Hello readers! Before we get down to business, I'd like to give a huge, huge thank you and a vacation to the location of your choice to all my reviewers. :D You guys give the most delicious, encouraging feedback and I love you all! Thaaannnkkk yooouuuu! :D

Alright, down to business. This chapter has no quote. Why? Because we're running into Breaking Dawn territory and this chapter is situated in a small sliver of time that Stephenie Meyer didn't cover in her books. This chapter is after the last chapter of Eclipse. It's right after the small snippet of Breaking Dawn that covers Bella's telling Charlie about her engagement.

Also, a note about the rating. I originally changed the M rating so it would apply to this chapter. However, as I was writing, things got a little lengthy and I was forced to split this section of the story into two chapters when I had originally planned on one. So that means nothing M-like is happening in this chapter. I apologize to those of you who were waiting for M-rated goodness. It's coming in the next chapter! Pinkie promise!

I think that's about it, folks! Enjoy Chapter 9! Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual. And, as usual, Stephenie Meyer owns it all.

I took a deep breath, running my fingers violently through my tangled hair. It was about 8:30 p.m. as I sat on my bed, propped against the headboard waiting for Edward to appear in my window. I buried my fingers in the knots against my scalp to try and still my trembling fingers. I was shaking for a few reasons.

One was fatigue. I was too tired to even sleep at this point. I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep last night. The only reason I had even fallen asleep that long was because I had utterly exhausted myself with my crying. I had sobbed myself into oblivion after having said my goodbyes to Jacob.

Another reason for my trembling was Charlie. Edward and I had just broken the news of my engagement to him. While his reaction wasn't as bad as I had predicted, the anticipation of his reaction had drained me of whatever energy I had left from last night.

The third and last reason? I had yet to speak to Alice today. I had seen her earlier to talk about my wedding, but with everyone else in the house listening in, the conversation and interaction between us had been false and contrived. Worse, I hadn't spoken to Edward about what had transpired between Alice and me yesterday. I was scared to death of Edward's reaction. I had already hurt him by kissing Jacob and now I had to tell him that I had kissed his sister as well. But even worse still, I was scared of having to break another heart. I had smashed Jacob's to pieces. Now I had to do the same to Alice. It wasn't fair. Any of it. It wasn't fair to Alice, wasn't fair to Jacob. And damn it, it wasn't fair to me either. I just wished everything would fall into place peacefully without all this pain and worry. But I should know better. Nothing was ever easy or simple. It all had to be so complicated. I bit my lip and dug my nails into my scalp, trying to force my line of thought away from this mess. It didn't work. I couldn't tear my thoughts away from her. Couldn't help but try and rehearse in my mind what I was going to say to her in order to cushion the blow as much as possible. Couldn't help but wonder what she'd do when I said it. Couldn't help but imagine the look on her face and in her eyes.

I felt hot tears well up in my eyes and spill over onto my cheekbones. How on earth did I have tears left after last night? Maybe the headache I had was dehydration. It would make sense.

"Bella?"

I jerked to my left to see Edward slip gracefully into my room from the window. I scraped my hand across my face to try and remove the evidence of my crying. Edward, of course, wasn't fooled. He was sitting at my side in the blink of an eye, arm curled around my shoulders, fingers deftly tucking stray strands of hair behind my ears and catching the tears that continued to fall despite my best efforts to prevent them.

"Don't cry, love. I know you've had a tough day, but it's over now. It's done. Everything is taken care of and there's nothing else to worry about now. Don't cry," he murmured gently.

Edward produced a tissue from somewhere - I'm not entirely sure where. He gently tucked it into my clenched fist and continued stroking the tears off my face. I shook my head at him.

"No."

Edward frowned lightly. "What is it?"

I started hiccuping through the tears.

"It's n-not over y-yet."

Edward was silent for a moment before he murmured gently, "I don't follow you, dear. Would you mind explaining it to me?"

I could only force out one word through my tears.

"Alice."

Edward cocked his head at me. "Love, you don't have to settle anything with Alice. While I am a little worried about her, to be honest, she's not your responsibility. She's lived a long time. She can take care of herself. And I assure you, she'd tell you the same thing I'm telling you right now. Don't worry about Alice. She'll be alright."

I shook my head violently. "No. Y-you don't understand-"

I took a deep breath so I could continue, but Edward interjected before I spoke.

"What don't I understand, love? I understand that you're upset about Alice because she hasn't been...handling things all that well. And she's like your sister. It's upsetting to see her in bad shape like she's in right now and-"

"No, Edward, that's not it." I was getting frustrated. He meant well, but Edward wasn't listening to me. Thankfully he picked up on the tone of my voice, understood that I was getting a bit annoyed with him, and nodded, allowing me to continue. I was terrified to tell him about Alice. But it had to be done. I shut my eyes as tight as they'd go, forced my jaw open, and spoke.

"She's not like my sister, Edward," I gritted my teeth. "She never was. I just didn't understand that until yesterday." I slowly opened my eyes and turned to look into his golden ones. At first all I saw in them was confusion. But apparently the look in my own eyes answered Edward's questions. He blinked at me a few times. He was shocked and unsure of what to do. He opened his mouth, closed it back, took a breath, and then opened it again to speak. "What happened? Did she-"

I cut in before his line of thought became accusatory towards Alice. "I kissed her, Edward. I asked her to. It was all my doing. Because I'm in love with her, too. Don't be angry with her. If you're angry, be angry with me. You should be angry with me. I deserve it." I inhaled violently, hyperventilating through my tears.

Edward shook his head, "I'm not angry, love. I-"

I rose my voice, "You should be! I'm engaged to you, Edward! And I go off making out with other people! That's not okay! You can't tell me you're not even a little bothered by it! I'm so stupid!" I punctuated the last word of my sentence by punching my mattress.

"You are not, nor have you ever been, and nor will you ever be stupid, Isabella Swan," Edward spoke, gently catching my fist as it made a second attempt against the mattress. "I told you, I'm not angry. Am I bothered? Yes. Because I love you and, well, I get jealous when others have successfully...piqued your interest. And yes, we're engaged, but that doesn't mean I own you, Bella. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. That's not my place. I will always love you, no matter what. If you told me right now that you had to go kiss each of them again twenty more times just to make sure you were making the right choice, I'd say 'okay.' I just want you to be happy, whatever that means."

"I wish you were angry with me. I'm having trouble understanding why you're not. I feel like I'm getting away with things that I shouldn't. I feel like someone should be mad at me or something. I feel like I'm doing bad things and that people are just turning a blind eye to them."

Edward nodded in understanding before voicing his viewpoint.

"Maybe no one's mad at you because the things you're doing aren't actually that bad, Bella. Tell me what you've done that you think is bad."

"I kissed other people, Edward! When I'm engaged! And I knew even before that that Alice and Jacob were in love with me and that being around me was difficult for them. And I still insisted on having them around all the time! I just keep hurting people! I hurt Alice and Jacob by just being around them, and then I hurt them more by kissing them when I know it doesn't change anything, and then I hurt you by kissing them!" I paused to take a breath and Edward cut in.

"I think you fell in love, Bella," he smiled sadly. "And I don't see anything bad about that."

"I do. And I wish you were mad at me. It'd be a little less confusing," I muttered, defeated.

"Well, I'm not. You're just going to have to get over that one, love," Edward chuckled sadly. Edward continued brushing the tears off my face. I took a deep, shaky breath and spoke.

"Are you mad at Alice?"

Edward's sad smile drooped and he sat, pensive for a minute before answering.

"No. More...hurt, to be honest. You have to understand the relationship between us. Jacob doesn't have the ability to arouse any emotion in me besides anger, so his kissing you didn't affect me the same. Alice has been my best friend since she and Jasper joined our family. Alice and I understand each other better than the rest of our family does. It's because we're both gifted that we gravitate towards each other. We're the freaks of the family, to put it bluntly. Not that anyone in my family has ever insulted us or shunned us for our gifts. They merely don't understand what it means to have them. They don't always understand the pressure they put on us for having them, or the inconveniences we suffer from them. It's difficult to hear everyone's thoughts all the time. It has its uses, but I never have known what it's like to have complete quiet, without being bombarded with everyone's thoughts twenty four seven. Except, of course, when I'm with you. Alice's situation is similar. It's difficult for her to be socked over and over with visions as she tries to go about her business. Then, after one has hit, she's often agonizing over what it is, what it means, and, if it's bad, how to change it. It's a lot of worry for one person. Did you know we're the only vampires we know that can suffer headaches?"

I felt my eyes widen. "Really? I thought vampires didn't get sick or feel pain unless it was inflicted by another vampire."

Edward nodded, "That's true for all vampires, save me and Alice. If I walk into a room of more than about three hundred, I'll get a headache. Or if I'm trying to tune out someone whose thinking is particularly loud, I'll get one. If Alice's visions get too complicated, if they change too much and she gets too many of them, or if she's trying to see past the gaps the wolves leave in her sight, she gets them. I remember that when one of us got a headache, we used to go sit together in the attic until it wore off," Edward smiled as he spoke. "We'd play chess up there. Alice is the only one who has ever been able to beat me. We'd rummage through the boxes up there, finding things we used and wore decades ago. Or just talk. Alice and I could talk forever. We haven't done that in a while, though. That's mostly my fault." Edward's smile faded slowly.

"She misses you," I whispered.

Edward smiled shakily, "I miss her too. But you can see the strange emotional predicament we're caught in now. You are my reason for existing. The love of my life. Alice is my best friend. My baby sister. For her to love you the same way I do, to kiss you the same way I do...it's hard. I'm not sure if Alice and my relationship will ever fully recover."

"You need to try. Because I've still got to tell her that I'm not choosing her. She's going to need a lot of emotional support. I'm sure she'd want her best friend there to help her."

Edward frowned skeptically. "Are you sure I'm going to be any help? Remember, you're choosing me over her."

"I don't know how she'll handle that. But I do know that she's still not convinced that you forgive her. She still thinks you hate her. And I think that knowing that you do forgive her will help a great deal."

Edward nodded grimly. "I'll try."

I nodded, my breath still hitching. "Thank you. I wish I could help, but all I'd do is make it worse. She's probably not going to want to talk to me after tonight."

Edward shook his head, "I doubt that. Once you work your way into Alice's heart, you're there to stay. She's one of the most loving, loyal souls I've ever met. Even after what you're telling her tonight, she won't ever leave you. She'll stick with you and be who you want her to be. She can't not love you, can't not stick with you and try to help you and protect you in whatever way she can. She's always been like that with those she loves. She deserves far more credit than I've given her. It bothers me to know that anyone loves you the way I do. But if I had to choose anyone other than myself for you to be with, if I had to choose anyone to take care of you other than myself...it'd be Alice. I wouldn't trust anyone else."

"You should tell her that," I whispered. "You should talk to her. I need to talk to her. Edward...can you call her or something? I just need to see her. Soon. I've put it off long enough."

Edward nodded wordlessly and pulled out his tiny, sleek, silver phone. I just sat, trying to breathe normally as Edward held the phone to his ear, waiting for an answer. Finally, Alice answered and Edward responded.

"Hello, Alice." He paused for a moment and continued, "Bella wants to see you."

I sat listening to Edward's half of the conversation, trying again to figure out how to say what I needed to say without breaking her heart, and knowing that nothing I said would keep it together.

"Yes, at her house...Yes, she told me what happened...No, I'm not angry with you, Alice...No...Yes, of course it's alright with me. I trust you...You're welcome...Okay...I'll see you in a minute." Then Edward smiled sadly, "I love you, too. Bye."

Edward clicked the phone shut and turned to me. "She'll be here in about three minutes. I'm going to leave so you two can talk without anyone hovering over you. Alice will call me when she's leaving."

I nodded. "Thank you. I love you."

Edward kissed me softly and murmured, "I love you, too." before disappearing out the window.

I sat, waiting for Alice, terrified. What would she do when I told her? Would she cry? Would she be angry with me for kissing her like I did yesterday when I knew it probably wouldn't change anything? Would she try like Jacob to convince me to choose her? Would she just get up and leave? I chewed on my lip and continued twisting my fingers through my hair, trying to keep busy so my nervousness wouldn't get the best of me. Suddenly I heard a knock on my door. Strange. Alice normally came in the window.

"Come in."

I breathed a sigh of momentary relief when Charlie stepped through the door. It delayed my speaking to Alice; she would have to wait until Charlie left my room to come in. I knew I had to speak to her eventually. I was just scared.

"Hey Bells. I'm, uh, going to LaPush for a little while to keep Billy company. He's going a little stir crazy. He's got to stay with Jake, you know, but Jacob's been sleeping because of the drugs and everything and Billy just needs..."

I cut him off before I had to hear more about Jacob. I felt horrible about leaving Jacob in a fragile emotional state when he was in pain physically. I didn't want to hear about the complications of his injuries.

"It's okay, Dad. Just go, I understand."

"Okay. You'll be alright by yourself? You look a little-"

"I'm fine, Dad. Thanks, though." I smiled weakly. I knew he could tell I'd been crying. But explaining the cause of my emotions after having told him about my engagement would've been overkill. Charlie could only handle so much drama in one day.

Charlie nodded. "Okay. I just want to make sure I'm taking care of you. It's not going to be my job for too much longer." Charlie stopped as his voice cracked and his eyes watered faintly. His face turned the same tomato red that mine did when I was embarrassed.

I smiled again. "Thanks, Dad. You're doing a good job. Now go see Billy. I know he'll be glad to see you."

Charlie nodded once more and mumbled an "I love you," before backing out of my room.

"I love you too, Dad. See you later." I sighed as Charlie shut my door again. My nerves flared back up immediately. She was going to be here any second. I felt the tears start to well back up in my eyes. I was so tired of crying. It made me feel like a whiney little kid. I clenched my eyes shut trying to cut off the tears, but my tear ducts disobeyed and salty drops started plopping audibly on my quilt.

"Bella?"

I clenched my fist around a handful of my quilt as soon as I heard her tinkling, silver voice. I forced my eyes open to see Alice's delicate, worried face in the window. I sighed.

"Hi, Alice."

Her frosty pink lips curved up in a slow, melancholy smile. "Hi, Bella."

She slipped into my room, and padded, feet silent like a cat, over to my bed. She sat right next to me, adopting the same cross-legged position that I had. Alice wordlessly lifted me up, one arm hooked under my knees, the other curled under my arms and around my back, and placed me gently in her lap. My arms automatically encircled her slender waist, squeezing her lightly. I pressed my cheek to her collarbone, inhaling lively orange, exotic orchid, and sweet honey. She kept her arms around my shoulders, threading her fingers together to keep her arms looped around me. I sighed as I felt the cool, gentle weight of her cheek on the top of my head. My hair fluttered lightly as Alice inhaled. I heard the many high, silver pitches and tones that made Alice's voice as she spoke.

"Your heart was just thrumming a minute ago. You are one nervous little wreck, Bella."

Alice began stroking her fingers through my hair like she normally did when I was upset. I squeezed her harder, knowing what I had to do. I didn't know how I was going to say it. I just had to do it soon before I lost my nerve. I lifted my cheek from her collarbone, and Alice followed suit, removing her cheek from the top of my head. I just stared into her bright eyes, watching the moonlight dancing in them. On a whim, I leaned up and kissed her one last time on her icy, pale pink lips. Then I pulled back, and gritted my teeth.

"Alice-"

Alice shushed me gently and I frowned lightly, confused. She shook her head.

"You don't have to say it." Then Alice smiled that sad, sad smile that I was so used to. "I know. I knew yesterday. It's Edward. It's always been Edward."

"Alice, I'm so sorry," I whispered, shutting my eyes. "I should've known that nothing was going to change. I shouldn't have done what I did yesterday. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I knew before you kissed me what was going to happen. I knew that you'd choose Edward. Because it's always been Edward for you. And, Bella, you have to know - it's always been Jasper for me."

My eyes snapped open and I looked at her, startled. "What? Does that mean-?"

Alice shook her head again, seeing my question before I finished it. "No, it doesn't mean I'm not in love with you. I'll always love you. It means that I thought about what I've been doing to Jasper. And, even if I had a choice, I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't hurt him like that. Jasper's face is the first memory I have. We've been the constant in each others' lives for far too long. We literally don't know how to live without each other. Our lives didn't mean anything until we found one another. And I can't destroy that. It'd destroy me."

I just sat for a minute before asking another question. "So, if you had to choose between me and Jasper, you'd choose him?"

Alice nodded, "Yes. It doesn't mean I love you any less. I don't. It's more like Jasper just got there first. Does that bother you?" Alice's thin eyebrows arched worriedly.

"No. It actually makes me feel better. I feel a lot less guilty now. I don't feel like I'm singlehandedly destroying your life anymore."

Alice laughed. "I feel better too. It feels more like a choice now. I feel like, even though it breaks my heart not to be with you, that I had some sort of say in it."

I nodded in understanding, feeling my smile fade away. Alice had taken the news better than I ever could've expected. But that still didn't change the fact that I loved her dearly, and that I had to say goodbye to her tonight. My eyes started clouding with moisture, and my chest started aching, signs of the quickly growing grief that overtook me. Alice's eyes widened, misting, mirroring my own sadness.

"What's the matter? Did I hurt your feelings?" she questioned, lightly panicked as she brushed tears off my face.

I shook my head, "No! I'm happy about what you said. It's just-I was so scared of telling you that I was choosing Edward that I pushed all this back. And then I realized that I still have to say goodbye, and-"

Alice tugged me to her and I buried my face in the crook of her neck.

"Yes, we have to say goodbye in a way. We can't be together the way we want. Not and stay with Edward and Jasper. We have to say goodbye to this part of us. But I'm not leaving, Bella. I'm not going to avoid you for the rest of my life or anything like that. You can't hurt Edward, and I can't hurt Jasper. But that doesn't mean we won't always love each other. That doesn't mean we won't see each other again. It just means that we have to distance ourselves in such a way as to not jeopardize our other relationships. So no, I can't kiss you ever again, I can't hold you quite like this. But I will always, always love you...and I'll always try to take care of you in whatever way I can. Nothing will ever change that."

I nodded. "Okay."

I felt a little better about saying goodbye to Alice. But, as with Jacob, I felt like I hadn't had enough time with her. I had just figured out that I was in love with her, and now I had to leave her when I hadn't even really been with her. I'd kissed her a few times and that was it. I wasn't emotionally ready to leave her and I had to anyway, just like I had with Jake. I pushed away from her a little, threaded my hand in her glossy, sable hair, and kissed her velvet lips one more time. I had to leave her much too soon. I was at least going to kiss her while I still had the chance. Alice didn't hesitate like she had yesterday. Our lips fell into rhythm almost immediately. I had only kissed Alice a few times, and I already knew I was going to miss it. Everything about it was so soft, so sweet, so safe. I felt a tiny hand bury itself in my hair, and another curl around my hip, thumb rubbing gently back and forth. I pulled back for just a moment to catch my breath, and then captured Alice's lips once more. After a minute, I felt Alice's tongue gently and tentatively sweep my lower lip, just like yesterday. I smiled a little against her lips and allowed her in. I couldn't help but whimper a little into her mouth. She just tasted so beautiful. I would miss the way she tasted, too. I kept kissing Alice, losing track of the time. I was never going to be able to kiss her again like this, so I wasn't stopping anytime soon. Alice, apparently, shared the same sentiment. I forgot about the time, the outside world, my obligations, my should'ves, my would'ves, my could'ves. I was completely focused on the movement of Alice's silken mouth against mine. I shifted after a while. I had been sitting sideways on Alice's lap, and I was forced to turn a certain way to kiss her. I moved so that I was facing her, legs unconsciously wrapping around her. Alice stopped only to shift so that her arms were wrapped around my waist, clutching me to her, before continuing. My left hand, the hand that wasn't buried in Alice's shining hair, was in motion, gliding slowly along Alice's shoulder blade, running down her spine, skimming along the waistband of her jeans, stroking the soft plane of her stomach, memorizing her before I had to leave her. I noticed after a while that Alice's kiss was no less gentle, but it had lost some of its sweetness in place of a vivid heat and urgency. I didn't mind. As long as it was Alice, I was happy. My left hand moved from Alice's stomach to dance up the side of her ribcage, thumb tracing the curve below her breast. Alice gasped and snapped backwards, breaking the kiss immediately, staring at me with wide, shocked eyes. I thought at first that she was staring at me in disbelief until I recognized the faraway, slightly vacant look in her eyes and realized that she was caught in a vision. She stared, blank for about a minute. Then she closed her eyes, and when she opened them again I knew what she had seen. There was no mistaking the slightly dazed, heated glow emitting from her amber eyes. She shook her head before speaking.

"Bella...I-"

"I know what you saw. You don't have to explain it," I murmured, leaning back towards her to kiss her again. Alice's dainty hand gently stopped me.

"Bella, stop-"

"Why, Alice? We have this one night. Just this. And then it's over. I didn't get to say goodbye to Jacob, because he'd misunderstand. But you won't. I want to say goodbye to you. If you're opposed to this, then I'll stop. But if this is about me-"

"I have no qualms about this. You I worry about. You're not thinking, Bella."

I growled lightly. "I know. That's the point, Alice. I'm tired of over-thinking, I'm tired of agonizing over things, I'm tired of trying to please everyone. So, you're absolutely right, I'm not thinking. For once I'm not going to think. I'm just going to live."

Alice stared at me for a moment, a tiny bit of the heated glow I had seen moments ago creeping into her eyes. Then she nodded and crushed her mouth to mine.

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