The first few times this had happened Raven had been terrified. Now, with long experience, she knew that fatigue and the work she had been doing just meant that her perceptions were skewed, and that the more tired she was the less likely her sides were to stay where they were supposed to: in her head. I know he's not us, she replied. That's why this is going to be difficult.
Wisdom was silent for a minute. Raven fought down a crazy urge to offer her toast. You are doing a good thing.
Raven smiled grimly, glad she'd left her hood up when she came in the common room. I'm doing the only thing.
The yellow hood shifted in Raven's peripheral vision as Wisdom nodded. Then Wisdom said, hesitant, Advising that you abdicate control of yourself is not wise. But I must advocate – for this task, be more like him. Listen to Brave and Joy. Let them voice your instincts.
Why?
It will be – useful.
Raven heard Affection's laughter underneath the words. Unnerved, she put down her cup and stood up so abruptly that she bumped her chair. "Are you ready?"
Beast Boy broke off in mid-sentence and grinned at her. "Sure."
She hadn't noticed until then how heavily he was leaning against the table. He pushed himself away, stood up, and nearly fell over again. Cyborg grabbed him.
Raven frowned. "Are you sure you gave him a half dose?"
"It's hard to tell with his physiology," Cyborg explained, easily holding Beast Boy up by the neck of his uniform. Beast Boy dangled like a green puppet, still grinning, making half-hearted attempts to straighten up. "This may be because the other dose hadn't worn off yet, because he was so tired, because he hasn't used his powers... I tell you, whenever he gets injured and I have to treat him I get nightmares."
"I don't blame you," Raven said, eyeing Beast Boy. He saw her watching and waved.
"Well, crazy physiology or not, we know it'll wear off. Eventually." Cyborg tried gingerly to ease Beast Boy down so his feet were taking some of his weight, but gave up when he started collapsing again. "Where do you want him?"
"On the couch in front of the window."
Cyborg got Beast Boy into a (mostly) sitting position on the couch, with Raven beside him in case he started to list to one side. Cyborg met her eyes ruefully. "I'm not sure how much you'll be able to do with him, Rae. I gave him too much."
"It might be better this way," she said, though privately she didn't believe it. "He won't overthink things."
One side of Cyborg's mouth quirked. "I gotta admit, I never worry about him overthinking things. Or even thinking them, sometimes. Do you need me here?"
"Maybe. If I can't get him oriented, at least, and he starts getting overwhelmed again –"
"I've got indexing stuff I need to do – those reports we ran in the infirmary gave me some ideas. Yell if you need anything."
Left alone, Raven turned her attention to Beast Boy, who sat smiling, staring into space. "Beast Boy?"
"Hmmmm?"
Sighing, Raven put her hand on his arm and jolted him with enough energy to wake him up a little, but hopefully not enough to chase away his warm fuzzy feelings. "Wake up. I need you to look out the window."
More alert, Beast Boy looked out the window, his expression becoming apprehensive when he realized it was Titans Tower. It cleared when he saw that there were no figures crawling on the glass – just water and the Jump City skyline. "Dude, the people are gone!"
"But close your eyes and concentrate, just for a moment. Can you hear them?"
Beast Boy closed his eyes, but opened them almost immediately and gulped, "Yes."
"That's lesson one," Raven said. "There are two levels of experience – inner and outer. Sometimes you need to put your attention into your inner experiences, sometimes into the outer. I'm going to teach you how to move all your energy from one to another so your full concentration protects you. You might hear the screaming, but it won't hurt you so much because your focus will be somewhere else. All right?"
"Okay." Beast Boy was still looking out the window, as if to assure himself that there really were no people out there. "Is this where I start chanting? 'Azarath Metri-'"
"Do you know what it means?"
"No. What?"
Raven ignored the question. "If you don't know what it means, it won't help. You need to chant something that means something to you. Something that will help you gather up all your energy. Something that you believe in and that makes you feel better."
Beast Boy opened his mouth but before he could say anything Raven added, "And don't say Cyborg or me or Robin or your parents or any people. You get mad at us sometimes, or we disappoint you. You need something you can believe in like – like gravity. You know Earth won't let you go. You don't even think about it."
Some less-sedated part of Beast Boy's brain noticed that Raven said Earth instead of the Earth - but then again, he supposed, it wasn't her home, maybe she called where she came from the Azarath... "I can't think of anything."
"Where did you go when Terra died?"
A little taken aback by the blunt question, Beast Boy answered, "The rocks down by the water."
"And what did you do?"
What exactly was she asking? "Um... nothing?"
Raven nodded as if she expected this. "Where did you go when you recovered from transforming into The Beast?"
"The rocks down by the water."
"And where do you go when we have a fight?"
"Dude, we don't really fight fight, we –" Raven made an impatient noise and Beast Boy stopped himself and admitted, "The rocks down by the water."
"So when you are hurt or angry or off-balance, you go to the rocks at the shore. That place brings you back to yourself."
Beast Boy sat a little higher on the couch so he could see down to where the shore of the Tower's island sloped away into the Jump City Bay. His favorite spot was to one side, a hollow partially blocked from the view of the Tower by a few outcroppings. He had practically lived there after Terra had died, transforming into a dog and sleeping curled up on the sand, flying over the waves as a seagull and keening so loud he could barely hear himself think. Which is how he wanted it. "I guess I do. So what do you want me to say, 'rocks by the water'?"
"Yes."
Beast Boy fell back on the cushions. "Dude. Dumbest chant ever."
"After a few minutes you won't even think of them as words. They'll just be the sounds you use to concentrate. Sit up and close your eyes."
Beast Boy struggled out of the depths of the couch. "I don't have to get all pretzel, do I?"
Raven repeated, with an edge to her voice, "Sit up. And close. Your eyes."
Beast Boy obeyed, just sitting there with his eyes closed, feeling stupid. "What now?"
"Think about the place down by the water."
"But it's just over there, if you let me open my eyes and look -"
"Beast Boy." Raven's voice had about one thread of patience left. "You're supposed to focus on that place Not on anything else around it. Just that place. That's why you close your eyes. So nothing can-"
"Okay, okay. So now I chant?"
Raven sighed. "Take a deep breath, and as you breathe in, say it. As you breathe out, say it. Just try to think of nothing else but what you're saying. See if you can, for just five minutes."
Just say some words for five minutes? No problem. "Rocks by the water," Beast Boy said, taking a deep breath, exhaling noisily and adding, "Rocks by the water. Rocks by the water..."
