A/N: Title comes from P!nk's "Raise Your Glass". Sorry the update took forever, I'm back at school. So updates are going to be slow going unfortunately.

And yes the pairing will eventually be Donnie and Casey. It's still awhile off. Casey takes awhile to fall for people and Donnie is still crushing on April.

This is, as always, unbeta'd.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


Part Nine:Dirty Little Freaks


When Casey Jones was nine years old, she caught the attention of a bully.

Now, it may come as a surprise to most people that Casey Jones was bullied once. Most people seem to think that at one time or another, she was a bully. Which is the exact opposite of the truth and is kind of offensive, Casey (despite her rough nature) was a very caring person and would protect others over seeing them hurt. It was a good reason she got into fights a lot.

Casey could handle that type of bullying, even as a young girl she was scrapper: biting, clawing, punching, and kicking to win the fight.

Most of the time? She won the hell out of those fights.

But that is a different type of story in those early years when Casey played pee-wee soccer and was the only girl in her youth hockey league (and still had to take figure skating lessons).

The point was that when Casey was nine years old, she had herself a bully.

Alison Ann Abernathy was a triple alliteration of little girl meanness rolled into a pretty, popular small child with big brown eyes, perfect brown curls, and a cute button nose. From kindergarten until grade three, Casey had gone unnoticed by Alison Ann and her little posse. They found other targets to hone their skills on: girls who were either transferred schools or endured it and made sure that they were placed in the opposite class the next year.

But somewhere between the end of second grade and the beginning of third, Alison Ann had decided that Casey Jones was her next target. Even at age nine, the students of the Sisters of the Sacred Heart knew that Casey was different compared to everyone else. She was a loner, quiet, didn't participate much, was in the slow reading group, and was more interested in hockey stats then Mary-Kate and Ashley. She was the tallest girl in class and gangly with long, almost perpetually tangled blonde hair (to the exasperation of her mother) in ponytail down her back. She was different from the other girls in class and no one really knew what to do with her.

Alison Ann decided that could not stand.

So she did what little girl bullies did best: she unleashed psychological warfare upon Casey Jones. Not that Casey really realized it at the time. Understanding people came at a later date.

Alison Ann and her little friends started playing a game they called 'The Ignoring Game' with Casey. Basically, what they did was convince everyone in the class that it would be good fun to just ignore Casey, to act like she never said anything when she did speak and to pretend that she wasn't there.

Casey, always a loner by nature, didn't really notice it until two months in. Suddenly she realized that no one, outside of the teachers or sisters, had talked to her in months.

It was a strange and confusing feeling for the nine year old. She tried talking to the other girls after that but they ignored her. In fact, every time she opened her mouth to speak Alison Ann and her friends would start giggling.

Casey knew that she didn't speak so well, much to the annoyance of the Sisters of the Sacred Heart. She slurred her words and talked more like the boys from her youth sports programs then the girls. But she didn't think it was that bad.

She almost punched Alison Ann in her stupid face several times, but stopped herself. Her mom wouldn't be too happy if she got herself suspended over something so trivial.

So Casey just stopped talking at school. It was no big deal, not like she had anything to say to them anyway. She just took out all her pent up aggression in sports and tried to ignore Alison Ann.

Except ignoring Alison Ann was the exact opposite of what she was supposed to be doing. The girl upped her game after that calling her "freak" and "loser" and "trailer trash", which made no sense. Casey never lived in a trailer. She called Casey "ugly" and "big nosed" and said that she shouldn't be here since she wasn't a girl.

And the thing is, the thing always is, after awhile of hearing these things constantly you start to believe it. Casey began to believe that she was a freak and a loser and ugly, that she wasn't anything special in the end.

Those things tattoo themselves on deeper levels and hurt more than an actual tattoo ever will.

But, even though they tattooed themselves invisibly on her, Casey continued to put up the pretense of ignoring Alison Ann until the end of the year. The damage was done but she wouldn't let her show it.

And, during the summer, she broke Alison Ann's perfect nose when they ran into each other on the playground. Alison Ann didn't come back to Sisters of the Sacred Heart for fourth grade.

Yet, part of the damage was done.

It took the death of her mother and a discovery of a tube of red lipstick for Casey to believe that she was pretty. Fuck what anyone said, Casey Jones was beautiful and not "in her own way" or anything. She was just beautiful. Period.

It took even longer to believe the front she put up about being awesome.

But she kind of became proud of the "freak" label in her own way. She was a freak. She was fine being a freak. She liked being a freak if it meant that she could be herself.

The freaks, Casey believed, were the ones who could change the world and bring about something great. They were the ones who were special. They were the ones who affected the world.

So Casey was proud being a freak. By being her freaky self, Casey became her own kind of superhero, met mutants, protected the city, and finally found something that she could do with her life. She embraced her label proudly.

Of course, looking at Donnie's door, she knew that some people may take more offense to the label then she would.

"So why am I here again? And not Red? She and Donnie are better friends," Casey asked Raph with a raised eyebrow. She had gotten several text messages from each of the brothers that said that Donnie was upset and that they needed her to talk with him.

"April and her aunt went to Boston to visit family. She's incommunicado on the order of her aunt because of family time," Leo said, looking at the door nervously. "And we all tried talking with him. So maybe you could?"

Casey looked at tall their worried faces and sighed.

"So you have no idea why he's so bummed?"

"None. It was a normal enough night, you know? We were fighting some Purple Dragons and Foot Bots last night. Then Rahzar and Fishface showed up and it was real party after that. We kicked major butt and got away, but Donnie was like really depressed after," said Mikey with a simple nod at the end of his story.

Casey sucked into a breath through her teeth, "Alright. I'll try but no promises."

"Just try to convince him to eat something," said Leo softly. Raph just crossed his arms and tried not to look concerned. Mikey had no such qualms on the matter and looked worried.

Casey grabbed the blocking glove that held Electra, her homemade Taser, within from the pile of her equipment that she kept at the Lair. She also grabbed her messenger bag that she brought with her when she got the text.

She took a deep breath and strode right into the Donatello's lab.

"Hey Doc," called Casey cheerfully, looking over his hunched form. "I need your help with something."

"What do you want, Jones?" snapped the turtle from his station. Casey ignored it and pressed on.

"Well," she said collapsing into a seat, "it's Electra. I think I need to update her to make her kind of safer so I don't accidentally electrocute myself. 'Cause that would totally blow monkey chunks if I accidentally electrocute myself when fighting against the bad guys and chunk. Ruin my cred more likely. So like, since you're the smartest guy I know maybe you could help me figure out how to make it safer or something? I'm sure your going dizzy looking at all this stuff and it should be an easy problem. Smart guy like you and all that."

"Are you making fun of me, Jones?" asked Donatello with a harsh look.

Casey could feel her eyebrow quirk up at the sudden bite and tiredness in his voice.

"Nah man," she said easily. "I would never make fun of your brains. S'better to be smart in my opinion. Smart's the new sexy."

Donnie's face darkened at that. "If you're going to make fun of me you can just leave, alright? Go see Raph or something."

"No," said Casey feeling a sudden wave of stubbornness. Outside of Leo's orders when she joined them on patrol, she really hated being told what to do. Now she was just going to be contrary until Donatello told her what was wrong.

"No?" asked Donatello, looking a bit dumbfounded.

"No," she said, crossing her arms for good measure. "I'm not making fun of you and I'm not leaving."

Donatello stared at Casey.

Casey stared at Donatello.

"Really?"

Casey felt a bit wounded at that.

"Really Donatello. Jesus Christ do you think I would come in her and make of fun of you?" she asked, sounding annoyed. "Do you really think I think so little of you? I just wanted help with Electra, but if y…"

"I'm sorry," blurted out Donatello, looking simultaneously tired and conflicted with a bit of contriteness thrown in for good measure. "I…I've been having just had a bad week. I didn't mean to get angry with you like that."

Casey crossed her legs and frowned. Normally, she just would have left or punched in the jaw. But none of those things will help the current situation at hand. Casey refocused on her task at hand.

"Why are you being so down on yourself?"

"It's stupid," mumbled Donatello as he turned his back to her, going to a shelf of odds and ends. "Let me see your taser."

"Electra," corrected Casey, but handed the glove over all the same.

"Why do you name your weapons?" asked Donatello. "It seems kind of weird."

"Raph named his fists," she said simply as if it explained everything. "Besides I'm a weird person. And if I'm going to go into battle with my wits and weapons, then dammit I'm naming those suckers. Better to know who I am fighting with then not at all. It helps in its own way to name them."

She shrugged and looked over Donatello's shoulder curiously. He was carefully unloading the mechanism.

"This is actually rather clever," he admitted after several moments. "I can work with this to make it better."

"S'why I brought it to you, Doc," said Casey sweetly. She watched him work in silence for several moments.

She bit her lower lip gently and decided a direct approach was the best approach.

"So why are were you so upset?"

Donatello knew that question was coming. He supposed he could be glad that it was Casey asking it rather than his brothers, his father, or, God forbid, April.

He was really glad that April wasn't asking the question.

"Why are you asking?"

"Cause your brothers are worried about you," said Casey in her usual blunt manner. "I don't do this emotional stuff so good. But I'm not so bad to talk with I guess. You don't gotta tell me or anythin', Doc. Sometimes, though, it feels good to tell someone you don't so well is what I'm sayin'."

"Did it ever help for you?" asked Donnie, considering the girl. Casey tended to shorten her words when she was embarrassed.

He could admit that he didn't know the other girl well. Despite their closeness with April, they never really interacted all that much to be honest. She usually ended up hanging out with Raph or someone.

He knew that Mikey thought Raph and Casey were dating, but honestly Donnie didn't see it all that much. Or maybe Donnie was just cynical or just mean. He was never going to get April, so why should Raph have Casey?

"You think this will help? Saving humans who are ungrateful," breathed Rahzar into Donnie's ear. "We're all freaks. But none more so then you and your brothers. At least the fish and I were human first. You all will never be accepted."

Donnie shook his head from the memory that had been plaguing him. He sighed and looked fully at Casey, who had been considering her answer.

"Not really," said Casey simply. "But I wouldn't recommend doing what I did to feel better."

"Do you think we're freaks?" asked Donnie suddenly.

Casey's back stiffened. Her wine red lips were pulled into a frown suddenly and her expression looked dark. Her coal hair fell into her dark brown eyes and she radiated anger.

"Someone call you that, Doc?" she asked, suddenly looking dangerous. "Is that why you're so out of it? Someone call you a freak?"

"Yeah," admitted Donnie suddenly. He felt a bit disarmed at the apparent righteous anger on her face that, even though they didn't know each other that well, she still cared that someone had hurt him.

"Well they're fucking morons," Casey said decisively. "Fucking morons who don't know shit. Look here, Doc. You ain't less of a freak then me."

"I'm an almost five foot ten talking turtle who lives in the sewers and builds all this stuff with spare parts from the dump. I fight mutants, thugs, and evil ninjas with ninjutsu and a bo-staff," Donnie stated simply.

It was the truth.

He was a freak. Their entire existence thrived on not being normal and was a constant reminder that they would probably spend forever down there, in the dark and away from people.

Casey blinked at him for a moment. She leaned back and her hazel-brown eyes considered him carefully.

Donnie could appreciate that about Casey. She may be brash and impulsive sometimes. Always the first one into a fight with Raph and the last one to give up, but, for the most part, she usually considered her words before speaking.

"Yeah and I'm a six foot pansexual androgynous female who plays ice hockey, gets into fights, and needs like extensive tutoring to pass Trig. I've always been a freak to people. And fuck them I embrace it with pride. I own my freakiness," she looked strong and her voice was like steel. It was almost comforting to hear. "But I've been called other things too and I know how words can stay with you. It took me a long time to realize a lot of things about myself, Donnie."

Casey stepped forward and took his hand in hers. Donnie tried to catalogue the differences between Casey's hand and April's hand. Casey's hand was rougher. There were more scars and the nails were bitten down the quick. Her left hand was covered with smears of ink due to it being her dominant hand. Her knuckles were a bit scarred, probably from fights. It was larger than April's hand in his, filled with a different kind of strength.

It still had five fingers though, not three large ones. It was still soft and pink. It remained uncovered in scales.

Casey squeezed his hand gently.

"Hey," she whispered.

Donnie's eyes snapped up. Casey smiled in an almost sweet kind of way. Her dark hair fell into her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she began. "I'm sorry that people suck so damn much, Donnie. I won't lie to you and say that one thing everything will be magically alright, you know? It won't be. There will always be people who hate and discriminate and judge. There will always be injustice, prejudice, and bullies. But…if you let them get inside that big brain of yours? You're lettin' them win. You are so much more then your appearance, Donnie. You and your brothers are so much more then…the outer you know?"

She bit her lip and blushed, unused to this kind of talk. Casey seemed to gather herself though, looking into his eyes.

"Not that the outer is all that bad. I'm just an incorrigible flirt, but I think you and your brothers are all pretty attractive. I mean in a general sense, not just in because you're mutant turtles sense. But the outer, well that's just surface shit. Donatello you are the smartest guy I've ever, ever known. You can change the world with that mind of yours. You use it to help your family. You're stubborn and determined and smart and kind and neurotic and just totally awesome. Alright? Fuck those people who only see the surface, just fuck them. Because you will meet those people who see you. April, me, and that guy who runs the restaurant…."

"Mister Murakami," piped up Donnie absentmindedly, not wanting to interrupt the speech but doing so out of habit.

Casey continued, "We know who you are. You as a person because you are still a person, Doc. You're our friend. You're a brother, a son, an inventor, a scientist, a ninja, and just a great a guy. So fuck what Rahzar says. He's a bully and when he was human he made shitty movies and became an Internet meme."

Donnie looked into her eyes.

Casey looked defiantly back.

Donnie had to give it to her, she certainly knew how to give a pep talk for someone who didn't seem to invested in emotional moments. It was like Raph in that way.

He gently squeezed her hand, enjoying the weight and pressure in his own.

"You know what, Casey?"

"What?"

He pulled the taller girl into a gentle hug, "If anyone tells you you're stupid, then they're an idiot."

Casey laughed a bit, "Thanks Doc."

She leaned down and hugged back. Donatello closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of soap and something musky. It was a comforting kind of smell.

They stood like this for a while until Donatello pulled back.

Casey smiled and was pleased to see him looking so much better then when she came in.

"Come on Donatello," she said tugging his hand gently. "Let's get you something to eat first."

"But," he began looking back, "Electra."

"She'll still be there," assured Casey with a bright smile. "Food first. Leo is going to give you some epic mother-henning, Donatello."

"Donnie," said the turtle suddenly. "Or Doc."

"Huh?"

"I like it when you call me Donnie or Doc. You're our friend, too."

Casey smiled at that and winked.

"It's going to be hard as hell getting rid of the awesome of Casey Jones. Now food!"

She tugged him forward, out into a crowd of worried brothers. The two of them walked out hand in hand, neither of them noticing it. And they kept holding their hands, until Mikey finally swept Donnie into a hug of his own.

Casey blew out a piece of hair from her eyes and watched the brothers fondly.

They all my be freaks, but they were each others freaks.

And if there was anyway Casey could give them the world, then she and April would make it happen.


A/N: And that brings an end to Casey and the Turtles individual bonding stories. It was fun writing those.

There is probably going to be like a smaller story or two before I start writing up the Glitter Verse's take on "Fungus Humungous". Side note, the fears are going to be different from the show for the episode. Except Leo.

I kind of want to do one with Casey and Splinter.