Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT. Or the characters. Only thing I own is the plot and my OC Violet, Rose, John, Dove and Oliver.

Author's notes.

I am so so sorry that it's been so long since I updated. I can't really make excuses, all I can do is apologise. Reviews encourage me to keep writing, I feed off them so please help a starving writer. T.T

"Get your shit. We're leaving."

"I can't jus-"

"Now Violet!" he snapped.

"Yes sir." She said defeated. She glanced sadly over to where Raphael was before disappearing into the club hoping that her boss would understand.

Oliver had dragged Violet from work to a 'business trade' on the outskirts of the city. She guessed it was sort of a way to punish her for her for forgetting her place. She hated going to anything to do with his business and he knew that, but he liked to have a girl on his arm, he said it made him more approachable to clients. He also needed a guinea pig in order to show off his products. When business had concluded he had dropped violet off at her building, which is now where she found herself. Sat on the roof of her building, two thirds of a way through a bottle of whiskey with River purring loudly in her lap. She had her ear buds in, her phone playing on random and a guitar resting against the wall next to her.

"How was I supposed to know the bastard was back in the city?" she took another drink from the bottle. "Don't look at me like that, not like I'm tracking the fucker. The less contact I have with him the better." She sighed, taking another swig. Itching at her neck, she leaned back over the wall, head dangling upside down over the edge. The pressure building, leaving her with that light-headed fuzzy feeling as she stared at the ground from twenty stories up. She sat upright again, feeling giddy as river jumped of her, meowing. "Where do you think your going missis? You going to abandon me now too? Yeah well… I won't hold it against you." she sniffed before pulling her guitar onto her lap, starting to play a soft melody as a new song came through her ear buds. River sat watching her as violet started to sing along with her music.

"I can hold my breath

I can bite my tongue

I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

Be your number one"

She started off slowly with a quiet voice.

"I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part

If that's what you ask

Give you all I am"

With each line her voice grew stronger and playing grew louder.

"I can do it

I can do it

I can do it

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human"

She grew quieter again.

"I can turn it on

Be a good machine

I can hold the weight of worlds

If that's what you need

Be your everything

I can do it

I can do it

I'll get through it"

She closed her eyes getting lost in the lyrics of the song.

"But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human

I'm only human

I'm only human

Just a little human"

A tear escaped from her closed eyes.

"I can take so much

'Til I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human…"

Taking a shaky breath, she put the guitar down before flopping onto her back on the mattress and threw her arm over face. River jumped and sat on her chest. Nuzzling at her face.

"It's okay river, I'm okay." She stroked at her soft coat, arm still covering her face. This was her safe place. Where she felt she could be herself and not have to worry about Oliver finding her, here she could relax. Suddenly river arched her back, fur standing on end as she hisses into the darkness that cover the roof. "Woah, easy girl, what's gotten into you?"

"I 'ave that effect on some animals."

Violet jumped a mile. "Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck are you doing up here Raphael!" she asked bolting upright.

"Sorry, didn' mean ta scare ya, again."

"Well what did you fucking expect on a roof in the middle of the night! It's fucking dark, wasn't like I was expecting any company." She breathed deeply. "How long have you been here anyway?" She leaned against the wall.

"Not long. Wanted ta see if ya got home okay aft'a ya kinda took off with tha man. Ta be honest I wouldn' 'ave known ya was up 'ere but I 'eard ya singin'."

"Ah..." She itched at her neck again. "Well that's kinda embarrassing."

"How? I thought ya job was singin'?" He asked confused.

"Well sure. One of them is but I thought I was alone. I wouldn't have done it if I knew that I had an audience."

"Why? What's tha difference?"

"Well, for one I'd never have sung that particular song to an audience. Some songs hold meanings to an individual that others wouldn't really understand. It makes it feel like you were invading my privacy, like reading someone's diary." Raphael guess he understood where she was coming from. "What are you doing on the roof anyway?"

"I could ask ya tha same thing."

Violet laughed, raising her arms in the air "Well I was having my own private party."

"On tha roof?"

"When you plan a party you wanna have the best, and what's better than the penthouse?" She grinned.

"Guess tha means I'm gate crashin' huh?"

"Well tough love, maybe I might have sent you an invite, only I don't have any idea how I'd get it to you. Maybe I'll make a bat signal. Might be a bit noticeable though, don't wanna draw attention or else everyone will wanna invite."

"A bat signal?" Raphael grinned.

"Sure! I mean you have the whole theme going for you. Vigilante, hiding in the shadows, a set of sweet ass fighting skills. Saving damsels in destress."

"Not sure tha he did really go 'round saving damsels. Neither do I ta be honest."

"You saved me didn't you? " she laughed again. "And sure he did, what billionaire vigilante could refuse an urgent call of a dame is distress." She said dramatically as she reached for her bottle, taking another swig.

"How much 'ave ya had ta drink?" Raph questioned.

"Not enough." She said before taking another sip. He smirked at that and she could just make out him shaking his head in the darkness.

"So ya do this a lot? Ya penthouse party's?" He joked.

Violet shrugged. "It's somewhat of a regular occurrence I guess."

She tried to stand up, the alcohol had a different idea however, going straight to her head, leaving Violet to fall back onto her ass. She couldn't stop the giggles that suddenly erupted from her. She held onto the wall feeling dizzy, before trying again and failing for the second time. She didn't try again, much to the relief of Raphael, he was worried that she was going to end up over the edge. Instead of a third attempt she settled for another drink from her whiskey bottle only to have it pulled from her grasp.

"I think ya 'ave had enough don't ya?" She hadn't heard him move let alone realise that he was now stood in front of her.

"Hell no! Not by far." She snatched for the bottle only for him to hold it farther out of her reach.

"Ya can't stand up Violet. Think tha qualifies as enough." He noticed her scratch at her neck again.

She glared at him. "So?" she disrupted his train of thought.

"So? What da ya mean so? How are ya gunna get back ta ya apartment if ya can't even walk?" He asked in disbelief.

Violet shrugged. "I'll just crash here. Not like it'll be the first time."

"Ya gunna sleep on tha roof?" He raised a brow unsure.

"Not like anyone's going to mug me up here is it?"

"Oh nah. You'll only end up catchin' ya death or some shit." He said sarcastically. " It's okay though, 'cause I'm sure tha roof with be tha first place they look."

"See, now you get it!" she replied with just as much sarcasm and swiped for the bottle again. He took a step back, unsure of what to do.

Violet struggled but eventually managed to stand. He watched as she unsteadily walked forwards. "See? I can walk. Can I have my bottle back please?" she held her hand out, but he didn't move. "Fine."

She held her hands up in surrender, making him believe she was giving up. Suddenly she lunged at him but his sharp instincts from years of training kicked in, he dodged and she went right past him. He quickly managed to wrap his arm around her waist before she went over the ledge, pulling her back against him. She seemed to have no regard what so ever of the danger she had just put herself in.

"Are ya fuckin' crazy!" he spun her around to face him, but she just stood there grinning. "This ain't a game. Ya could 'ave died!"

Raphael had been too worried about her safety to realise how close she was to him. She was lent against Raph with the palms of her hands against his plastron. One of his hands still holding the bottle, the other on her hip. Violet didn't seem to mind, either that or she was oblivious.

"Loosen up tough love. Jesus! Your build like a bloody wall." She laughed, patting his chest with one hand as he stood ridged in front of her. "I think your arm alone is bigger than my leg." Every thought left his mind leaving him stunned she ran her palm down his tense arm. She stole the bottle from his unsuspecting hand and danced out of his grasp giggling. She downed the remainder of the liquor before he could stop her. "What happened to the sweet ass ninja skills tough love? Thought you were supposed to be quick?" she teased.

Her playfulness brought a smirk to his face. He realised that there was no point in trying to reason with her like this, so he just shook his head. "How do ya normally get home from 'ere?" She was a little bit disappointed that he didn't join in her fun but answered him anyway. "I use the ladder to get to the fire escape, I used that to get up and down. The window from my bedroom opens up onto it." she stretched as she sat back down onto the mattress, followed by a yawn as she leant against the wall closing her eyes.

"Hey!" Raphael yelled.

"Mmm?" she realised that Raph had been trying to talk to her and she had been falling asleep.

"Ya can't sleep 'ere. Hey girly? Ya can't sleep 'ere. Violet? Wolf!" She just waved her hand dismissively at him with her eyes closed. "Ah, fuck it." Sudden her whole world seemed to get thrown around, to which she realised was due to Raphael now carrying her over his shoulder fireman's lift style.

"Woah! Put me the fuck down Tough Love!" He ignored her as he approached the edge of the building. "I'm seriously Raphael!" She squealed and grabbed hold of his shell as he jumped down onto the fire escape staircase, not even bothering with the ladder. "What are you doing Raph?" Her speech was starting to become slurred.

"Taken ya home. Which is ya window?"

"Wait. So… you came to see if I got home okay... but didn't even know which one I lived in? " she laughed against his shell as he tensed. Guess he hadn't though that through.

"Which one?" he questioned again.

"18th floor. The window is slightly ajar." Violet yawned.

Raphael got there in record time. He managed to climb into the lit apartment, dragging a stumbling drunk behind him. Violet, who could barely keep her eyes open, reached the side of her bed and started to pull her jeans off. Raphael cleared his throat looking anywhere but at her.

She chuckled. "Sure I'm a singer but I'm also a stripper Tough Love. People have seen me in a lot less." She tossed her jeans to the side. "Pass me that shirt will you?"

Violet motioned to a large baggy t-shirt on the side table by the bed and he turned to retrieve it, relieved to have something to do. When he turned back around to hand it to her, she was stood in just her underwear, tying up her hair up with her back towards him. He went to avert his gaze again when her back caught his eye. It's was covered in long, thick scars going in various different directions. Her back was littered with them. Not only that but they must have had one hell of a force behind them, Raphael knew that they must have been deep and painful wounds. He could see the scar tissue was raised slightly. Unable to help himself he brought a hand up to her back and ran a finger over the aggressive scars.

Immediately Violet when ridged, body starting to shake as her breath became uneven. The scent of her fear hit him like a brick to the face. She clutched at the side table as her legs gave out, breathing becoming heavier by the second. He had no idea what to do, he tried to help her up but she recoiled from his touch with a whimper, eyes clamped shut as she struggled to control her breathing. He tried talking to her but nothing he said seemed to have an effect. That's when he realised that she couldn't hear him or even realised he was there. Violet was panicking, suck in her own head. He realised that by touching her back he had triggered one hell of a panic attack. Whatever memory she was trapped in, that's what she was recoiling from. It wasn't him she was scared of, even though the thought relieved him slightly it didn't stop the crushing guilt he felt. He had been the one to trigger her panic attack. He was the asshole who was making her relive bad memories and there was nothing he could do about it. Violets body had gone incredibly tense, her muscles started to cramp up from lack of oxygen, she was gasping for air that couldn't reach her lungs. Finally, she passed out on her bedroom floor, in front of a horrified mutant ninja turtle who hadn't the slightest idea how to help her. Well this night sure went downhill fast. Raphael cursed feeling utterly pathetic. He picked her up off the floor and put her in the bed, covering her with the duvet. Note to self, NEVER touch the scars on her back EVER. He noticed the raw skin on her neck from where she had been continuously scratching throughout the night, a small puncture mark damaged her pale skin that cover her jugular. Was that why she had kept itching her skin? What had caused it?

Unable to come to a conclusion and unsure how long she was going to be unconscious, or even going to wake up at all tonight, he left through the window again only to come back minutes later with her guitar that he'd left on the roof. Behind him followed the cat that made sure to keep her distance from him. River? Is that what Violet had called her? He placed the guitar next to the window as the cat jumped onto the bed, curling up next to the still unconscious girl. Snuggle as close as she could into violets neck, purring loudly with her paws tucked up underneath her. He was glad to see that violets breathing had returned to normal.

Seeing as she hadn't yet awoken up, Raphael took the time to look around her apartment. Facing the bed with the window behind him, he realised there were three doors, one on each wall other than the one with the window. Violets bedroom had a large double bed up against the middle of the wall opposite the window. A side table was on either side of the bed with a lamp on each. One also had a laptop on whilst the other had a photograph. There was a large desk to the right of him against the wall, it was covered in dried paints, varnishes and glues. Canvases on the floor rested against the wall to his left. The wall was littered with small hooks, a variety of differ jewellery hung off each hook, necklaces, chokers, earrings, bracelets and rings were displayed along the whole wall. Taking his eyes off the glinting decorative pieces, he walked to the two doors on the left of the room. He found out the door on the wall opposite of the bed opened up into a small walk in wardrobe. It was filled with different types of clothes all of which varied in colours and fabrics as well as a wide selection of shoes.

Closing the door, he turned to the next one which shared a wall with the head of the bed, this door lead to a simple bathroom. It was pretty much on the plain side, pale in colour, one of the walls was a massive mirror with a long counter that ran all the way along it. A few coloured wigs, blue, purple and red, were placed on display heads along the counter as well a hair brush and some make up. A sink was set into the middle of it with a few bottles of various fruit scented soap, bodywash, shampoo and conditioner were placed next to it. Other than that, the only other things in the bathroom were a cupboard on the far side of mirror wall, a toilet and an abnormally large shower and bath.

Turning back, he headed around the bed to the last door. Raph found himself standing in the living room which was part of an open plan room, a large countertop island separated the Livingroom from the kitchen, three stools were placed along the island on the Livingroom side and a glass vase filled with white and red flowers. Once again Raphael he realised the simplicity of the room. The walls were pale with a tv set onto the one opposite the bedroom door, two large sofas faced it with a glass coffee table sat between the sofas and the tv. A window overlooked the ally with a desk underneath it. It was covered with paint, artist brushes, a sketchbook and a few blank canvases, just like the one in Violets bedroom.

He headed towards the kitchen, Raphael found that other than dishes, cups and glasses, Violets kitchen was pretty much bare. There was hardly anything food wise in the fridge, freezer or cupboard which Raphael found puzzling. He did notice, however, that her liquor cabinet was far from empty. Cider, Whiskey, Vodka, Rum, Gin, Port, Brandy and other alcohol were tucked neatly within. He hadn't meant to be nosey and rummage around, for the most part he had tried to keep out of her stuff, but Raphael had been thinking. When he and his brothers had been younger and first started going out to protect their city, it had taken its toll on the brothers. To start with Mikey had suffered greatly from nightmares, it had gotten better as they had grown up till eventually, they had stopped altogether. However, when they had been occurring Mikey would wake up feeling utterly exhausted, sweet and sugary food or drinks had help Mikey recover somewhat when he woke up from them. Raphael didn't know much about panic attacks but had hoped that something high in sugar would help Violet after her panic attack like it helped Mikey after his nightmares, but Violet didn't seem to have much in the way of food let alone anything remotely sugary. So, in the end he settled for a glass of water that he placed beside her bed for when she woke up. As he went to leave, he paused, grabbing a pen and a bit of paper off her desk. He scribbled something down on it before placing it beside the glass and leaving through the window closing it behind him.

Once again, I apologise for my absence. I hope you guys will forgive me. I tried to make this chapter longer to try and make up for it. please leave a review, it does encourage me to keep going. Love you guys and see you soon pack. x