CHAPTER 8:
THE WISE KING OF THE FOREST…NOT!
It was on the way back to Carne, and they had set up camp for the night. They had encountered a group of goblins and ogres, and Church and Nabe had wowed them with their abilities. And Church had to admit, he actually thought that the Swords of Darkness worked pretty damned well together.
After setting things up, and the sun had set, they began having their meal. As he ate, Peter said, "Wow, those weapons you used are something else. Loud, though."
Lukrut nodded. "Yeah, a bit too flashy for my liking if you're trying to be stealthy."
"True," Church said, "but if you're fighting someone trying to kill you and you're not trying to be sneaky, well, accept no substitutes. By the way, this stuff's pretty good. I mean, for rations, anyway."
"Rations? Oh, yes, you claimed to be part of some mercenary group new to these lands," Dyne said.
"Yeah, that's right," Church said. "Ainz Ooal Gown. Meta's just my codename. We're sort of given those things when we join. Thing is, we had to leave our home all of a sudden. Politics, you see. Many of my comrades aren't human, and, well, home got taken over by people like those cockbites in the Slane Theocracy."
Dyne nodded sagely. "I see. So you were hoping to make your fortune here?"
"Yeah. I guess Re-Estize could use some help to watch their backs from the Slane Theocracy and the Baharuth Empire. We stopped an incursion against Carne a bit over a week ago."
"There was an attack on Carne?!" Nfirea demanded.
"Yeah, but most of the people are okay. We stopped the attackers alongside Gazef Stronoff. He's pretty damned skilled, I'll give him that."
The other adventurers looked awed at him having met Stronoff. Nfirea, however, asked, "Umm, is a girl called Enri still okay?"
Church frowned, before he remembered that name. He had gotten it from the name of that girl he had saved when he first came to Carne with Albedo. He had talked to her after he had dealt with the Slane Theocracy. "Yeah, she's okay." Judging by the relieved look on Nfirea's face, he had a thing for her. Maybe she was into bowl cuts or something.
Talk eventually turned to why their group was called the Swords of Darkness, apparently for the weapon of one of the Thirteen Heroes. Church had gotten information about them from his possessions of the various Slane Theocracy douches. They discussed the Blue Roses, another adventuring team, albeit all-female, and sometime afterwards, Lukrut made some comment about how they didn't have any girls on the team, or it'd cause trouble.
Ninya reacted interestingly to that, and Church frowned thoughtfully. There was something about the young caster that had him suspicious. Not that he'd be dangerous, but…
"So, what's life like as part of Ainz Ooal Gown, Meta? Have you been there all your career as a mercenary?" Peter asked.
Church frowned. "Actually, no. I used to be in a different military organisation, Project Freelancer. It's less exciting than it sounds, I was stuck babysitting a bunch of idiots in a box canyon with the strategic worth of a dirty toilet. Oh, they were okay, I guess, but even so…"
"What happened?"
"Oh, I got picked to be part of Ainz Ooal Gown," Church said. "Much better place, really."
"So why are you doing adventuring work, then?" Peter asked.
"Well, gotta start from somewhere, right? We may have had a reputation back home, but it's worth dick here," Church said. "Besides, while we had information about these countries, we needed to find out fresh stuff. Information is pretty important, y'know…"
And it was the next day, as they made it back to Carne, that Church figured out something about one of his travelling companions. Namely, Ninya. Oh, it was a guess based on observations, but he was pretty sure that Ninya was a girl. It explained the appearance: if her hair was grown out instead of closely-cropped, she would look more like a girl, and her reaction to Lukrut's remarks was telling. He'd bring it up later.
On his instructions, just before he left, a couple of denizens from the Tomb of Nazarick were teaching the villagers some basic combat skills, mostly archery, to help defend them against monsters, as well as possible invaders. He'd also suggested giving them items that could summon weaker monsters like goblins to act as a first line of defence. It was two of the remaining Pleiades who had done so, albeit dressed in basic fatigues rather than the UNSC armour or their usual maid outfits. Yuri Alpha and Lupusregina Beta.
Church was grateful. Yuri was probably the member of the Pleiades who was most inclined to help people. And while Lupusregina was a sadist as well as a misanthrope, the werewolf still could hide it, and even seemed to delight in teaching others in combat.
He left Nfirea to go get reacquainted with Enri, while he and the others watched Yuri and Lupusregina train the villagers. "So, those two lovely ladies are part of Ainz Ooal Gown too?" Lukrut said.
Church nodded. "Yeah. They may not look it, but…" He thought about Project Freelancer names, before deciding to go with their real names. "Yuri and Lupusregina are powerful warriors. Incidentally, if you're going to chat them up, do it politely. Don't act like Tucker. And don't interrupt them while they work. They're very professional."
Lukrut scoffed, and wandered over to speak to the two Pleiades. Peter asked, "So, what does Ainz Ooal Gown have to gain in training these villagers?"
"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he's fed for the rest of his life. We won't be there for them all the time, and we may not be able to make them warriors on a par with us, but we can give them a fighting chance," Church said. "Plus, we can't get much coin from a village like this. We get other things, like information, connections, insomuch as a place like this has connections…plus, it's goodwill doing this."
"Sounds like something the Golden Princess would do," Dyne remarked.
"Huh?" Church had heard a little about this, but not many details.
"Princess Renner, daughter of King Ramposa III," Peter explained. "Does a lot of good works, though you have to wonder about some things you hear…"
Nfirea finally came back, and the adventurers went into the forest. They were discussing the Wise King of the Forest, Nfirea asking Church not to kill it, but to shoo them off if they appeared. He agreed, but on condition that he consult with another member of Ainz Ooal Gown who had been doing recon work here. He managed to find out that the Swords of Darkness were fairly neutral towards some non-human species, including Dark Elves, so letting Aura meet them would be fine.
With that in mind, Church called Aura up using Message, and told her to come, though he reminded her to address him as 'Meta', not 'Church', and to use no 'lord' as a prefix. And Narberal was to be 'South'. Within minutes, the sprightly Dark Elf was perched on a tree above them, grinning. "Hi there!" she said to the adventurers.
To his relief, the Swords of Darkness and Nfirea seemed accepting, even enthusiastic to have Aura there, with no drawing of swords. They were just alert, in case things went sour. "So, who's this?" Peter asked.
"Aura Bella Fiora," Church said. "She may not look it, but she's an expert ranger, hunter and tamer."
"Eh, Dark Elves take a long time to mature, I can believe it," Lukrut drawled. "Nice to meet you, Aura."
The others nodded, Dyne and Lukrut both taking an interest in her, at least because of her skills. "You're more stealthy than I am," Lukrut said.
Narberal shot him a look. "Given your tendency to buzz around loudly like the blowfly you are, you set the bar pretty low."
Aura just chuckled. "Thanks. I just have a talent for it, you know. So, what can I do for you?"
On Church's encouragement, it was Nfirea who stepped forward. "Umm, Miss Aura? Do you know where to find ngunak?"
"Of course!" Aura said with a smile. "There's some big clumps not so far away. Just name which herbs you need, and I can help you find them if they're here."
"And the Wise King of the Forest?" Church asked.
"Found it ages ago. Like you asked, Meta, I haven't disturbed it or anything, just investigated." Aura's expression, at least to Church's eyes, suggested she wanted its pelt if she could.
"Okay, Aura. I want to ensure that we don't get disturbed while gathering these herbs, so just tell us if we get too close, right?"
"So, Meta, how did you come to recruit Aura into Ainz Ooal Gown?" Dyne asked as they began gathering herbs.
"I wasn't the one who recruited her, and I never heard the full story," Church said. "But you know how some people treat Dark Elves."
The druid nodded sagely. "Orphaned?"
Aura chose that moment to speak up. "Our mother was taken from us very recently," she said sadly, referring to Bukubukuchagama, her creator, as well as Mare's. It technically wasn't a lie, and while Church wasn't happy that she took the initiative in a manner that may have backfired, her story was a good one. "She left for a journey, and never came back."
"My condolences, young one," Dyne said.
"Yeah, that's too common an occurrence, what with monsters and bandits…and sometimes, it's just nobles wanting to get a new servant…or worse," Peter said solemnly. Church noticed the wince on Ninya's face, and decided to confront her privately later.
Looking to change the uncomfortable subject, Nfirea said, "By the way, Aura, thank you for leading us to these herbs. They're excellent quality."
"Hey, you're welcome," Aura said with a smile. Church noticed it was a touch insincere, maybe because of the misanthropy most denizens of the Tomb of Nazarick shared, but there was also a genuine gratitude for the praise as well. It was an ambivalent smile, that smile. Maybe it was because they preferred to be praised by the Supreme Beings, of which they counted Church, despite his interloper status, as one of. But on the flipside, despite being over 70 years old (at least as far as her backstory was concerned), Aura still acted very much like a child, and enjoyed praise where she could get it.
After they were finished, they left the forest, only for Church to decide to go back in with Aura, if only to investigate the Wise King of the Forest. Out of curiosity more than anything else, anyway.
"Did you actually find out what this thing is?" Church asked.
"As per your orders, I didn't try to do anything to it, Church," Aura said. Aura had told him she couldn't detect any eavesdroppers earlier, and Narberal was with the Swords of Darkness. After some persuasion, he got her to call him just Church. "It's a large mammal, as far as I can tell. I'm surprised, though. You wanted to make your reputation, so why not claim you conquered it or vanquished it?"
"Because, well, I've got the feeling it could backfire. Because these villagers are under our protection, we need to make sure that the Wise King of the Forest is on the same page if it's protecting them from monsters too. Plus, I'm curious as to what sort of creature it is. Okay. You're my backup, Aura. Don't injure or kill it, save as an absolute last resort. And I do mean an absolute last resort. Don't be like Caboose. And don't be a team-killing fucktard…"
They came to a large burrow, deep within the forest, from which they could hear loud, sonorous snoring. "Do you have an ability to wake it up gently?" Church whispered.
Aura nodded. She gently inhaled, and then exhaled, a coloured cloud escaping her lips and gently wafting into the burrow. Aura had many abilities with her breath. If she wanted to, she could imbue her breath with an essence of fear, but Church had asked her to wake it up gently.
The snores began to be interrupted, before the breathing became quieter and more regular. Eventually, he heard a deep, distorted voice growl, "Intruders…interlopers…you are bold to beard me in my den, that you are."
Church blinked as a bulky shape began to shift within the burrow. "Hey, I ain't here to fight. I was just in the neighbourhood, wanted to say hi. And before you ask, I'm not here to discuss religion with you. I hate that even more than I hate Caboose, and that's saying something."
"…What's a Caboose?"
"Annoying," Aura said.
After a moment, the voice got back on track. "So, you have come to pay homage to I, the Wise King of the Forest? Very wise, that it is."
"It's not a homage-paying thing and more of a news update. I mean, you probably don't get newspapers out here in the boonies, let alone the internet. Long story short, I recently saved Carne Village from the attacks of some Grade A cockbites. I was told you keep monsters away, so I was going to ask if we can help each other out. You know, like an alliance or something. Like, you don't try to be a team-killing fucktard, and we don't be team-killing fucktards. Well, whaddya say?"
After a pause, the Wise King of the Forest said, "An alliance you say? Intriguing, that it is. Then gaze in wonder at my majestic self!" The deep, flanging effect went away, the voice becoming girlish and shrill, as the Wise King of the Forest waddled out.
Church just stared at what was revealed, and he knew Aura was too. It was a giant hamster, the size of a horse, with markings on its fur, and a large, reptilian tail waving behind it. He groaned inwardly. A Djungarian Hamster! he yelled in the confines of his skull. This is an overgrown fucking PET from the Yggdrasil game! Son of a bitch! And I am getting a VERY Caboose-like vibe from this thing.
Then, he forced himself to calm down. While he doubted that this ridiculously-sized hamster was as strong as himself or the NPCs of Nazarick, it was strong enough to keep monsters at bay. That made it a good ally. As calmly as he could manage, he said, "Hey. I'm the Meta, the leader of Ainz Ooal Gown. We're a mercenary group who've recently set up shop in these parts. As I said, we're here to negotiate an alliance. We look after the village together, don't step on each other's toes, and it'd all be fine. Well?"
"Hmm, an interesting proposal, that it is," the so-called Wise King of the Forest mused. "I will accept, on one condition, that I will." It seemed to ready itself for combat. "Defeat me in combat, that you must! I won't take no for an answer, that I won't!"
Church sighed. Out loud, he said, "Aura?"
The Dark Elf girl nodded, and gently exhaled another enchanted breath. This one was carefully-engineered to cause fear in the opponents and animals. The instant the Wise King inhaled it, it quivered, and keeled over. "I surrender, that I do!" it whimpered.
"Well, there you go. You willing to enter into an alliance?"
"That I do, that I do!" the oversized hamster wailed. "I am your humble servant, that I am!"
Well, that just happened, Church thought, as Aura pouted, looking like she wanted to skin and pelt the not-so-Wise King of the Forest…who may have been a Queen given the voice. I've now got a new Caboose in the form of a hamster. I'd say this shit couldn't possibly get any worse…but that'd be daring the universe…
CHAPTER 8 ANNOTATIONS:
Yes. It would.
Review-answering time! Lawless: You'll be pleased to know that at least Ninya will survive (and I am aware of the fic in question), so Sebas, when he finds Tsuare, isn't going to be in trouble, unlike in canon. Church is going to be keeping a tighter rein on his minions. Albedo would do anything for her love, and the other minions will follow…save for Demiurge. Demiurge will be a problem. As for Clementine…well, I don't know.
No numbered annotations this time.
