Just by way of explanation the genre this story has been written in a farce - which is "a comedy that aims at entertaining the audience through situations that are highly exaggerated, extravagant, and thus are often highly incomprehensible plot-wise (due to the many plot twists and random events that occur), but viewers are encouraged not to try to follow the plot in order to avoid becoming confused and overwhelmed."
If you find characters acting in a way that you find annoying, or implausible or a bit silly, that's because that's the type of story it is (and the title and plot summary is probably a giveaway that its not supposed to be very serious or plausible).
It's just supposed to be a bit of light fun, and in a different style to other Royals fics.
Not saying the stories going to necessarily be this style all the way through.
Thanks for the reviews to date, another chapter is below.
The tape is grainy and at first there's nothing to see in the dimly lit area, aside from rubbish bins and a some empty gas tins. A cat strolls into view and elegantly jumps up onto one of the rubbish tips and pokes his head inside. The time reads as 3.32am and its dated this very morning.
Eleanor's starting to think the tape is a fake after nothing has happened in the first 90 seconds, but unfortunately she's about to be proved wrong. At 3.34am and 12 seconds two figures stumble into the shot.
Eleanor leans forward to peer at the tape and it takes her only ten seconds to confirm that yes, her outfit matches the one she is wearing today, and even though the footage is grainy and dark, yes that is her dark hair. And she would recognise the man pulling her by the hand towards the wall anywhere. Jasper bloody Frost. Her blackmailing, lying, cheating, conniving former bodyguard who she did not have a relationship but apparently did find time to marry last night.
It takes all of two minutes before the tape reveals that her skirt has been hiked up to her hips, her singlet's been removed so she's only in her bra and Jasper's shirt is dumped on the ground and they are engrossed in kissing each other, hands running over muscles and curves.
Eleanor looks to her left and her mother is watching it all disapprovingly, while Rachael sits primly beside her with a notepad in hand, scribbling onto the pad.
"Are you taking notes on our technique?" Eleanor bursts out with, accusingly, looking at Rachael.
"Well, mostly to develop our reply to any media enquiries. To detail the circumstances around the scenario. But there may be some elements that could be considered educational, as well," she adds.
Eleanor's about to tell Rachael where she can stick her pen when her mother interrupts. "Really Eleanor, by the dumpster?" she questions, coolly.
Eleanor switches her attention back from Rachael to the video, where they have moved a few metres.
"You have to remember that I was really very, very drunk," Eleanor snaps defensively. "And on a lot of drugs," she adds for good measure.
Her mother raises an eyebrow back at her. "Clearly," she replies, unsympathetically.
An awkward silence falls over the room as the tape keeps rolling, with only the sound of Rachael's intermittent pauses to turn a new piece of paper over as she takes notes and Prince Rufus' muffled protests as he shuffles on Eleanor's lap trying to see again.
It's true that Eleanor doesn't recollect what happened last night, but she can see it all too clearly now and its taking her places she'd rather not go. Back to her bedroom at the Palace. Memories of Jasper on her, inside her, like in the tape, mercilessly thrusting into her, while the waves build inside of her until she's clinging to him, pulling him into her, just to try and finish this so she can finally get what she craves.
Watching it all now brings a sharp stab of want, because how ever much she tries, it seems that now only one man can do this to her. Only one man can make her feel this way, like she's lost control and she'd sacrifice everything just for his touch.
She risks a glance at Jasper. He's watching the screen but his face is as inscrutable as ever.
She wonders what it means that as soon as they're drunk they fall back into instinct and then they're on each other. Literally.
She shifts Prince Rufus so that he is facing into her, and finally removes her hands from his face, much to his relief.
Next to her, her mother stirs, her fingertips brushing against her knee and it only serves to remind her that however Jasper makes her feel, she is not the only one his attentions will be focused on.
No matter how successfully Jasper Frost makes her burn for him, he simply cannot be trusted. So there is no chance of them ever being together, or staying husband and wife. Ever.
"I can't believe this is still going," Queen Helena clicks her tongue disapprovingly. "It's enough that I have to watch my own daughter acting like a common whore and that once seen I can't unsee this, but really I would have thought ten minutes would be quite long enough," she adds, frowning.
"Tapes been rolling for 17 minutes now," Rachael adds helpfully.
Jasper finally breaks his silence. "Good things take time."
Both Queen Helena and her daughter turn their heads sharply and scowl back at him.
He looks up and addresses the Queen coolly. "And you may be the Queen of England but you're in my house, sitting your arse on my couch and you're not to call my wife a whore."
Helena lets out an audible gasp that she's just been spoken to in this manner, and beside her Eleanor's mouth falls open and it takes her a good second before she gulps for breath and then shuts it. And then a slow smirk forms on her face.
Rachael clears her throat diplomatically. 'I believe events have reached their conclusion," she announces.
Helena switches her attention back to the tape where Jasper and Eleanor can now be seen slumped against the wall, still tangled together.
"Thank God for that," Helena declares. "Rachael switch the tape off," she instructs.
Helena stands and makes her way to the door. "Gentlemen you may re-enter the room," she tells the lawyers.
"Please take a seat," she tells them. "And we would appreciate your advice on our options. Firstly, we need to know whether this marriage is legally valid."
The two lawyers sit themselves at the table. Eleanor slides into a seat at the opposite end from her mother, while Jasper stands, leaning against the wall.
"Good evening your Majesty, Princess," he nods to Eleanor, "Mr Frost. As you will be aware I am a Barrister and QC and have the honour of acting as legal advisor to your family in England so I am well versed in English law. And I am joined here by my learned colleague Mr Archie Forbes who is an attorney specialising in marriage and divorce law in the state of Nevada," he begins ponderously.
Eleanor rolls her eyes. This is clearly going to take a while.
Helena interrupts smoothly. "Yes we are very lucky to have both of you here with your extensive legal experience. Now if you could just cut to the chase and advise us whether the marriage can be dissolved or if it is legal, I would be most obliged. I do have engagements back in England tomorrow which I need to attend."
"Yes, quite" the lawyer agree solemnly. "Well the long and the short of it is, that my learned colleague and I have both examined the marriage certificate and it does appear to the legally valid. So therefore it cannot be dissolved. If the parties involved wish to terminate the marriage divorce is the only way for this to occur," he states.
"I want a divorce."
"I don't want a divorce."
Both Jasper and Eleanor speak at the same time.
Eleanor glares at Jasper once more. "Must you make this difficult Jasper?" she demands.
Queen Helena sits back into her chair and looks from one to the other, then back at the lawyer. "And if we were to apply for a divorce how long would it take to be granted?" she questions.
Instead, the American divorce attorney speaks. "Normally for a mutual consent divorce the standard timeframe is around two years. In special circumstances we may be able to expediate the case to around a year. However if both parties do not consent to the divorce the situation could take considerably longer and the grounds on which the divorce is sought must be disclosed which could cause some - er - public embarrassment," he answers diplomatically.
"Rachael at this point I would like your opinion. Do you think the Princess going through a very public divorce over the next year is going to be helpful to the Monarchy's public image in light of my daughter's most recent escapades?" the Queen's question is loaded and Eleanor snaps her head, glaring at her mother.
Rachael steps forward to offer her opinion, unwanted by Eleanor, while everyone else listens intently. "A protracted divorce such as this will provide the media with an opportunity to recount again and again the incidents of the last day involving the Princess and her - er - spontaneous - marriage and associated escapades in vegas. So, no I do not think it would be helpful. In fact it will be incredibly damaging and will make the Monarchy a laughing stock. Potentially to the point of eroding public support for the institution."
Eleanor gasps while Helena nods in agreement. Bloody Rachael and her mother are of course in cahoots, once again.
The Queen stands to deliver her judgement.
"I'm afraid I have to agree with you Rachael. So therefore my decision is that there will be no divorce in the interim. Eleanor, your deplorable antics have gone too far and I will not allow you to destroy our family with a very public and protracted divorce which will turn our family into an object of ridicule. You have made your bed Eleanor, and now you must lie on it, as the saying goes. And in private and not at public service stations, I might add," she adds scornfully, a warning tone in her voice.
She continues, "For the time being you will remain married to Mr Frost. And if you still wish to divorce after one year you may initiate divorce proceedings in a dignified and seemly manner by mutual agreement. That is my decision," she announces.
As expected Eleanor's defiant. "You can't just do that mother. You can't order me to stay married to someone I don't want to be married to. I have rights," she storms as she pushes herself up and away from the table.
Helena is cool and dangerous. "You're quite right that I can't order you to stay married to Mr Frost. But I can and will disinherit you."
Eleanor looks back at her mother, stunned, and then turns to look at Jasper.
Only he doesn't look shocked or annoyed.
If fact he's wearing an irritatingly self-satisfied smirk.
