Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
Note: Bella has made the decision to stay, while Jake has a shot of proving to her one last time they were meant to be. How will this affect Rosalie and Mason? Will Bella make it difficult for Jake to prove their love? Who will bend first?
Chapter 9:
Bella saw clearly that Mason was not in his usual good spirits. He kept a steady smile on his face but Bella felt the strain. She knew him too well. She tried to lighten up his mood by dancing with him, which was a rare occurrence for her. He seemed to enjoy it but she knew his heart was not in it. When her father appeared by her side requesting a dance with her she was pleased but also a bit nervous. She feared that all of this might be too hard on Mason. She feared he might leave her after all.
Even when they return home tomorrow he might tell her that this relationship had reached it's destination. She could not blame him. She had after all withheld vital information about her past. It wasn't that she was hiding it because she still long for Jake but more because she feared if she talked about it, it might show how truly unhealthy she was in long term relationships. She did not want to give Mason any cause to fear she might abandon him as well.
As her father spoke to her about how much he missed her and how great it had been to see her these last few days she could not stop her heart from feeling such a profound amount of sadness. She was surprised by how she longed to stay home for a few more days. When this trip first began she had hoped it would end quickly but now that it was soon drawing to an end she found herself wishing for the exact opposite. She was such a damn scatterbrained woman. One minute she wanted something the next she did not. Why was she so difficult to please? Why could she not just find enough pleasure in the knowledge that she could come back home soon. That there was a place here waiting for her whenever she was prepared to return.
The marriage to Jake was the one remaining problem she had still not found a solution for. She knew she should speak to Jake before she left Forks. It was important that they were in agreement on ending this farce of a marriage once and for all. It was clear that they had both moved on with their lives. She knew that this woman, Rosalie, could offer Jake things that she was just not capable of. She also knew that in the long run she and Mason would probably end their relationship. She was not prepared to make a life time commitment. The sort of romantic notion that Mason would eventually desire.
She did not blame Mason for wanting the very thing she hated but she did envy the way he and others seem so sure about love. She still could not fathom why the people around her had so much faith in something that was so fickle. Love came and went. It was never steady. It was more of a risk than a guarantee. She liked guarantees. She liked things in a solid formation. She wasn't big on the maybes and the chances of but more of the exactness of something. Maybe that was why it was fun for her to read about love but to experience it was another matter.
She knew that the love she had shared with Jake before the unwanted marriage had been true at one point. She knew in her heart the feelings that grew in her had been so solid but fickle. When everything she wanted for herself began to fade before her eyes she had thrown that love aside. Maybe it had been out of anger. Maybe it had been out of fear. Whatever her true cause for throwing away what Jake offered her still remained the same. She could not nor would not give up herself to one person.
Not yet. She was not going to rule it out for a lifetime but for now she felt no need to rush into something that she could find someday when she was ready for it. When she was prepared to be loved and to love back unconditionally. Right now, she knew that both men in her life wanted that and she knew that she was only going to disappoint them both. So it made sense that if Mason was going to break up with her now would be the perfect timing. After all she it would hurt a hell of lot less now if he walked away before she invested more of herself into the relationship.
While Jake, she felt more reassure would heal quicker, thanks to Rosalie. This time when she left him she knew he was in better condition and had someone to heal his heart. It comforted her but it also made her feel rather sad. Sad to know that eventually the love he swore he had for her would slowly be replaced by the love he would have for Rosalie. Why did that cause her to feel so jealous, so completely angry? Why did she feel like crying when she thought of the day that Jake would walk down the aisle with Rosalie or some other unknown woman? It should make her happy. It should give her satisfaction to know that her once best friend would no longer hurt for her. Yet, here she stood reaching out for another bottle of beer hoping the alcohol would take the edge off of her pain.
Jake watched as Mason watched Bella intensely. He knew that look on Mason's face. The man was trying to figure out how to convince Bella that he was the one for her. Jake almost felt sad for the fool. He already knew from his own experience that Bella would only give what she wanted to give. She would only feel what she wanted to feel. How was it possible that this man who had been in her life more recently than Jake had not learned enough about Bella to know that when it came to love she was pretty much a lost cause.
Bella enjoyed her romantic books, she even preferred to be wrapped up in a fictional world than to live in the one they existed in back in the past. Yet when reality set in Bella was pretty much one of the most unromantic people he knew. It was rather ironic. She could not believe in her own love. She would rather read about the make believe of other's than to enjoy the reality of the endless possibilities of her own love life.
Jake knew what he was about to do was stupid and hell even reckless but he had to do it. He had to tell Mason that he still loved Bella and if he had too he would fight like hell for her. He knew that by doing this he would be starting the end of what he had or ever could have with Rosalie. Still, he had to give it a shot. He was not going to be like Bella and give up so damn easily on them. He was not afraid to take a risk. He was not afraid of regrets. At least not the ones where he at least tried.
"Hi." Jake stood next to Mason who looked sadly at Jake.
"Hey." Mason nodded as he forced a smile on his face. It was hard for him to look at the man who truthfully Bella belonged to at least in the legal terms of things.
"I'm sorry. I mean, I know this seems so screwed up." Jake paused as he took a long sip from the bottle in his hands. He knew he was taking a chance talking to the man who no doubt loved Bella as much as himself. He wished he could hate the guy a little more. After all Bella was willing to be in a relationship with him. Unlike Jake this guy still had a big shot at winning Bella for a lifetime.
"Yeah that pretty much sums it up." Mason chuckled bitterly as he guzzled down the last of his drink sitting it on the table behind him while turning back to face Jake. He knew that eventually Jake would want to speak to him. Hell, it was what he would do in his place.
"Look, things are complicated. I can't explain it. I am sure Bella has done that enough." Jake stared down at his feet for a moment trying to find the right words when he looked back he saw the pain in Mason's eyes. The fear. The heartache. Like Jake he knew that there was still a chance Bella could ultimately choose him. It sprung hope into Jake's heart. If this guy had doubts and fears then he knew something that Jake did not. Which only prove to himself that he should not give up the fight just yet.
"Not really. She isn't much for talking these days." Mason shrugged his shoulders as he shoved his hands in his front pockets.
"Well, what I have to say I hope you don't take it too personal. I am sure you're a great guy or Bella would not be with you but I am her husband. I am still a big part of her life. I do not plan on walking away with out a fight. I know she has it in her head that I will now just simply throw down the gloves and cave in to her demands. But I won't. I love her. I always have." Jake announced firmly and proudly as he raised his head high staring boldly into Mason's eyes.
Mason flinched slightly before pulling himself up tall as well.
"I have to fight for her. I have to know that if this ends I did everything I could to save us. To save her. She is my life. She is my heart. She is MINE." Jake's voice was deep and steady. He never wavered as he spoke straight from the heart.
"I get that. I get that in some ways you will always be apart of her Jake but do not over estimate me. I love her too. I feel that we belong together. I feel like she is MINE." Mason stated in a matching tone.
"Then to the best man." Jake reach out to shake Mason's hand. Mason smiled crookedly as he took that handshake as an agreement they were both at war to win Bella's heart.
"Good luck." Mason walked away from Jake to stand by Bella's side.
"Where were you?" Bella asks curiously. She had been looking everywhere for him.
"I was having a drink and having a nice chat with some people." Mason replied as he leaned down kissing her softly on the lips.
"Oh. Good." Bella felt some relief knowing he was okay. She even felt like he seem to be in a slightly better mood than when she left him to dance with her father.
"Are you ready to head back. I'm tired." Mason yawned as he slid his arm behind her back pulling her up against him. He knew that Jake was watching them.
"Yeah but first I need to talk to Jake. I will meet you there." Bella felt his arm tense up around her. She wondered if perhaps she should have lied about whom she was going to speak with.
"I can wait." Mason offered as he stared into her eyes.
"No, it could take awhile. I need to end this once and for all." Bella explained. She saw such relief on his face and his eyes at her explanation.
"Okay. Be easy on him." He teased as he kissed her fully on the mouth before walking out of the dance.
Bella stood there wondering how she was going to approached this discussion with Jake and if she should take him somewhere far away from the crowd. She knew that everyone here tonight had been watching them, hoping for some dramatic scene, and she was so damn glad they had given them nothing to gossip about.
Turning around she scan the room for Jake. She wondered if he had already left. She hoped not. The last place she wanted to go was to his house. The house that she had lived in for a short time. The house where they were suppose to make a family in.
She saw him stepping out the back way of the dance area.
"Okay, Bella it's now or never." She whispered as she followed him out of the dance area.
She suspected it was not lost on a few people there that she was following Jake while her boyfriend had gone in the opposite direction.
Jake walked down the road stopping as he stood directly under a street light, leaning against it he waited patiently. He knew she was coming. He prepared himself for the fight of his light. He had to find away and quick to convince her to stay a little longer. But what? What could he offer her to keep her in Forks just a few more days, weeks? He was drawing a blank when he finally saw her approaching him wearing a sad smile on her face.
"Hey." Bella called out as she took small steady steps toward him.
Her hands were tuck into her back pockets while her lips pressed tightly together.
"Hey." Jake answered back as he slouch up against the pole.
"I guess you know I am leaving tomorrow." Bella says as her eyes watch his face closely. She saw the pain cross his face, the sadness in his eyes before he put a smile on his face. She knew it was fake.
"Yep. I think we need to talk about that." Jake replied as he gulped hard.
"Yeah, well, there isn't much to say. I am going." Bella chewed on her lower lip as she stared at him with a hard look on her face.
"So if you go then what? Where are you leaving "us" this time?" Jake snapped. He knew he had to keep it together or else this would only end up worse. He had to win this time. He had to prove to her he was a grown man not some child, some teenage boy who wanted her. He was a man with dreams of a future that would only be complete with her in it.
"I hope I am leaving us on better terms. I think you know I want a divorce Jake." Bella mumbled as her eyes wavered for a moment when she saw the intense look that shadowed his face when she mentioned the divorce.
"Why? Why would you want it when it is clear that your not planning on getting married again anytime soon. Are you?" Jake asked as his heart raced furiously against his chest. He prayed she answered "no". If she told him she had every intention of marrying Mason he would go off the deep end. He could not afford to loose his temper, not now, not tonight.
"No, I do not plan on getting married again but I would like to be free enough to say yes if that day ever comes again." Bella answered softly as she took a step away from him. She saw the hurt, felt the tension, she knew the signs. He had not changed as much as she had hoped.
"I don't want a divorce Bella. I want you back. I want to give us another shot. I know in the past I forced you, this time I would like you to look at it as an opportunity to prove me wrong. Prove to me that we are not good together. We are both adults now Bella, we both have grown up so much. Give the grown up Bella and the grown up Jake a shot. Please." Jake pleaded as he reached out pulling her hands out of her pockets and holding them in front of each other.
Bella was so blown away by his sudden sincerity that she felt a lump grow in the back of her throat. She knew that he was making a valid point. That they had both changed. Perhaps now that they were both grown up more, experienced more, lived a little that this marriage could have a shot in hell of working out but the question remained did she even want to explore that possibility? She had Mason to consider. He had Rosalie now. Too many people would get hurt from them "experimenting" at seeing if this marriage, this heartbreaking relationship could actually endure this time around.
"No. It's too late for us. We both have someone else Jake. Could you leave her? Could you walk away from Rosalie? I don't know if I could do that to Mason." Bella stated honestly as she squeezed his hands gently.
"I know you could leave him, you left me." Jake replied in a hoarse tone. He felt the tears burning the back of his eye lids as he fought back the urge to beg her to change her mind.
"That was different. That was for different reasons, Jake. I had to grow up. I had to see who I was with out you. I still loved you but I …." Bella swallowed the lump as she watch tears stream down his face.
"So you have grown up, you have explored, now what? Why can't you give us a chance? Do you hate me that much? Do I sicken you?" Jake argued, taking a long pause before he continued with a softer tone.
"You loved me but you left me. Now look at me, look at this Jake Bella, can you love him too? Can you really walk away from me now? You never gave our marriage a real chance Bella. You owe me. You owe US a shot." Jake cried out as he released her hands cupping her face between his hands.
"I want …I don't….God Jake." Bella was so confused. She did not know what to say. She had admitted to herself how she had walked away from him all those years ago had been such a cowardly act. Even if she felt her reasons had been validated back then, now was different. How could she explain ending a marriage with a man she did not even know anymore. He had become someone new. Like herself. He had experimented and reinvented himself. Would it hurt to know this Jake before she ended things once and for all?
She knew it would ease a lot of people's minds if she tried one more time to make this work and if it ended disastrously who would blame her? No one. She could finally walk away from her marriage, from Jake, and everything that had haunted her for these past four years with a healthy clean conscience. However, if she did try, when it ended, if it did, then she would have to pick up the pieces again. She would have to learn to live with out him again. Could she do that? Could she survive that again?
Jake's lips descended upon hers before she could reply. He had intended to kiss her nicely, tenderly but he lost control when he felt her cool skin beneath his hands. Pulling her up against his chest and angled his mouth over hers, demanding she open her mouth, he had to taste her. This first kiss since her departure four years ago was not going to be the sweetness she once remembered from him. He had to prove to her he was no longer that lovesick boy that scurried after her like a love sick pup.
Parting her lips she heard the hungry sounds he made as his tongue flick across her own. She tasted hot and sweet, a vixen full of sexual need. A need that he knew he could satisfy if she gave him the opportunity. Jake groaned again. He wanted her clothes off, her bare flesh under his hands. He wanted her legs parted and his cock thrusting deep inside her, driving her to the point where he could shower her with such sexual release she would never look at another man again.
The world began to slip away. All she could feel, taste, breathe was Jake. Her Jake. The guy who once threatened to beat up someone for accidentally spilling a coke on her, the guy who had placed millions of Band-Aids on her, the guy who had been her first lover. This was her Jake, the guy who had shared her secrets, laughed at her silliness, defended her honor, covered his shirt with her tears, the one who had vowed to love no one but her for as long as they both shall live.
Her fingers twined in his shirt at the chest while she whimpered from the sweet ecstasy his mouth was providing her with. She could feel her self growing deeply aroused. He cupped her rear and slid down between her cheeks a little to feel the heat emanating from her sex.
"Jake…" Bella felt the tears stream down her face as she pulled her lips away from his. Her hands released his shirt as she struggled to breathe. The kiss had nearly taken her breathe completely away. His touch had drove her nearly over the edge. It was too much too fast. This was no longer the boy she once knew. This was a man. Jake's kiss and touch proved that he had learn much while they were apart.
"Please Bella. Give me a chance. Give me …give me thirty days. Just thirty days Bella. If in thirty days you feel that there is no way you can love me enough to be my wife then I will give you a divorce with out a fight. I promise." Jake placed her hand over his heart as he made the promise to her.
"Thirty days?" Bella chewed on the corner of her lip as she weighed this idea in her mind for a few minutes. Could she last thirty days with him, with out falling in love with him again?
"Yes, thirty days. I will start the paper work the moment you move into the house." Jake was surprised where the whole idea had come from but he was glad he had thought of it. He saw she was seriously considering the offer. He felt hopeful finally. He felt good about the odds. If she lived under the same roof with him, he would get a chance to show her who he was now. He might be able to show her how much he loved her and she would finally open her heart up to him with out fearing that he would only bullying her into wanting what he wanted. He wanted her to come to him this time, to tell him in thirty days to stop the divorce. To want him to be her husband. Was he crazy? Was he just setting himself up for another heartbreak in thirty days? Or had he just come up with the best plan ever to win back his soul mate?
Bella tossed and turn all night. When the first sun rays entered the room she had finally made peace with her choice. She was going to explain to Mason what she had to do and why she was doing it. She knew it was going to kill him. She even knew she was risking loosing him forever. Still, she had to do this the right way this time. She had to show everyone that she was not being selfish, she was simply not in love nor the right woman for Jacob Black. Then and only then would everyone she cared about would finally wake up and see that she had made the right choice four years ago. Most important she prayed that Jake also agreed that the divorce she wanted was the only solution to their marriage. Bella hated to loose Mason and Jake but she had been on her own before, she could do it again. This time however when she left Forks, she would be leaving as a true single woman who was as free as the sunlight shining upon her face.
