends.

"You better have a really good explanation for this," he growled.

"Serves you right," laughed Draco, who was now sitting on the floor looking utterly exhausted.

"Yeah, you should have been up by now," Millicent agreed.

"And why is that exactly?" Blaise tone was dangerously low, something all Slytherins tended to pick up from their Head of House.

"Because we're supposed to be preparing for Operation: APE, remember?" Q said sweetly, or as sweetly as Q could with an evil smirk on his face.

The reaction was immediate. Blaise's eyes went wide again and he whipped his head around to look at Q.

"Crap!"

In one fluid motion, he flew to his closet, grabbed his uniform and bath things and dashed past his friends into the boy's showers.

"Well, that was fun," Pansy smirked.

"Yeah, I never knew he could scream like that," Draco added with a thoughtful face. He was thinking of all the ways he could rub that in his fellow Slytherin's face.

"Q, I'm sure glad you're in Slytherin," Millicent said.

"Why, do you want to be next?" asked Q, with a devious look in his eyes.

"No thanks."

"Pity, Pansy was right. That was fun."

I must be getting senile, thinking that was fun. It was pathetic. I've been around these humans for too long. Even the stupid android was more creative than that when he threw Dr. Crusher overboard. Actually that was quite hilarious. Too bad no one else appreciated the humour. Maybe that's what I'll do next time I'm on Voyager: throw Tuvok overboard. He needs to loosen up a bit.

Blaise, who was used to rushing in the mornings, was completely ready in about ten minutes. Once he joined the rest of his house in the Common Room, Draco explained the plans again and then the Slytherins headed off to breakfast. Not all at once of course, because that just might draw attention to them.

After all, what kinds of Slytherins would they be if they allowed themselves to be caught that easily?

The students of Slytherin House were used to acting in front of the rest of the school. It was the first thing every new student learned. However, despite the well-practiced masks, anyone paying close attention to the Slytherin table would have noticed the thin air of excitement that electrified the table this morning.

However, no one ever paid that much attention to the Slytherin table; at least not enough to notice such subtle changes. Perhaps Professor Snape might have been able to feel the anticipation hovering about, but he did not make it to breakfast that morning.

The DADA professor did, however. Q noticed that he had a mischievous sparkle in his eyes and an extra bounce in his step as he entered the Great Hall. As q passed by, he turned his head slightly and winked at his father.

No one noticed; they were all busy inspecting q's robes.

This time they were bright red with multicoloured lizards darting about on them, changing colour as they moved. Their wearer was, as usual, completely unfazed by the attention he was getting.

So, the brat knows what we're planning. Oh well, it's not like I actually thought we'd manage to hide it from him. Maybe if I was doing it alone. . . Judging by his expression he's not about to tell anyone about it though. Probably can't wait to see the reaction of his colleagues either. Wait a minute . . . did I just think of a Q as a colleague to a human?!

Soon after it was time to head off to class.

"Remember guys," said Millicent as she left ahead of the others to go to the Divination Tower, "I want a blow by blow account of the expression on McGonagal's face."

"You got it," smirked Pansy.

"Just make sure you do the same for Trelwany," drawled Draco, "I'd love to know if the bat can predict this with her 'inner eye.'"

Millicent just laughed as she ran from the table. The others looked at each other and took a deep breath.

"So. . . everyone ready?" Blaise grinned evilly. He was now fully awake and wasn't showing any signs of the rude awakening he had received.

"I don't know how I'm going to be able to survive this class without cackling like a maniac," Draco commented casually, adding his own evil smirk.

"Shut up," whispered Pansy urgently, "I'm having a hard enough time not doing that now."

"Let the games begin," said Q mirroring Blaise's evil grin.

They all took another deep breath and then, masks firmly in place, got up and strode out the door up to the Transfiguration's classroom.


Yes, yes, I know I'm evil because I've only made the cliffhanger worse. Trust me, it wasn't intentional. This just seemed like a good spot to end the chapter and I figured you'd want an update sooner rather than later. Next chapter will feature the completion of Operation: APE and should be up either tomorrow or Friday. Probably Friday.

Anyway, hoped you liked that and if so, let me know. And if you didn't like it, let me know too.