Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.
Spock had tried everywhere that he knew that Nyota liked. He tried the tea garden at Golden Gate park, he tried all of the twenty-four hour coffee houses that she frequented and he tried the on campus fitness center. He had stopped in his office, his old office now, and she had not been there either. Spock was unsure of whether to try Kiano's home or Nyota's dorm room next. Since he was on campus, he decided to try the dorm room.
Spock had been somewhat wary of attempting to go into the dorm because, technically, he retained his position as a professor. Although it would not break any explicit rules, Spock had spent years of trying to avoid any appearance that he and Nyota were involved in a non-professional manner. The dormitory still made Spock feel somewhat uneasy, as though he might be discovered and punished. It was illogical but many things associated with his relationship with Nyota seemed illogical.
Still, the dormitory was a far better attempt than returning to Kiano's home and facing him and his house-guest T'Mana. Spock had no desire to arouse suspicion on campus at a time that both he and Nyota were so close to being free of such scrutiny, but it was preferable to Kiano's probing black eyes and the way that T'Mana would have certainly looked down her nose at Spock. Spock recognized a nearly parental bond between Nyota and T'Mana but Spock had felt no such consideration in the tall woman's eyes.
When Spock arrived he was simultaneously angry and concerned at what he saw. He entered the dormitory and was greeted by Kirk at Nyota's door. Shortly, Gaila had joined him at the door. At least she seemed to understand the inappropriate nature of the situation. Kirk was a captain. It was inappropriate for a captain to so freely fraternize wasn't it? Gaila apologized to Spock but seemed at a loss as to why he might be at her door at such an hour.
"Gaila, why don't you go lay down? I'll talk to Spock." Kirk said, pulling a t-shirt on at last.
"I believe, Captain" Spock paused and tilted his head briefly. Kirk was, officially, still acting captain since Pike had not returned to his post and neither had Spock. No one had relieved Kirk of his title as far as Spock knew. He decided that it was an appropriate word to use in referencing Kirk for now. "That Gaila has the information that I seek." Spock said.
"Okay." Kirk leaned into Spock conspiratorially. "You can do whatever you want of course, but I don't think she knows about you and her roommate. I just guessed that you didn't want that getting around yet Mr. No Comment." Kirk whispered.
Spock had not considered that Nyota had never disclosed her relationship with him to Gaila. Spock felt a new spring of affection well up for Nyota. She so frequently considered his desires over her own and did so without any request for affirmation or praise. Spock knew that it must have been difficult for her embark on a relationship with him without telling her friend. Spock felt a twinge of something unrecognizable. It was something like remorse but different, deeper somehow.
"I see." Spock said, lowering his voice to match Kirk's tone. "Have you happened to see Lieutenant Uhura?" Spock asked at last.
"She was here earlier. She left although Gaila asked her to stay." Kirk shrugged as if to indicate that he was unsure of what had happened after that.
"I see." Spock processed this information. If Nyota had been here and left again, where had she possibly gone? Spock's memory floated to Nyota's former boyfriend and he tensed slightly. It was improbable that Nyota was in any danger but her disappearance and unusual behavior was unsettling.
Kirk informed Spock that Nyota had left at just after midnight. It was well past two now. Kirk had no other information for Spock. Spock restrained his anger that Kirk would simply allow Nyota to wander off alone into the night so that he could have privacy. Of course, Kirk had not been the one that had hurt Nyota or contributed to the situation by being illogical. That, Spock knew, fell solely on him and he acknowledged that his anger was somewhat irrational; however, there was an element of logic in his irritation at Kirk.
Spock went back out into the night to search for Nyota. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, concentrating on their link. Since Spock was feeling less anxious with his secret out, he was hopeful that he would be able to have more success in reaching Nyota's mind. Nyota's mind was not nearly as chaotic as he imagined a Human's mind would be. In fact, it was quite orderly when he was able to actually access it. The problem remained, however, his lack of access.
Spock was able to feel a vague sadness and ache in his mind when he put all of his concentration into reaching Nyota. He focused on the faint impressions and walked, in no particular direction, while trying to contemplate Nyota's condition and location. Eventually Spock was able to ascertain that Nyota was sleeping somewhere. When Spock began to focus on his surroundings again he recognized that he was at another dormitory. Spock's logical mind was fairly sure that if Nyota was anywhere, it was at her father's. It made sense that she would return there after leaving her dorm room despite what Spock knew would be reluctance on her part. Notwithstanding this logical inference, Spock was drawn toward the dormitory. He looked up and down the tall building, all of its lights out. Spock recognized this place vaguely. He had seen Nyota meet her friend Dr. McCoy from afar at the door here.
Spock was able to use his faculty card to enter the building but he was unsure of whether Nyota was actually here and if she were, where she might be. He did have some suspicion that she was inside simply based on his meditation on their bond but he thought it was too far a stretch to assume that she was with McCoy. Then again, Nyota did seem to defy probability. Spock's eyebrows came together. He had encountered McCoy in two instances. Once, when Nyota's mother had walked in on them and again while they were on the Enterprise. The interaction with McCoy had been incredibly brief the prior semester but Spock had not particularly appreciated McCoy's demeanor on the Enterprise. Spock found him to be somewhat unprofessional; however, Spock had to admit that McCoy had exceeded expectations in replacing the ship's chief medical officer. McCoy was Nyota's friend but Spock had no idea if he could truly trust him.
Spock passed a student lounge and within it was a wall mounted directory. Spock touched the screen and activated the device. He quickly located the room that was assigned to McCoy and Kirk; turning in that direction. When Spock stood near the entry to the room he waited for some time to see if he could detect some sense of Nyota. There was no movement beyond the door. Faintly, with his ear pressed against the door, Spock could hear deep breathing and sporadic snoring. Spock pursed his lips again. He recognized that soft snore. It belonged to Nyota.
Nyota sat up abruptly. It took her a moment to remember where she was and by the time that she did, McCoy was at the door. Nyota shook her head initially, assuming that Kirk was locked out after having an incredibly predictable fight with his on again off again paramour; however, when the door opened she instantly recognized Spock's silhouette. Nyota's eyes widened slightly. She had seen Spock angry only once and that had been when he had attacked Kirk. Even when Spock had gotten into a fight with Nyota's loser boyfriend, he had been incredibly calm. He was angry now, his face twisted into a sour expression that Nyota had never seen before.
"Spock?" Nyota said while turning toward him. She stopped suddenly, remembering that she was only wearing a t-shirt and panties, that McCoy was there still. "What are you doing here?"
"I might ask you the same question." Spock said, his eyes landing immediately on the jeans that were at the head of the bed that Nyota lay in.
Nyota considered what it might look like to Spock. McCoy was in his night clothes, as was she. Spock had no way of knowing that McCoy had been sleeping on Kirk's bed, especially since McCoy had merely cleared a small space on it amongst the collection of unfolded laundry and PADDs. Nyota had been awakened twice during the night and probably looked as disheveled as she ever had after a a particularly athletic romp of sexual activity with Spock. Of course, Spock would be able to smell the tell tale scents of sex if there had been any, but Nyota suspected that sleeping in the room of another man was plenty to set Spock into a tailspin. The corners of Nyota's mouth turned down slightly and she looked at McCoy.
"Spock, it isn't what you think." Nyota said, an edge of frustration coloring her voice already. She felt that there would be no calm talk out of this. This was not a day for calm resolutions apparently and Nyota, although calmer than she had been earlier, was still angry with Spock. It would not be inaccurate to say that she was spoiling for a fight.
"Explain." Spock said, pushing past McCoy and standing over Nyota's bed. Nyota could see his nostrils flaring.
"I'm just sleeping here Spock. Jesus. McCoy was on Kirk's bed. He gave me his so I wouldn't have to sleep on the floor." Nyota looked past Spock to McCoy. "Len, can you turn around? Sorry." Nyota grinned sheepishly at her friend and shimmied into her jeans. She was embarrassed to have brought this sort of drama into McCoy's life. He was just being a friend and now he was going to be between a jealous half-Vulcan and his angry bond mate.
Spock's tension lessened slightly but his mouth was still twisted. Nyota had to get out of there. She refused to do this in front of McCoy. McCoy had done nothing but be a perfect gentleman and friend. Nyota walked past McCoy and touched his arm. She thanked him for putting her up for the night and explained that she would be leaving now. It was nearly dawn after all. She thanked him more.
"Are you going to be okay Uhura?" McCoy said, his eyes jumping from Spock to Nyota and back. McCoy had been there when Spock had begun beating Kirk senseless on the bridge and it was not something that he or Nyota had forgotten about in the least.
"I can take care of myself Len." Nyota smiled. A small dark spot of fear inside had grown inside of her after witnessing Spock's attack on Kirk but it was becoming smaller as she realized how much was truly going on within Spock at all times. He had analogized his emotional state to a volcano and every volcano had to release pressure sometimes. Nyota felt safe with Spock and if she didn't, well, she was fairly sure that she was still faster than him.
Nyota hugged McCoy and walked past Spock into the corridor. McCoy seemed to be hesitant to let her go with Spock but Nyota tried to exude confidence as she turned to wave to him. Eventually, after staring at McCoy for a long time, Spock followed her outside.
"What?" Nyota said, the cheery disposition that she had put on for McCoy vanishing. Nyota crossed her arms.
"I was looking for you. I was," Spock paused. "I was concerned."
"Funny that." Nyota said shortly. "You seem to be unconcerned about what would happen to me if you were to leave Spock. Or is it your plan to divest yourself of concern for me only when you've left? You intend to be concerned now."
"If you truly believe that my feelings would cease..." Spock's eyebrows came together and he looked as though he were trying to think of what to say. "Then perhaps it is truly most logical that I when I leave to seek a new home world for my people that we break the bond."
"How could you even be thinking about leaving Spock!" Nyota shouted, uncharacteristically. "You can serve your people in any number of ways! Why does it have to require you giving up on everything else in your life?"
Spock stood silently for several moments. Nyota couldn't tell if he had no response or if he had never considered the question. Nyota knew that Spock was suffering with grief and that his need to help was overwhelming him but, at the same time, it cut her to her core that his first solution would be to help others by sacrificing all that they had shared.
"I apologize Nyota." Spock said, finally. "You do not deserve such treatment." He looked at the ground and spoke softly.
"Spock?" Nyota moved closer to him. "Why can't you think of a different way? You're one of the most brilliant people on the planet. Why do you want it to be this way?"
"Logic dictates that..." Spock began but Nyota cut him off.
"Spock! Sacrificing our relationship and the career that you've worked so hard for, it won't bring any of them back." Nyota took Spock's hands as she spoke. "It'll just increase your losses. Is it logical to destroy that which you have in hand to rebuild something that will progress with or without you?"
Author's note: Thanks to ayachan1412 for her beta assistance! So I think I'm going to try to finish the story up this weekend. It'll be a few days before I post the last two chapters. Ayachan1412 said that she couldn't believe that Gaila wasn't at least suspicious that Spock and Nyota were involved. I think she does suspect-- but I also think that Nyota is a careful perfectionist... and that Gaila might let certain things slip. They'll hash it all out later I think.
