You thank whatever mutation allows you to look like you've slept even when you haven't and end up creeping out of bed at around 6 AM. Laying on top of Sollux and just self doubting all night was starting to tear you apart. You'd only been together for... What? A month and a half officially? Was this normal? Even your expertise in romcons couldn't tell you.
You sigh and go through your mundane morning routine after eating a quick bite of breakfast food you'd bought a few days ago. After all of that jazz is done, Sollux is still asleep so you shrug and head to the main living area and sit at his desk where his extreme monster of a computer is sitting. You switch on one monitor quietly, then the other and you tap a key on the keyboard. The fan starts going and it honest to god sounds like you've just woken up a literal fucking beast.
The login screen pops up. Only one user account exists on this beautiful piece of machinery. And that account belongs to your sleeping boyfriend. You crack your knuckles and slowly type his password. The keyboard clacks loudly despite you trying to keep quiet. Finally, you've finished typing his elaborate, but easy password, "~twinarmageddonsrules~", and his desktop pops up.
You slowly click his loudass gaming mouse to open up a web browser. God damn, why did he have to have such a /loud/ mouse and keyboard? Every time you ask, he just replies with, "Well KK, I wouldn't expect you to underthtand, but they're mechanical and don't wear out ath much. Pluth it'h fun to thound tho profethhional." More like, "It's fun to sound like a major tool and piss off everyone with your obnoxious typing and clicking."
The web browser comes up at lightning speed and the home page is already on a search engine. Maybe some searching around will ease your mind a bit. You search for relationship advice, and it varies. Okay, so you know for one, he doesn't only want your dick. If he did, then he'd probably have already made a move on you about it. You two haven't even kissed on the lips until last night. Two, you have been living with him for a while and you know your feelings have somehow always been there. You don't get why you're freaking out, then. You feel like you need to talk to someone who's good with relationships... Or good with Sollux.
You open up his instant messaging system and sign into his account, too lazy to sign into your own. You glance at the list of people online and only find Nepeta online. Well... She wasn't exactly who you were looking to talk to... But if anyone knows a lot about relationships, it's her.
-twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at [7:12 AM] -
TA: hey nepeta.
AC: :33 *ac cr33ps up behind her furry tall furriend and pawnders why he is up so early but says "hi pawllux!" and hugs him!*
TA: FUCK. NO. WAIT I'M NOT SOLLUX. IT'S KARKAT.
AC: :33 ohh! well hi karkitty! did you sneak onto pawlluxs computer?
AC: :33 youre a furry bad kitty, karkitty ;33
TA: JUST... OKAY. SURE. PUNISH ME ALL YOU WANT. AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ME EMBARRASSING MYSELF AND DOING... WHATEVER YOU ALWAYS DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME. I'M NOT INTO THAT SICK KINKY BULLSHIT OR WHATEVER YOU DO.
AC: :33 karkitty im appawled that you think i do that kind of stuff x((
AC: :33 all i do is harmlessly roleplay! and its not like THAT yucky stuff at all thats just gross! 33:
TA: OKAY. RIGHT. SORRY. I WAS PROBABLY THINKING OF VRISKA OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET A SINGLE WINK OF FUCKING SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND I'M NOT IN MY BEST MENTAL STANDPOINT.
AC: :33 now whos the kinky one? h33h33!
TA: THAT'S NOT WHY I DIDN'T SLEEP! GOD. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THATS THE OPPOSITE WAY AROUND THERE.
AC: :33 so you didnt sl33p beclaws pawllux didnt fill pails with you? 33www why are you telling me this?
TA: NO. NO NO. AGAIN, NOT WHAT I MEANT. IF "FILLING PAILS" MEANS WHAT I THINK IT MEANS. I'M JUST HAVING SOME PROBLEMS AT THE MOMENT, NOT REALLY WITH SOLLUX BUT MORE WITH MYSELF? IF THAT MAKES ANY SLIVER OF GODDAMN SENSE.
AC: :33 not really :(( youre being a little vague karkitty i dont exactly know what you mean
TA: RIGHT. BECAUSE I WAS A DUMBASS AND HAVEN'T TOLD YOU EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED YET.
TA: WELL... SOLLUX SAID SOMETHING LAST NIGHT TO ME AND I JUST FEEL KIND OF UNEASY. WITH MYSELF, NOT HIM.
AC: :33 well what did he say?
TA: ...I'LL TELL YOU IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELL A SINGLE FUCKING SOUL.
AC: :33 okay? thats an easy purromise
TA: ...HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME
AC: :33 333333!
TA: YEAH. I KNOW. BUT CAN YOU SAVE YOUR IDIOTIC FANGIRLING UNTIL A LATER DATE, LIKE HOW ABOUT NEVER? I'M STILL HAVING ISSUES.
AC: :33 oh right
AC: :33 but why are you having purroblems? thats a good thing that he told you he loves you! :33
TA: ...I KNOW. BUT... I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW. WE'VE ONLY BEEN LIKE OFFICIALLY TOGETHER FOR LIKE A MONTH AND A HALF THOUGH. AND I GUESS I'M JUST DOUBTING WHAT HE SAID
TA: ...I'M A GOD DAMNED FUCK-UP, I KNOW.
AC: :33 oh nooooo youre not a furrick up karkitty!
AC: :33 its purrectly normal for those kind of thoughts!
TA: OH OKAY. THANK GOD. BUT I WAS UP ALL DAMN NIGHT WITH THOSE THOUGHTS.
AC: :33 it happens when you dont know how to handle them :33 if you only look at the reality of the situation then you negative thoughts will go away!
AC: :33 be happy for yourself karkitty! :33 im happy that you and pawllux are happy together!
TA: THANKS, NEPETA. THAT MEANS A LOT.
AC: :33 youre welcome!
TA: SHIT. I HEAR RUSTLING AROUND IN THE OTHER ROOM. I GOTTA GO BEFORE HE CATCHES ME ON HIS COMPUTER. I'LL TALK TO YOU SOME OTHER TIME.
AC: :33 oh okay! s33 you later karkitty and good lick with pawllux!
TA: THANKS.
- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at [7:47 AM] -
You struggle to find a way to delete the chatlog from his computer's files before he catches you and gets curious. His Trollian program is a lot different from yours, he must have programmed it himself to be a clusterfuck of confusion.
Warm arms wrap around you and you feel his chin rest on top of your head and you jump slightly from surprise. "To delete a chatlog, jutht go to optionth, then chatlogth," He murmurs to you.
"...Thanks," You finally manage to reply, feeling your stomach do the weird flipping thing again. Okay, calm down, Karkat, you think, just remember what Nepeta told you.
"Tho what are you doing up tho early on my computer, hmm?" He inquires sleepily, but not in an upset tone at all. "Did you butht your laptop again?"
"I uh, yeah I did, a while ago. I kept forgetting to ask you to fix it and it was just easier to use your computer since it's faster and fucking huge and awesome," You reply, turning around in the office chair to face him and he picks you up with his psionics, then sits in his chair and drops you into his lap. You whine a little in protest.
He chuckles at the terrible sound that came from your throat. "KK what wath that thound? You weren't uthing my computer for watching porn thith early in the morning, were you?" He teases, poking your cheek.
"Oh god, fuck no. I'd rather have my dick impaled on a rusty fork than watch porn on your computer. You'd fucking kill me for going on 'dangerous websites'. Plus, I don't even watch that shit, humans are fucking weird, like I don't even want to see two other people fucking," You reply, swatting at his hand.
"Mmhmm, I'm thure you've never watched porn once in your entire life, KK. Even if it wath jutht becauthe you were curiouth," He presses, wiggling his eyebrows.
You roll your eyes and start poking his upper lip to change the subject, "Go shave, Sollux, god. You're starting to look like you did when you were like 16 with that weird, I don't even think it can be considered a mustache, thing." You honestly didn't care much about it, you accepted Sollux for whatever he decided to do with his face, but you just kind of wanted to give yourself some more time to think.
"KK, you're tho mean, but fine. I needed to shower anywayth tho I'll be back," He replies with a mockingly hurt tone to his voice. You get off of him and he wanders off to the bathroom to shower and get cleaned up. You can't remember if he works today or not, but if he doesn't, maybe you two could play some video games or some shit.
You sit down on the couch and your anxiety from earlier comes back for a split second. Then, you remember what Nepeta had told you and you feel a little better. You never knew that this is what it is like when someone tells you that they love you. Nobody had ever told you that before, except maybe a few of your friends, but that was always in a platonic way. This was a totally different meaning of love, and it was absolutely foreign to you.
You curl up on yourself and sigh. Sometimes all you wanted to do was not be a freak of nature who didn't know what love actually felt like. Sometimes you wish you could just cut your damn wings off since all they've ever caused was complications, agony, and the title of, "Freak". You know that everyone in your group felt partially the same way about their own mutations, but somehow nobody else seemed to feel as bad about them as you did. Maybe Aradia, who sometimes got too depressed to leave the house from all of the voices of ghosts she would hear and talk to, would understand. But even she seemed to handle it better than you.
You know that Nepeta's cat ears and tail cause complications and have to be hidden, much like your wings, but she was always so goddamn /cheerful/ about it. That, and some people just think that her ears and tail are part of some fancyass costume (not to mention that her almost perfect black hair and catlike face were both so flawless, it could easily be a costume). Your freakish grey wings wouldn't be able to pass off as a costume. Maybe if they'd been white, but the reality is that your wings are grey.
Your phone in your pocket starts buzzing and you pick it up without even bothering to wonder who it is. You already know.
"What the hell do you want, Vriska? Can't I just wallow in self-pity without you getting all on my fucking case about it?" You growl into the phone.
"Of coooouuuurse you can't," Vriska dramatically replies. "You should learn to keep your thoughts to yourself, Vantas. Or think quieter, your loud thoughts of self-pity just woke me up."
"I never told you to be listening to my damn thoughts, and what I think about is none of your damn business," You snap.
"Oh, on the contrary, Karkat. You've known for a good long while that eeeeeeeeveryone's thoughts are automatically my business," You can almost see the thin smirk pulling at her blue lipstick covered lips, exposing her slightly sharp canines and flipping her long, blonde, blue tipped hair. You shudder. Vriska isn't ugly or anything, but she's damn scary. She's the kind of woman that looks like a model, but can and will crush you under her boots in a split second.
"Then here's an idea, why don't you just tune out any of my thoughts from your freak brain? I consider it a good payback for you know, arranging your escape even though you were on a totally different floor on the lab than the rest of us," You growl, becoming agitated.
"Ouch Karkat, that hurt a lot, like right there. Imagine me pointing to my heart, Vantas. You know, for a short babyfaced loser, you can get awfully feisty. Here, I thought I'd call since you seemed to need a friend to talk to," Vriska says cooly.
"We aren't friends," You reply quickly. You don't know what Vriska is to you, but she isn't necessarily a friend, but she isn't an enemy either.
"Well we aren't enemies, now are we?" If she had been typing this in a message to you, you could almost /see/ the eight-eyed smiley face she would have used with that statement.
"Stop reading my fucking brain, already. How about we're acquaintances, do you agree to that label of our relationship?" You ask.
"Yes, that could work. Anyways, listen to me right here. Are you listening, Karkat? Okay, yes you are. Excellent. You know, everyone feels that way about their mutations, even I, the greatest creation alive, feel that way sometimes. I actually blame it on the rest of you freaks for forcing me to listen to your whining about it, but that's beside the point. Anyways. We all care about you, Vantas. You may be a short-fused little loser, but we all look up to you, believe it or not. You are the one who made this all possible, after all," Vriska tells you, and you can tell she's being serious.
"...Wow, Vriska, did that hurt, actually telling someone something nice for once?" You tease, but deep down you appreciate it. Your left arm loses control and you slap yourself across the face.
"You're welcome, asshole," She replies, and you can hear the smirk on her face. She then hangs up quickly.
You put your phone back into your pocket and rest your chin on your knees, smiling slightly with a stinging cheek. Sometimes, just sometimes, you think that Vriska isn't really as bad as you think. Maybe she is a friend, she just doesn't express it very well.
