Hungover in her hammock the next day, Darcy leafed through two different books, wishing she didn't know what she knew now about Sharon and Steve.
Engaged – he was engaged to her and they broke up two months ago. Darcy was clearly not that special.
Not that he ever told her otherwise.
You're amazing could just mean she was great in the sack. Darcy knew she was.
It didn't make her something to write home about, though.
Steve hadn't come by for her, and she hated that she was half waiting for him to.
She came to the conclusion that she was a terrible tourist. She was wasting this absolute fucking paradise on her own stupid insecurities.
It was just a fun thing to do together. Since when was she so hung up on sex?
The last time she hooked up with a guy before Steve was some barista named Jared who she never called back.
Counting it up in her head, she knew that was a year ago.
Maybe it was just the time apart from that kind of touch that made her crave it that badly with Steve.
She slammed her book shut and saw Sam walking toward her in the distance.
She moved from her laying position to sit up, and lowered her glasses at him.
"You're coming cliff diving, Lewis!"
"Isn't that kind of dangerous?" she drawled, her head pounding.
The Advil hadn't kicked in yet.
"Kind of the point of it," Sam retorted, shrugging. "You in?"
How likely was it she'd vomit in public? Darcy mulled it over.
"Okay."
"Cool. See you after lunch."
He tapped her shoulder and was off again, and Darcy looked toward the beach, sighing.
She hadn't taken a single photo, which she knew she'd wanted to do earlier. She had nothing to brag about.
Sleeping with Steve was not something her cousins were likely to believe.
They were still convinced she was some kind of lab rat herself, like before when she signed up for a couple experiments in college.
After she ate lunch in her room and didn't throw up anything, Darcy walked off to the lobby wearing nearly exactly the same outfit as when they went hiking and spied Sam, Steve and Natasha together.
No sign of Bruce.
"Hey," Darcy said softly, smiling at Natasha first and then Sam and Steve.
She didn't plan to stand close to Steve, it just kind of happened and she knew if she darted away they'd see her discomfort immediately.
She stood still, looking at her emails on her phone.
Jane was ignoring her.
"Excited?" Natasha asked, and Darcy looked up from her screen and nodded.
"Sure. I've never done it before."
"I've jumped out of planes. Piece of cake," Natasha said. "I like your shirt."
It was a tacky tie-dye one she and Jane made together when data collection was especially boring one summer three years ago.
Darcy had tied it so it cinched her waist like a few days ago and felt herself blush.
"Thanks. Your skin is amazing."
The interaction made Sam laugh out loud. Natasha shot him a sharp look.
"Thank you, Darcy."
She sounded sincere. Steve didn't say anything, just shifted beside Darcy.
"Should Bruce be worried?" Sam muttered, and Natasha's eyes flashed and she took a step toward him.
"Cut it out," Steve said, but he was soft-spoken and practised.
Without meaning to, Darcy caught his eye but he looked away, unperturbed.
This was normal, Darcy had just witnessed how conflicts usually went with these three.
So maybe if she acted one way today, Sam would tease her openly about Steve.
And then what was she supposed to do?
"I might not actually jump when we get there," she admitted aloud, and everyone looked at her. "I'll just like the views."
"Or maybe we can just pull you down with us," Sam said, and Darcy knew he was only half serious.
They took a shuttle and then walked along a track, Natasha walking with Darcy while Steve and Sam walked ahead.
It kind of felt like Darcy's last hike, except her headache, though it was starting to seep away, made her wince several times while they climbed toward the cliffs.
When they all stopped at the top, Darcy looked over the side and felt a little sick.
The urge to plunge below was strong despite her fear.
Damn her lizard brain, the same one that made her stare at Steve's profile as she stood beside him.
"No rocks, as far as I can tell," he murmured, and Darcy hummed her approval.
"Awesome. I won't die."
"You wouldn't die from this height anyway, Lewis," Sam said, raising an eyebrow.
"The guidebook I read said this spot's a nine on the scale."
Darcy shot Sam a look, one hand on her hip.
"Nine out of ten. It's a good spot," he added.
"He's lying. He read a blog, not a guidebook," Natasha muttered, and then winked at Darcy before taking the few steps and then dropping to the water below.
Darcy watched as she fell, making an impressive splash in the water.
She made that look easy, resurfacing and throwing her hair back, smiling up at them.
"Didn't realize it was a race," Steve said, frowning.
"'Course it is!"
Sam jumped, and Darcy leaned over the edge to see him make a similar, carefree fall toward the water.
Steve's hand shot out to hold Darcy back, and she saw him move his arm back the second he accidentally brushed her chest.
"Sorry. Thought you might fall by accident," he muttered.
The two below were laughing and splashing, Steve and Darcy forgotten.
"Looks like you lost," Darcy said.
"What about you, you game?" Steve asked, and Darcy giggled.
"Look at you, sounding like you're from this century," Darcy quipped. "I'm game."
She'd just about forgotten about Sharon until he held out a hand.
"Together?"
Darcy felt her pulse quicken. She pushed back the warning.
She was about to jump off a cliff after all. It was enough of an excuse to hold hands.
And they were friends.
She took his hand, and she looked up at him.
"What now?"
"We jump."
They took the three steps to push over the edge, and they were in the air, and Darcy felt herself scream.
She knew it was only a few seconds, but it felt so much longer, especially when the ground (or the water) didn't seem to hit until after she'd convinced herself the feeling of falling could be forever.
She hit the water, plunging deep below, like a stone and letting go of Steve.
No sound but the rush of water, and then she pushed back, swimming toward the surface.
She breached it, gulping the air.
Sam and Natasha were cheering her and clapping.
"Jesus Christ," Darcy declared, and she started laughing.
Awkward in keeping her head above the water, she thrashed, before she remembered Steve was beside her and felt for his hand, and he grasped her arm.
She moved toward him, letting herself be seen closer to him, his arm around her waist and keeping her to his side.
She shivered, and she supposed it was the nerves.
"What about your phone?" Steve asked, concerned.
"Waterproof," Darcy breathed, and then adjusted so her arm was draped across his shoulders.
Natasha and Sam didn't say anything about it, didn't tease, and Darcy felt relieved.
Being in the water fully clothed felt weird, but Darcy could still feel every contour of Steve's body that she touched.
Their faces were only a few inches apart, and Darcy swallowed, feeling vulnerable whenever she looked into his eyes.
She wanted to kiss him, but knew that if she did, she'd think of him and Sharon and how he probably missed her.
"Let's go again," Natasha said to Sam, and Darcy knew she'd thank her later for giving them space.
They began to swim away toward the corner that connected to the path back up, and Steve sighed, Darcy feeling his breath on her wet skin.
"I can't believe we're going home the day after tomorrow," he murmured.
His body had relaxed, he wasn't tense at all in how he spoke when he was alone with her. Maybe clinging to him was a bad idea if he didn't want anybody else to see.
They were going home. Darcy hadn't taken any photos she liked.
She meant to take one of the sunset at least, and vowed she would tonight.
"Can you take a photo of me?" she asked, and Steve seemed surprised.
"On your phone?"
Darcy felt around her pocket for it, and pulled it out.
The touchscreen was harder to use wet, but she showed Steve how to take a photo, though he insisted he already knew how.
"I just wasn't sure, Grandpa," Darcy teased. "Your generation can sometimes be resistant to technology."
Steve looked like he was trying not to smile. "You know what - ?"
"What?" Darcy countered.
He moved the short distance to kiss her, and she laughed a little against his mouth, before the kiss deepened, and she felt the warmth of desire in her gut.
She pulled back, panting a little.
"Steve –"
"I just want to kiss you all the time," he said, and Darcy swallowed, her lips parted.
She wasn't sure what to say or do. Instead she kissed him again, wishing they could do this on the sand without the threat of drowning.
He kissed her neck and grazed his teeth against her skin, and she whimpered.
"I don't want to go home," he mumbled, and then his arms were around her, pressing her to his wet clothes. His forehead pressed against her shoulder.
"Then don't," she whispered, not thinking. "Stay here with me."
There was a splash, and Steve let go of her as Sam resurfaced, smiling.
"I was aiming for you two but I just missed," he teased, though Darcy didn't have the heart to smile.
She floated a little. "I think I want to get out before I turn into a prune."
Darcy got back to the hotel an hour later, having walked and taken photos of the view with Natasha, Steve and Sam for once were walking behind them.
If they were talking about Darcy, she didn't want to know.
She felt very, very scared and she wasn't sure how to make it stop.
What she said earlier was stupid and didn't even make any sense. Why would Steve of all people leave his life for something in Hawaii?
Nothing was a sure thing anymore.
Thor leaving and Bucky turning up were reasons enough to believe that.
Natasha walked arm in arm with her, and she knew the redhead was looking for Bruce, to see if he wanted to see anyone that day.
There was a flicker of hurt across Natasha's face when there was no sign of him, and Darcy saw the switch take place and Natasha turned back to warm and relaxed.
"I need a shower," she murmured, and Darcy wondered if she meant to go somewhere to cry, or to find Bruce.
Or both, because Darcy wouldn't blame her if she decided to confront him.
Sam said the same, promising to see everyone at dinner.
That left Steve and Darcy in the lobby.
"Come to my room later," Steve said, and Darcy avoided his gaze.
"This is…"
She swallowed, blinking.
"What is it?" Steve asked, and he slid her hand into his.
"Bad. Really bad," she murmured. "I shouldn't."
"I like you," he said.
Darcy felt her eyes prickle, dreading him ever saying something like that. It was like pulling a thorn out of her foot.
She looked up at him.
"No, I – it's more than that, Darcy, I –"
"I can't."
Her voice broke with emotion and Steve looked miserable.
"Okay."
She pulled her hand away. "I just can't. I'm sorry."
She swiped at her eyes, taking a step away from him.
"You don't have to say sorry," he said.
It was like he'd been waiting for her to say no that time.
