Author's Notes: Whew, finally a chapter I'm happy about the length with. This is what more time allows me to do and I am SO happy that all of you understood that and said you didn't mind if I took longer to write a chapter. I've seen with some other authors that I read, their fans go crazy and start demanding they update more frequently and I didn't want that to happen here.

But you guys are AWESOME. I really have a great bunch of readers here and am so thankful for that so: thank you!

Song: This title is a reference to the song Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine. I really must insist that you listen to this song is absolutely wonderful and a tad bit epic. Or at least go read the lyrics.

Chapter Rating: M (Fighting, but mainly cuz I just start dropping the F-bomb later on.)

Disclaimer: SPN characters are not mine but if Sam and Dean really ever WERE transported to this world I would totally attempt to kidnap them, uh, i mean I DON'T MAKE ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS.

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A Falling Star: Part 2

"I can't talk to him, he won't listen to anything I say."

Milo watched as Aries paced out in the hallway, her coat swishing silently behind her at every sharp move.

"He's being an idiot!"

Even if Aries hadn't been human for a long time, Milo held the personal belief that she still retained all of her feminine traits. Only women tended to worry this much, and out loud. Men would go on a drinking spree and think by themselves and then do something irrationally stupid. So in his eyes, women were the better gender.

"Of course if the only thing you remember is Hell you're going to think you're a horrible person not deserving of any good feeling, but that doesn't actually make it true. It's pure fucking logic and he's all acting like..."

Milo was fairly content to just watch Aries pace and look frustrated, because he rarely saw her this way and she was cute when she frowned, but he was also worried about Dean. He was his friend, and he had literally been through Hell.

.


.

Dean's world was drenched in darkness and an echo of screams played out in his mind. When he had gone for that door he had expected several things might happen, but he could have never been prepared to be plunged into fire and pain as memories came rushing back to him, and they had to be memories. Nothing else could be that vivid.

He remembers the snarl of dogs and the feel of his skin being ripped to pieces. He can remember somebody screaming for him—the name Sam comes to him. Then he's being dragged deep, deep down, clawing at the Earth around him until he can feel the fire licking at him and the smell of everything rotten seep into him.

Forty years.

He can recall every minute of it now. He knows how and why he ended up there, although there is no accompanying memory, just the knowledge. It's like Hell was the only thing that was in his life. And the pain of the torture is sharp, Alistair's words whisper in his mind again, and the shame as he broke weighs heavy on him. How could he have ever thought he was a decent person? He was a monster.

He should have never remembered. Should have left well enough alone. Whoever this Castiel was—still nothing came to him about this person—they were better off without him.

"Dean?" Green eyes snap out of their dead stare.

"Leave me alone right now, Milo."

"In a minute." the other man says as he walks up and sits down next to Dean, his ridiculous bracelets and armbands all clanking together, "Just thought I'd sit for a minute."

And so they sat in complete silence. Dean's stubborn and knows if he just stays silent long enough then Milo would leave, because Dean didn't want anyone around him right now. Didn't want to speak, didn't want explanations, just wanted to be alone. Suffer his demons by himself.

But Milo doesn't leave and it's kinda maddening. Dean has the violent urge to punch something.

"You want to know how I died?" Milo asked suddenly and Dean's murderous thoughts derailed. He finally turned to face the other Reaper, if only slightly. He had always wondered...

"Fine." he huffed, wanting to make it clear he wasn't that interested, and crossed his arms, "Enlighten me." Milo gave a small smile. The kind he normally only gave Aries and it made Dean more upset, because he, of all people, didn't deserve it.

"I was thirty six," Milo started, "and I worked at Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc. as a desk jockey pushing papers in a cubicle. It wasn't a terrible job, despite what you might think, and the pay was decent. I wasn't really moving up the chain but I didn't have any desire to either, I was just...there."

"No girl?" Dean asked before he could stop himself and Milo chuckled, but it sounded wrong.

"No girl." he confirmed, "Nothing ever seemed to stick, problems always came up. Truth be told I wasn't horribly upset to be single, not if it made my life easier and less complicated."

"So what happened?"

"I woke up one day and realized I had never been happy." Milo said, "Not once, not truly." He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, skewing his glasses, "I make it sound dramatic but it wasn't. Just something that came to me when I was pouring coffee into a cup. So," Milo shrugged, "I went to work like normal, put in a hard day's work, hung out with some co-workers afterwards at a club—" he pointed at his outfit and decked out arms, "—and then went home and shot myself in the head."

Dean stared, hard. Not quite able to believe what he was hearing, "So you just up and killed yourself?"

"I had no family, no close friends, and I wasn't happy. I didn't want to spend another forty to fifty years as I was." The other man seemed unconcerned by his actions, "I was just tired. I had no religious beliefs so I figured eternal nothingness was where I was headed, and it sounded great."

"A-are you listening to yourself!" Dean gave a strangled whisper, trying not to scream. Milo shot him an icy stare, his glasses flashing in the light.

"I know how it sounds and I don't expect you to understand, not many people do. I'm not even saying I was right; it's just what I did. But what I didn't expect was there to be something after death." His tone switched to bitter amusement, "Ariel told me she has stood over several Reapers when they first wake up here; I was the first that screamed in rage at still being alive, still being aware."

"Irony bitch slapped you." Dean grunted and Milo laughed hollowly again.

"Yeah, that's what I figured. So I begged Ariel to let my soul pass on, to truly die. I didn't want to be a Reaper; I didn't want anything to do with anyone. It's like I said, I just wanted it to be over and I was desperate."

"So what did you do?" Dean asked.

"Not me," Milo gave a crooked grin, "it's what Ariel did."

"Alright, so what did she do?" Dean rolled his eyes.

"Dean, do you know what happens to the soul of a person who commits suicide?" Milo asked quietly and Dean froze, his mind making the connection almost instantly.

"Hell?" His throat had gone dry and he suddenly saw Milo in a whole new light, "You asked to be sent to Hell?"

"I didn't know that would happen," the Reaper said quickly, "I told you, I had no religious beliefs, and its not that Ariel sent me to Hell, she released my soul back to the path it would have taken had I not been recruited." There was a long moment of silence as Dean took in everything he had just heard. A question popped up in his head.

"How long?" he asked.

"A month." Milo said and shuffled his body uncomfortably, "Nothing compared to you—"

"It's enough." Dean interrupted quickly. Any time spent in Hell was enough to understand it; there was no set length you needed to stay to get the "full" experience. Memories threatened to overwhelm him again but he pushed them down, "So how did you get out?"

"How do you think?" Milo gave him an obvious look, "I wasn't expecting anyone to come for me, figured this is what I asked for and I deserved it, but Ariel...s-she—"

"She came back for you?"

"Dragged me back here and gave me another chance, said I could make a choice to stay here and do something useful for once or she would destroy my soul."

"Wait, what?" That caught Dean off guard, "Destroy your soul?"

"Give me my eternal darkness," Milo clarified and gave a soundless laugh at Dean's incredulous face, "I know, it threw me off too."

"And obviously you chose to be a Reaper." Dean finished and Milo gave his small smile again.

"I was happy...here." Dean snorted.

"You mean happy with her. I was right, you totally wanna hit that."

"Shut up, Dean." They both laughed and something in Dean's chest loosened and he felt a bit lighter. Milo stood up and faced him, "Point is Dean, I understand a bit about Hell and I know what it can do to a person. When I was down there, never once did I think I should try to escape, because that's what it does—that's how Hell works, it makes you believe that you deserve the pain."

Dean swallowed and looked down.

"All I'm saying Dean, is that you don't put too much stock in those memories you got back. Hell is a twisted and warped place, and it's designed to break people. Don't let it break you again."

.


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"So what the hell happened to you back there?" Sam intoned as they drove in the Impala back to Bobby's. It was going to be a several day drive.

"I am unsure." Castiel answered honestly, still sounding tired, "It felt as through something was attacking my Grace and, if I had to guess, doing it through my memories."

"Memories?" Sam frowned.

"Yes, to weaken my will. I have heard of these techniques before." Castiel tilted his head, "Raphael was known to be quiet adept at them."

"You think its him?" Which would so not be good.

"No," the angel sighed, "I think not. There is little reason in it."

"Well, I dunno about that." Sam said slowly, keeping his eyes on the road. He still felt Castiel's turn to him though as the angel gave him his patented piercing stare.

"What do you mean by that, Sam?" His tone wasn't dangerous, not yet. Sam still felt like he was being scolded though.

"Well, with that Reaper, she told me what we had to do."

"Find the original book and give it to Death." Castiel nodded, "You said so earlier."

"Yeah but the hint she gave, about the angels—"

"Yes, I was unclear about that."

"—it's worse than we thought, Cas." Sam tried to explain, "This book, apparently it was written by God and Death. Some kind of insurance against the other, never really meant to be used. Like a Doomsday device."

"I do not know what that means."

"It's ok. Point is, no one was ever meant to get their hands on the book. The power it contains is unimaginable, and what's worse is that angels can read it—Raphael can read it." Sam heard Castiel's sharp intake of breath, "And if he gets his hands on the original then he could easily start the apocalypse again, wouldn't even need Lucifer and Michael."

"So when she said to look for my brothers..." the angel trailed off and looked troubled.

"Raphael's gonna go after the book." Sam confirmed, "But apparently that's good because then we'll be able to track them. You can still feel the presence of other angels, right?"

"Yes, of course." Castiel nodded, "Especially if Raphael is coming down personally to this planet, I should be able to sense him. But how does this help us with the soul issue?"

"That's just it, these books are the reason for the sudden influx of erasing souls. You said before that there were other methods, but they were much slower and no one really used them before, its only 'cuz of this book that angels and demons are seeing them as attainable resources."

"So if Death destroys all the copies and keeps the original to himself, then it will no longer be an issue." Castiel summed up, "Then everything comes down to getting this book before my brother."

"Right." Sam nodded and saw a road sign for a small town up ahead, which was good because he was tired and needed to rest, "I already called Bobby and asked him took look into any possible signs of large angel activity to give us a head start , hopefully by the time we get there he'll have something."

"And then?"

"Then Cas, you're gonna teleport us there. We need this done fast."

"Agreed." The town came into view and Sam started scanning for the first motel he could find.

"If you want, you can go on ahead and help Bobby." he suggested as a dim little place called Route 66 with a flickering sign appeared on a corner and Sam turned into it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Castiel shake his head.

"I would rather stay." the angel confessed, "If Raphael does make any major move I'll be able to feel it from here and can teleport us immediately. Going to Bobby's is unneeded."

"Of course." Sam smiled. He parked the car and pulled himself out, looking over as Castiel did the same, "But that's not the best part." He added, trying to sound casual. Castiel tilted his head.

"Then what is?"

"I made a deal with the Reaper." Castiel's eyes narrowed.

"Sam..."

"Don't worry," the Hunter waved a hand, "It's nothing damning. I help them and that female Reaper finds something out for me."

"What?" the angel's body went tense.

"She said she could find out what happened to Dean's soul."

.


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Sometimes, when Dean closed his eyes and went deeper into his soul, down into his room, it would flicker. Instead of his four-poster bed and leather couch he would see instead two small, ragged beds in the style of a motel room with several pictures, notes and maps hanging on walls covered in pealing wallpaper.

There would be a cheap table near a window with a laptop sitting on it, except the screen was always blank, and at the foot of each bed would be duffel bags with clothes and several demon-fighting weapons in them. And, of course, on the opposite side from where Dean would be standing was that door.

And then it would be like flicking to a different channel and Dean was back in his own nice room.

Had that been his old soul?

"Dean!"

White energy pulsed and crackled around the Reaper as he concentrated all his power to his ringed hand that he had wrapped his rosary around. There was a snap of lightening and his blade appeared, dark and powerful. He felt as a type of jolt emanated from the handprint on his arm—Castiel's handprint—and Dean let the energy coarse through him. Like being chained to a comet.

"Dean, behind you!"

After Dean had gotten past sulking alone in a corner, he had opted to go out and get completely shitfaced, but Aries had taken that off the table with one swift glare made of pure ice. So Dean settled for second best. Sparring.

The shadow-figure tried to come at his back but Dean was too quick, unsheathing his sword and slicing through it with an abrupt spin. From that more shadows rose up and took form and Dean was forced to weave and dodge for a while. It reminded him a bit like dancing, but way more badass as he got to kill things while doing it.

Finally, when the numbers became too great Dean halted in the middle of everything and held up his adorned hand, still holding his blade, and prayed. Well, that was the closest word he could come to describing it. It was like there was an instinctual chant that was in the back of his mind that Dean could call upon whenever he needed it.

And when he did pray—chant—whatever, the room would shake and lights would burst and there would be a blinding light that would strike out and destroy everything in its path. As it did so now.

The shadow figures burst apart and when Dean opened his eyes (because blinding light was blinding, even for him) the area was empty and silent again.

"Damn." Aries whistled from her perch atop a column. They were in a large indoor arena within the Reaper dimension that looked exactly as weird as it sounded, as it was done in the same style as the rest of the dimension: like that of a courtroom building.

Dean relaxed and his blade vanished. Aries hopped down from where she was sitting and walked over to him, "Feel better?""

"A bit."

"You're such a human, Dean. Violence solving everything." Dean shrugged but let a small smile play on his lips.

"Got me." Aries playful mood dropped and she turned serious.

"Ready to talk now?"

"No." Dean huffed and knew he was being stupid and childish but he was a bit embarrassed about his mood earlier, so of course how he acted now totally made up for it.

Smooth, dude. Real classy.

"Too bad," Aries crossed her arms and gave him her 'don't fuck with me' face, "because we're going to talk."

"Man, whaddya want to know?" Dean spun around, "I went to Hell; it sucked. End of story!"

"That's just it!" Aries said quickly, "That's not the end, it's not even the beginning—you don't know anything about this!"

"Yeah, I know. Milo gave me the pep talk, I was being a whiny girl earlier, sorry."

"Don't apologize, Dean." And said Reaper gave his counterpart a confused look. Aries pinched the bridge of her nose, "You remembered Hell, that's not easy on the best of people, let alone someone missing their entire memory. Thing is, you gotta push harder than that."

"What?" Now Dean was really confused, "What are you talking about?"

"Aren't you curious?"

"About Hell? Fuck no; I know more about that place than I ever wanted to. Now I get why Death wouldn't let me go near it, I'd be happy to never see that place again. Ever."

"Not Hell." Aries sighed, "God, aren't human supposed to be perpetually curious or something?"

"Not human anymore." Dean put on his patented shit-eating grin.

"Go blow yourself, Dean." Aries sniped, "But seriously, you don't wonder about the before and after?"

"Why is this suddenly important?" Dean exclaimed, throwing his hands up, "You've never been that concerned about this before." Instead of answering, Aries just asked another question.

"Why is this suddenly not important to you?" And damn, it was a good question. One Dean was uncomfortable answering. The younger Reaper glared at the floor, the boring marble floor that did absolutely nothing to distract him.

"Because..." Fuck, this was hard to say, "Regardless of how worthless Hell made me feel and how much I deserved it, how great of a guy could I have been if I got sent to Hell?" He felt pretty confident about that last part, it made sense. Not even Aries could argue with that, "Maybe its better if I don't remember. I like who I am now, I...I don't want to find out I was a monster or something."

Silence met Dean after his speech as Aries stared at him with an unreadable expression.

"You're an idiot." she finally said and Dean felt his temper flare, because he'd just poured his fucking heart out, but she continued, "I get what you're saying, and if it were true, that'd kinda be a noble thing to do. But you have to understand Dean, I've seen you stripped away to your absolute barest—" Dean snorted because, yes, he had the maturity of an 8-year-old, "—just your soul, no memories."

"So what are you saying?"

"Dude, there's nothing evil about you." Aries smirked and Dean's knee-jerk emotion was that no, he was completely fucked up and yet she had a point, "If you really were evil to your core...it would have shown. Plus, do you know how you got to Hell?"

"I don't remember before—"

"No, not what you remember, what do you know?" Dean stood there and actually thought for a second. Sam. Alistair and others had mentioned him several times, and also from what he knew, and what Jimmy had told him, Sam was his brother.

"I was there because of my brother—uh, his name is Sam."

"See?" And Aries was smiling like a cat that had just caught a fish or something. Dean was nonplus.

"See what?" he asked.

"Man, you went to Hell out of love Dean. Love. Oh yeah, you're seriously twisted and evil."

"I—what?"

"I did some checking up in the demon records." Aries explained, "Cuz we have to keep tabs on who they're killing an when, and I found your name."

"Me?" Dean felt like his brain was stuck.

"Yeah, Dean Winchester. Who'd of fucking thought?" Dean was a bit lost on that point but let it slide for now, "Anyways, the records say that you made a deal with a Crossroads demon to bring back your brother after he had been killed. That's why you were sent to Hell, because you saved your little brother, because you loved him."

Dean stood there, speechless. That was why? But, what he had been told in Hell...

"Hell warps everything," he sighed and a tightness that had been in his chest suddenly released itself. His hand found its way to his necklace and he played with it absently.

"Finally, he gets it." Aries smiled, "You're are and were a good person Dean, don't ever doubt that." Dean felt a blush start spreading across his face and turned his head to the side quickly.

"Uh, no chick flick moment." And Aries giggled at that, "But, y'know, thanks." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "Both you and Milo have been trying to cheer me up."

"You're our friend, Dean." Aries said simply and dammit if that didn't make Dean's heart melt a little and feel like a total girl.

"Thanks." he said gruffly, because he was a manly man. Then a thought struck him, "So, you never answered my question, why is this suddenly important—I mean, for wanting to know the before and after?"

"Oh, right." the other Reaper remarked, "That's because—"

"ARIEL!"

Milo burst into the room without a moment's notice, making both Dean and Aries jump a bit.

"Milo, worst timing ever—" Aries started but the man quickly cut her off.

"It's angels!" he yelled and Dean took in just how shaken he actually looked, "They're launching an assault on us!"

"What?"

Both Dean and Aries shot each other identical looks. Angels had never actively tried to fight against them before.

"But, I thought we were a separate dimension?" Dean asked.

"We are." Aries seethed as she started walking quickly to the door, "The most angels can normally do is see this place—"

"No." Milo said abruptly, "They aren't attacking our dimension, it's the Reapers down there on Earth! They're attacking all of them!"

"What!" Aries spun around, horrified, "B-but those can't fight back, they're just doing their job...why?"

"I don't know," Milo cried, "but they're being slaughtered!"

"Fuck!" Aries yelled, "Dean, you're with me. Let's go deal with these bastards. Milo, stay here and recall every Reaper back and send a message to all other Acolytes to get down to Earth and fight."

"But—"

"Do it, Milo!"

"Right." Dean saw the man nod and run off as cold fury raced through him. How dare they attack his fellows, and not even Acolytes but Reapers that couldn't defend themselves and were simply trying to usher souls around so they didn't have to suffer.

"Who the hell do these angels think they are?" he ground out.

"Dead, is what." Aries' eyes were like chips of green ice. Dean had never seen her this angry before.

"We have to save the others." Dean stated and saw the other Reaper's mouth twitch.

"See Dean," she said as darkness crept up and started to swirl around them, "I knew you were a good person. Now its time to kick some ass."

Dean nodded as the blackness enveloped him, feeling the crackle of energy hum beneath him, and he summoned his blade.

.

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To Be Continued...


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A/N: I know there was a lot of speaking this time but I really wanted to explore Dean's character with only having the worst of his memories against his default personality. Plus, Dean can get a bit emo at times and I needed to pull him outta that so he can just continue being badass the rest of the story.

So hopefully, you guys were cool with me throwing in Milo's story and expect to see more Cas and Sam next chapter as they get to track down this book and face off against Raphael.