Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. The song is 'Underneath' by Hanson. I know. I'm lame.

Underneath

Waking up this morning thinking this can't be real

But they say there is nothing love can't heal

Why don't you come on down so you can feel what I feel

My hand ran across the empty bed next to me, the sheets still warm from the man that had been there when I closed my eyes the night before. Why should I be surprised? It's like this every morning. I thought that it'd get better if I loved him more, that I could love him enough for the both of us. But the dull ache that had started in my chest was only getting worse. If only he could feel what I feel.

Sitting all alone in this place

Even though we're here face to face

There is nothing gone

But there's something wrong

The silence that surrounded us was deafening, no longer the comfortable silence that we had. So many words left unsaid and the canyon between us was growing day by day. I just don't understand how it happened. What did I do? What did he do? Nothing. And maybe that's just it. We've both done nothing and it's making the canyon wider by the minute.

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath

I can't climb out of the skin that has me trapped inside.

And you're making it hard to breathe

I'm suffocating under the pressure.

Take a look around and tell me what you see

The only thing that's the same is my reflection in the mirror.

You'll find me underneath

I know I'm still here inside.

Underneath

Underneath it all, I'm still here.

I know what to say but don't know where to begin

The fear of losing you beneath my skin

Is there resolution for this pain that I'm in

I can't fix this. I want to, I really do. But he is the only one with the power to make things right between us. Desperation is only fueling the fear that has started ruling over my life, fear of losing him. So I say nothing, ironically staying silent. I don't know how to tell him about the pain that I feel. That only he can fix it.

Sitting all alone in this place

Even though we're here face to face

There is nothing gone

But there's something wrong

The hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach aches every night at the dinner table. I hide in my files and he hides behind his paperwork, the silence compounding the loneliness in our crowded space. And it's very crowded with just the two of here. How did we get here? So physically close, but emotionally miles apart.

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath

I can't climb out of the skin that has trapped me inside.

And you're making it hard to breathe

I'm suffocating under all this pressure.

Take a look around and tell me what you see

The only thing that's the same is my reflection in the mirror.

You'll find me underneath

I know I'm still in here.

'Cause you'll find me underneath

Underneath it all, I'm still here.

If only you could feel what I dream

Maybe you could hear what I mean

There is nothing gone

But there's something missing

How can I make him hear me, make him see, without him bolting right out the door? I can't. So the silence keeps building and the canyon keeps growing and I sink further underneath. Because hiding underneath is the only place where I'm safe. He's not emotionally dead, his emotions are just unavoidably detained from me. Unavoidably detained. Jesus. That sums up our relationship.

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath

My voice was just a whisper. "I'm still here, Ranger…

And you're making it hard to breathe

And the silence is suffocating me…

Take a look around and tell me what you see

Can't you see what this is doing to me…

You'll find me underneath

Can't you see me hiding underneath everything…

You'll find me underneath

Do you see me…

Underneath

Ranger…"

Underneath

His voice resonated through the empty apartment. "I'm sorry, Babe."