Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. The song is 'Underneath' by Hanson. I know. I'm lame.
Underneath
Waking up this morning thinking this can't be real
But they say there is nothing love can't heal
Why don't you come on down so you can feel what I feel
My hand ran across the empty bed next to me, the sheets still warm from the man that had been there when I closed my eyes the night before. Why should I be surprised? It's like this every morning. I thought that it'd get better if I loved him more, that I could love him enough for the both of us. But the dull ache that had started in my chest was only getting worse. If only he could feel what I feel.
Sitting all alone in this place
Even though we're here face to face
There is nothing gone
But there's something wrong
The silence that surrounded us was deafening, no longer the comfortable silence that we had. So many words left unsaid and the canyon between us was growing day by day. I just don't understand how it happened. What did I do? What did he do? Nothing. And maybe that's just it. We've both done nothing and it's making the canyon wider by the minute.
Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
I can't climb out of the skin that has me trapped inside.
And you're making it hard to breathe
I'm suffocating under the pressure.
Take a look around and tell me what you see
The only thing that's the same is my reflection in the mirror.
You'll find me underneath
I know I'm still here inside.
Underneath
Underneath it all, I'm still here.
I know what to say but don't know where to begin
The fear of losing you beneath my skin
Is there resolution for this pain that I'm in
I can't fix this. I want to, I really do. But he is the only one with the power to make things right between us. Desperation is only fueling the fear that has started ruling over my life, fear of losing him. So I say nothing, ironically staying silent. I don't know how to tell him about the pain that I feel. That only he can fix it.
Sitting all alone in this place
Even though we're here face to face
There is nothing gone
But there's something wrong
The hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach aches every night at the dinner table. I hide in my files and he hides behind his paperwork, the silence compounding the loneliness in our crowded space. And it's very crowded with just the two of here. How did we get here? So physically close, but emotionally miles apart.
Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
I can't climb out of the skin that has trapped me inside.
And you're making it hard to breathe
I'm suffocating under all this pressure.
Take a look around and tell me what you see
The only thing that's the same is my reflection in the mirror.
You'll find me underneath
I know I'm still in here.
'Cause you'll find me underneath
Underneath it all, I'm still here.
If only you could feel what I dream
Maybe you could hear what I mean
There is nothing gone
But there's something missing
How can I make him hear me, make him see, without him bolting right out the door? I can't. So the silence keeps building and the canyon keeps growing and I sink further underneath. Because hiding underneath is the only place where I'm safe. He's not emotionally dead, his emotions are just unavoidably detained from me. Unavoidably detained. Jesus. That sums up our relationship.
Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
My voice was just a whisper. "I'm still here, Ranger…
And you're making it hard to breathe
And the silence is suffocating me…
Take a look around and tell me what you see
Can't you see what this is doing to me…
You'll find me underneath
Can't you see me hiding underneath everything…
You'll find me underneath
Do you see me…
Underneath
Ranger…"
Underneath
His voice resonated through the empty apartment. "I'm sorry, Babe."
