A/N: This is the second part.
By the way guys, I forgot to tell you that this story is not purely my ideas. This is adapted b]from the movie entitled My Amnesia Girl, sorry I don't intend to not acknowledge it. I swear a Disclaimer just always slipped on my mind. So all apologies, I also don't own South of Nowhere.
Here we go, I hope you like it.
Chapter 8 (Part 2)
You have got to be kidding me, is this really happening?
How could Madison didn't tell me about this. She knows I've been avoiding this like a plague and now I can't help but feel upset. How do they expect me to do this?
Since after what happened to me, I became uncomfortable witnessing a wedding, hell just seeing people on a wedding dress gives me trouble. I excuse myself to call Madison and try to collect myself as well.
"MADISON ERIKA DUARTE! Why the fuck didn't you tell me that this is about a Wedding Anniversary shoot?!" I hissed in a low voice to avoid people from hearing me. I know that she's aware that I'm upset every time I call her on her full name.
"What do you mean?"
"It's for a Wedding Anniversary Mads! They are wearing dresses and suits, not to mention the flowers! You know how much I hate this!"
"I'm sorry Spence, I didn't know. Really, they just said it's a family portrait. Besides I thought you only hate beaches and wedding stuff"
"Ugh, it's just the same Mads!" I hissed holding my tears; I'm just so upset I'm not ready for this. "I'm so sorry Spencer"
I sighed trying to calm down. I need to act professional with this. "Fine, it's not like I have a choice. I can't back out from this just because of my fucking issues" I sighed "I'm sorry if I'm acting like this. I'm hanging up now. I'll talk to you later. Send my congratulations to Kelly ok?"
"Ok. I understand Spence, Bye. I'm so sorry, I wish I could have been there to do it instead"
"Well I guess it's no ones fault. Bye Madi"
I took a few deep breaths try to calm my nerves. I didn't know this is going to be my reaction. This is my first encounter to these things since that day and it took me by surprise. I'm not ready to deal with this yet and I may be over reacting but it's like my mind has a brain of its own. Not to mention that I'm here with Ashley, what a perfect timing. She just helps to trigger the emotion and I can't help but blame her for feeling this.
I took a final breath before going back. Okay you can do this Spence, get a fucking grip. Just act professional, it will be done eventually.
Ashley's POV
I watch Spencer as she excused herself from us and dial on her phone. It is not hard to notice her sudden change of mood and I wonder why. She seems so upset and looks so lost after seeing the old couple. I watch her animatedly talking at the phone, maybe it's Madison. I don't know.
She really looks so disoriented; I wonder why she's acting like that. I can't see any reason for her to feel like that. Oh shit! or unless she remembers about that day? I stopped to think, What the hell? What if she's acting like that because this reminds her of that tragic moment, hell even I feels uncomfortable from this. But it can't be. She said she doesn't remember anything right? She doesn't recognize me. Like I said, why would she lie, right? As if she can get something from this. If she knows, why is she still letting me near her, or why is she still not talking to me about it? Why should she have to pretend?
I decided to start setting up the tripod and the light reflector to busy myself from thinking while waiting for her. I hope she feels better once she came back here. I can't bear the thought of her feeling upset, especially if I can't do anything about it. I saw her walking back and I quickly retreat my eyes away so she will not catch me watching her. I pretend to fix something on the gear and when I glance at her, I see she's already in her professional mode.
"Ok guys, can we start now?" They all proceed to their position and Spencer gave me direction on where should I position the light reflector that I was holding. She started to take a few shots and do her stuff.
"So how about we take shots for the married couple this time?" Spencer suggested while detaching the DSLR Camera on the tripod.
The other members of the family go to the side and the married couple positioned. The husband kissed his wife affectionately while waiting for Spencer to be ready.
I hear their children and grandchildren whistling and muttering 'aaws' as they act so sweetly in front of the camera. I frown as I observe Spencer looks like she's trying to hold her tears back. Why is she so upset? Ugh, does she know?
"Can you move it farther, Ashley?" I heard her instructed me without looking at my direction. Her voice was stiffed like she's trying hard not to burst from crying. I don't know what to do so I just comply walking a few feet farther.
"Farther"
I think she just doesn't want me to see her current state so I walked farther again. I bet that she's really trying not to make a scene so she keeps going on doing her job.
"Farther Ashley" She managed to say it again, with a tone I can't decipher. I walked farther, almost 10 feet away, even though I know that the reflector has no longer providing an effect.
After the shoot, I felt raindrops starting to fall. I helped her packing the gear up hurriedly so the equipments won't get wet.
"It's fine Ash, I can do this!" she snapped at me and angrily putting the stuff on the bag. What's wrong with her? I just keep going on helping her and ask "What's wrong Spence?"
"Nothing" she said plainly. Her voice was full of emotion, it's like she's going to explode anytime. I grabbed the other gears as the rain started to fall a little and there's no doubt it will soon fall hard.
"Come on Spencer, you're going to get wet on the rain" She didn't speak and just started to walk passed me. Did I do something wrong?
She keeps on walking fast as I follow her. Oh great, I guess we can't make it before the rain blows down. I saw an empty shed that we can stay to prevent the gears from getting wet.
"Spence wait up, why don't we just stop for awhile in that shed? You're getting wet" She just kept on waking as if she doesn't hear me. "You're camera's going to a get wet!" I called louder and that seems to get her attention. I know how much she loves her camera, mess with everything but not her camera.
She ran to the empty shed that I directed and I followed her. When she got settled I heard her released a frustrated grunt and I would admit that it's sounds scary. She turns away from me and I breathe in deeply as I took the courage to ask, "Spencer? Did I do something wrong?"
Finally she turned to face me and look me in the eyes, all I can see was anguish and sorrow. "Nothing, I just remember the story my brother hadtold me" She sits down and I copied her action.
"About what?"
She refused to look at me then answered, "He told me the story of the day that I'm about to marry the woman I love, but sadly she left me on the altar" I cringed and my breath hitched as I hear her say it. That's why she's so upset and lost, so she really doesn't remember.
I hung my head and gulped, "Did he tell you who she was?"
"nope" I raised my head and look at the side of her face, "He doesn't say her name?"
She shakes her head and answered me, "He chose not to, he's worried that I might just kill her" she chuckled scornfully.
"Even her picture you don't have?"
"Nothing, he said that they already burnt it so that I won't see her face anymore" She replied still not looking at me. She's trying hard not to show her emotion from me but I know her well to know that this is also hard for her.
"Could you imagine what kind of person can do that?" This time she finally turns to look me in the eyes, and I bet I look like a deer caught in the headlight with her sudden gaze. "Just think the fact that she knows I'm an orphan huh? And also the fact that she knows the feeling of having no parent when her father died and still she just disregard that. I spend my whole life praying to find someone who will finally going to take care of me, someone who can love me and will spend the rest of my life with."
I already see tears finally escape from her eyes and I hung my head not to see it. She knows how much I hate seeing her cry. I told her before that every time I see her cry it feels like a piece of my heart dies, but I can't tell her that this time.
I gulped as I swallow the lump on my throat, it hurts too much from keeping myself crying. This is really killing me, I feel like I am a monster for causing this.
"They said I really look so happy on my wedding day. Everything was so wonderful, so magical. They said I was a glowing bride to a perfect woman, to a perfect wedding" She smiled sadly, tears rolled down once again to her face and she angrily wipe it , "But I'm wrong, and you know what after that woman left me, they said that I just stayed there sitting in the corner crying. I just stayed there crying so hard that it came to the point that my brother wanted to carry me to go back to the hotel."
She glanced at me and continues, "But he said that I didn't let him, he said that I don't want to leave there, and I will just stay there till she's back. He said that I can't stop crying and I just keep on saying 'I will just wait for her; I know she's coming back. She can't do that to me.' But I'm wrong about that again." After hearing that, I feel my own tears that I've been holding finally rolled down as well, and I'm glad that she's not facing me so she won't see how much it is affecting me. I quickly wipe it with the back of my hand.
After a long pause, she sighed and started the torture again.
"You know what, I'm glad I got into an accident. At least it made me forget what happened and all the memories of her. I'm just glad I don't remember about it anymore."
She chuckled bitterly, her voice hoarse from crying. "But the funny things is, even I have this amnesia, it's still feel fucking hurts!" and it took everything in me not to wipe her tears and hold her while she's crying.
After the statement hang between us, we stayed in silence for a few minutes, "What do you think? Why did she leave me?" She questioned looking at me. "You said I'm funny, you said I'm beautiful, I'm smart, kind, amazing. Then why did she still leave me?" She asked sounding so vulnerable. She averted her eyes away from me like she's scared of hearing the answer.
My breath becomes erratic as it took me by surprise. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, I waited so long to explain to her but not in this way. I inhaled deeply and as I feel like my mouth has a mind of its own, I blurted in a low voice, "Maybe she got scared?"
Her head snapped to look at me, "Oh that's bullshit! That's it? She just got scared?" I winced as she retorted trying to hide her vulnerability.
"Maybe she thinks that she's not ready yet" I answered almost in whisper. "What if she panicked?"
"Well fuck her! Why did she ask me to marry her then?"
"I'm sure she has many reasons" I replied trying to avoid looking in her eyes. "Even I might get scared"
"Of what?" She's gaze at me waiting for an answer. "to you"
"To me? So it's my fault now?"
"No! I mean, maybe she's scared for you. Maybe she thinks that if she upholds the wedding you might get hurt more."
"Oh Jesus, Ashley! Did she think I'm not hurting right now?" she shouted in disbelief, I winced again, hearing my name makes me feel like she's really directing it to me. She angrily wiped another tear that rolled down to her cheek.
"Maybe she has so many questions before" I hang my head and keep going, "What if she loves you too much that it consumed her and that feeling terrified her. Or what if she feels like she doesn't deserve you or wouldn't take the risk of hurting you if she fucks up like she always did to everything? Maybe it frightened her how fast people can come to her life and suddenly be gone like when she lost her father.
What if what she feels about you is so much stronger than what she feels about anything else and that seriously scared her? Maybe she just got so confused before Spencer" When I looked at her, her face is unreadable and suddenly, she stood up to pace in front of me. She stopped and looked me down, her eyes narrowed and threw her hands in the air, "And now, what? Did she get the answers huh?! Did she found it by leaving her?!"
She looks so lost it hurts. All emotions are swirling inside me. Part of me wants to finally say that the one she's talking about is just sitting in front of her, but I can't dare to add the hurt she's feeling right now. I don't know if she can handle it more.
I shook my head and look at her in the eyes, "Maybe no. Maybe she realized that losing you is worse than everything. Maybe she doesn't realized how important of what she just throw away, and she became stupid and selfish and idiot" Her face softens as I continue, "And you know what Spencer? I'm sure that wherever that person is, she's living every second of her life with full of regrets."
She dropped to her sit again feeling tired of her outburst. "And I'm sure that if ever you're talking to her right now, I'm sure she will only ask you one thing." We looked into each other as I said. "She hopes that you can forgive her"
Then she turned to look away, trying herself to stop from crying. No one talked for a minute and all I can hear was her sniffles and erratic breaths. I frown as I realize it's just not from her outburst. She started wheezing and I feel lost for a second. Oh my God, is she having an asthma attack?
"Sp-Spencer?" She didn't answer, her shoulders just rapidly rising and falling.
I must not panic. I must not panic. I picked up her purse and search for her inhaler. Please don't tell me it's not here!
"Oh Thank God!"
I grabbed her shoulder to lean her back in front of me and place the inhaler on her mouth. She inhaled deeply for a few times and I feel her start relaxing. She let me hold her and I cradle her to stop from crying. A tear escaped from my eyes, hurting from what my girl is going through.
We stayed like that for a few minutes, just taking in the silence. She suddenly pulled back and wiped the remaining tears away.
"Come on, the rain already stopped" She grabbed the bags and didn't wait for me to stand up. I followed her as we settle on the car. I asked to drive but she refused to, so I comply just wallowing the uncomfortable silence of the way back her house.
