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Chapter 9: What to Think

RPOV

It had been a really rough two weeks.

I held a little memorial for Mason, as well as vigil for the other victims in Orlando. I pushed myself really hard, both in planning and in school, so I didn't really have to think about Mason's actual death.

Meredith decided to pause her honeymoon, not completely healed from seeing her brother's dead body. She flew for the memorial, and they had a funeral here in Montana as well. Many people from school came, as well as others from the community when they found out that he was one of the victims of the shooting.

So many tears have been shed, I wouldn't be able to tell you how many there were. How many people cried in this world when this happened?

I had almost forgotten the letter as well. I almost forgot anything that pained me, anything that made me think of Mason… It was hard for me.

But Dimitri also comforted me. It was only that letter that I didn't think of. I would read his letters over and over, thinking about how wonderful it was to have someone-who barely knew me-care so much about me. It made my heart warm, and I didn't cry. I felt the warmth of love, or well, maybe not love, but I think you get what I mean.

Then, suddenly, the letters came back. It was grim in the classroom. I'm sure many had mentioned Mason's death, but they weren't sure what was happening on the other end, if they'd care, or react. I realized I was actually waiting for this letter, waiting for the warmth again, that loving feeling. That feeling that someone cared.

Eddie had been mostly absent. He wasn't here today either, but his letter was here, which made me believe he turned it in on time. I offered to drop it off at his house on my way home.

"Ok, class, I haven't told you about this yet, because I felt it wasn't the right time." Alberta began, before handing out the letters. "I know it's been really rough for us lately. But, I'm hoping this will bring you some happiness, and maybe some excitement for the future." She looked around at the questioning eyes before continuing. "I have found out that the class we have been writing to has been given an offer to come to the US, specifically here. They will spend a week here, and then spend another week traveling to other places of significance in the days to come."

"No way!" Exclaimed on of the girls in the back.

Alberta smiled. "Yes, way. And, there's more." She said. "Your penpal will be rooming with you in your home, of course, if your parents allow it. I just got word today that all parents have signed allowing each student to come to the US and room with you while staying here. I'm going to pass out a permission form, take it home and have your parents sign it saying they want to host a student for a week."

We all exclaimed in happiness. We would meet our penpals!

I was so excited. I wouldn't only get to meet Dimitri, but he was staying in my home!

"Ok, I'm going to pass the letters out along with the permission slip."

When I got the letter, I ripped it open in excitement. However, what was inside made my mood waver:

Dear Roza,

I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. I simply can't even begin to think about what that must be like.

However, I want to tell you something very important, your life is precious. To me, to your friends, to your future; your life is what drives us, your life is the most important thing in this whole world. Never say that you don't deserve it, because you do. You out of anyone else in this world, deserves their life. Please, don't do anything to yourself, don't hurt yourself. You may have grief, or you may blame yourself, but know that I am here for you. I hope to always be here for you.

And because of that, I want to be perfectly honest with you. You may have thought I was a student this whole time, but I'm not. My name is Dimitri Belikov, yes, but, I'm the English teacher here in Russia. Originally, we were hoping that there would be enough students, but one of mine dropped out before the school year started, so I decided to take one of the letters. Never did I ever think that we would grow close that I would feel so strongly about you, think so much about you. I had no idea how much I would end up caring.

I really do care. I care about you more than I'd like to admit.

Something is happening, and I'm not sure if you've heard yet, but in a month, the class will be taking a 2 week trip to the US, specifically Montana.

I'm very excited to meet you. And I hope you will be happy to see me, too.

I call you Roza because that's how you say your name in Russian.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Love,

Dimitri

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head and my mouth dropped. "Rose? Are you ok?" asked Alberta, taking notice to my astonished facial expression. I shook my head.

"Everything is fine." She gave me a skeptical look but didn't press.

I read it over again, not believing what I was reading.

I had been writing to a teacher this whole time.

But, did it really matter?

I thought really hard about it. He was still Dimitri, and it was obvious he still cared, that he never lied to me, actually.

It still hurt me, mostly my pride. He hadn't trusted me enough in the beginning to tell me who he was. Yes, it's true I would have most likely been more reserved if I had known. But… although it made sense, I've gotten angrier on less. I wasn't sure if I should cry in anger, or to cry in happiness to find someone who went to such lengths to tell me how important I was.

I had been thinking so hard that I didn't realize the class time went by so fast. I stuffed the letter in my backpack before leaving.

When I met Lissa in the hall, we greeted each other with our usual smiles and then fell into a comfortable silence as I walked with her to our next class. Christian had a project in his first period so he was lagging.

I wasn't sure if I should tell her about Dimtri. I mean, I rarely talked about him before. I haven't even told her about the cut on my arm. I've been wearing long sleeves more often, which worked since winter was quickly approaching.

In the end I didn't tell her. I felt a bit reserved, plus… this was my secret. It was something only I had. And… I kind of wanted to keep it that way.

Did that mean that Dimitri was supposed to be staying in my home?

When lunch came around, I was walking with Christian and Lissa when Alberta ran up to me. I let Christian and Lissa walk ahead of me while I talked with my favorite teacher. "Hey, Alberta, what's up?"

"Thank god I caught you! I forgot to ask you. I know you live alone, and I know you feel lonely in that apartment all alone. I was wondering if some of the parents don't have enough room for an exchange student."

I nodded. "Oh, yah that'll be fine. I can fit like 3 or four more people, honestly." Alberta nodded. I made a quick thought and said, "Hey, you know what would be a great idea? On the Friday or Saturday they are here, we can have a huge sleepover at my house. Teachers can be there, too, and if you want we can get some parent supervisors, too. I think it'll be cool to bond as a class like that."

Alberta nodded. "I'll ask the higher ups, see if I can get permission."

I nodded. "Awesome."

"Thank you so much, Rose."

"Of course, no problem."

I was about to turn away when Alberta stopped me. "Rose… you're ok?"

I nodded. "I think… I think I'm ok right now. I'm going to check on Eddie today, give him the letter and the permission slip. I think… I'm a bit worried about him."

Alberta nodded. "If you need anything, just tell me."

I hugged her and smiled. "Thank you."

She walked off and I walked into the cafeteria to grab some food and then head to the bleachers where we normally hang out if we don't plan on going out for lunch. I came upon the horrendous sight of Christian and Lissa being all lovey dovey and I nearly hurled. Lissa looked up with red cheeks and Christian just smirked. "I'd like to live my whole life not having to burn my eyes off."

Lissa rolled her eyes. Christian said, "Just because you can't get a boyfriend doesn't mean that Lissa has to stay abstinent." He wiggled his eyebrows to imply what I already knew. I gagged again and Lissa smacked Christians arm.

"I hate all of you horrible couples."

I sat down next to them and ate my food silently. "Hey, I heard you guys are getting your penpals to live with you."

I nodded, having shoved a spoonful of peas into my mouth. Lissa widened her eyes. "Don't you have a boy?"

I shrugged, pretty much agreeing. "Don't corrupt the poor boy."

"You're one to talk…" I mumbled before shoving more peas into my mouth.

"What's his name?"

"Dimitri?"

Lissa smiled. "Sexy."

I know, but too bad he's a teacher.

Of course I wasn't going to tell her that. "Oh, and we might have a huge class sleepover at my place."

"Really? They are going to allow it?"

"Well, even if they don't, I'll do it anyway." Liss rolled her eyes.

"Of course."

I laughed.

I dropped off Eddies letter, only saying a few words, telling him about what was going to happen, and that if he needed me, I was there. I knew this hit him the worst, since they had been the closest.

As I left, Eddie grabbed my arm and looked at me with watery eyes. "He really loved you, you know."

I only nodded. "He loved you too." I mumbled, not knowing if he actually heard it or not, and left the house.

I drove home and walked in to find no one inside. As per usual. I threw my bag onto the couch and threw myself onto it as well.

Thoughts of the day flooded me, since I had nothing else to think about. Well… that's not the only thing I could think of, but the other things were something I was always trying to push away.

I pulled out the letter inside my backpack and read it over again.

This whole time I was writing to a teacher?! I ran my hand over my face in distress. The things I told him… Did he tell Alberta? I wonder… what does he look like?

I never gave it much thought, mostly because I had so many other things on my mind, life was a lot more important than whatever my penpal would look like. I didn't even think I'd ever get the chance to meet him. What if he's really old?! That would actually make sense, he seemed so wise. Oh, god, what if I have to let some old wrinkly white haired man stay in my house? This was going to be so weird.

Then again, he could be really young. How young can a teacher be? Hmmm…

I shouldn't be thinking too much about this. I mean, the more I think about it, the more stressed I'll be about it. Regardless, he was still coming, and I still needed to turn in a letter tomorrow.

I walked into my room where my desk is so that I could write on a flat surface, instead of the island in my kitchen. I started to write:

Dear Comrade ,

I'm… not really sure how to take your last letter. I mean, I appreciate the honesty, and it warms my heart to know how much you care about me. I've never heard someone tell me this, or well, write me this. I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that you're a teacher, and I'm not really sure if there will be enough time for you to send me a letter back, so I guess I can ask some questions, and if you want, you can answer them when you get here.

Honestly, I'm kind of hurt by the fact that you hadn't told me earlier, but I also understand your reason. I wouldn't have opened up to you, at all. I'm actually kind of glad you didn't, because these letters have seriously helped me. One of my biggest worries is that you are some super old guy, not to be offensive if you are.

So, are you staying with me? I know that all of our penpals are supposed to be staying with us. And I'd probably have other students staying with me as well, since my home is so huge. I'm also planning a huge sleep over so that everyone and their penpals can stay over and we can bond and do stupid stuff like that.

No matter what… I do care about you. You've been such a huge help to me emotionally, and I hope this doesn't change. I'm so excited to meet you. I'll take you out shopping and eating and well… whatever. I want to know who you are, what your life is like, now that I know who you really are.

I feel like I know who you are though, and whatever you look like, or whatever your age, it doesn't really matter, because you are my friend.

I'm excited for your arrival!

Love,

Rose

I had to write, and erase, and then write. I wasn't sure if I would offend him if in fact he was super old. Well, if he wants to know the real me, then he should get used to the fact I don't hide what I'm thinking.

The next day, I drove to Eddie's house, because he texted me saying he was not going to school again, and he wanted to turn in the letter and the permission slip.

Now all I had left to do was wait. Wait to see who my Russian Mystery Man was.