Author Notes: Thank you again for all your reviews! :D I'm so relieved I managed to get this out as two weeks of school holidays start here (that means even less free time for me). Enjoy this chapter!
- Chapter Start -
After Zero entered his room and closed the door, he leaned back against it and shut his eyes. Then he filled his lungs full of air and released it all in one long, gusty sigh. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around the beautifully appointed furnishings without seeing any of it. All he could see in his mind's eye was Kaname. Heck, all he could think of right now Kaname. Zero felt like he was one really, really confused hunter... and it was solely the fault of the earnest and beautiful pureblood next door who had pulled the rug completely out from under his feet.
Beautiful? Crap!
Zero blinked before shaking his head hard. What the hell was wrong with him now? He had never thought Kaname beautiful before! All right, so he had but only for the first few seconds he laid eyes on Kaname each time he came to visit; the pureblood's features were physically perfect after all. Perhaps Zero was just unused to spending this much time alone in his company. Or... it could very well be because of what Kaname had said. No. It was due to what he had said. Zero shook his head for what had to be the thousandth time in the past hour or so. Who would've ever thought...? And when had the Kaname he had known from before - that charismatic and supremely confident pureblood - changed into this trembling and vulnerable creature who had felt so unexpectedly good in his arms? Zero groaned and ran unsteady fingers through his much ruffled silver hair. He didn't know what to think!
Truly, Kaname had stunned him speechless, scared him spitless and boosted his modest ego sky high all at the same time.
Despite being alone, Zero's cheeks warmed at that last thought. Now, just who was the one spouting nonsense here? He took a fortifying breath and made his way to the attached bathroom, resolved not to think anymore about Kaname. He was going to brush his teeth, change into his pyjamas and then he was going to hit the sack. End of story.
- o -
A few hours later...
When Kaname returned to his hotel room after the meetings, he didn't bother to switch on any of the lights. He had slept reasonably well earlier considering the emotional upheaval he had gone through but he was still tired. After grilling the persons responsible for the problems his subsidiary had run into and making contingency plans, he was mentally exhausted as well. Emotionally though, he felt numb. Perhaps it was because he had kept secret his feelings for Zero for so long or perhaps it was because the hunter hadn't actually fainted from shock but the eventual outcome (and the lack of physical violence accompanying it) had felt a bit of an anti-climax to Kaname. It was possible that the actual realisation that Zero now knew of his craving and hadn't gone stark raving mad would sink in a little later.
For now, it was three in the morning and Kaname was done with the business part of his trip. He and Zero were only due to fly back the next day so that meant he had a good many hours of free time to spend with the hunter. Despite his exhaustion, Kaname's lips tilted in a small smile and his eyes sparkled with anticipation. He didn't have to share Zero with anyone anymore, even if that person was his own beloved sister. Kaname still missed Yuuki very much - even thinking of her caused a pang in his heart - and he missed Yuko and the boys too but it was absolutely lovely to know that he was alone with Zero on this trip, something he had never experienced before.
As Kaname shrugged out of his jacket, he wondered absently if perhaps this time he would finally discover something about Zero that he didn't like but he found that a very unlikely possibility. The only thing he found annoying about the hunter so far was the latter's reluctance to drink his blood.
And speaking of Zero...
Despite knowing that he shouldn't, Kaname found himself standing at their adjoining doors in an instant, one hand already on the doorknob. He had unlocked his side as soon as Zero went back to his room earlier but he wasn't sure if the other end was unlocked. If Zero truly were his bodyguard, both doors would remain unlocked at all times but they had never discussed this aspect and Zero wasn't here to guard him. But he was just next door... and that was temptation itself. Kaname knew that what he was about to do was an invasion of privacy and yet he couldn't help himself. Just a peep, he told himself. Then he would take a shower before calling Zero's room extension.
- o -
When the telephone on the bedside table rang, Zero was already awake. He had awakened with a start a minute or so earlier, his hunter and vampire instincts working in sync to tell him that someone was in his room. When he opened his eyes though, he was alone. There was just the faintest click of a door to know that his instincts had been right but Zero knew his life wasn't in danger and told his galloping heart to calm down. He decided to remain in bed for a while longer, stretching lazily and enjoying the feel of the fine linen sheets sliding against his bare arms and legs. Zero let the phone ring a couple more times before reaching over to pick it up, already knowing who it was and wondering why Kaname didn't just remain in the room if he wanted to say something. The pureblood could be so darned formal sometimes.
"Yeah, I'm awake. You back already?" Zero said by way of a greeting even though it was rhetorical. Then he glanced at his watch. "Breakfast? Uhm... where? The in-house restaurant?"
At Kaname's reply, Zero's eyebrows went up. "I thought you didn't like room service," he replied bluntly.
"I don't," Kaname replied candidly. "But I thought you wanted to continue our conversation earlier."
It was a very taboo and intimate topic that neither of them wanted anyone else to overhear. And speaking of intimate... Despite his calm tone, Kaname's stomach started to fill with butterflies. Zero now knew that his bite was most welcome but he still hadn't a clue as to exactly how it affected his benefactor. Kaname couldn't help wondering if he would finally get the punch he had expected earlier once the hunter learned of this most interesting fact.
"OK. Give me five minutes to hit the shower and I'll be right over," Zero replied decisively. Kaname released a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.
"Use our adjoining doors," he offered.
"All right, see you soon," Zero replied and hung up. Kaname hung up as well and cautiously relaxed since there was nothing in Zero's voice to indicate he knew the pureblood had been in his room earlier. Kaname closed his eyes, remembering how beautiful the hunter had looked when he was asleep. Zero was dressed in a short sleeved T-shirt and boxers with the covers tangled about his legs and Kaname had longed to slip into bed and snuggle up to the hunter. He stood by the bed for a couple of minutes with his aura muted but when Zero stirred, Kaname had to move quickly to avoid being caught.
Six minutes later, there was a quiet knock on the adjoining door and Kaname glanced up instinctively from the newspaper, his heart suddenly tripping over itself.
"Come in," he invited. When Zero opened the door, his expression turned chagrined. Crap - Kaname was dressed as casually as he was, barefoot and clad in one of his black silk robes, belted at the waist. Zero was wearing one of the hotel's white terrycloth bathrobes. He shrugged and ran a hand rather self consciously through his freshly washed hair. He never bothered to comb it since the fine strands usually fell where they liked once dry but he now wondered if his hair looked messy. Then he realised he wasn't supposed to care how he looked and forced his hand down. The pureblood was seated in one of the two cushioned armchairs placed next to a small table at the far corner of the room, already laid out with fine china and linen.
"Our breakfast is already here."
Kaname gestured gracefully to the trolley placed next to him but his eyes were on Zero. The hunter's cheeks were still a little flushed from his hot shower and his silver hair was damp and sticking up here and there as if it had just been roughly toweled dry. In short, he looked absolutely wonderful. Zero walked over and sat down in the other armchair with his gaze carefully averted from Kaname because their robes made them look as if they had just gotten out of the shower. The same shower. At the same time. Instead, Zero leaned nearer to the trolley and pretended he was interested in the food. There were a few covered dishes on the top shelf and the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee in the coffeepot on the second shelf was enough to make his stomach rumble appreciatively.
"Help yourself, Zero," Kaname invited. He crossed his long legs with his usual elegance, a movement that Zero caught out of the corner of his eye. He was glad his gaze was still on the laden trolley. Quickly, he busied himself by taking off the domed covers. "Mmm, smells good," he commented casually and a small smile appeared on Kaname's lips.
"I'm glad you think so," he responded, leaning forward to reach for the silver coffeepot. When Zero quickly jerked back, Kaname's heart sank and his gaze fell. He told himself it was only to be expected after shocking the hunter with his involvement in those missions. The pureblood was too busy chastising himself to notice that Zero was biting his lip in chagrin. The hunter hadn't meant to be that obvious but it was hard not to sit so close to Kaname and not think about what he had said... how the pureblood longed for his bite all the time. Zero still didn't know what to say to that and in the slightly awkward silence that followed, Kaname poured coffee for him. It was something he did whenever he had dinner at Cross Academy regardless of the hunter's embarrassed protests. Zero knew very well what the rest of the vampire community would think about a pureblood serving someone not of his class and younger than him but Kaname always ignored his protests and Zero finally gave up after Yuuki gently reminded him that Kaname probably appreciated the chance to serve someone else for a change.
When Kaname handed the cup to Zero, he expected the latter to start firing questions at him immediately but Zero only accepted the coffee with a nod, his amethyst eyes still not quite meeting the pureblood's. He took a sip of the piping hot liquid, set the cup down on the table and then helped himself to the food, making a sandwich from freshly grilled ham, slices of cheese and those of tomatoes. Kaname wasn't sure if he should be relieved or worried. He reached for a piece of toast and buttered it, his gaze sliding to the hunter from time to time. The meal went on for a couple of minutes in the same silence and Kaname finally couldn't take it anymore. Later, he would wonder if this was how Zero dealt with his children in the past but for now, he put down the rest of his toast. The squirming butterflies in his stomach weren't taking too kindly to it.
"Zero? Are you still angry with me?" he asked softly. Zero was chewing his sandwich in a preoccupied manner but he looked up and shook his head decidedly. The shock and betrayed anger that had swamped him when he first learned of Kaname's interference had pretty much disappeared. There was still some confusion and resentment but it was mostly caused by his smarting pride and both were tempered by this - this ridiculous compassion he kept feeling for Kaname. It was hard to stay angry at someone who had confessed his sins in that sincere shaky tone of voice, all the while looking as if he expected to be severely punished for it.
It was true that Zero had never before known nor cared what it was like to be a pureblood, having spent half his life thinking they were evil arrogant beings. He knew that Kaname was different but then, the pureblood was only related to him by marriage. Zero also knew that he was one of the very, very few persons that Kaname trusted... and yet he hadn't really known him all these years. Some friend, some relative he had turned out to be... all wrapped up in his happy little world, concerned only with his perfect life in being able to provide a comfortable living for Yuuki and his children. Zero realised he hadn't spared a single thought about how his wife's only relative had felt all these years. Of course, he could in all honesty say that it wasn't really his business in the first place... and that purebloods were notoriously private... and that they had been perceived love rivals at first... but his honesty wouldn't allow him to. Kaname Kuran wasn't some distant relative he saw only once a year during at Christmas. He was Yuuki's only and much cherished elder brother. He was Zero's primary blood source. He was someone his children adored.
In short, Kaname was someone very important to his family. This last thought brought a new wave of guilt and Zero put down his sandwich. He had felt guilty earlier for not being able to visit Yuuki's grave and now he felt guilty for not understanding Kaname for the past twenty over years. Just who was he supposed to feel guilty for next? And why should he feel guilty when he hadn't planned all this in the first place?
Confusing. That's what all of this was, confusing as hell.
"Do you hate me now that you know?" Kaname asked again, his voice even more subdued than before. Zero sighed and shook his head.
"I don't hate you, Kaname. I wouldn't be sitting here eating with you if I did," he replied patiently. Kaname nodded but looked like he still expected a yes. Zero's gaze dropped to his sandwich and with another sigh, he pushed away his plate. He didn't feel like eating anymore.
"But why me?" he asked after a moment. "Why do you crave my bite?"
"I told you - perhaps it's because you are my first," Kaname replied. Zero's cheeks tingled with unexpected heat. He quickly looked away, lips pressed tightly together. Drat Kaname for his particular choice of words and the very wrong images it brought up! Suddenly, the bite that had happened so many years ago in an empty classroom just moments after Yuuki had chosen him against Kaname and with her as their sole witness took on a whole new meaning that Zero had never thought of before. It made that incident even more amazing to him in retrospect.
On that day, Kaame hadn't hesitated to kneel down in front of him. He had offered his pureblood neck with his usual implacable calm and neither Zero nor Yuuki had thought about it being his first bite, something most vampires considered to be as significant as their first sexual experience. Zero's eyes unfocused slightly as he relived that moment again in his mind. It had happened so long ago but he could still remember Kaname's slender body trembling against his while his senses were awash with so many other sensations - the laundry fresh scent of the pureblood's black silk shirt, the silky waves of his dark hair against his cheek, the unimaginably glorious, intoxicating taste of his blood... as well as the immense awe and gratitude that despite everything, Yuuki loved him...
Zero blinked and looked at Kaname again, reading shy uncertainty and a silent request for understanding in those open, trusting eyes. It was truly amazing. Zero honestly didn't know how Kaname could have kept secret a craving like that for so many years, with only those soft trembles hinting at how he was affected whenever he was bitten.
"Also, your fangs, Zero. They feel so good to me," Kaname admitted and this time, Zero's mouth fell open.
"Feels good?" he repeated. "Good? But why? And how can it? A bite is painful and - and degrading!"
"Painful? Degrading?" Kaname repeated, a frown marring his smooth brow. Then he shook his head. "No, Zero. Never that."
"But - but..." Zero shook his head in turn and spread his hands helplessly. "Kaname, how could it be otherwise?"
Wait - what?
Kaname was stunned but his adept mind quickly seized hold of Zero's surprising words and analysed it. Well, the hunter's opinion was logical, seeing as how no one else had bitten him ever since the female pureblood who had turned him with her bite - Shizuka Hiou. It was a given that she hadn't been gentle then but to have imprinted such a painful and hateful experience on a young boy like that... Despite his own sufferings, Kaname felt his heart constrict with compassion. He was forever grateful that Zero's path in life had crossed with his and that they were no longer enemies but he had always felt sorry for the budding vampire hunter who had suffered for four years before he finally found stability, acceptance and love. Kaname had no doubt at all that Zero had continued to drink Yuuki's blood over the years. The hunter might think himself more hunter than vampire but Kaname was observant enough to catch the little hints that they both indulged in this regularly, something that Yuuki was clearly more than agreeable to. Kaname now took a deep breath and fixed his gaze on Zero who again looked like the world had turned upside down and he didn't know which way was up.
"You only think that because of your own experience," Kaname began gently. "Just that one time. I know, it had to have been horrifying. Painful. Disgusting. Particularly since you were brought up to hate vampires. But what you said isn't wholly true, Zero. For example, there's a world of difference in how you bite me compared to how Shizuka bit you."
Kaname ignored Zero's sharply indrawn breath at that name and simply continued, his tone reassuring and matter of fact.
"Your bite has never been painful or cruel, Zero. I have no doubt at all that Yuuki thought the same."
Zero stared at him, his emotions caught by the way Kaname had said that - in that matter of fact tone of voice as if biting your loved one was a natural and affectionate act that one shouldn't be embarrassed about. His words evoked another memory that flared as brightly in Zero's mind eye as if it had happened only yesterday - he and Yuuki had almost been attacked by a rogue Level E while out in town one evening and Yuuki had admitted to being scared of the sight of fangs after that. Her words had torn Zero up inside thinking she had hidden her fear of his bite all this time but Yuuki was quick to lay his fears to rest, saying that the only thing that caused her pain was his own guilt at having to bite her to sate his blood lust. That night had ended in happy tears for both of them and Zero found himself blinking rapidly at the memory. He couldn't believe he had forgotten about that time. His heart gave a throb of remembrance and with it, a surge of longing and love for Yuuki. He drew a trembling breath.
"I never wanted to cause her pain, you know," he said huskily. This time, it was his own words that caused yet another memory to emerge. Zero felt the sting of a guilt that was more than twenty years old and swallowed hard. "But there was that one time when I lost control... and I-"
Kaname immediately caught onto what Zero was talking about. "When you started to fall to Level E," he murmured. Zero gave a single nod, his eyes stinging and his throat tight with a regret that should have long been put to rest.
"I was so sure you wanted to kill me then," he admitted in a whisper. "I - I would have let you, you know."
It wasn't the words but the absolute certainty in Zero's voice that floored Kaname.
Dear God...
If he hadn't controlled his anger that time and if Yuuki hadn't begged him not to, he might have gone to confront Zero in the furious state he was in and heaven only knew what might have happened then. A cold shiver of fear traced up Kaname's spine at the thought.
"That was different, Zero. You were falling," he insisted, thankful all over again that nothing had happened that night. Zero only shook his head and wiped the back of his hand over his eyes.
"I'm stable now but I still need blood every once in a while," he mumbled, his voice shaking a little. "My fangs still break skin each time, Kaname. My bite causes pain - how can you say it isn't hurtful and degrading to my victim? How can you even like it?"
This time, despite Zero's obvious guilt and pain, Kaname couldn't help but smile. Really, was that all a bite was to Zero? A mindless act of sinking teeth into food to get sustenance and nourishment where emotions were not considered part of the equation at all?
"Victim? Surely you don't really believe that, Zero," Kaname chided gently. "If you did, you never would have bitten Yuuki again after I promised you my blood but you still did. I know you did."
Yes, Zero drank Yuuki's blood regularly even though he didn't need to. It was an intimate and private act between them and Yuuki - bless her loving soul - had always convinced him that she wanted him to each time. To his embarrassment, Zero found himself blushing. Kaname stayed silent but his eyes devoured the sight of Zero's enchantingly pink cheeks and found himself torn between amusement, adoration and sheer unadulterated envy. Yuuki hadn't had a long life but it had been one rich with love and happiness while he...
"You bit her because of the closeness it afforded you both," Kaname said as steadily as he could. He didn't quite know how it happened but in the past minute or so, the tables had turned and he was now the one in control of the conversation. "You bit me because you needed to. I know you have never bitten either one of us with the intention to cause pain or to be cruel."
Kaname was determined to make Zero believe in what he said, so much that the hunter would never again doubt how very welcome his fangs were. There was no uncertainty in Kaname's voice now as he held Zero's tear filled gaze with his own compelling and intense one, the sincerity in his voice holding the latter's very soul captive.
"To Yuuki and I, your two very willing donors - donors, Zero, never victims - that made all the difference in the world."
Despite his control, Kaname's soft voice turned husky at the end. Yuuki had never openly spoken to him about Zero taking her blood but he knew they both shared the same view. He knew she would want her husband to know and believe in this as well. Zero gulped, finding his vision once again blurring for absolutely no reason. His throat was also swelling for the same non-existent reason.
"But Kaname... I..."
Kaname shook his head, silencing the confused hunter. The pureblood's earlier shame and guilt at having confessed his part in interfering with Zero's past missions had faded completely and he was once again filled with confidence. It was way past time to educate Zero on this fundamental fact that apparently every vampire knew except this very special one sitting opposite him now. Kaname only hoped it wouldn't freak Zero out too much.
"Zero, you are a vampire. I'm sure you know that biting someone can be a sensual experience and that it is very easy to get sexually aroused by it."
Well, that got Zero's attention all right - he flushed deeper, sat up straight and glared furiously at Kaname. Well, that may be true when it came to Yuuki and him - so many times, tasting her blood had ended in a sexually intimate session for both of them but it was always at his initiation, not hers... wasn't it? So what the hell was Kaname saying now? That he too found Zero's bite - to put it in his own words - 'a sensual experience' that left him - oh, God forbid - 'sexually aroused'?
Flustered beyond belief, Zero didn't know whether the involuntary shudder that shook him now was embarrassment, shock or disgust. Perhaps a mix of all three. After all, Kaname was a man and his brother-in-law, for Pete's sake!
"Kaname! You're not saying that when I - uh, I mean that you get - uhm, get..."
Kaname nodded solemnly, holding the hunter's shocked and almost horrified gaze with his calm one.
"I am, Zero. Each time you bite me."
I find it a sensual experience that leaves me sexually aroused beyond belief.
- Chapter End -
