ImPORTANT NOTE: Brief mentions/descriptions of abuse in this chapter. I felt I needed to put this up here, even though I'm pretty sure if you readers have gotten this far, you know what you're dealing with.
Just saying.
Chapter Nine
Outside, against the curb in the pick-up area of the airport, I easily caught sight of one of the cars I recognized from their garage. Of course, they'd had to drive here.
"We're keeping her with us." Esme told Rosalie as I was let to my feet. At her urging, I climbed into the backseat, passed the passenger seat flipped forward. She handed my bag to me, which I set on the seat next to me.
"We're keeping her with us?" Rosalie seemed surprised.
"I can't very well leave her alone at home." Esme replied, climbing into the passenger seat. "Besides. This is safest." The second Esme was seated and the door was shut, Rose drove off. Rather quickly, which scared me a little.
I could already feel the difference in the air. I'd spent my entire life in Washington. Arizona was way to crisp for my taste, even through the thirty seconds I'd spent outside.
"How is this safe?" Rosalie demanded in reply, "Like at all?" She was obviously against it.
"This way, we know where she is." Esme reasoned, "And I know that she's protected." I stayed quiet. "We'll cross any other bridges when we come to them, Rose."
"But she's stinking up my car." She argued, her tone sounding like an odd mix of a whine and grumble, "I'm supposed to sit for how long with it?" I frowned a little, looking down at my clothes.
"She can't help it, Rose." Esme defended me, "You know that. We shouldn't be there very long, anyway. Just until the others get back, but I'm not leaving her alone. End of discussion."
Rosalie didn't argue again, choosing to shake her head and look forward instead. I followed her example, and looked out my window. Subtly, sniffing my shirt at the shoulder. It didn't smell all that bad to me. At least not bad enough to tell me I stunk.
She navigated the large city with ease, and as much as I wanted to figure all this out, my thoughts moved through my head as fast as the scenery did outside my window.
I kept quiet, not wanting to disrupt the silence.
Now that it was apparent I wasn't being given away, I could finally start to unwind. Even if it was around Rosalie who didn't seem to like me much. No, I corrected myself. I'd seen what it was like to not be liked. She didn't seem that way.
That was probably why I didn't take her attitude to heart. I just knew to stay out of her way, as much as I could anyway, and that was fine with me.
I looked over as Esme brought a cell phone out and dialed a number seemingly from memory. She brought it to her ear, but after awhile, she brought it back down. A frown on her face.
"No answer." She spoke quietly, glancing over at Rosalie.
"I hope they found her." I mumbled, and Esme looked back at me.
"Who?" Rosalie asked before Esme could.
"Bella." I said, "Before I left, they were looking for her. I think she got lost." I didn't miss Esme's glance at Rose, but she didn't reply.
Apparently, we were going back to Forks, which surprised me for some reason. Rosalie made it seem like we'd be in the car forever, but I figured it out soon enough. We might have been back in Forks, but we weren't going back to the house.
"I hate how long that took." Rosalie grumbled, parking on the side of a street I didn't recognize. She shut off the car, which confused me for a moment. I bit my lip instead, choosing not to comment on what she said. I felt bad that I somehow kept pissing her off. Without even really trying.
"He's fine." Esme assured her, "I know you take your tasks seriously, Rose, but please try not to take it out on Leandra." Despite my confusion, I couldn't make myself ask any questions about what we were doing here. I didn't recognize this part of town, but after a moment, I did recognize the cop car sitting in the driveway of the home across the street.
"Hey." I said, "That's Charlie's car." I couldn't help being a bit nervous, though. Why would they bring me here instead of home? Keeping Esme's promises at the airport in mind, I had to wonder.
Thankfully, I got direction before I could start worrying too much. Esme turned slightly in her seat and looked at me.
"Just sit tight." She smiled a little, "We're only here for a little while, and when we get home, I'll make you something to eat and you can rest. Okay?" I swallowed nervously, and I nodded. I could agree with that. If I wasn't being given away, I could sit tight all day. Well, bruises permitting.
From there, the silence dragged on, and in the settled moment, I knew I'd be okay. There was bound to be unsettling moments and issues later on, but I felt confident again. I felt confident that the ground had stopped moving for the time being, and I could stand again.
I'd had yet to feel that way, always struggling to get used to where I was and who I was with. Now I could finally take a deep breath and just know. Maybe I didn't have to be so afraid. I still had so many questions, but again. Those could wait.
I did sit still, but my mind was busy. I tried to think about anything I'd ever heard about vampires. Off the top of my head, I couldn't remember much about them besides that they were supposed to drink blood and sleep during the day. I'd never seen anyone doing either of those things.
I remembered that they were supposed to be scary, but immediately after remembering that, I thought about Carlisle. He was anything but scary. He was the kindest person I'd ever met in my life. Esme too. They all were. Emmett was kind of scary, but that was only because he was so much bigger than me. He wasn't scary in a mean way. He was the opposite.
"She is quiet." Rosalie spoke up after about an hour of pure silence, "I'll give her that."
"I don't make a lot of noise." I replied, finally tearing my gaze from out the window. It was starting to get dark here, the heavy clouds helping evening to fall. It didn't look like it was going to rain, but it definitely could.
"I've noticed." Rosalie nodded a little, looking back out her own window. I left it there. I didn't want to bother her.
I jumped a little a minute later when Esme's phone rang. It was open at her ear before the first ring had even finished.
"Carlisle." Esme greeted, and I heard the relief in her voice. She sat quietly, listening to whatever he was saying. I bit my lip, looking back out the window. I still wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about what he'd done. Reasons or not, I felt hurt.
After a solid minute or two of silence, Esme spoke again. Sounding a lot less relieved.
"Oh dear." She gasped, "Is she okay?"
That took my attention. Someone got hurt? Who got hurt? I leaned forward, worried now. Her expression was worried, but it didn't give much else away.
She was quiet again, and I held my breath until she sighed.
"I see." She spoke, shaking her head, "Thank goodness you got there in time. How is Edward taking it?"
That told me it was Bella. I hoped she wasn't hurt too bad, but I had to wonder what happened.
"Well," She said after a shorter pause, "Tell him I said he's wrong about that. From what you tell me, he should be very proud of himself." She paused again, listening before she glanced at me briefly and said, "Yes. We have her here with us right now. She's fine, although I think you need to have a talk with her when you get home. The split decision you made was the wrong one. She didn't take it well, and Alice tells me she's quite hurt."
I looked down as she paused. Damn right, I was hurt. I hated that he did that to me. I would rather have freaked out the whole way than lose that trust in him.
"As long as you realize that." She went on, "Let's not make that a habit, okay?" She sighed, "Where do we go from here? There hasn't been a single sign here, so I'm fairly sure she's not coming. We'll keep an eye out for a bit longer, but I have to get Leandra home soon. It's starting to get dark."
To my surprise, Rosalie started the car seconds later before Esme told her to. Driving off as Esme continued her conversation. I leaned back, tuning her out and watching out my window.
I still wasn't sure how I'd approach the subject I knew would probably be coming soon. I briefly considered just keeping it to myself, but I knew I'd never be able to do that. Carlisle had said that I could ask questions after everything was over. Well, I had a stockpile of them, and the least he could do was answer them.
"Well," Esme sighed once she'd ended the call, "What would you like me to make for dinner?"
"Anything. I'm starving."
"I heard." She replied, her tone now slightly scolding, "Honey, you can't do that. We've been working too hard to get you back on track."
"I know." I admitted sheepishly, looking down. "It's hard to wanna eat when I'm scared like that."
"I wish we could have spoken to you a bit more about it. I'm so sorry, honey." She shook her head.
I didn't reply. I didn't know how. She was sorry, but I was too. Thinking about it now, I was honestly ashamed of how I behaved.
As soon as we got home, I ran straight for my room. I hadn't realized before just how much I'd missed it. The fact that it was still here, just as I'd left it, didn't bother me. Surprisingly. It was the same.
I crawled up onto my bed, sighing as I dropped down. Lying on my stomach like this eased the ache in my back, relaxing me even more.
I was only there a few minutes before a quiet knock on the door behind me had me turning over. Surprised, I sat up. At first, the same flood of questions rolled through my mind, but then came the emotions. I couldn't say anything yet.
"I'm sorry." Carlisle spoke quietly, "About giving you that pill. I understand why it would have bothered you, but I promise, I only had your best interest in mind. It was a very.. Very stressful situation, and I only wanted you to be-"
"You just wanted to make it easy on them." I grumbled, curling up as I looked down, "I don't like it."
"That's not it at all." He assured me, lingering by the door. I didn't know what to say. He didn't even fully know why I was so mad at him.
"Remember.." I mumbled, "When I told you why I hated it?"
"I remember." He replied gently.
"That wasn't it." I replied, "That wasn't all it was. Jack used to make me take stuff that made me sleep, and yeah, I always woke up hurting more than I was before I fell asleep, but that's not all. I used to spend days like that, because he said it was fun for him, and.." I hesitated, unsure about going on. I finally took a breath, "And because.. He said it.. He said I reminded him of my mom when I was like that. A-And that scared me. A lot, because I don't ever wanna turn out like her."
I felt so stupid as my eyes burned with tears, so I looked back down.
"A-And I hate that I trusted you so much that I just.." I whimpered, "I took it."
He sighed, "Leandra, I'm-"
"I know." I said, my voice now thick with emotion, "You were just trying to make it easier on me, or whatever, but I felt so stupid. When I figured out what happened, I felt stupid, because I thought I wouldn't ever have to feel like that again. It's a big deal to me. Maybe not to you, but it is to me."
He was quiet now.
"Anyway," I went on, "He stopped using that stuff because he said it was more fun for him if I was awake, but I'll never forget what that's like."
"I promise," He said, "That it'll never happen again. If there is any other way, I'll find it."
I didn't believe him, and that hurt more than the betrayal. I just shrugged, hoping to get my point across. My thoughts cleared enough, though, that I remembered a rather important detail.
Now was as good a time as any. He couldn't exactly lie to me again so soon after he found out just how bad the last lie hurt me.
I hoped I wasn't wrong.
"I think I know now." I murmured as I looked back up, and his eyes grew more concerned. "I think I figured it out. It's not just him, is it?"
That seemed to really surprise him, but he still hadn't spoken. Oddly, I didn't want him to be worried. Why would that matter?
"It's okay." I said in his silence, "I'm not scared. I had a lot of time to think about it." That seemed to do it. He finally sighed, moving forward into the room and closing the door. I felt a little better with that little bit of privacy.
"Well, this is a surprise." He murmured.
"I thought you'd lied. At first. I thought you lied about what you told me about that guy in the kitchen, just to have an excuse to get me to leave so easy, but.. Then I started thinking. Today. On the plane."
He was quiet, just listening to me. I bit my lip, looking down almost shamefully. I felt bad for being so observant because it seemed to make him nervous.
"I noticed a lot of things about you guys that seemed different." I explained quietly, "I didn't want to say anything, because I owe everything to you, but it was weird to me.. All the things I did, nobody else did. Nobody ever ate, or slept, or anything. How cold everyone is. I knew that wasn't normal, but I just thought I was thinking too much. I do that sometimes."
He was still silent, so I went on.
"It seems so weird, but it's the only thing I can think of." I was quiet for a few seconds longer, "That thing you told me about that guy.. Carlisle, are you a vampire too?"
I looked up, trying to read his expression. He didn't laugh, he didn't tell me that that was absurd. He only looked down with a sigh.
He was quiet for a few heavy seconds, before he spoke.
"Yes, Leandra." I saw no hint of a lie in his eyes, "It makes no sense attempting to hide the truth from you any longer. It's not fair to you, and it's not easy. You deserve to know."
I sat back, surprised. I had to take a few seconds to wrap my mind around that. I really wasn't sure how I felt now that it was confirmed.
"A-Are all of you..?" I asked quietly, looking up again, "Everyone..?"
"Yes." He said again, "All of us. Aside from Bella, and you, of course." I bit my lip again. Suddenly, the curiosity was heavy once more. Instead of solving it, his answer only raised it.
I was quiet again. For too long, given his next sigh.
"I'll completely understand if you choose to find another place to live."
I looked up.
"No." I replied, "I'm not scared. I'm just.. I have a lot of questions, but I'm not scared."
"We were hoping you wouldn't figure it out so quickly." He told me with a sad smile.
"Why not?" I asked, "I won't ever tell anyone. I promise. I keep my promises."
"We weren't sure how you'd take it." She told me honestly, "Leandra.. What we are-"
"Who." I corrected quietly, "Who you are."
"I just want you to know that our differences had nothing to do with why we chose to care for you." At first, what he said confused me. I never would have thought that our differences would have anything to do with it.
"I know." I replied, "And it doesn't matter to me that I'm different from you. I still trusted you more than I've ever gotten to trust anyone in my life. Figuring it out didn't change anything about anything."
"Regardless." He murmured, "We would completely understand if you chose to find a new home-"
"No." I immediately said again, "No. I'm not scared. I was.. I was afraid when I first came home, but not because of anything anyone did. Just because I've never been anywhere I didn't have to run for my life. I think that's why I watched everyone so close. How could I still be afraid of you? I've lived with Jack. Jack is way scarier than anyone."
I jumped a little as my bedroom door opened, and Rosalie strode in.
"Two humans, Carlisle? Telling two humans? Within a month of each other?" She seemed really irritated. Not quite pissed, but she was getting there. Her heavily frustrated voice made her seem as frightening as she was beautiful. It told me that she wasn't someone I wanted to piss off on a regular basis. I curled a bit tighter as she continued. "Let's just rent a billboard. Let's just tell the whole town, while we're at it. Oh, by the way, we're vampires. I hope that's okay."
"Rosalie." Carlisle sighed, correcting her. That wasn't good enough.
"Carlisle, you know the threat. You know how dangerous this is."
I suddenly felt bad for being smart enough to figure it out. I felt bad, but it wasn't Carlisle's fault. I felt a little better when Esme drifted in behind her.
"I understand, Rosalie, but what exactly was I supposed to tell her?" Carlisle asked calmly, "She saw Laurent. A simple explanation would not have sufficed. Not in a case like that."
"And it was pointless to continue trying to lie to her." Esme added in my defense, "She's noticed she isn't like us, Rosalie. It would have only confused her more."
"I understand that. I do, but she's a very watched little human right now." Rose pointed out firmly, "If anything were to go wrong, how would we cover it up? I told you from the start-"
"Nothing is going to go wrong." Esme tried to calm her down. She ignored that.
"Not only that, but how long do you honestly believe she'll keep this a secret?" Rose pressed, "She's nine years old. I can understand telling Bella, because she's much older, but Leandra is too young to really understand the danger we're all in right now." I huffed a little, gaining her attention. She met my eyes, but this time, I didn't back down.
"I'm not too young." I spoke up, "I can keep my mouth shut. I know how to keep a secret. I've been keeping secrets pretty much since I could talk, and those secrets were a lot harder to keep."
"Okay," She said, "You might be good at keeping secrets, but that doesn't change the fact that at any time-"
"Rose." Esme shut her up, firmer this time.
"I might not get the danger just yet," I mumbled, "But I know that I promised Carlisle I would stay quiet about what I know, and I won't ever change that. No matter what."
A silence filled the room, and Rose looked down and shook her head. Still quite unconvinced, I could see it. There was a tense silence, before yet another person arrived in the doorway.
"Cool, a party in shorty's room." Emmett grinned, "Since the cat's out of the bag, I don't have to pretend to be somewhere else." I couldn't help smiling a little at his easy tone. "And, for the record, I can finally say I told you so. I knew she'd figure it out. She's not stupid."
"This is not a joke, Emmett." Rose snapped. I watched as she turned and left the room. Esme immediately rounded to follow her, and I looked down.
"Excuse me." Carlisle sighed, also turning to follow her. I hoped she wasn't in trouble. I'd feel bad if she got into trouble for feeling the way she did.
"Uh.." Emmett muttered, "Is it okay if I stay? I mean, I can leave if-"
"No." I replied easily, "It's okay." I hesitated a second before I spoke again, "Rose doesn't like me, does she?"
"That's not it." He said, "It's not that she doesn't like you. She's just worried."
I shook my head, looking down.
"I told them we needed to start trying harder, but see.. We've never lived with a human full time, so this was new to us too. Don't mind Rose." His smile softened, "Really. If anything happened to you because of us, well.. It wouldn't end well for anyone."
"I'm not afraid." I said quietly, "I trust you."
I found how easily he talked about it helped me ease into the idea as well. Truthfully, I was okay with it, but I was still a little confused.
"So.. You're not freaked out?" Emmett asked.
"A little." I admitted, "But I'm not afraid. More like.. Surprised. I never thought, uh.. Those were real. I've heard of them before, but I always thought they weren't real. I'm still not into the believing part yet, though. This still feels like a dream."
"Trust me, shorty." He chuckled, "This isn't a dream."
"I don't just mean about.. Figuring out about you." I clarified, "I mean.. All of it."
I looked down, inspecting my fingers.
"I'm not afraid," I said, "Because I know that if you guys wanted to hurt me, you would have by now. Just because I know now doesn't change what you've done for me. It's just so hard to believe that someone actually wanted me. No matter who it was."
"Why?" Emmett asked, quietly surprised.
"I'm so used to being told how worthless I am, or useless. I'm hopeless, and I know I am. After so long of being told that, it's hard not to believe it."
"You are none of those things." He replied firmly.
"It's okay." I said, "You don't have to say that. I don't like thinking those things either, but it's always there."
This was the most I'd talked to him since coming to live here, and he listened so intently, it was hard not to go on.
"If I cause problems, it's nothing new, and I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a pain. I don't mean to get in the way. Carlisle only told me about the guy that came to the house that night, because I didn't listen to him, and the guy really scared me. I was worried, because I saw Esme was worried, and I wanted to find out why. Maybe I thought I could help somehow? I don't remember why I didn't just do what I was told. I've never done that before, and I'm sorry."
I paused for a breath, but I wasn't done.
"I just.. Want you to know that what I figured out, and what I was told, I'll never tell anyone else as long as I live. I don't want you to have to worry about that. You've given me too much, you.. All.. Mean too much to me to tell. Whatever that risk is, whatever you're worried about happening if I ever told anyone won't ever happen. Not because of me. I promise."
"Well." I looked back over at Rosalie's quiet voice in the doorway again, not having heard her or the others approach, "I suppose you knowing isn't the end of the world." She sighed, "There could be worse people that know. And.. Carlisle and Esme seem to have the highest confidence that you'll keep quiet, so I guess I have no choice but to be okay with it."
"Leandra, you're one amazing kid. You know that?" Emmett chuckled, "It takes an act of God to get her to admit she was wrong."
"I wasn't wrong." Rose grumbled, crossing her arms, "I just may have overreacted. Just a little."
"It's okay." I told her, "I do that all the time." I was quiet for a moment, looking down briefly, "Am I allowed to ask questions now?"
"You just did ask a question." Emmett told me in a teasing tone. I laughed a little, looking back at him. The fact that I laughed quietly, actually acknowledging the fact that he'd teased me, which I didn't often do had his eyes light up just a bit. Grinning proudly.
"Yes, Leandra." Carlisle answered, "Now you may."
"Only if you do it while you eat." Esme added, "It's been too long." I nodded.
"Good." I said, standing, "Because I'm about to die of curiosity."
"Naturally." Carlisle chuckled, noticing my excitement. I hardly noticed it, but this was very nearly a first for me. I never acted this way. I was never excited for anything, but learning this about my family excited me. The whole time I'd been here, I had always been carefully calm, not showing much emotion if I could help it. That included excitement. This was actually a very big change for me.
"Uh.." I mumbled, looking up at Carlisle as I made my way to his side, "I don't know where to start." He started toward the kitchen, and I followed easily.
"How about I just start by telling you that we are different from the one you saw." He told me gently. Probably trying not to scare me, "Then you can ask what you want to ask." I found a seat at the counter, glancing over as Esme placed a plate of food in front of me. It was spaghetti. Not a lot of it, and complete with small salad and bread, but it looked amazing.
"I think I knew that already." I said thoughtfully, stabbing a carrot with my fork, "Because your eye color is different than his was. Was I right?" I glanced over at Emmett's smile. I couldn't stop at just the carrot. I was really hungry.
"That's right." Carlisle said, nodding, "Our eye color reflects our diet." I waited, not wanting to press him too much, "His eye color reflects that his diet consists of human blood."
I involuntarily shivered, picturing that. I guess I knew that detail, but it was still unsettling to hear it out loud. I continued to chew, though, not really bothered enough to lose my appetite.
"Finally, a reaction." Emmett chuckled in comment.
"What does gold mean?" I asked once my mouth was clear, ignoring him, "Yours?"
"It means our diet consists of animal blood."
"Oh." I said, surprised, "Like deer and stuff?"
"That's right." He said again, and I relaxed.
"That isn't so bad, then. Does it taste different?" I asked, launching the next round of questions and answers as I chose the spaghetti next.
"Yeah." Emmett answered that one, "But the benefits are worth it. I'd take the trade any day." I smiled a little, looking pver at him.
I was so curious, asking everything I could think of. The entire question asking session took roughly an hour, and Carlisle answered my questions as patiently as he ever had. Emmett piped up, helping. Esme did as well, but her answers weren't as targeted at freaking me out as Emmett's answers were.
I learned so much about the family in that time, my head was spinning slightly, but it was tolerable. Needless to say, my patience had paid off. I found as my questions got harder, the answers were longer. I vaguely noticed how nice it was to be the one asking questions now, instead of being the one answering them. I did my best to avoid making my questions very invasive.
For the first time, really, I wasn't hesitant about asking questions. I wasn't worried about annoying them or being hit for it. I just asked. I finished eating everything on my plate, and again, it was just enough. I was plenty full, but not uncomfortable.
I learned about their heightened senses. Hearing, seeing, and smelling much more than I ever could. How fast they could move, and how strong they were. I learned about how tough they were, how virtually indestructible they were.
I learned how fragile I was compared to them, which caused the very important need to be careful around me. One-hundred percent control, as Emmett had pointed out. I learned about how quickly they could think, considering every possible angle of a situation in the time it took my kind to consider just one.
I also learned about the extra things they could do. Gifts, extra abilities. How Edward could hear thoughts, and Jasper managed emotions. Alice's ability to see the future. It certainly explained a lot, and I pointed that out.
"That's why Edward kept getting so mad." I mumbled, "That day. He talked to me a little after finding me smoking. I thought I just kept letting too much slip."
"Only in your mind." Emmett chuckled, and I understood the double meaning.
"I hope you're not upset with him." Esme spoke, "His ability is involuntary."
"That means he can't help it?" I asked, and she nodded, "Nah, I'm not mad at him. I'm just sorry he had to hear what I was thinking. I can't help the things I think either. Trust me, I've tried." I paused, "No wonder he's never here."
"That's not the reason, shorty." Emmett replied before anyone else could, "But I think now he'll feel better, knowing he can correct all the thoughts he catches."
That didn't sound very fun to me. Having my thoughts getting me in trouble. I'd always been safe in my head. Now I had an audience. The look on my face must have given away how I felt, because Emmett laughed.
"Or not." He chuckled, and I shook my head.
"Did Alice see that I was coming along?" I asked, curious about that as well.
"If she did," Carlisle said quietly, "She didn't give me any forewarning."
"She did, shorty." Emmett answered, "But she didn't see the things you've already been through. She only sees someone when they cross paths with the one she's looking out for. Does that make sense?"
I nodded, "It does. Thanks."
"And she didn't see you getting hurt that day until the Biology class." Rose answered as well, surprising me a little, "So she had almost no chance of warning Carlisle before he was moments away from finding out himself anyway."
I nodded, accepting that.
"Because I didn't think to do it until I did it." I gathered, and she nodded. I felt a little proud that I was right.
I further learned that they never slept, which I noticed myself. They were wide awake twenty-four-seven. They didn't eat human food, because they wouldn't digest it, and because of that, they didn't need the bathroom. I noticed that as well.
In turn, I was explained the dangers. Exactly how much, and in what way, their diet affected them. How not hunting humans was an acquired trait. How it took many years of practice to be able to do it. How bad just my scent could hurt if they didn't keep track of it all the time.
Which, in turn, led to the stress of the importance of me being careful. I'd have to be very careful with whatever I did. Bleeding around them could be a very bad thing, and if something happened where I bled, the house would clear, and Carlisle would be the one to take care of me.
I wasn't particularly a klutz. I was always so careful with everything I did. It was a learned skill, to be constantly aware of everyone and everything around me, so I promised to always be careful with whatever I did. Even walking. It was an easy promise to make.
After a moment, I realized that I had one more, very different question.
"Where's Alice?" I asked, actually looking around.
"She and Jasper are still in Phoenix with Edward until Bella is well enough to leave the hospital." Carlisle answered, and my eyes widened a little. So it was Bella that got hurt.
"What happened?" I found myself asking, despite knowing that should have been my first question, "Why did you leave?"
From there, the explanation began. About the game of baseball, and who showed up at it. The events from there were so dizzying that I found myself completely understanding why Carlisle had to have Jasper and Alice drag me to Arizona. Me underfoot of what they were doing would have just been bad.
"So it really wasn't something I did." I murmured thoughtfully, "It wasn't that you didn't want me anymore."
"Not at all." Carlisle assured me, "We only wanted you in a safe place. I didn't want you anywhere near the danger here, and keeping you with Bella was easiest in this case, so you both would be protected equally. I can completely understand why you would think that, and I can only tell you that I'm truly sorry."
"Were you really that worried, shorty?" Emmett asked, surprised.
I lowered my head a little, looking down.
"What reason would we possibly have not to want you anymore?" Emmett asked when I didn't answer.
"That's what I was wondering the whole time." I mumbled, "I didn't know what I'd done that was bad enough to make Carlisle just send me away like that. I couldn't figure it out. I thought maybe I was such a pain, that.. They were gonna give me to someone there."
"I would never do that." Carlisle spoke, and I saw the sincerity in his eyes, "Never."
"It's true, shorty." Emmett said, "Carlisle hated himself the entire time. You should have seen his face." No hint of joking in his voice had me look to him now, "It was just a tough situation with almost no reaction time." I nodded.
"I know that now." I murmured, "I just didn't know then. I guess now I know why nobody could tell me anything."
Emmett grinned, "I heard you gave them hell."
"Yeah." I replied, "I'm sorry about that too." I finally stood up from my seat at the counter, stretching a little. I was tired from the long day, and I was definitely starting to feel it.
"But hey." Emmett spoke, causing me to look his way mid-stretch, "We've definitely got to try that baseball thing again. We could use a bat-boy."
"Hey." I frowned.
"Girl." He corrected with a laugh, "It's so easy to mess with you."
"You're just mad Edward's team was winning." Esme joked, and Emmett's exaggerated gasp had me laugh a little.
"It's not my fault he's good at fetching." Emmett whipped back playfully.
"I don't know anything about baseball." I admitted, unable to hold back my yawn.
"Well, we'll just have to fix that, won't we?" Emmett grumbled, reaching out and squeezing my shoulder a little. I curled my shoulders and giggled a little, swatting his hand away. I'd never had that reaction before, so it surprised me.
"Oh!" He grinned, "She's ticklish!" Was that a good thing?
"No I'm not." I laughed a little, and he reached out again, repeating the process. "Okay, okay. Just there."
With no warning, he reached out, and scooped me up. Holding me in his arms as he looked at me.
"Oh." Esme sounded slightly worried when I squirmed, but I wasn't listening. I panicked a little at first, clinging as tightly as I could to Emmett's shirt. I whined, but the sound was thick with fear.
"Relax, shorty." He chuckled, looking at me.
"Don't throw me." I whimpered, and he paused, "Please."
"Throw you?" He asked, "Why would I do that?"
Though I didn't answer, I still clung on. I couldn't let go. Memories of this exact same position made me react. I held on as tightly as I could, unable to help the nervous sobbing. I wasn't crying yet, but it would come quick if he made one wrong move.
"I'm not going to throw you." He assured me, and I heard the sincerity in his voice. I tried to relax, but it was really hard. I hated this reaction, but I was having a really hard time holding back tears.
Seeing how worried I was, he carefully set me back onto my feet. I held onto his shirt until I was sure I had my balance, and as soon as I managed to let go, he crouched in front of me.
"I know nobody here would hurt me." I explained before he could repeat it, my voice thick, "But it's hard to tell my mind that when something happens that Jack does."
"Shorty, you've got so much to learn." He murmured, and I took a breath.
"I think I'm starting to figure that out." I admitted almost shamefully.
"And you have no idea how badly I want to hunt Jack-ass down." He went on, "I'd make sure he understood just how bad he screwed up."
"Get in line." Rosalie muttered from where she stood against the counter.
I didn't know what to say to that, pursing my lips. I wasn't sure that was a good idea. I didn't feel the way they obviously did. I didn't hate him the way they did. I was more scared of him than anything. I just never wanted to see him again, but the thought of more violence bothered me.
"Guys," Esme murmured, coming over to stand behind me, "Let's change the subject." I was so glad she said something.
"I agree." Carlisle sighed. "Now isn't the time."
I had a lot on my mind as I laid awake in bed that night.
After all I'd learned about them, I knew what Emmett had said could very well happen. I still wasn't sure about that, though. The thought bothered me. Since I'd been there, Emmett had done all he could to prove to me that he was harmless. That had changed.
Just imagining that, knowing Emmett was stronger than someone like Jack, made me nervous. I didn't want that image of him to change. I wanted him to stay harmless.
By the time I fell asleep, I didn't feel much better, but there was a change. My dreams were different. I didn't dream about Jack. Instead of the darkness, I dreamed about sunlight. The way it shined, reflecting off the sprawling city in Arizona. It fascinated me now, and in this dream, there was no fear. I wasn't scared. It was a very nice change.
I did feel better when I woke up, as I'd had time to process everything. I understood a little more what Emmett had meant. It wouldn't change the way he was to me, even if he did do what he said he wanted to.
It really helped when he greeted me with a grin when I approached the kitchen for breakfast. I felt stupid for even doubting him.
"How'd you sleep, shorty?" He asked, and I shrugged a little.
"Good." I answered, "For once. I don't think I even woke up."
"That's good." He replied, actually sounding happy about that, "That's a good thing."
"I know." I muttered, "It's just weird. Now my brain is sore."
He laughed, "You have a headache?"
"Kinda." I allowed, "But not the same." I didn't know how to describe it. I felt weird.
"Leandra." I looked over as Carlisle walked in, "How are you feeling?" It took me a second to remember about their hearing. It made sense now, how he'd know I was awake. Remembering that made me understand what he meant by his question.
"I'm okay." I said, "Better than I was before I went to sleep. I think I thought about it while I was asleep."
"I'm glad." He replied, "But there is something I need to discuss with you. I'm afraid it can't wait." He instantly had my full attention, even as Esme placed a plate of eggs in front of me.
"I wish it could." Esme sighed sadly, and I looked over at her. Emmett even lost his grin, sighing as he stood back upright.
Carlisle took a breath, while I held mine.
"Leandra.." He started quietly, "Your father was contacted the other day." I instantly looked down. I didn't want him to see the way my expression fell. They had found my dad. I actually had to remind myself that I was still facing that. Things weren't just magically okay now.
"I wanted to put this off as long as I could, but.. I was told yesterday afternoon that he's requested to see you."
"I don't wanna see him." I grumbled, "Doesn't that count?"
"Normally, it would." He answered, "But since this was temporary from the beginning, I'm afraid we don't have much of a choice. He's quite determined."
"Why don't I have a choice?" I demanded, "I don't care if it was temporary. I don't wanna see him."
"There are many factors to this that would be difficult for you to understand." He explained lightly, "Many legal factors that, unfortunately, tie my hands. He is your biological father. His parental rights were reinstated the second he agreed to take this on."
I didn't know what that meant, but I hated him for it.
"I don't wanna see him." I repeated bitterly, looking down at my hands.
"Come on, shorty." Emmett tried, "It'll be good for you to see him."
"No it won't." I replied firmly, "I don't-"
"I agreed." Carlisle sighed, and I looked over at him, "I agreed to allow visitation."
"Why?" I asked, standing up.
"If I had refused to allow him to see you, it would have happened anyway." He said, "Only it would have taken place somewhere else, and I wouldn't be allowed to be there."
Oh.
"None of us would." Esme added sadly.
"And we really wanted to be here, shorty." Emmett muttered next, "We want to make sure this guy is good enough to take care of you."
"But.." I whimpered now, unable to stay mad at their reasoning. "He didn't want me. He left."
"That wasn't the case at all, Leandra." Carlisle told me, meeting my eyes with an attempted comforting smile, "When your mother divorced him, he was court ordered to stay away from you. It wasn't that he didn't want to be in your life. He wasn't allowed to be. He literally couldn't."
"Why is that different now?"
"They removed that order, due to the situation." He replied, "As I explained before, if there is a biological relative to take responsibility for you, they'll always go that route."
"B-But.."
"Wait." Emmett said, "If he was ordered to stay away from her, there had to be a reason." I agreed with him. "Why am I just now hearing about this?"
"I suspect there is more to the story than we know." Carlisle replied, looking over at him.
"I don't wanna see him." I said again, but I knew now that there was no choice. "Carlisle, I don't even know him. What if he's just as bad as Jack? What if he's exactly the same, or even worse? What if there was a reason he had to stay away from me?"
I fought it, the emotion suddenly stabbing at me.
"I know you're nervous." He replied, "But I'm sure they have looked into the reasons, and made sure it would be safe. I think you should give him a chance. He's your father."
"No he's not." I countered, "I don't have one. I'm scared. I don't want to go with him."
I hadn't even noticed when tears had started down my cheeks until a small sob shook me.
He was suddenly there, kneeling in front of me, "I'm confident, Leandra, that you're worrying over nothing." I stepped forward, hoping he didn't mind as I wrapped my arms around his neck, shaking my head.
This was odd to me. From the start, I knew this was temporary. I knew there would be no way to stay here. I knew that, and I understood that, and I'd told myself that when and if the time came to leave, I wouldn't put up much of a fight. I wouldn't cry, and I wouldn't argue. They'd already helped me so much, and fighting to stay would only disrupt their lives even more. I couldn't help it, though.
Somehow, being given a sense of security so freely made it impossible not to fight to keep it. Maybe that's what I was doing in Arizona. In my own stupid way, I was fighting to keep that sense of security, even if I refused to believe Alice and Jasper when they tried to tell me I was being stupid. I really didn't want to lose what I had here.
Here, I knew I'd never have to fight to live again. I didn't know my dad. I had no idea what kind of person he was. He was just as much of a stranger as everybody else in the world.
"When is he coming?" Emmett asked, and his voice was rather tight.
"He got into town last night." Carlisle sighed, "He'll be here any minute."
That explained why he wanted to discuss this with me now.
"Let me be the one to let him in." Emmett replied, already turning for the door. I just sobbed, unable to help it. If I had known this was coming so soon, I wouldn't have stayed so mad at Carlisle for what he did. I didn't want this. Every bit of me was telling me that it wouldn't work.
"Leandra," Carlisle told me, "I need you to be strong, okay? It'll be good for you to go with him."
I yanked back, "No, it won't." I shook my head, "I don't know him. I don't know what kind of person he is. I know you. I know Esme. I know everybody else, but I don't know him." I sobbed quietly, "Carlisle, I don't want to go with him. I know living with you was only for a little while, but I've never known what it's like to be safe. Now that I know, I don't want to let it go. I can't."
"Leandra, it would be safer for you there. With your father." I started shaking my head again, so he continued, "Even if we don't follow the normal diet, you're still in very real danger here. I'm considering your safety in this as well." I couldn't respond, only cry. Carlisle gave me a moment, before continuing, "It'll be alright. I promise."
"No it won't." I only cried harder as I clearly heard the knock at the front door. I looked over as Esme crouched beside me, but I couldn't let him go.
"Honey," She tried, "Please. Give this a chance. He's not allowed to take you today. Today is just a meeting."
I couldn't catch my breath. Crying too hard to see, even as what she said made it through my panicked thoughts.
"We'll be with you the whole time." She added gently, reaching up and smoothing my hair from my face.
"Carlisle." Emmett was back.
"We'll be right there." Carlisle spoke, and I knew I was seconds away from having to walk in there. I continued to sob, even as he gave me one more hug, before taking my hand and standing. I trembled with each step.
Esme trailed behind us as he led me from the room.
We made it into the room before he noticed us.
A stranger stood talking with Emmett. His quiet voice really didn't sound familiar to me. Nothing about him seemed familiar to me yet. Then again, all I'd seen of him yet was his back.
He was pretty tall. Easily about as tall as Carlisle, with just a bit smaller of a build. It was the strangest feeling. Oddly, I hated him. I finally had a physical person to hate, and the moment I saw him, I felt that hate swell to life, even through my tears.
Emmett moving his attention to us had my dad look back, and I met his eyes for the first time. the first thing I noticed was just how much I truly did look like him. There was no denying that he was my father, but his looks didn't tell me a thing about what kind of person he was.
He turned to fully face us, and I stayed rooted to the spot, watching as he took a step toward me, but I got the impression that he was unsure. He gave a sort of sobbing laugh, seeming amazed to see me standing there. I didn't know how to react.
Seeing I was having trouble, Carlisle gently released my hand and stepped forward, introducing himself quietly. Offering him a seat, he hesitated with his eyes on me before sitting slowly on the edge of the couch.
Carlisle looked to me next, "Leandra, please. Come have a seat." I started to shake my head, but he spoke again, "Please?" His tone was one I couldn't argue with, so I slowly crossed the room. I hesitantly sat down in the chair across the coffee table from the couch. Facing my dad.
"I must ask you to be patient with Leandra." Carlisle said, and my dad looked to him, "She's.. She was taken off guard. I didn't have a chance to fill her in."
"Of course." My dad responded, "I can easily understand why." That wasn't such a bad answer. I struggled to compose myself, looking over as Emmett drifted closer to my chair. As afraid of his size as I was when I first met him, I found comfort in it now, and I really saw that teddy bear trait Esme had told me about.
Seeing me looking closer, Carlisle spoke to him. The stranger that was supposed to be my father.
Carlisle started by asking him questions. Knowing I was listening to his answers. Closely. My dad knew what Carlisle was doing as well, letting me get to know him without really talking to him.
Eventually, Emmett took a seat on the armrest beside me, offering silent support.
I learned by listening to them talk that my dad owned and ran his own hardware store. He had another five-year-old daughter named Lily, and a wife named Rachel. Small world, I had to agree. He was thirty-two years old, which would have made him twenty-three when I was born. Still pretty young.
From what he said, I was his entire world. His first born daughter. It amazed him how someone so small could make him feel so powerless with just a look, a smile and a giggle. He did every thing he could to provide for me, and I never went without.
He was trying to make ends meet, and be home with me as much as possible back then. My mom wasn't working then either, and babies weren't cheap, but he did the best he could, and it was enough.
I hated how much that really sounded like the story Jack told in the hospital that day.
My mom was only twenty-one when I was born, and twenty-three when she met Jack. I visibly cringed at the mention of his name, which he noticed. Drawing my knees up to my chest, I continued to listen.
According to his recollection, everything just happened so incredibly quickly. My mom met Jack, and for whatever reason, decided my dad wasn't providing enough, thus causing many fights between them.
"We fought." My dad continued, "And to be fair, I have a lot of regrets not keeping my temper in check when it came to your mother, and even after we split up."
"What do you mean, Chris?" Esme prompted gently. I was glad she asked.
"I was fine with Gina moving on." He said, "If that was what she really wanted, but she had Leandra to think about. My daughter. When I found out that she'd moved some random guy in without knowing him that long, I got upset with her. I pleaded with her to just stop and think about what she was doing."
He was either a really good liar, or telling the truth. I couldn't tell yet which one it was.
"I just.. All I wanted was a few days. I just wanted her to get to know him, but Gina.. She was incredibly stubborn. She was hurt, pissed off, and Jack was extremely resourceful.
"I have no doubt that he was waiting for any reason he could get to do what he did, but I didn't see that at the time." My dad sighed, "I was young, and I admit, I was impulsive. I didn't think things through as much as I should have. When Gina never listened to me, I took Leandra myself."
I blinked in surprise.
"I took her for three days. As opposed to the few hours Gina and I had agreed on."
"Ouch." Emmett muttered, and I looked up at him. I didn't know what that meant.
"I never tried to hide her." My dad went on quietly, "I just never imagined she'd actually call the police. Gina knew I would never harm a hair on her head, and that she was more than safe with me, so I thought she'd have no reason to, but I was wrong."
He paused, and I listened closer in the silence.
"Jack had a few words with me at the station." My dad muttered, keeping his eyes focused down, "He told me that he wouldn't have Gina press charges, if I voluntarily gave Gina sole custody in the upcoming divorce. Now, I normally would have told him to shove it, but.. Gina was becoming someone I didn't even recognize anymore, and that doubt about what she would or wouldn't do made me agree."
He sighed.
"But, what I didn't realize before signing that paper, is that because I took her for those three days, that would mean I could never see her again." He sounded so mad about that, but underneath that, there was a pain there I ignored. "Jack had made sure to have his lawyer use that bit against me, and it worked. I wasn't allowed within three hundred feet of my own daughter."
"I wrote as often as I could, but when everything was returned, I figured Leandra was never getting them."
Even my head spun with how quickly things had gone wrong between the two of them.
My dad finally looked to me.
"Leandra, I never wanted to leave you." He murmured, and I curled tighter in my ball, looking down. "I would have given anything to stay. I've spent every minute of the last several years wondering how you were doing, wondering if you were happy." He paused, sighing and standing. He stepped over to me, kneeling in front of me, "I know it probably seems like I just left, and never returned, but I swear to you. I tried. I wrote, I called. Every week, every birthday, every holiday, I called, and I wrote to you. Up until you were five years old, all the calls I made went unanswered until the phone number was finally changed. Every letter, and every card was returned. Unopened."
"Why didn't you try harder?" I found myself asking quietly, "I just don't get how someone could tell you to stay away from me, and you listen."
"I wanted to." He finally said, his voice tortured and quiet, "I really wanted to keep fighting for custody, or at very least to take off the separation order. Do you want to know why I didn't?" I was quiet, waiting for him to continue. "Because I saw what it was doing to you. You can hate me all you want, but I remember how drastically you changed during the divorce. How scared you were all the time. You needed a stable home, not one that was constantly in turmoil. I thought that continuing to push it, I'd be punishing you and I didn't want to do that."
"That wasn't why I changed." I murmured, shaking my head, "That wasn't why I was scared all the time. That was Jack. I needed you." I felt the hurt again, and to my surprise, I still felt anger.
Pushing passed him, I stood.
"You let me down just as much as mom did. You could have kept trying. You could have done anything to stay in my life. I know you would have seen the bruises. You would have seen them, if you'd been there. If you'd been there, I might not be as screwed up as I am." I spun, ready to leave the room. I wasn't ready for this.
"Leandra, wait." He called, and I paused. Though I hadn't the slightest clue why, I turned back around and looked at him, "Please."
Suddenly, I burst into tears. Uncontrollable, angry tears flooded down my cheeks. The piece of my heart that had held the spot for my dad hurt again, nearly choking me.
"You can't do that!" I sobbed, "You can't just stand there and ask me to just forgive you for forgetting me. You could have done something. Instead, you just let Jack keep hurting me."
"Leandra." Esme quietly tried to correct me, "Honey-"
"I cried every night." I went on breathlessly, "I wondered why you didn't care about me enough to bother checking on me. I needed you. I was too small to fight on my own, but you left me."
He stood up as well, "I'm sorry. Baby, I'm not asking you to forgive me. It doesn't change much, but I can tell you one thing. If I had even the slightest clue what was going on back here, I wouldn't be standing here with you right now. I would be in prison for murder." He was sincere in that statement.
"You would have-"
"I didn't like him." He said, "It's true. I didn't like him, but I really believed that it was for my own stupid, selfish reasons. I never believed it would ever turn out this way. Your mom used to be one of the toughest women I've ever met. She was smart, but she was stubborn, and I really believed she could handle herself against anyone. I had to trust that she'd protect you. I couldn't do it myself."
I paused for a deep sobbing breath, "I don't want to go with you. Why couldn't you just stay gone? Why'd you even bother coming when they called you?"
The hurt in his eyes did nothing to calm my anger or my broken heart.
"I needed you then, dad, but I really don't need you now."
"I'm here for a few reasons." He admitted, "I came here today just to see you. To just.. Look at you for the first time in six years. To talk to you. I'm not here to force you to go anywhere you don't want to be."
That eased me a little. He'd confirmed what Esme said. He wasn't here to take me away immediately.
"You're mad." He nodded, carefully stepping forward again, "And that's perfectly okay, but you know what? I'll take it. I'll take the blame, because I deserve it, and just being able to see you again is worth it. You've grown so much, I can hardly believe it."
He paused, studying me. I looked down as he finally reached me, slowly crouching in front of me.
"When they called me, and told me you needed me.." He went on in my silence, "I was ready to leave straight from work, but I couldn't come immediately. They said there was paperwork we needed to wait on, but I came as soon as they told me it was okay. I cleared everything, and I was headed here within an hour. Just so I could get to you as soon as possible."
"That doesn't change anything." I muttered, shaking my head a little.
"I know it doesn't." He said, "You don't know me. I totally understand that. That's why I'm here. I want to give you a chance to get to know me. Before you decide. I want to be here with you through everything I can."
"It's too late for that." I argued, but unfortunately, my voice was calmer. My voice was calmer, but I couldn't even look at him. Standing there in front of him, I felt a very complicated mix of emotions. Emotions I wouldn't even know where to begin to describe. The anger was definitely there, but so was sadness. I felt like if I looked at him, meeting his eyes just one more time, I would dissolve back into tears.
"Please don't say that." He murmured, and I fell silent. I didn't know what he wanted from me. I couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear.
"You don't even know, do you?" I asked, finally looking at him. "You don't even know what he did."
"I know." He replied, "I know what Jack-"
"No you don't." I countered, "You don't know what he turned me into, because if you knew, you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't want me back."
"Is that what you really believe?" He asked, his eyes saddening, "Leandra.. That's not how it works."
He reached for my hand, and that prompted me to move again. I yanked my hand away, but instead of sticking around to explain why, I just turned and walked away.
"Shorty." Emmett called after me, but this time, I ignored it. I made it into my room, closing the door firmly behind me. I laid face down over my bed, crying into my pillow. I didn't want to leave. How did I know that he wouldn't just let some random guy on the street take off with me? He wouldn't fight for me. He wouldn't protect me. He'd proven that already.
"Leandra." I jumped at Carlisle's voice beside the bed, not having heard him come in, "I know this hard to understand. I know this is confusing for you, but I want you to give him a chance." I didn't look back. I kept my face buried.
"Leandra." I jumped at my dad's voice beside the bed as well, "Just five minutes." I raised my head, but I didn't look back. I came in here to get away from him. Not to be followed.
"I wish I knew how to explain this right." He said, "You have every right to be upset with me. Believe me, I understand. I should have been there, and I wasn't." Having heard enough, I climbed off the bed with clenched teeth. Attempting to step passed him, but his hand came up and grabbed my upper arm. Stopping me in my tracks.
"Leandra, just wait. Please-"
"Don't touch me." I snapped, roughly pulling my arm from his hand, "I was supposed to be important to you. Now I am? No. I don't care what excuse you have. You never cared then, so why start now?"
"I did care." He corrected, "Please don't say I didn't. Your mother-"
"My mom has nothing to do with this. Don't blame everything on her, because you know you could have been there if you'd really wanted to. You could have!" I was even a little shocked at my angry outburst. I wasn't surprised at the tears that trailed down my cheeks once more. "You could have tried to keep me. You could have done something, anything to keep me. I could have been dead this whole time, and you never would have known."
"Your mother-"
"Stop blaming her!" I cut him off, "I hate her too, but stop. I don't care what reason you have. You left. You just let Jack have me."
I found myself needing to rant. I needed to get this off my chest.
"I can't pretend everything's okay." I cried, "It's not fair. You don't get to do that. I'm the one that had to deal with Jack when everyone else didn't. Mom didn't. Mom drank all the time. And you.. You left me, and now you wanna just come back and get another try? How is that fair?"
With that, I turned. I found Esme standing just out in the hall, speaking quietly with Emmett, and I went straight to her side. I knew my behavior wasn't perfect, but I couldn't help it. What he was doing was just so unfair. Despite my behavior, though, Esme hugged me tight.
I was hurt. It was a pain that wouldn't be fixed that easily.
"Leandra, I know." My dad sighed, following me. "I know I haven't been there.. You're right. That's not your fault. That's not yours or mom's. That is on me. And yes. You were right. I was hoping for another chance, but I know it's not fair of me to ask that of you. You've got enough going on right now without having to worry about that." I recognized the defeat in his voice, so I slowly turned, looking at him. He wasn't going to argue with me anymore, but I refused to leave Esme's side.
"I said before I'm not here to take you if you don't want to go." He went on and my glare eased a bit, "But I am here. For as long as you can allow me to be."
I was quiet, and I looked down. I suddenly felt bad I couldn't be who he wanted me to be. I couldn't be happy to see him. I couldn't forgive him like he wanted me to. I couldn't get passed the fact that he'd never been there. He was a stranger that looked like me.
He was quiet for a moment, and I finally looked back up.
"Okay?" He asked, probably hoping for me to calm down. He smiled sadly, meeting my eyes again. This time, for longer. Without him as an obvious threat to my stability, I found I could look a little closer.
I searched my memories for his face, but the only place I found it was in the pictures I'd seen when I was much younger. He'd obviously changed a bit since those pictures were taken, but I clearly recognized his eyes. My eyes. I had his hair color, and his chin. I saw a lot of myself in his features, which both helped and made it harder to accept him.
"You've grown so much. So very much." He smiled sadly again. I didn't know what to say to that. When my expression eased, he started forward again. Toward me. I tensed, but I was okay as he finally crouched in front of me. He reached for my hand again, and this time, I let him take it.
I looked at my hand in his for a moment, until I remembered that I couldn't tell if I needed to be cautious by looking at his hand. I met his eyes again, looking for any hint of danger there. Nervously, I looked passed him at Carlisle standing there. He was watching, and I was glad. I wanted him to see that I was trying, even though it was really hard on me, I was trying. He had no idea how hard this was. Just to be standing here.
My dad's voice was quieter as he spoke again.
"I promise." He said firmly, "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere." I didn't believe him. Not in the slightest. All I heard was words.
Eventually, I just couldn't stand it anymore. As carefully as I could, I pulled my hand back. Though he seemed to understand, I felt like I needed to explain.
"I don't like that." I admitted almost shamefully.
"She has a hard time with physical contact." Carlisle explained further, which I was grateful for.
With a small nod, he allowed his hand to rest on his knee.
"I can already see that forcing you to come with me would be the opposite of helpful to my cause. What I did can't be fixed by doing that. What I did can't be fixed in such a short amount of time. So.." He paused for a few moments, looking to Esme before he went on, "I'm willing to make a compromise."
I stayed wary.
"What's that?" I asked, unsure of the word's meaning.
"Compromise?" He asked, and I nodded, "It's.. Sort of a solution. A way for both of us to get something we want."
"Oh." I muttered, listening now.
"Leandra," He sighed, "You're more like your mother than I think you know."
"Don't say that." I immediately glared again. I hated hearing that.
"Just listen." He smiled a little, "When I first met her, I figured out really fast that she would not be budged. She was stubborn, but she was strong. You come from a line of very strong women, and I see that fire in you that I saw in her. If it's not your way, you'll fight until you get your way."
I pursed my lips, shaking my head.
"What?"
"I've never seen that." I said, "I've never seen her be strong." He nodded sadly, looking down briefly.
"I know." He sighed, "I heard. I can't explain that any more than you can. You better believe I'll be getting some answers from your mother, but for right now, my only concern is you. Baby, my goal here isn't to ruin your life. I was told you were placed in a foster home, and I was told why, but I see that you don't need saving."
I stood quiet, waiting for him to continue.
"So.." He sighed again, "If they're willing to hold onto you, I'm willing to leave you here. I won't take you from the place I know you want to stay. I know you're cared for here, and I know you wouldn't be fighting this hard to stay for no reason."
That was surprising.
"All I ask.." He continued, seeming hesitant, "Is that I'm able to visit you once in awhile. I love you with all my heart, baby. I have loved you your entire life. You're still my daughter, and you always will be, but I know now that I've lost the right to be called your dad. I lost that a long time ago.
"Trust is a very fragile thing under normal circumstances, so I can only imagine how hard you've had to work to build it here. I never want to take that from you. Starting over now would only make it harder on you. It would take me much longer to gain your trust. More time than I currently have here at the moment, and without that trust, it'll never work out."
"You'll leave me here for good?" I asked, hesitant as well.
"If that's what you want." He nodded. "You're old enough to decide where you want to be. If that's not with me, I'm okay with that. I promise."
"And all I have to do is see you?"
"I just want to know how you're doing." He assured me, "That's all. But.. It's ultimately up to them, though." He glanced back at Carlisle before looking to me again, "If they're willing to keep you, I'm willing to let you go."
I looked over at Carlisle as well, then up at Esme. This was a solution I hadn't even thought of. I didn't know it was possible to stay. I thought once my dad was called, I would have no choice but to go.
"Can I stay?" I asked quietly, begging with my eyes, "Please?"
Here, I could keep learning how to trust. I wouldn't have to start all over. I knew Carlisle had his reasons for wanting me to go with my dad, but Carlisle knew I had so many reasons why I wanted to stay.
It was silent for a moment as Carlisle silently debated with himself.
"I say yeah." Emmett spoke in the silence, and I looked over at him, "Come on, Carlisle. She doesn't take up much room, and it's not like we don't have the room to spare anyway."
"I only want her to be happy." My dad said, standing slowly, "I completely understand that I'm asking a lot, but.. Her happiness is what matters most to me. If staying here is what she needs to start recovering, even a little, I'll do whatever it takes. I'll speak with the agency myself. I'll let them know my decision, the arrangement, and that should be it."
"Rosalie?" Carlisle looked to her, asking her opinion. She stood back in silence, her arms crossed. I grew a little nervous as I stepped away from Esme's side just enough to look at Rose.
"Come on, Rose." Emmett plead when she didn't answer, "Come on. You know you like her."
"I don't have to like her." She replied, "She's tolerable. I'll give her that, at least." I met her eyes, biting my lip a little. She looked over at Emmett, "Is this really what you want?"
I knew what she was asking.
"Uh.. Yeah." Emmett laughed a little, "She's the coolest kid I've ever met. Can you imagine what she'll be like when she's in a stable place?"
Rosalie finally sighed, shaking her head and looking down, "Carlisle, it's up to you. I won't argue either way."
"I already know Alice and Edward's opinion." Carlisle sighed, "They've expressed it quite clearly."
"Jasper likes me." I plead quietly, "At least I think he does. Maybe not after yesterday, but.."
"Esme?" Carlisle looked to her, "What do you think?"
"Do you really have to ask?" Emmett asked, chuckling a little, "Come on."
"I'd love to have her to stay." Esme responded, her smile growing a bit.
"Please, please, please.." I whispered, looking to Carlisle again. It was silent now, all of our eyes on Carlisle, and his eyes on me.
He had to know how badly I wanted this. I'd never wanted anything more in my life. Even after what he'd done, I'd never wanted anything more. I could get over it. I could learn to trust him again, because that trust had been there before. I just desperately wanted the chance to find it again.
Emmett had a knowing smile on his face, even before Carlisle sighed.
"You're sure about this, Christopher?" Carlisle asked, "I honestly don't know if this can be undone should you change your mind once it's final."
"This is what she wants. More than anything." My dad replied. Even he could see it. "I can see that it isn't up to me. It's never been up to me. After everything she's had to go through because of my choices, I have no right to come here and force her decisions. If I have to let her go for her to find happiness, then I'm more than willing to do that." He paused, "All I ask is to have the option to see her."
Carlisle processed that response, and paused for a moment longer.
"We can handle this, Carlisle." Emmett told him quietly, "We've got this. It's only a little longer, right?"
After only a moment longer, Carlisle smiled and laughed a little. Almost disbelieving. Seeming shocked at the sudden opportunity.
"Alright." He said, "If you're sure about this, Christopher. If this is what you want, then we'd be happy to have her."
A/N: I know a few people that'll be happy about this outcome. (: I love how it turned out. I'm sorry this took so long to get out to you. Forgive me! ):
As always.. THANK YOOOOOOOOOOU to those AWESOMELY AMAZING reviewers of last chapter!
Migraine permitting, I'll be getting chapter 10 along as soon as possible. I don't anticipate too much happening in that one, but I could be wrong. We'll just have to wait and see, huh? (;
Until Ten, my friends!
