Losing a sketchbook is always like losing a part of your soul.

One second it's there, full of ideas, and then it's just… gone.

Needless to say, I didn't manage to find it.

But, something else had very much occured to me by the time I gave up, something that I could actually ask Vall now that I was no longer transformed.

"Where did the paint brushes go? I kinda needed them."

"Oh, that," the tiny kwami said on my way home, still hiding in my pocket. "You didn't really need them."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"My powers don't just come in a set form like Ladybug's and Chat Noir's. You don't always get the same equipment. I warned you that my abilities are unpredictable. There are a few consistencies, but not many."

"So you're saying the five times I did have the paint brushes were a fluke?" I asked. "All that teleporting around and stuff?"

"A fluke? Absolutely not. Something about what you were thinking caused them to appear," Vall said. "And something about what you were thinking caused them to not appear this time."

"So it's based on what I'm thinking?"

"Mm… more like what you need or can work with," Vall said. "Like Ladybug's lucky charm. We don't have anything like that. No special skill that absolutely overcomes everything like that. Instead, it's just…" she shrugged, her small shoulders moving. "It's what you make of it."

"And I didn't need the paintbrushes?"

"You didn't need the paintbrushes," Vall verified. "Think about it. If you had had them, what would you have done?"

I paused a moment. "Probably would have tried attacking Jubilee head on."

"And how do you think that would have turned out?"

"Probably not very well," I admitted.

"So then what did you do instead?"

"I… figured out another way," I said.

"Exactly," Vall said with a nod. "I'm sure you'll have what you need when you need it. But not all answers come free. Sometimes, you just need to rely on your own strength to figure it out."

I didn't really know what to say to that. I had liked the thought of having weird magical paintbrushes aide me in battle.

"Then what about the ones I didn't know how to use?" I asked. "With Ladybug and Chat Noir?"

"You'll figure out how to use them later, when they appear," Vall said.

"Great, thanks," I muttered.

"Nathanael!" I heard Marinette's voice suddenly from behind me.

I turned quickly, watching as the girl caught up to me, clutching my sketchbook to her chest.

"Here," she said, holding it out.

I took it from her. "Thank you. I was searching all over for this."

She nodded. "I know. Chat Noir found it. It was still in your seat on the Ferris Wheel."

I fell quiet at that. "Thank him sometime for me, alright?" I said after a moment.

Marinette looked at me curiously. "How long have you known?"

"It wasn't hard for me to figure out," I said in response. "I like you. A lot. I'd know you even if you were wearing magical polka-dotted spandex."

She gave a laugh. "I guess you would," she said. "And you haven't told anyone?"

"Why would I? You're keeping it secret for a reason, right? If I told anyone, that could potentially jeopardize your ability to keep it that way, even if it was someone who cared about you."

She visibly relaxed. "You actually get it," she said after a moment. "I was preparing for the worst."

I shook my head. "Marinette-"

"You knew that the fox wasn't an akuma," she spoke up then. "That's what you were trying to say earlier, wasn't it?"

I gave a small nod.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"He… he didn't ask for your miraculous," I said in answer.

She sighed. "The last time we came across a fox, she used illusions to make us believe she was a superhero, a friend," she said. "And then she betrayed us and-"

"Volpina," I said. "Yeah, the news had a field day with that." I clutched the sketchbook close. "But that doesn't mean that every hero to come is also going to be an akuma…"

Marinette's eyes fixed on my wrist suddenly and her hand flashed out, pulling my hand towards her.

She looked up at me, a look of disbelief on her face.

"You're Ren?" she asked, turning my miraculous over in her fingers.

I flushed at that, but I didn't really feel the need to answer. She already knew.

She dropped my hand and gave a laugh. "Oh my god. I'm sorry, Nath. It's just… if I'd known."

"I… I was trying to tell you," I mumbled.

It would be so easy if she noticed. I wouldn't have to say anything… do anything.

Unfortunately, she just looked at me with an oblivious smile. "Nath," she said. "I'm actually… happy… that I got to spend some time with you tonight, even if it wasn't a lot."

No wait, was I hearing that right? She couldn't actually be saying that, could she?

"Uh… you're welcome?" I said, not knowing what else to say.

She gave a giggle. "I'm glad it was you that figured it out and not someone else," she said. "I think… I can trust you."

"O-Of course you can," I said in response, clutching the sketchbook to my chest.

"Good," Marinette said. "I… I might need your help in the future. It's hard sneaking away from classmates without being seen."

"I can definitely help with that," I said in response.

I needed to learn how to do that as well as she could anyway, even if this whole fox thing was temporary.

"Okay," Marinette said and then smiled. "It's really too bad about the festival. It was started off so well too…"

"And that's why an akuma had to break in," I said in response. "I… need to get home. But I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Marinette gave a nod. "Alright. Be careful on your way back."

"You too," I said and then started walking off, leaving Marinette behind.

There was a pit in my gut, one that hurt so hard I almost turned back. It felt like lying, leaving out the fact that I was Ren. But I didn't know how to tell her. Not in a way that she could understand.

So even if it was lying, I couldn't tell her.

I wanted to tell her, to let her know what happened to me. Maybe she would tell me all about being Ladybug if I did. Maybe we would draw closer together.

But something about it just seemed wrong.

I clutched my sketchbook tightly to my chest.

Even though I had it back, I still felt like I was missing a piece of my soul.

Maybe the sketchbook being gone hadn't been the problem, after all.