Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry and more sorry. It takes me a while to update for some reason nowadays, but I have WRITER'S BLOCK. I sit down…and nothing comes out. Can you believe me having writer's block? It sucks! I mean I usually never get it, just write down some random stuff and hope it works, but this is just sad. I didn't really know where to go after Sonny gets her part but is still jealous of Portlyn and Chad. I hope this doesn't suck. Sorry if it does. Sorry a billion times.

Disclaimer: So, my cousins came over from Massachusetts since we haven't seen them for two years! They hadn't gotten me something for Christmas so I asked if they would give me SWAC and Wicked. They declined…sigh.

Don't hate it

I didn't know what to do about this. Portlyn and Chad would be together forever. I already had this conversation with myself underwater, so I don't need to have it again. I wouldn't get Chad. Too bad for me.

I shook my head in my bed. It was about five in the morning and I haven't fallen asleep yet. I was sitting up, long past the hope I would lay and suddenly fall into a deep slumber. It was impossible for me to do. Thoughts and worries and pictures were flying through my head at one-hundred miles an hour. I flung my head around to get rid of them, but if you smashed a hammer on my head and knocked me out, that would probably be the only way.

My ways weren't working. The fact that I had fallen hard for Chad wasn't disappearing. I wish it would fly out the window or I would just "accidentally" lose it. That's when responsibility comes back to haunt you. He wouldn't go away. The picture of his face when the doors of the elevator closed made me heartbroken. If I would have held the door for him and we were alone, what would have happened? My imagination was a little wild when I thought about that. My head jerked left and right again in a hopeless attempt at something I would never be able to do any time soon.

My sighs were frustrating, angry, hopeless, and completely confused. Every time I came up with a plan that wouldn't work one escaped me. I swear I remember slapping myself a few times. Hard. I guess the smack didn't wake Tawni.

I played with my thumbs. I had the most massive and painful headache. My head was throbbing and my vision became even more blurry than before. Sigh. See? Frustration.

Sitting wasn't helping, I finally decided. I grabbed my iPod before opening the door slowly and carefully and walking out. When I got out, I turned and bumped my head against the door softly in silent frustration. Nothing was going to make this better. And bonking my head on the door wasn't going to make my head feel better, either.

I looked down the hallway to the left. Empty silence. Expected. I turned my throbbing head to the right and stopped breathing.

There, in front of his room, sitting with just a pair of sweats on and showing off his beautiful abs, was Chad.

His knees were bent and he had his elbows on them. His palms were up, holding his head. He was shaking, but I wasn't sure why. Was he crying? I couldn't tell. I didn't want to get a closer look either.

I quickly looked away. At the same time, I did and didn't want to talk to him. Sure, I really wanted to ask him about how he felt about me. Were we friends, enemies, frenemies...or more than friends? The last thing I wanted was to be more than enemies. I knew he would see me sooner or later, so as fast as I could, I put my headphones on and made it seem like I wouldn't hear him if he called my name.

To make myself not be tempted to turn, I blasted my new favorite song. Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson. But it was too loud. I could almost feel Chad's eyes on me as he looked up at the sudden noise. I walked down to the stairs because the elevator would take too long.

"Sonny!" Chad called. I had almost turned, but then corrected myself. But, it was too late. Chad had noticed the unconscious flinch at my name. I sighed (frustration) and pressed pause, taking out my ear buds.

"Hey," I sighed. "Chad." I nodded at him.

It almost looked like he regretted calling to me, but he shook his head and got up. I got distracted by his abs, how they flexed when he stood. I licked my lips in longing and took a deep, steadying breath. I wouldn't think like that when he was right there.

"Um," he debated what he was going to say. "I need to talk to you."

I wrapped my purple headphones up and looked at him strangely. I didn't ask about what he wanted to say to me, too afraid to know. But I couldn't suppress my curiosity.

"Sure," I murmured. "Um, how about downstairs in the hangout room?"

That's what everyone called it now, the hangout room. Of course, it was where we would all chill and talk. I hope Chad's and my talk would be chilled. Chad nodded at my suggestion and walked close beside me to the elevator.

When the doors closed, there was a sudden rush of heat going up my body. Toes to hairline, making me get a little dizzy. I shifted my hair over my shoulder and took deep breaths. He was so close to me now, it felt closer than before, but I knew it was just the adrenaline rush that had just occurred within me.

The doors dinged and opened, and I led the way to the room. It was a closed up room, so when we got in I shut the door for some reason. I immediately regretted it. What if he thought I was trying to get him alone? To make sure that didn't happen, I sat down on the couch across from him. I was a little uncomfortable in my comfy short shorts and tank top, but that's what he gets when he interrupts my thinking time.

Chad opened his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. It was really cute when he did that. I wonder what he's thinking. He was biting his lip and looking at me. I stared right back, my expression politely curious.

I realized he wasn't going to talk anytime soon, so I took a stand. Taking a deep breath, I repositioned myself so my elbows were on my knees and I was leaning forward, my fingers intertwined.

"So, what is it that you need to talk to me about at five in the morning?" I asked.

Chad smiled slightly. "I don't know how to put this-"

"No, listen." I shook my head, signaling for him to get rid of nerves. "It's what I'm here for."

I had the sudden urge to reach out and place my hand over his, which was laying on the table. When I did this, he sighed and looked at our hands.

"How does this feel to you?" He placed his hand on top of mine now and rubbed soothing circles on it. I stared at the scene. What was he thinking about? It was driving me insane. Wow. What was this, Twilight?

"It feels like you're rubbing circles on the back of my hand." And the fire was licking up my arms and all through my body, burning me pleasurably. I loved the searing but comfortable emotional pain. You have to admit that was clever as Shakespeare

"That's it?" Chad raised his eyebrows. "You don't feel anything?"

Should I tell him? What if he was thinking the same thing as I was? Did he like this feeling, my hands in his? I needed to be sure before I put my feelings on the line.

I leaned toward him more. I realized we had unconsciously moved on to our knees, our elbows resting on the table as he held my hand.

"What do you feel?" I breathed.

He bit his lip and looked away. He breathed deeply, his face looking troubled. When he looked back to me, he took both his hands to my one hand and began playing with my fingers. I giggled.

"I feel…" He sighed. "I feel like you're going to change the subject soon."

I leaned up against the table, getting as close to him as the table between us was allowing.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on." I said.

Chad never looked at me. I got the feeling that he wasn't going to talk again.

"Let's start over," I said.

I sat back on the couch. My hand yearned to reach out and touch his again, for he was frozen at his knees momentarily. I held back one hand with the other. He soon got up and sat back on the couch.

"Sonny." He stated my name. "I…I…"

"Chad, just pretend I'm not here. Look up at the wall above me. Just 'pretend'"- I did finger quotes-"that you're talking to me."

He followed my advice and stared up at the dark brown walls. The whole room was a smore. White and brown. It was comforting though. I thought it was calm and collected. It was soothing and relaxing. My kind of room. At five in the morning. Any other time I would be having a blast in the pool.

My headache had slowly subsided and I was biting my lip, watching Chad as he got prepared for his speech directed toward the expecting walls.

"Well, Sonny, I hate this. Every time I see you, I get those stupid butterflies that people say you feel when you like someone. Sometimes I get too nervous to talk to you, but I want to talk to you so bad. You're really pretty- beautiful, even- and I get excited when you're close. Like right now, we're alone in this room, and it's taking everything I can just to jump and kiss you like there's mo tomorrow."

He looked longingly at the wall.

"There's this sudden heat I feel when you touch me. The smile I get when you smile. How happy I get when you're happy. When I look in your eyes, I feel lightheaded. Right now, I feel like I'm looking in your eyes, because these damn walls are the same chocolate brown color. I feel like a sap, but I like it. And I can't help but wonder if you feel the same."

I didn't move. I couldn't move. Chad had just told me he had feelings for me. Like I told myself, I was jubilant. I couldn't get my feelings to show on my face. My insides were frozen, and my features weren't getting the message. They also weren't getting the message to jump on him and tell him I liked him, too. I started to sweat when he looked at me. Oh, I don't like being put on the spot.

Chad looked down and shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Look, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have said that. I-I-just pretend that didn't happen, okay?" He said.

My heart sank. I wanted to laugh at my sudden change of mood. Complete happiness to complete despair. Forget he said that? No way. I really like Chad. But he's too nervous to even take like a man the fact he can admit he had feelings, too? That's low.

I stared at him, broken. I licked my lips and opened my mouth to try and say something. Nothing. Again. Nothing. I could feel the tears coming on. I sucked them back, not letting him see the huge effect he had on me. He was a jerk, a conceited drama snob who knew nothing about love. The feelings I thought I had disappeared.

"Yeah, Chad." My voice was as cold as I needed it to be. It whipped out, low and harsh. "I'll forget you said that. Because it doesn't matter that I have feelings for you. Not at all. I mean, of course, I come down here at five in the morning because you want to tell me something. When you finally grow up and admit you like me, you can't take it like a man after. Forget? No. I won't. We'll see what Portlyn has to say about this."

Hell no. I wasn't going to tell Portlyn. When I was back in my room, I slammed the door shut and jumped face first onto my bed. Tears were pouring from my eyes like a thousand raindrops. My sobs were the lightning that came right before the thunder. The thunder was Tawni screaming at me.

"What the-!" She started, but then saw my tears. "Sonny? Sonny, are you alright? What happened?"

She had gotten off her bed and came to my help. Rubbing soothing circles on my back like she was had reminded me of Chad. Stupid jerk.

I told her about our conversation. Tawni looked furious at the end. Her eyebrows pulled down over her eyes and her fists clenched.

"He told you to forget." She shook her head in disbelief as she muttered through clenched teeth. "That idiot!"

"It doesn't matter now Tawni. He's not worth it." Those words were going to come back and haunt me.

Tawni smiled at me and gave me a high five, "That's right. You are way out of his league. He should be at your feet begging you to be his girlfriend. Good for you, Sonny. He is so not worth it." She glanced at the clock.

"Oh jeez, sorry." I muttered. It was six in the morning. "I haven't even slept at all yet."

So I would forget what Chad said and just give him the impression that I hated him. Easy enough…for now.

Tawni widened her eyes. "You're crazy! Get some sleep, you have to talk to Portlyn, right? Get prepared." She tucked me in like a five year old and turned off the lamp.

It would be awesome to be a kid again.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````I just watched 500 Days of Summer, and it was the cutest! You guys have to see it! I hope you didn't hate this chapte. I had to keep the big things that happen in the story on the DL with this one because of my writer's block. Don't want to screw everything up. Please review! Thx.