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Chapter 9: Epiphany
BPOV
I cried for nearly an hour, drenching Alice's silk shirt. She didn't complain, just stroked my hair as my head lay in her lap, letting me know she would listen when I was ready to talk. I hiccupped and slowly pulled myself together. I rubbed furiously at my eyes, and blew my nose loudly with the crumpled tissue in my hand. Sitting up, I quickly combed my hair with my fingers, pulling it back in a low ponytail with a rubber band I'd left on the end table.
"Did you see?" I asked Alice. She gave me a sad smile.
"Most of it." She replied. "My brother is an idiot." I snorted.
"He's not an idiot, Alice." I corrected. "He didn't want to be with me anymore, so he left." I sighed. "It's not his fault that I can't seem to keep out of trouble." She was staring at me. "He shouldn't feel so guilty about it that he dragged you guys all the way back." I gave her a small smile. "I really am glad to see you, though." She didn't say anything for a moment, and I could tell she was trying to find the right words.
"Bella, is that what you really think?" Alice asked. "That Edward only came back here because you're in danger, and he feels like it's his fault?" I nodded. What other explanation could there be? "There's so much that you don't know, Bella."
"Like what?" I was curious now. Was Edward keeping something from me?
"Edward and I came back to help you, it's true." She replied. "But not in the way you think. We didn't actually know about Victoria until we got here." She paused. "What do you remember about yesterday afternoon?" I gazed at her, not sure where she was going with this.
"The cliff jumping?" She nodded. "Not much. I jumped in, Jacob pulled me out." I wasn't about to mention my wonderful Edward hallucination or that I only jumped to hear his voice in the first place.
"Edward doesn't want me to tell you this." Alice said. "He was there, Bella." I stared at her, and then inhaled abruptly. "He tried to talk you out of jumping."
"Bella." I whipped around, the voice coming from behind me. I gasped. He was standing there, more beautiful than I'd ever seen him. It didn't even register that I'd gone from hearing voices to full-fledged hallucinations.
"Yes?" I asked, staring at him.
"Don't do this." He pleaded. Even upset with me, he was breathtaking.
"You wanted me to be human." I reminded him. "Well, watch me."
"Please." It was just a whisper among the blowing rain. I rolled up on the balls of my feet, getting ready. I didn't want to turn around until right before I jumped – I wanted to look at Edward as long as possible. "No, Bella!" He was angry now, and this made me so happy. I smiled, and whirled around, and flung myself off the cliff.
I gaped at her, my mouth hanging open. It wasn't a hallucination, he'd really been there?
"Yes, Bella." I hadn't realized that I'd spoken out loud.
"I thought I imagined him." I whispered. "I never would have…" She patted my hand. We were silent for a moment, and then something occurred to me.
"He tried to stop me." I said, getting up.
"Yes." Alice repeated, looking concerned.
"The treaty, Alice." My stomach dropped to my shoes, and my feelings overwhelmed me. "He broke the treaty."
"He did it to save you." She replied. "You'd be dead if hadn't." Great. One more thing for me to feel guilty about.
"The wolves?" I asked.
"They know." Was all Alice said.
"He shouldn't have." Now it was Alice's turn to stare. "I'm not worth that." I stood up, pacing a little. "Your family's whole life here is messed up now, because of me." I sighed. "You were forced to leave Forks because of me, and now you won't be able to come back."
"Bella, stop it." Alice practically commanded. "It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters." Only I could cause Edward to violate a centuries old treaty.
"He saved you because he loved you, Bella." She got up and looked me in the eye. "He loves you, and nothing else mattered but saving your life." I started to deny it, but paused before I spoke, and she continued. . "He pulled you out of the water, and got you breathing again with the wolf's help." She took one of my hands in her cool ones. "He faced down the entire pack for you." My thoughts were whirling.
Edward came back when he thought I was in trouble.
Edward violated the treaty for me, a treaty which kept the wolves from attacking them.
Edward pulled me out of the water, and then stayed to face a pack of angry werewolves.
Edward took me out to the woods and apologized.
"No." He said. "I'm sorry that I left." He reached forward and took my hand. I could hardly breathe. I was sure he could hear my heart stuttering when he smiled my favorite crooked smile. "I didn't mean to hurt you – again – but I thought it was the best way." I stared at him before replying.
"Edward," I whispered. "I don't understand what you're trying to say."
"I'm apologizing." He said it like it was obvious.
"I understand that, but why?" I asked. "You don't want me anymore." It hurt to say that, like the scab on my chest had been ripped over. Pain flooded through me. My throat nearly closed up around the words.
"Bella..." He trailed off, uncertainty on his face. "I lied." I just stared at him.
"You lied?" My heart dropped into my stomach. "About what?"
"That day we came here I was so sure I was doing the right thing." He started. "Leaving you, no matter how excruciating it would be, seemed to be the best thing for you. I knew you would never let me go if you thought that I loved you." He stared intently into my eyes, his hands pulling me closer. "So, I lied." I felt like I couldn't breathe. Gasping, I tried to form a rational thought.
"You lied?" It had finally sunk in. "You mean you put me through this hell for nothing?" I was mad. I wanted to hit him, but I knew I would only end up hurting myself.
"It wasn't for nothing, Bella." He started to explain. "I did it to keep you safe." I laughed, feeling a little hysterical.
"You wanted to keep me safe." It wasn't a question. "Then where have you been? Victoria has been trying to kill me for weeks, Edward." I pulled my hands out of his grasp, and wrapped them tightly around myself. "Jacob and the other wolves have been protecting me."
"I didn't know." He sounded remorseful, but I didn't want to hear it.
"Because you weren't here." I snapped. "So, is that why you're back then? Bella's in danger, it's my fault, better go save her?"
"Bella –" I cut him off.
"I'm not a charity case, Edward." I had tears running down my cheeks now. "I'm not here for you to take pity on me."
"I do not see you that way." He put his hand up my chin and lifted my head so I could meet his gaze. "I love you."
My breathing sped up, my pulse raced. Alice gently led me back to the couch, and pushed me onto the seat. I slowly broke into an ear-to-ear grin.
Edward loved me.
I think a part of me had known it all along.
"Bella?" Alice tried to get my attention. I looked at her, my grin fading.
"You're right." I nodded. "I see that now." I paused, unsure how to explain what I was feeling. "Alice, Edward didn't just break my heart."
"Bella, I know he hurt you, and he lied –" She tried to justify her brother's actions. I cut her off.
"He broke me, Alice." I said, angry. "He broke me, and I couldn't put myself back together without him." I could feel my eyes welling up with tears again, angry ones this time. "I hate him for that."
"Bella, really, I…" She trailed off.
"It's okay." I told her. "You're not his keeper. He makes his own decisions, and it was his choice to leave me, and lie to me."
"You believed him, Bella." Alice said. "You don't know how much that hurt him. I think he suffered almost as much as you did."
"Maybe." I allowed. My anger was still festering below the surface, but I ignored it for the moment. "I don't know how I can ever trust him again."
We were quiet for a moment. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so at peace with myself, anger aside. I inhaled sharply, and Alice glanced at me.
"You said the wolves know that Edward broke the treaty?" I questioned her. Alice nodded. "What are they going to do about it?"
"Don't worry about it." Alice said, smoothing back a hair into my ponytail.
"Have you met me?" I replied. "What's going on Alice?" I could tell she knew more than she was saying. She sighed.
"I can't see what will happen, so I might as well tell you." She started. "Carlisle and Edward are meeting with the wolves tonight to discuss what happened."
"What?" I screeched. "You didn't think this was something I should know?"
"Bella, you can't do anything about it."
"The hell I can't." I snapped. I stood back up, and slipped my jacket back on. I noticed that it smelled like Edward again. "Where are they meeting?"
"I don't know, Bella." I glared at her. "Fine. Carlisle and Edward disappear into the forest, near the treaty line on the road out to La Push." She finally said. "But that's all I can see."
"Good enough." I headed for the door. I turned around and looked at her. "You coming?"
