DISCLAIMER/WARNING/APOLOGY IN ADVANCE:

See chapter 4

Before Kakuzu danced a tall man better known as Jiraiya O'Flaherty the Abnormally Large and Perverted Leprechaun. This surprised Kakuzu (to say the very least) who jumped out of his throne from shock, emitting a loud "BWWWWAAAAAAAUUGH!" as he did so, capturing the attention of the masses below him.

The green leprechaun merely laughed at the sight of the panicking monarch. He continued his crazy dance, spouting witty remarks as he did. "Ah, what's the matter with you, little boy? Scared of the big bad boggy man? I'm just a big ol' fool in a green suit!"

Enraged, Kakuzu pulled his sword from his throne and swung it desperately at the green man. Jiraiya leapt away from his clumsy swing like a toad and landed on a building directly across the balcony, continuing his crazy dance. "WHO……WHAT….." Kakuzu yelled, pointing at the strange man, "ARE YOU!?!?!?" He turned to Neji. "You're Irish. He's Irish. You should know this guy. What is he?"

Neji was nervous beyond belief. His parents had always told him that leprechauns weren't real, and that anyone who believed them was a fool. That's why he had always treated Naruto, who fervorously insisted that they were real, so badly. And yet, there was a leprechaun before his very eyes. For the first time in his life, he stuttered. "It….it's…it's a……le….le…lepre….."

At which point, Naruto shouted out very loudly "IT'S A FOUKIN' LEPRECHAUN!"

Jiraiya turned to his pupil and lifelong companion, speaking as if they had never met before. "Now listen 'ere, laddie! Leprechauns are wee folk that go 'round causing mischief and trouble wherever they roam. A Foukin' Leprechaun is a Leprechaun who likes to get his mischief in between ladies' silky-smooth legs and drown his troubles in several pints of ridiculously strong brews. Do you really think tat's whit I am? A Foukin' Leprechaun?"

"AYE!"

"NAY! I'M A BIG FOUKIN' LEPRECHAUN!"

"YER A BIG FOUKIN' LEPRECHAUN!!!"

Kakuzu scratched his stubbled chin pensively. "A leprechaun? As in the small Irish fey folk that has to give you all his gold when you catch him?" Without a second thought, he pulled out the large arsenal of throwing weapons that he always kept on his person and began to chuck them at the dancing leprechaun. Jiraiya skillfully dodged every kunai, knife, short sword and shuriken thrown his way. Kakuzu stood, exhausted by the throwing, enraged by the missing. "YOU IGNOBLE SAVAGE! HOW DARE YOU DODGE EVERYTHING I THROW AT YOU!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THESE COST ME?!?!?!"

"Well, last time I checked, you could get 50 kunai for a sack o'wheat grains….."

"A SACK OF WHEAT GRAINS?!?!?!?!? YOU SPEAK OF IT AS IF IT IS WORTHLESS!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW NOTHING OF THE RISING PRICE OF WHEAT??!?!?!"

And it was at that moment that Hidan saw it. "YOUR MA-JES-TEE! YOU MUST NOT PUR-SUE DZE LE-PRE-CHAUN! EET EES A TREEK!!!!" He yelled at his king, jumping up and down, waving his arms wildly.

Kakuzu turned to his sheriff. "What? A trick?"

"OUI, A TREEK!" He pointed to Shikamaru. "DZEES WAS SHEE-KA-MA-RU'S PLAN DZE WHOLE TEEME! EEF YOU CHASE DZE LEP-RE-CHAUN, DZE MER-CEN-AREES WEEL FOLLOW, GEE-VEENG SHEE-KA-MA-RU AND HEES THUGS DZE PER-FECT OPP-OR-TUN-EETY TO ESC-APE WEEDZ HEES LADEE FREE-END!"

Kisame clasped his hands to his face. "MEIN GOTT! DE FRENCHMAN IS RIGHT! VHILE DE MERCENARIES ANT I ESCORTET KAKUZU ON DE LEPRECHAUN HUNT, VE VOULT BE UNABLE TO HOLT DEM CAPTIF! DE CHAOTIC STAMPETE CREATET BY DE MERCENARIES VOULT LEAVE HITAN UNABLE TO PURSUE DEM VHEN DEY ESCAPET!"

"So, he's using my extreme love of and obsession with wealth against me to facilitate his escape, is he now?" Kakuzu mused, stroking his chin. "Well, what a shame it must end this way, Nara! I certainly would have fallen for your cunning ruse if Hidan hadn't pointed it out to me!" He laughed loudly.

Hidan turned back to Shikamaru. "Now dzen, dzees seeg-nal dzat you are go-eeng to geeve me, eet must be some-dzeeng faeer-lee ob-vee-ous, leeke a weenk or some-dzeeng. And don't steeck your tongue out, dzat ees far too lee-klee to happen ak-cee-dent-a-lee…"

Suddenly, the village of Konoham collectively gasped in awe as it was bathed in a golden light. Shikamaru shook his head. "Did you really think I would have made my plan so obvious if you could alter the outcome?" Hidan turned in horror to see Jiraiya holding his colossal pot of golden coins, which was also made of gold, over his head. And colossal is truly the only way to describe it. The pot itself dwarfed the entire village. It blocked out the sun, and yet at the same time the light reflecting off it compensated completely for its own eclipse. If gold was not light as air in the hands of a leprechaun, Jiraiya surely would've been crushed beneath its great golden awesomeness.

Kakuzu stared hungrily at the tremendous sight before him. Never before had he seen so much gold that wasn't his. Usually, the knowledge of such a horde existing not under his control would throw him into a rage that would end with him doubling the taxes….again. But not this time. No, this time he would not have to raise the taxes to obtain that secret pot of gold that shoemaker in rags kept under his pillow, or the numerous shillings small children kept in their back pockets. This time, all he had to do was catch a senile fool in a strange green outfit. How hard could that be?

Hidan jumped up and waved his arms around, attempting to regain Kakuzu's attention. "NON NON NON NON NON!!!! KA-KU-ZU! YOU MUST RE-MEM-BER WHAT EE SAID! DZE LEP-RE-CHAUN EES JUST A DEE-STRACT-EEON! FOCUS!" But his cries were in vain. Kakuzu's ravenous appetite of capital drowned out the rest of the world. Shikamaru no longer mattered to him. The amount of riches before him was ten times what Shikamaru could steal in a year. His wealth-boner raging harder than ever before, he leapt off his balcony with a mighty yell, flailing towards the building opposite him. Hidan abused his mother tongue.


Sorry for being a day late. I was returning from my cousins in South Carolina when a wicked blizzard blew up near Erie. Didn't get home until 11:30 that night. I had school the next day. What would any sane person have done?