CHAPTER NINE

For the last thirty-five minutes, Kirk had been listening to Spock conjecture on the Doctor's questionable behavior as of late. Actually he had been listening to First Officer drone on while he roamed around the Vulcan's cabin, picking up every other item that caught his eye, mostly things that were shiny and glittered.

He had lost interest in what Spock had been saying after the first ten minutes, wondering how long it would take for the man to get to the point that he had been waiting for since arriving at the cabin. Admittedly, the man was the best First Officer around, which he knew from testing the water for a possible trade after they had returned from the Imperial Universe, and had concluded he still had the best deal. If the man just didn't have to take every single incident and break it down into a physic's equation, would be a pleasant change though. He had been known to give a forty-five minute dissertation on earwax and the potential danger it can cause.

"Captain, it would be a great benefit if you would behave as if you were listening to what I have been noting." Spock appeared at Kirk's side as he spoke, and forcibly removed the seven hundred-year-old vase from the Captain's hands that he had been trying to spin on an index finger. "We may be able to find a solution more quickly if you would do so."

Clasping his hands behind his back while watching Spock carefully replace the priceless item back in it's ascetically pleasing spot, a corner of Kirk's mouth twitched in an irked fashion.

"All I want to know Spock, is his condition severe enough I can get him sent to a Star Fleet subsidized mental institute and off my ship. If I can, just tell me so and then get the paperwork ready. I'll be waiting on the bridge with my gold tipped fountain pin."

Giving the vase a final quarter turn to have it exactly as it was before the Captain had placed his grimy hands on it, Spock straightened and returned his ever so slightly annoyed stare back on Kirk.

"You seem unusually fervent in removing the Doctor from the 'Enterprise', Captain. I find that highly…suspicious." The left eyebrow twitched on each syllable of the final word.

"Spock, there are a lot of things I find that I have to tolerate onboard my own ship. Like Scotty flaunting the fact he knows engineering better than I do. Sulu happening to know what most of the switches on the bridge do. That Uhura will always have better looking legs than I will. And having to put up with you and your never-ending spout of incessant monotonous logic. Thank God Chekov maintains his low level aptitude, but in a facetious manner, and I have my devastating good looks as well as charm, or I wouldn't stand out as I do." Explained Kirk, while running a hand through his already perfectly styled hair as he caught his reflection in a metal wall decoration. "The last thing I need is to have that grits-swilling, anemic shaman start making a move on ground's that I've worked most of my career on establishing as my exclusive territory."

"Referring to the women." Concluded Spock, looking faintly more bored than usual.

"Damn straight." Kirk said, making sure that the one front lock of hair was perched just so that it appeared ready to fall over his forehead at any second. "After everything I've had to go through to get that reputation, I'm not letting it slip away now."

Spock nearly replied to the comment, but thought better of it knowing the mood the Captain was in and instead decided to stick to his original reason for wanting this private discussion. If the man could manage to pull his attention from his primping to hear him out.

"Captain, I believe we may be able to sufficiently solve the Doctor's situation so it would not be necessary to have him placed into a mental rehab institute." Suggested Spock, seriously ruminating over the idea of tying Kirk to a chair for the rest of the meeting.

Faltering in his grooming, Kirk glanced over at Spock with a shadow of disappointment in his face. "Really? You just don't want to ship him off?"

A corner of Spock's mouth nearly moved in frustration as he stared at Kirk, self-assured what he was truly thinking at the second wasn't expressed in the steady gaze. He just kept reminding himself that there was less than seven months of this five-year mission left and another crew would be saddled with the man, if nothing happened between now and then.

"No Captain, I do not. It would seem more discerning if we attempted to solve the problem first before taking any unwise and unnecessary actions."

"Oh. Well, I just thought it might solve a few problems for everyone if we took care of the whole mess as quickly as possible." Replied Kirk with a cheerless inflection, shooting one more look at his reflection before forcing his attention back to his First Officer. "You wouldn't have to deal with his pointless arguments and I would get out of those diabolical physicals, not to mention being forced to eat nothing but leaves and twigs for days on end."

"Star Fleet would no doubt send us a replacement for Doctor McCoy if it became necessary to have him removed." Spock quietly informed the Captain. "There is an old earth saying 'Better the devil you know', seems apropos at this time."

Lips pushing off to one side in a pursed contemplative expression, Kirk slowly nodded as he grasped what his Science Officer was emphasizing.

"So, you don't think we should just ship him off then?"

"No, Captain." The Vulcan's voice had an edge to it that was creeping close to irksome.

"All right then, what do you propose?" Resigned Kirk, settling his frame on the edge of the worktable. "Something simple I hope."

Ignoring the lack of support from the Captain, Spock sat back down in his chair and silently speculated before looking back up at Kirk. "The Doctor's recent prosperity and peculiar conduct seem to coincide with one another. There fore, logically it would seem that the problem is one and the same. Has Doctor McCoy mentioned to you lately of anything unusual occurring in his presence?"

Kirk's face instantly changed at the question innocently asked by Spock, into a barely containable large smile that he immediately smothered as he began to respond. "Well now that you mention it Spock, yes he did. Early today, in sickbay."

Sensing Kirk was setting him up, Spock didn't see any other choice at the time but to let himself fall into the trap if they were going to accomplish anything at all this day. There were days it was wiser to be the fool rather than the king.

"Exactly what did the Doctor tell you?" The question came at last, after Spock had taken the appropriate time to place his fingertips together and give the Captain the chance for his build up.

"He said, there was a 'leprechaun' in sickbay with him." Kirk said, giving his cuticles an examination then slide a curious look over at Spock from the corner of his eye.

For a moment, Spock merely blinked at Kirk then looked down at his own hands and let the chair ever so slightly swing back and forth. He remained that way for an incredible and excruciating, to Kirk's mind anyway, thirty-six point two seconds before coming up for air to reply.

"Fascinating." Murmured the Vulcan, his chair coming to a halt.

Kirk bit his lip to keep from grunting the first words that popped into his head, but silently wondered what kinda nest egg the Vulcan had socked away after copyrighting that stupid word.

"That doesn't tell me anything, Spock. That doesn't even tell me if you're talking about the same subject. Does it or doesn't it mean we have to keep McCoy?"

"All of the Doctor's prosperity began shortly after our return from Kilindarbi, a town and planet that is ninety two-point-four percent inhabited by Irish descendents." As he spoke, Spock stirred his computer from its sleep mode and began skimming through the library files. "It was believed by many of the Irish that these 'leprechauns' would travel with families when they would immigrate to a new location. If this small piece of folk lore has any tangibility to it, then it could be hypothesized that these 'leprechauns' may have followed the families that ventured out into space."

"That doesn't help either, Spock." Sighed Kirk, running a hand over his face bumping that front lock of hair enough to let it gently fall into its place. "Because if you're saying what I think you're saying, this 'leprechaun' could be real, McCoy may not be crazy and I'll still have to go through those damn physicals' every other month!"

"If the Doctor was or wasn't crazy Captain, it would still be necessary for you to under go all necessary physicals' ordered by Star Fleet." Spock calmly pointed out as he continued reading the monitor, knowing fully well what the reaction would be from Kirk.

"Yes Spock, I know that. But with Bones, I could talk my way out of it every other time." Kirk instantly pointed out, jumping up from his perch then began roaming around the cabin.

"More than likely to keep from listening to your incessant lamenting, during the procedure." Murmured the Vulcan just loud enough for the Captain to catch every other word.

Wavering in mid step, Kirk shot a look at the back of Spock's head but was unable to come up with a speedy and sharp retort with only half hearing what was said. Yet, he was positive what his First Officer had muttered what was meant to be more than slightly insultive to his person.

"So, what you're trying to tell me in your usual exacerbatingly enigmatic way, is that there is the off chance that this 'leprechaun' doesn't exist just in McCoy's mind." Kirk finally surmised on his own, coming up behind Spock's chair. "That 'it' might actually be running around my ship, at this very moment doing God only knows?"

Cautiously turning his chair around as not to bump into the Captain, Spock cocked his head to the right. "He could very well be in this room, as we speak."

Taking a hasty step backwards, Kirk began throwing glances around to every corner of the cabin while self-consciously crossing over his chest. "You joking."

The arched eyebrow was the answer the Captain got.

"You're serious." Grunted Kirk, while he literally deflated in front of his Science Officer.

"Very much so, Captain." Spock said, with a slight ascending movement of his head.

"Damn. Well then,…think of something, Spock." Demanded Kirk, taking the step back over to the workstation.

The other eyebrow rose to match it's twin. "I suggest Captain, that we speak to the Doctor. All of this does concern him."

"Right. I was just thinking the same thing." A well practiced look of deep contemplation set on to Kirk's face as he started rubbing his chin with his right hand. " Let's have a little talk with Bones."

Closing his eyes in a moment of calming, Spock made a mental note to himself to check the Captain's files later, when this was done. It was becoming evident that it was past due for his annual psychological testing again.

TBC