AN:Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

Thanks for everybody leaving reviews.

The last one was pretty depressing, but this one is no better. Well, maybe a little.


Chapter Nine: Replacing Air

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"Oh yeah, you guys broke up. Sorry about that, you two seemed like a forever deal." Finn looked away from me, but it wasn't like I was going to attack him for the slip up. Me and Britt came out of left field for most of our friends; so it's not a shocker that he wouldn't know all of the details of our relationship.

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Rachel and Kurt stood in the center of the choir room belting out the last note of the duet they suggested for sectionals. It was a really good selection and their voices melded together wonderfully.

The entire club vocalized their appreciation, Finn and Mercedes being the loudest. I almost stood up and clapped along with the rest of the club, but I had an image to protect. I left the leaping for the two girls to my right. Quinn kept her approval of the duo more regal than Brittany's fist pumps and whooping.

"I think we might have our opener for sectionals. Great job, you both were fantastic." Mr. Schuester slammed a hand on Rachel's shoulder and tried to ruffle Kurt's hair.

I hoped that they would get their solos for sectionals. Not only was it a good choice, it also meant that I would have a better chance of stepping into the spotlight at regionals.

"Thank you Mr. Schuester…" I laughed internally watching Kurt bat away Mr. Schuester's hand. I don't think that anything could mess up the boy's hair with as much product he dumps into it.

While Mr. Schuester commented on the song, Brittany and Quinn settled back into their seats; the former lacing her fingers through mine and swinging our hands between the chairs. The three of us were the only ones sitting in the back, and I was thankful.

Every time she held my hand it never failed to stop my heart and my stomach to flop. The world around me to melted away. Sounds were white noise, colors drained away; it was as if Brittany was pulling everything into her, myself including. The feeling left me with an incomparable high; it was better than any drug, it was an injection of pure Brittany.

I had always felt a tingle from any sort of contact from Brittany, but ever since we were official the feeling intensified somehow.

Two weeks ago I had asked her properly and openly, I even swallowed my pride and bought her flowers.

"Alright, see you guys next week. Have a great weekend." Brittany slipped her hand from mine and I woke from my daze to see Mr. Schuester and the rest of the club packing their things.

I must have had some sort of confused expression, because Brittany stood in front of me smiling holding out my bag.

"Come on Santana." Quinn chirped from the floor of the choir room with her arms crossed over her chest; desperately trying to avoid both Rachel and Finn's cuddle fest next to the drums, and Puck and Lauren's wrestling match.

I tossed my bag over my shoulder and watched Brittany bounce down the rows to Quinn. We were going over to Quinn's house to watch movies tonight and Brittany was overly excited as usual.

Before I could join the girls a hand was thrown up to block my path. I glared down to Kurt, an insult waiting on my tongue; but he avoided my wrath by addressing Brittany before I could say anything.

"Brittany, Quinn, Santana…" He removed his hand to place on his knee, but I remained next to his chair.

"I would like to invite you three to join myself and the rest of the club to a night of bowling at All Star Lanes around seven. What do you say?"

Kurt looked towards Quinn, who shrugged and nodded towards Brittany. Britt was the one with her heart set on the three of us having movie night. Brittany took a moment to think and then asked, "Who's all going?"

"Well Blaine, myself, Mercedes, Tina, Mike, Artie, Sam, and the UFC championship over there." Kurt pointed over to Puck and Lauren gaining their attention; before glaring at his step brother.

"Finn and Rachel had previous engagements." Finn looked over to Kurt bewildered and Rachel was rolling her eyes.

"Ah well then." Brittany gave Quinn a little smile then extended her hand to me to help me down the step. Not that I needed it, but it did send a surge of warmth through me. "What do you want to do Santana?"

With Brittany's eyes shimmering I couldn't help the grin on my face as I took her hand and stepped down to stand next to her. I nudged her shoulder with mine, trying my best to appear indifferent to the audience we had gathered.

"Whatever you want to do is fine. We can go bowling with the commoners if you want." Brittany squeezed my hand her smile growing and nodded eagerly.

Puck had moved behind Kurt's chair, gripping the back and casting me a bizarre look.

"So what's up with you two lately?" Puck motioned between me and Brittany.

"I mean I ain't complaining, you guys are usually hanging off each other; but you seem…" He looked away searching for his words.

My palm began sweating and I relaxed my grip on Brittany's hand. The bottom of my stomach sank at the thought of where Puck was going with this.

From my diminishing peripherals I could see Quinn take a step forward and growl out Puck's name with her fists balled. Kurt looked up to the boy above him with his mouth hanging open and then back to Brittany and me.

"Overly friendly recently." I paled and felt my feet root into the ground despite the urge I had to smack the smug look off Puck's face. "Like kinda lady gay."

The half sentence sucked my breath away. I knew this would have to happen eventually, but I wasn't prepared for the reality of it. There were dozens of mock 'outings' I had played through in my mind. Brittany had suggested that we sing, but I reminded her gently that not every situation can be solved with a song.

I stood with my mouth hanging open and I could feel Brittany shying away from me. Her hand slipped from mine and she stepped closer towards Quinn.

The entire club formed around us, looking on with interest. I knew that they wouldn't care. I kept telling myself this, but it didn't help that their stares felt like flames lapping at my skin. Heating my body to the point of causing my brain to shirt circuit.

Sam caught my attention, looking between Brittany and me with a puzzled expression. "Wait… are you two dating?"

There was a long pause. I stood rigid, unblinking; not knowing what to say or do. After what seemed like hours Brittany's voice cut through the thick air.

"We're just…"

I turned my head to her only to find her staring down to the floor next to Quinn with her shoulders slumped in defeat. This was my moment to shine, show her that I wasn't all talk; and I was flapping my mouth like a fish out of water.

No. I had many short comings, but this would not be one of them. Not if I could do something about it.

I squared my shoulders and side stepped to Brittany, grasping her hand painfully tight. Her eyes, wide and bright, snapped to mine; I spared her a firm nod before addressing the club. A group of people Brittany considered her home away from home. A group of people that I consider friends.

My first target was Sam, shooting him a deadly glare. "Yeah we are dating." I set my jaw, torn my hand from Brittany's so that I could wrap my around her waist and pull her into my side.

"You got a problem with that?" I focused my rage on my second target, Puck; who held up his hands in defense from behind a shell shocked Kurt.

Feeling in the moment, I fired at Finn, who was looking more confused than usual. "You got something to say?"

"Uh…no. I mean…" Finn fidgeted with the drum sticks in his hand.

"Yeah that's what I thought." I dropped my arm from Brittany's waist and took her hand again. I was hyper aware of our extreme height difference and it was unnerving me.

Today Britt had decided to wear two inch heels and I was in flats, this was probably something we would have to discuss at a later time.

With her hand in mine and my blood cooling it was time to go before I did something stupid. "Let's bounce."

As I dragged Brittany out of the choir room she said her goodbyes over her shoulder. "We'll see you guys later tonight, bye!" There was a chorus of mumbled farewells reaching out into the hallway.

I pulled her through the school and didn't drop her hand until we were outside at our cars. Leaning against the bumper of my car I covered my face with my hands and huffed.

"Hey, I don't think it was that bad." Brittany stood flush against me and gently pulled my wrists down from my face. "At least they know now."

"You're right." The last of my adrenaline was seeping out of my system and with it was a sinking feeling.

"I'm always right." Brittany smiled and I watched as her tongue darted out across her lips. "Now I can do this without explaining myself."

Brittany's breath was hot against my ear, causing me grip the spoiler of the car. The spoiler burnt my fingers, heated from sitting all day underneath the sun; but it could never measure up to Brittany. I readied myself for a fiery kiss, closing my eyes and wetting my lips. However I only felt Brittany's soft cheek against mine and her arms wrap tightly around me.

I made some sort of displeased sound and opened my eyes, finding her grinning at me. "What? Did you think you were getting a kiss?"

"Kind of." I lifted my arms around her neck, hoping that she would give in already. I was all for her teasing me, but I hadn't had a kiss since this morning.

"I suppose you do deserve at least one." She giggled and I was about to protest the quantity, but she silenced me with her mouth over mine. I pulled her down further to deepen the kiss I had been awarded.

"Noah!" Rachel's voice boomed across the near vacant parking lot, causing me to push away from the girl with her tongue down my throat.

"Shut up! It's a free show!" Puck shot up from behind a car not too far away from mine and Brittany's. The half of the club was scattered about the parking lot near their cars.

"Your disrespect of their relationship is revolting." I saw that Rachel had a firm grip on Finn, marching them both towards his truck.

"It is kinda hot." It was a mumble, but I could hear Finn well enough. Brittany giggled into my shoulder attempting to hide her flushed face, but I was a little less amused.

"Finn!" Rachel stomped away from him, and I finally laughed as he stumbled over himself to apologize.

"Think you can handle this?" Brittany placed a tiny kiss on my temple and pulled away from me, circling around to her car.

"If it gets the boys in trouble, hell, I think I'll enjoy it B." I opened my car door and threw my bag inside. It was definitely not as bad as I expected it to be. In fact, my new relationship just opened more doors that allowed me to stir the pot. And I love to meddle.

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I ignored his apology, it's not like Finn had anything to do with me and Brittany breaking up.

"Do you know where she went?" A more direct approach would probably get me to my goal faster.

"I'm not totally sure where she would have ended up at, but I think I heard that she left with Mike and a little while after she came back to Lima." Finn pulled out his phone from his pants pocket. Whoever it was he chose to ignore the call and slip the phone back into place.

"City, state, geographic region?" I felt like I should be writing all of this down, or pull out a map.

"Err I'm not sure. Sorry. But Kurt is due to visit this tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow's Saturday right? He probably knows more than I do. Him and Tina started up a interior design in Dayton a few months back. So far its goin-"

"Tina who?" I'm surprised that I recognized Finn, but it was probably because of his over active pituitary gland or weekly injections of HGH that I could spot him.

"Asian Tina, the Tina dating Mike…" I raised my eyebrow so that Finn would elaborate. "The other Asian in Glee." Now I remembered her. Goth, weird, dated Sit and Spin.

"They're still together then?" If Brittany left with Asians I would bet money that she was still hanging around them. She loved them too much, I never really understood it.

"Yeah, they're engaged actually." Of course they would be how many more Asians were there in Ohio?

Cassidy wandered over to the table and placed two large paper bags in front of Finn. "Oh thanks Cassie." She smiled and returned to the kitchen.

"Ok, so Britt left with the Asian pears. One of which is in business with your brother…" Maybe Finn could connect the dots for me.

"Yep…" Finn's face fell into confusion. "What?" Clearly not.

"If Brit left with them, she's probably still with them… right?" I slapped my hands down on the table on either side of my coffee cup.

"Like I said I don't actually know anything." If Finn hadn't of been mildly useful to me today I swear I would have gone Lima Heights on his ass.

"Does anything change?" I snapped at him and slouched back into the booth.

"Whatever Santana. If you want to you can stop by tomorrow night and talk with Kurt." Finn pulled a greasy pin from his shirt pocket and scribbled his number on a napkin.

"Just send me a text or something… We could all go for drinks if you want." Finn stood up from the table and cradled the two bags, probably filled with cheese burgers, in his arms.

I nodded and shoved the napkin into my purse.

"I could be down to get my drank on." It would probably be good to get out of the house and socialize, even if was with Finn and Kurt. I couldn't stay locked away in my parents' house forever.

In the back of my mind I knew that talking with Kurt wouldn't get me far. Even if Brittany was in contact with Mike and Tina still, hell if Brittany was fucking roommates with the two, where would that get me? Dayton was an hour and a half away. If she wanted to see me she would be here now. I doubt that she would want me showing up on her doorstep.

My fantasy was crumbling down with each passing second. Brittany wasn't coming, she ended it. I was playing the part of a love sick fool. She had done her best to cover her tracks. Should I really be trying to hunt her down?

"It looks like you could use a drink. Something stronger than coffee at least." He turned to leave, but he sat one of the bags back on the table and dropped his hand on my shoulder. "Don't sit here forever Santana... If you need anything you know where the garage is."

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The sun had yet to dip pass the horizon and my eyes were already threatening to slip close. I shook my head and repositioned the lap top balancing precariously on a pillow over my legs. I had two papers due tomorrow and I had been completely unproductive today. Every four minutes I would either sneeze on the screen or knock the computer over to reach a tissue. I had books and loose papers spread out over the bed, and I was getting lost in my haphazard organization.

"This paper is going to suck…"

I wiped the liquid draining from my face with the sleeve of my sweat shirt. It was disgusting, but I've long stopped caring about it. The fabric was softer than the cheap sandpaper tissues that Toni brought me before she went to class.

Toni was a good friend checking on the bio-hazard as Jenny dubbed me. Jenny took the joke a little too far and sealed my room of our shared apartment with caution tape. I was not pleased to say the least. At least, for her sake, I was weak from being sick and couldn't properly strangle her with the yellow tape.

I was lucky enough to not have a class on Wednesdays; not having to brave the cold to get to class was a plus. I wanted to stay wrapped up in my cocoon of warmth all day, but I had to force myself into consciousness and finish these papers.

My head dropped back onto my head board causing me to groan. I checked the time to see how much longer I would have to wait for the drugs to kick in. It'd be another ten minutes of fighting before I would feel the medicine working.

Sitting up straighter in bed, I pulled up my e-mail to pass the few minutes I had; and see if one of my professors had died so that I could go to sleep.

No one dead, and nothing interesting.

I scrolled through the spam that the university sends me daily and started deleting. It's been a while since I've cleaned my inbox, so I decided now was a good time. And it offered a way to procrastinate that was mildly productive. There wasn't that many in my school e-mail, so I logged on my personal to do the same.

This inbox was full of crap from sites that I hardly ever visit. I scrolled through each page searching for anything that would be entertaining before deleting them. I spent a few minutes deleting before I got to the older ones that I've read, but haven't trashed.

That's when I remembered why I haven't checked this e-mail in so long.

There were countless e-mails from Brittany, before she broke up with me last semester. Messages ranging from hello to deeper thoughts of the origins of hats. All of them signed with a cue little 'I love you more than...' whatever she came up with at the moment.

A new trail of liquid poured out from my nose, but for a different reason. I reached for the rough tissues and knocked over my computer again. It landed on its side, but I didn't want to pick it up and see the screen again.

Toni told me to delete them months ago in October, but I couldn't. I couldn't even move them into a folder so I wouldn't have to see them sitting in my inbox. Instead I ignored the account for a few weeks, a period consisting of terrible life choices; until they were pushed far enough down that I didn't see them right away. So that I wasn't reduced to a sniveling pile of pitiful when I checked my fucking e-mail.

But how could I delete them? Each one was a little gift from her. A little reminder of how much she loved me. If I read them I could have that feeling again. That everything was right in the world, that the sun and moon set for me and her, we could accomplish anything, that we were in love. A love so strong that nothing could break us.

My sleeve was wet with my fresh tears, as I wiped them away. I couldn't keep these. I couldn't keep these mementos of what we were. I needed to keep a level head. Brittany left me. We were over. Past tense of the word love was required. At least on her part.

I sneezed again during my most recent breakdown, and I was glad my computer wasn't in front of me. After a minute of feeling sorry for myself I pulled the computer into my lap and selected each one of Brittany's first page of messages individually. The task was made much more difficult by the coupling of my cold and Brittany's adorable innovation of subject headings. I dragged the pointer to the delete button. One click and all traces would be gone.

"She'll never really leave…" Brittany would always be at the back of my mind, gnawing away slowly until there was nothing left.

There was a soft knock at my door and my deliberation of deletion was put on hold. I exited the page and opened my incomplete essay.

The door glided open and I shoved my glasses on to see who had entered.

Madison, brushing the snow off her heavy brown coat and pulling off her blue sock cap, stepped into my room. She smiled at me, and shook her short dyed black locks.

"Awww my baby's still all sicky poo." I rolled my eyes. Madison closed the door and shucked off her coat. Her cheeks were tinged pink from the cold outside. Just looking at the snowflakes still clinging to the material made me shiver, either that or a draft from the door opening and closing.

The last thing I wanted was her jumping on me and touching me with her icy hands. I cringed at the thought, but the action sent a dull pain through my back.

"I'm not sicky poo, I have a sinus infection." I tried to seem busy with my paper, typing out a sentence that had little relevance to the paper. I knew I wouldn't be getting anywhere with the paper while she was here, but I figured the best way for Madison to leave was to look busy.

"Sounds more like grumpy poo." Madison muttered as she pulled out a tissue to pick up the used ones surrounding me on the blanket that covered my lower half.

"How'd you get in?" Madison tossed the tissues into a trashcan at my bedside. She fell to the bed and nearly sat on top of my legs hidden under the three thick blankets.

"Jennifer buzzed me in." I watched her hand drop on my shin covered by the barriers, she squeezed but I couldn't really feel it.

"Remind me to throw something at her." Madison snorted, but I was probably going to hit my roommate with a shoe. Jenny was the cause of my current annoyance, for that she'd have to pay. Jenny was also the person who introduced me to my current girlfriend. That part was okay, Madison was great at making me forget how terrible my life was. Even if it was only during my nightly visits to her apartment.

Madison and I had been dating for about two weeks, nothing serious just hanging out. Which was exactly what I wanted from her. Madison was fun to be around; but I haven't been in the mood for fun in months, no matter how hard I tried to be. I was surprised that she even showed up. Our dates usually consisted of dinner or drinking, then quickly moving on to the sexy stuff. I didn't think that we had the kind of relationship where she would try and nurse me back to health. Apparently she thought so.

Madison crawled up to the headboard next to me and draped her arm around my shoulder. "Aww, Santana don't be mean. I had to come check on you. You weren't answering your phone. I thought you might have passed out from a fever or something."

"I didn't. I turned it off to work on my papers." I grabbed a packet off my bed and pointed it to the phone sitting on my nightstand.

"Oh." Madison turned her attention back to me from my phone. "Have you been crying?"

"I'm sick. Everything is draining out of me. For example my patience." I guessed my eyes were puffy from the e-mails or something, but the girl was pushing all of my buttons. She didn't deserve my anger, but when I'm sick I'm three thousand times more bitchy.

"Hey, come on. I'm just trying to be nice to you. Do you want soup or something?" Madison tightened her hold on me.

"I'm fine. I've got drugs to keep me awake and drugs to put me to sleep. I think Toni threw a box of crackers and a water bottle in here earlier. I need to do this paper." I waved my hands in front of the screen to increase the importance of it so maybe she could get the hint.

"You should eat something more than crackers. I'll go make you some chicken noodle soup. It'll taste great and make you all better!" Madison placed a kiss on my temple through my fizzy hair and stood up from the bed.

I was happy that she was going to let me be for a few minutes, but I was in no mood to eat. I was stressed about my assignments and a girl who I'd never see again. A girl who knew that when I was sick, spicy vegetable soup made me feel better.

"It won't be as good as Britt's…" I mumbled under my breath before I realized what I had said, and I hoped that Madison didn't hear.

"What?" She halted with her hand on the door.

"Go and make the stupid soup." I waved my hand to dismiss her, and pave over my mistake.

"I hope it meets your expectations." She sneered over her shoulder. Normally I would have rolled my eyes at her. Brushed it aside, because it was unimportant. But I highly doubted that whatever soup Madison would bring me would even come close to Brittany's.

"It probably won't." I fixed my gaze to my laptop screen.

"Really?" Madison turned to hover over me. "Here I am, being nice and trying to do something for you, and you're being a total bitch. For no damn reason."

"I never asked you to do anything." My head was swimming from the cold medicine and I was exhausted from staying awake all day working on papers. I didn't want to deal with her right now.

"Wha- You shouldn't have to ask me to be nice. It's just what you do. It's what you do when you like someone." She had her hands firmly balled on her hips, and her mouth agape. She was something I didn't want to look at, not with her face contorted into such an ugly expression. Brittany was probably the only person on Earth who managed to look cute regardless of her expression.

I stared up at her blankly and shrugged. Clearly the only way to get her out of my hair was to piss her off. A skill of which I was born with.

"And I shouldn't be asking for you to treat me the same." Madison was yelling at me now. Something I didn't appreciate with a headache.

"I treat you just fine. If you don't like it leave." It was somewhat true. I wasn't the greatest girlfriend, but I wasn't the worst. Somewhere in the middle really. I would pick up the tab when I asked her out, I would listen to her stories, and I even let her cuddle with me once.

"Way ahead of you on that one." I watched her pick up her things and throw open my door. "Bye."

"See ya." She slammed my door hard enough to cause it to bounce back and stand open. Madison continued her rampage and slammed the apartment door, which caused Jenny to wander out into the hallway.

Jenny stood in my door way staring down the hall for a moment before turning to me with an inquisitive expression.

"And that makes three." I tossed my glasses down onto the papers laying on my bed. At least my latest relationship lasted longer than a week. Maybe I was getting better?

"You have quite the collection Santana." Jenny leaned across the threshold to grab the door knob, no doubt to quarantine me.

"Yeah, but it's not worth anything." The door quietly snapped shut. I was left alone to focus on my papers and ponder on if I would find anyone to replace Brittany.

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Finn left quietly with a smile. He did have a point; I couldn't sit here forever and wait for Brittany. A girl who wrote me out of her life. The girl of my dreams, regardless of how many others shared my bed.

Brittany was my standard. Whoever I was dating would be harshly judged against Brittany's perfection. It was like comparing a masterpiece to a fourth graders' art fair disaster. I would be forever biased.

Anger flashed through me. I gripped the table top until my knuckles turned white. I wanted rip it from the ground and throw it through the front windows. But I couldn't do that, so I gritted my teeth and dug my nails into the wood.

Brittany had single handedly set the rest of my life up for constant misery. I would never be truly happy with anyone. Not when I know what true happiness is. When I've already had a taste of heaven. Found my missing piece, and all the other stupid clichés.

I've found all this; I've had it all in my hands, only to have it torn from me. Ripped from my soul in such a way that it left me battered and broken, I was damaged goods.

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TBC

AN:Let me know what you think about things and stuff. This was the last of the flashback centric chapters.