This chapter has big changes, all additions, some changes. Giving a little more insight to Bella's thoughts.
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Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight
BPOV
"Angela, its Bella. I know it is late, but I need to talk. Can you come over?"
Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep. Ugh I rolled over to turn the alarm off, knowing that unless I did it wouldn't shut off. But to my surprise before I could reach my hand over it shut off. What? I rolled over and looked at it making sure it was still working. What the hell? Oh well, maybe it was a glitch in the clock, I have had it for awhile. I decided not to worry about it right now.
I rolled back over on my back, and laid there thinking over everything that had Angela and I had discussed last night.
Angela had come over and at first the conversation was strained. I wasn't sure where to start with everything I wanted to tell her. Then I just blurted everything out. From the first time I sat next to Edward in biology to the day he left me.
To say she was shocked would be an understatement. I had to stop after telling her that the Cullen's were vampires and wait for her to calm a bit before telling her that they wouldn't hurt us. Or at least that they didn't drink human blood. I may not have been hurt in the physical sense, but I had still been hurt.
When she had gotten over the initial shock of them being vampires, I was able to finish my story. I was crying by the time I got to the part where he left me. She just held me and let me cry my tears out. The words that she said as I stopped sobbing are still running through my head.
"Bella, I know it hurts. I have a hard time believing that he didn't love you. But maybe it just wasn't the right kind of love. I love Ben, but I know it isn't the forever love that I wish it was. Sometimes we have to let go to find the forever love we are looking for. That may not be the reasons that he left, but you can make it the reasons for you to go on."
She was right, if it had been the kind of love that lasts forever, he wouldn't have left no matter what. I think that somehow I knew that. At least when I started having those thoughts last night. Though it still hurt, I knew now that I was truly ready to start healing.
I got up out of the bed to get ready for school, hoping that before I left I would be able to call Jacob and tell him that I was sorry that I didn't come over last night, and when I got off work that I would come out.
I got my shower, threw on some clothes, and went downstairs to grab some breakfast. It was still early enough, that I would be able to call Jacob before I left. I grabbed the phone and dialed his number. It rang two times before Billy picked up.
"Hello."
"Hey Billy, I am sorry if I woke you, but is Jake around, I wanted to apologize for not making it over last night."
"Sorry Bella, he is not up, he got sick last night and is not feeling well."
"Is he ok Billy? Is it a cold? Would you mind if I brought some soup or something over tonight after I get off work?" I wanted to check on Jake and see how he was feeling.
"NO Bella. You shouldn't come here. I will have Jacob call you when he is feeling better." He sounded so forceful. Was Jacob ok? Well surely he would be better in a couple of days, I could give Billy that.
"Ok Billy. Just have him call me when he gets to feeling better."
"Ok bye Bella." With that he hung up. I just stood there holding the phone for a few minutes, unsure of what to think of that conversation.
Damn, I was doing good and now I am running late. But that conversation with Billy threw me off. Why did it seem he was almost desperate for me not to come down to La Push? I am not sure, but I don't have the time to worry about it now. I have to get to school.
Now, where did I put my bag? I looked around the kitchen, on the table, and didn't see it. I thought I had brought it down, but maybe I left it in my room. I went to leave the kitchen glancing around one more time and there it was on the table. I had looked there… Hadn't I? Maybe I just missed it, I did look quickly.
I didn't have time to worry about that either. I grabbed my bag and headed out the door to school.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
I had decided to give Jacob until Friday to call. It was a long three days with more of my unexplainable occurrences. Every morning now when I woke up my alarm clock would shut off on its own. Things that I couldn't find would suddenly pop up right in front of me in places that I had already looked.
But the one that got me the most was when I was in the cafeteria on Wednesday, and I realized I had forgotten to get my fork. I was telling Angela that I needed to get one when she looked at my tray and gave me a strange look. I looked down and there was a fork on my tray where just a second before there hadn't been.
I couldn't explain any of this. Then to top that off I was starting to get strange feelings. Like Wednesday night, I had known Angela was coming over again, but I wasn't sure what time. Then, before she could even knock I was at the door opening it. I am not sure how I knew, but I did, I knew she was there.
It has been like that with other people too, and I just can't explain it. I am not sure what is going on with me. I have talked with Angela about it, but she doesn't know what to make of it either. I want to talk to Jake so much. Angela has been there for me, but Jake is the one that helped to bring me out of my misery, to bring me back to life so to speak.
I would just feel so much better if I could talk to him. So when Friday rolled around, I rushed home and picked up the phone. I was going to call him. I was excited about hearing his voice, and getting his opinion of what was going on with me.
I dialed his number and waited for him or Billy to pick up. After 10 rings I hung up the phone. My excitement was already dwindling, where could they be? If Jacob was feeling well enough to go out, why hasn't he called me?
I decided to wait about thirty minutes and try again. But I got the same response, nothing. I did this for the rest of the night, even after Charlie told me to give it a rest. I couldn't I wanted to talk to Jacob. Why weren't they there? Why weren't they picking up the phone if they were? Charlie said they might just be up at Harry's, and that no he wasn't going to call Harry and harass him about it.
At eleven I finally gave up, but tomorrow I wasn't even going to try to call I was just going to go to Jacob's house.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
I woke up Saturday morning to an unusually sunny day for Forks. Maybe it was because of the sun, or because I knew no matter what I was going to see Jacob today, but I was already in a good mood. I didn't even let the fact that my alarm clock shut itself off again disturb me.
Charlie was already gone for the day, I wasn't sure how I knew, I hadn't even looked out the window yet, I just knew. I got out of the bed and started getting ready. By the time I got down to the kitchen to grab me some breakfast I was getting really excited.
I ate a bowl of cereal quick, grabbed my jacket just in case, and left to go to La Push.
When I got to Jacobs house I started to get worried, because he didn't come rushing out of the house to greet me as he usually does. But I parked the truck, got out and went to knock on the door anyway. I was determined to see and talk to Jacob. In the past two months we have grown really close, besides Angela he had become my best friend.
I knocked on the door and waited for Billy or Jacob to answer. After about a minute Billy answered.
"Hey Billy. Is Jacob around?"
"No, he is not here Bella, he went out with some friends."
"Do you know what time he will be back? I would like to see him."
"I don't know Bella, It could be late tonight." What is this? Jacob is better, and going out with friends, and he can't even pick up the phone and call me? I didn't even know what to do. It was because of Jacob I had been able to face many days, and now…. Well now I wasn't even sure what was going on.
"Ok Billy, will you please just have him call me when he gets in?"
"Yeah I will tell him. See you Bella." He gave me a sad smile and closed the door.
I walked dejectedly back to the truck. I wasn't sure what to do. I pulled out of the driveway and just started driving. It was such a pretty day, with the sun actually shining, I thought about going down to the beach, but there was too much of a chance of being around people. I just wanted to think, so I kept on driving.
Before I had even realized where I was heading, I was stopped in front of a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker. I got out of the truck and started walking in what I hoped was the right direction.
My thoughts drifted as I walked, from Edward to Jacob to Jasper and back again. Jacob had brought me out of the fog that I had been in when Edward left. But his avoidance of me, or whatever you want to call what he was doing, was hurting me. Then Jasper coming had dredged up all of the pain to the forefront of my heart, but also helped me realize that I was ready to get over Edward.
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, that before I knew it I had stepped out in the beautiful meadow I had seen only once before. Though the flowers weren't here this time, the sun shining on the meadow made it beautiful still. The memories of Edward and me in the meadow came flooding back. They weren't painful like I thought they might be, but ever since my talk with Angela, the thoughts of him haven't been.
I had thought I was coming here to think about Jacob, and why he is avoiding me. But maybe it is my mind's way of helping me to get over my past and move forward. I just didn't know what I was moving forward to. This past week I have been concentrating on Jacob, wondering why I haven't heard from him. But Jasper has always been there, at the back of my mind, the look on his face as I ran out of the house prominent.
I had thought Edward was the love of my life. I wanted to be with him, so much that I would have given my mortality for him. But he didn't reciprocate that love, he tossed it aside and left. I am angry with Edward. I gasped aloud, but realized the thought was true. I am angry with him for leaving the way he did, for taking the family with him, for tossing me aside as if I meant nothing to him. As if I never had.
The thought had angry tears filling my eyes, and I shook my head to clear the thought. As I did, I realized that I was not alone. Standing on the other side of the meadow looking directly at me was a vampire, just standing there sparkling in the sun. I started to walk closer, thinking maybe it was Jasper when I stopped in my tracks. Not Jasper… "Laurent." I whispered.
He had left to go to Denali, so why was he back? He had started to walk closer to me, and then I saw why he was not with them anymore. His eyes were not the lovely golden color they should have been after staying in Denali, they were dark red. Shit! What was I going to do now?
I took a step back, and two things happened at once. The sky clouded over and Laurent got within a few feet of me. I wasn't sure why he had stopped at a few feet, but when I looked closer, he seemed to be trying to get closer but was having a hard time.
What?! A vampire having a hard time moving? But he truly seemed to be struggling with taking steps, though he was still taking them. Though I was still scared, my own damn stupidity got the best of me.
"Laurent? Why are you here? What is going on?" He growled at me while still continuing to try to get to me. But answered.
"I am here with Victoria to find you. She wants revenge for James." He growled again taking another step forward, but before I could ask what that had to do with me, we were surrounded. Well more I had one near me, and he was surrounded.
The bears… No, not bears wolves, giant wolves. My heart accelerated worse than it already was, and lightning flashed across the sky. There was growling coming from all around me, I was scared out of my mind, and there was nowhere I could go. On top of that the freak storm was not helping. It kept getting darker, and it was thundering and lightning.
Before I could blink, I saw and heard Laurent being torn apart, the metallic ripping sound tore through the meadow causing me to cover my ears, but still not being able to drown out the noise.
The wolf that was closest to me walked away and then Jacob was there starting a fire. No… No… It couldn't be. He couldn't be. The wolves, or bears as people thought had been attacking people. Jacob couldn't be one of them. But they had protected me, hadn't they? They had killed Laurent so that he couldn't kill me. But are they going to turn on me now?
I didn't wait around to find out. I finally got my legs to work and ran. I ran as fast as I could, falling down a lot in the process. I didn't turn around to see for certain, but I could feel Jacob was still near me.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
Charlie hadn't made it home by the time I did, which I counted my blessings for. I hopped in the shower to try and clean myself up a little before he got home. I am still not sure how I made it to the truck and home without the rain pouring on me, the sky seemed like it was ready to let go at any moment. But I had, though by the time I got out of the shower, it was looking like it may pass right on by. Even for Forks the weather was being unpredictable.
The shower had calmed me down just enough to where I wasn't shaking from the fear anymore, but I was still scared. I couldn't get the thoughts of Jacob out of my head. Was he going to come here looking for me now? But Jacob is my best friend, he had helped me, been there for me. Was I now going to turn my back on him? I didn't know what to do.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear Charlie come home.
"Bells? Are you ok?" The concerned look on his face told me I wasn't hiding my fear well enough.
"I… Char...Dad, I went for a walk today, out in the woods. I saw the bears Dad, but they are not bears at all, they are giant wolves, they didn't come after me, but I…. it scared me." I couldn't tell Charlie about Jacob, Laurent or Victoria. Victoria! With all my thoughts about Jacob, I had forgotten about her. Charlie brought me out of my thoughts again.
"Bella! I told you to stay out of the woods!! What were you thinking?" He looked at me again, and his words softened. "Sorry Bella, but just thinking about what could have happened… Are you sure you are ok? Wait, you said they… What do you mean they?"
"There were five of them Charlie, not just one. A black one, a reddish brown one…" I couldn't say anymore. I was about to lose what little bit of self-control the shower had helped me get. I could feel the tears sliding down my face. Charlie walked over and put his arm around me.
"It's alright Bells, you are home and safe now. Why don't you go lay down, seems like you had a rather rough day." I went as he suggested, sure that I would never get to sleep, but feeling the need to lie down.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
I woke with a start, still not sure of what I had seen. I had known it was a dream but that was what confused me, I knew it was, but it seemed so real. My dreams had been wracked with horrible images of Jacob, as the wolf, attacking people. Until the last one, where he was coming after me. I had been so scared, then she walked right in front of me, and Jacob was no longer the wolf, but my best friend, looking at me with sad eyes.
"Isabella." She smiled, her voice sounding like air. "Oh my dear, I have waited so long for this moment!"I just looked at her like she was crazy, I didn't know her, had never seen her in my life, so what was she doing in my dream?!
"Do not fear me Isabella, I am here to help you. I also have a lot to tell you, and not much time." I still wasn't sure about who she was, but decided that hell, this was a dream, all that could happen was for me to get more freaked out.
"My name is Asana. I know you are confused about many things, I cannot give you all of the answers, but I hope that what I can tell you will help you make the right decisions. Will you listen to what I have to say my dear?" She was giving me the choice? This dream just keeps getting weirder!
"Yes Asana, I will listen."I mean really do I have a choice?
"Isabella, you always have a choice, it is up to you to make the correct one." Ok, so maybe it is a dream thing, how does she know what I am thinking?!
"You have hurt your friend Isabella, do you know that? He has helped to save your life today, and you ran from him. He has watched over you since you ran, he can hear the words that you speak in your sleep. He knows that you fear him." I looked to the Jacob of my dream, and he had a few tears rolling down his cheeks, his eyes getting sadder with each word that this woman spoke.
"Stop it, you are upsetting him! I just don't know what to think! The attacks… And then… What am I supposed to think?!" I did not want to see Jacob hurt, dream or not, it hurt me to see him hurting.
"I am not the one doing this to him Isabella! I am only telling and showing you what I have seen!" There was no anger in her voice, just urgency. But when she continued her voice was soft again. "What you think is not what matters. Look into your heart Isabella, can you see him doing the things that have run through your mind?"
"No." I spoke quietly, guilt filling my voice. This strange woman was right, Jacob would not attack people.
"Think Isabella. Think back to the time when you first came across Jacob at First Beach, remember what he told you. This is important my dear, you need to remember."
I thought back, trying to remember. Jacob had told me the legends, scary stories he had called them. "The cold ones, he told me about the vampires."
"Yes Isabella, what else, think before the stories of the cold ones. What did he say before that?"
I thought back, trying to remember. Words started slipping out as I remembered. "Flood. Descended. Wolves. Enemies." Oh, Oh, Oh.
"Yes Isabella, you are remembering. Now allow me to fill in a few blanks for you. Yes young Jacob here is a wolf, but not a werewolf as the tribe thinks. They are shape shifters, the wolf form is just lucky chance. They are not the ones attacking the people, they are trying to protect the people as they protected you today. But other than you, they have gotten there too late.
You need to go to him Isabella, it is of great importance that you renew your friendship with him. The wolves are not the creatures you have to fear. Laurent is gone, but Victoria is still out there. I cannot tell you why yet, but many lives depend on your friendship with the wolves. You are starting down a new path in your life. It is a great and wonderful path, but may be wrought with some pain.
I cannot say much more right now. Things will get more confusing before they get better, but I will be here to answer what I can my dear. All you have to do is think of me before you go to sleep and I will be here."Her voice was starting to fade, but I wasn't ready for her to go yet.
"Wait! I have so many questions! Who are you really? How do you know all this?"
"These are answers I cannot give you right now Isabella. You must learn other things first. Go to Jacob my dear, talk to him and the other wolves. Also, do not forget the other you need to speak with. Jasper is waiting for you to come to him. You must speak with him soon also. Remember my dear, your choices are yours to make. I just hope you make the correct ones, many lives depend on your choices."
With that she was gone. I looked over to the Jacob of my dream, and he gave me a hopeful smile and was gone as well.
That was when I woke up. I just couldn't explain the dream to myself. Many lives depend on me making the right choices? I looked over at the clock. It was six am. Well, I may wake him up, but at least he shouldn't be out with friends this early.
I got up and got ready, leaving a short note to Charlie telling him where I was going to be. Because I knew that the truck would probably wake him as I left, and did just that. I got in the truck and headed down to La Push.
When I got to Jacob's house, I barely got the truck stopped, before I was out of it and pounding on the door. To my surprise it was Jacob who answered. He had the same sad look on his face that he had had in my dream. It tore me apart, so I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him.
I wasn't sure why I completely trusted the strange woman from my dream, but she was right, this was my Jacob, he wouldn't hurt people.
"Jake, can we go somewhere and talk?" He nodded at me, and led the way back to my truck without saying anything, just getting in and driving down to the beach. When we got there, he got out and started walking down to the beach, I followed, watching as he stopped at a familiar looking driftwood log and sat down.
He still hadn't said a word to me, so I started. "Jake, I am sorry that I ran away like that yesterday. I was just so scared and I didn't know what to think. I…I…" With that I broke down, all the emotions that I had been feeling over the past couple of days weighed down on me. Jacob wrapped his big arms around me and held me while I cried it out.
All I could get out through my sobs was I'm sorry, I just kept telling him that. When I was finally calm enough Jacob pulled back wiped my tears away with his hands and looked at me.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Bella, we should have taken him elsewhere to destroy, we shouldn't have done it right in front of you. We… I wasn't thinking. You weren't supposed to find out that way. Hell, you weren't supposed to find out at all!! DAMNIT!" The longer he talked, the angrier he was getting. He started shaking, and something told me not to move.
He took a couple of deep breaths and calmed himself and then looked at me again. "I am the one who should be sorry Bella, I shouldn't have scared you like that. But, why are you here? Why are you apologizing to me? I know that I scared you, I know you feared me. I… I heard you last night." The sadness was back in his eyes as he said this.
She was right, how did she know? Who was she? I decided to tell Jake the truth. "I had a dream last night Jake, well, many dreams. And you are right, at first they were ones that made me even more scared of you, but the last one… well, it helped me find the truth."
I quickly told him all about my dream and the strange woman Asana, and everything she had said. I didn't stop at that though, I told him everything that had happened over the last week, seeing Jasper, the strange things that had been happening to me, and talking to Angela about it. It felt so good to tell Jacob everything.
When I was done, I just waited for him to say something. "Wow Bells, it looks like I have missed a lot. I… I am going to have to tell the others about this? Especially about the other leech being back." I glared at him, I didn't like that term, no matter what I have been put through, I still loved all of them, the Cullen's anyway.
"What Bella? That is what they are." The angry tone was back. "If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be this way, none of us would be. Because they just had to come back, they not only screwed with your life, but all of ours as well!" This time I got angry too.
"Things may not have ended that great with all of them, but I have forgiven them. I still consider them family, and I would appreciate you not using derogatory terms when it comes to them!"
"How could you forgive them? Especially him, he put you through hell! I remember how hard it was to get you out of that fog, I remember being with you as you cried over him. They are not good for you Bella, all they have done is hurt you!" He was shaking again, and that feeling that I had earlier told me to stop and let him calm down but I couldn't.
"Well, it is not up to you is it Jacob. You are my best friend, and I don't want to lose you over a stupid grudge that both parties hold, but I am going to talk to Jasper, and if the others come back I am going to talk to them. They are part of my life too, and if you can't accept that then I need to go!" I didn't want to have this fight with him, but I knew that I needed to talk to Jasper, and I wasn't going to let a grudge stop me.
"You… I…. But…." He sputtered at me, the shaking was calming, and he was looking at me incredulously. "I don't want you to go Bella." He was hurting again. Damnit! I didn't want to hurt him. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him as tight as I could.
"I don't want to go Jake, and I don't want to fight with you. I just have this feeling that something bigger than your stupid, and yes I said stupid, grudge is coming, and I am not going to let it stop me from talking to the Cullen's."
"Bella I… I can't just stop hating them because you say to. This goes much deeper than a grudge. I turn into a wolf now because of them. I had to see you in pain because of them. I just don't want you to get hurt again."
"Well, how about you just don't use your derogatory names around me and we will settle with that for now. Deal?" I hoped that he could at least agree to this for me. I loved him, he was my best friend.
"Deal Bella."
We spent the next few hours just hanging out, and discussing the weird things that had been going on with me. He couldn't come up with an explanation for me either. After discussing that we talked about the weird weather yesterday, and though I wasn't sure, I thought he had an idea of what was behind it, but he didn't elaborate.
The day was filled with us talking, and spending time together like the week of separation had never happened, though he wasn't all together the same. He had an anger about him now that he tried to hide, but I caught it on many occasions, especially when any of the Cullen's were mentioned.
We stayed at the beach until we both got so hungry we had to go find something to eat. We went back to his house, and ate. Though I wasn't sure if I was ready, I went with him when he said it was time to tell the others. We went back down to First Beach, and he disappeared for a few minutes to 'call' the others.
Shortly after he got back, Sam, Embry, Paul, and Jared showed up. Things did not go easily at first, after the way I left yesterday, they didn't understand why I was there. I let Jacob explain most of it. But when it came to Victoria, he turned to me.
"Victoria is after me, I believe, because the Cullen's killed James. Laurent the one… you destroyed yesterday said she was after me for revenge." They all gave me shocked looks, but Sam was the one to speak.
"Who is James, and what is he to this Victoria?"
So I told them the story of James, how he had come after me, and how I believed he had to of been Victoria's mate. I told them about Phoenix, and how Edward and the other Cullen's had saved me and destroyed him. The looks on their faces were beyond shocked. Again it was Sam who spoke first.
"So they killed this other vampire? Because he was after you?" He had a look on his face that could only be described as a mix of shock and respect.
"Yes Sam, they killed him to protect me."
"Well, we will not let their efforts go to waste. We will do all we can to destroy her as well. We will protect you Bella." He turned to Jacob. "Can you make sure she gets home safely? We need to work on some strategies and talk to the Elders."
"Yeah Sam. I will be back soon." Jacob took my hand and started leading me to the truck. When we got back to my house, he wrapped his big arms around me again and just held me.
"We won't let her get you Bells, I promise." He hugged me tight again and left.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
I haven't seen Jacob since he left last night. I am worried about him, because Charlie told me there was another attack today. Victoria is still around. It is Monday evening, and I am sitting on my bed, waiting on Jacob to call. I had called Jacob after Charlie had told me about the other attack, but Billy told me he was out with the others, but he would have him call me when he got in.
That was three hours ago, and I still haven't heard back from him. I tried calling again a few minutes ago, but no one answered this time. So I am just sitting on my bed waiting and worrying. I had decided to lay back and try to relax when I felt him. I don't know how, but I knew Jasper was outside. I had planned on going over to talk to him tomorrow. But after the way I left, I wasn't sure he would want to talk to me.
Should I call to him, let him know I know he is there? Or just leave it be? I got up and paced the room for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do. Would the pain come back if I saw him again? I didn't think so. The anger was still the forefront emotion that I felt towards Edward. No matter what I told Jacob, he was the one Cullen that I hadn't forgiven.
But Jasper, I wanted to talk to him, I was just afraid. Afraid and worried that he wouldn't want to talk to me after the way I left. But he's here, outside my house. That thought made my decision for me, I went to the window and pushed it open quietly before whispering out to him.
"Jasper, I know that you are out there. I need to talk to you. Can you come up here? Please?"
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