Chibiyu: MrsNicholasjonas, I agree that song, Everything Burns matches it almost perfectly. Lol.
Nick: So there are some things that can portray this girls insanity.
Chibiyu: Told you.
IF I OWNED JONAS EVERYONE WOULD FEAR ME…more than they do now.
BOLD=FLASHBACK!
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And then we all got into the car, Nick in the very back of the van because of his guitar. My mom didn't try to break the silence so she just turned on the radio. But even the music couldn't break the tension in the car.
And then we pulled up to the house.
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NICK'S POV
A new home, a new beginning. Only an idiot would think that. Just like only an idiot would think I would last until I was 18 in this house. Sure, it looked pleasant and the people seemed pleasant, but over the years, I've learned never to trust a book by its cover. I've learned to never let anyone in, because they will just hurt me in the end. Like my mother, sister, brother, father, Johnny, and everyone else that left me. And the ones that haven't, the ones I've been lied to and deceived, the ones like Billy and his goons, I found out their true intent too late. Everyone did. But I was older now and wiser and more mature than anyone my age should be. And I was never going to make those mistakes again.
"Well…here we are." Red whispered from the front seat and I ignored the fact that everyone was starring at me. What's-his-face opened the door and moved his seat a bit so I could get out. I left the car and put my six string on my back, feeling the nerves, the fear, growing in the pit of my hornet infested stomach. What's-his-face and Curly…Kevin? Anyway, like it matters. They both led the way to the door, Red staying behind, watching me look at the house, trying to read my blank face.
And I walked to the door, not letting even the smallest sound of the terror, of the nerves, or of the not wanting to do this, escape my lips. I was as silent as the nonexistent wind. And what's-his-face opened the door, Kevin following him in. Ok, how come I remembered Kevin's name when I only heard it once or twice and the other's escapes me? Oh well. I walked in after them, pointing my head to my feet, but I made sure I could see everything around me, even if everyone around me thought I couldn't.
It looked like a renovated firehouse…yes, here were three fire poles. It was cool, but I didn't care. I am not going to stay here for long.
"Dad? Frankie?" What's-his-face called and I heard them coming down the stairs. This was the best part about coming to a new home meeting the ones that would ultimately hurt me! Oh how sarcasm is wasted in thoughts…
"Hello Joe, Kevin, Sandy, Nick!" So what's-his-face's names was Joe. I need to remember that, it took to long to think what's-his-face. I lifted my head to regard Tom Lucas with an unblinking stare and his smile faltered a bit but I was the only one that noticed. "Frankie, this is Nick, your new brother." He addressed the kid standing behind him, his hands shoved in his pockets.
Frankie nodded to me, his eyes searching my face and I had no doubt this kid had been warned about my astounding lack of sound…or emotion…or really anything. But how old was this kid?
"This is Frankie, he is 9 and was adopted when he was 5." Kevin explained to me and Frankie rolled his eyes.
"I can talk for myself Kevin." He informed his older 'brother.' This kid didn't look hurt or broken…not that I could see anyway. Frankie didn't say more, he just resumed studying me silently, something I was used to.
"Come on Nick, we will show you to your room." Joe told me and Kevin nodded. I followed them, hating that I looked and felt like a lost puppy who followed anyone nice enough to feed it. They led me up the stairs and to a section of a three part room. This part had a desk, a recording studio next to it, and a drum set.
"This is the best part." Kevin whispered, holding out a remote with a single button. "Press the button." I eyed him oddly and took the remote, pressing the button. And the drum platform rose to uncover a bed. Cool. But I didn't let my awe show. They showed me to the closet, which they called the Stellavator for some odd reason and it had a part open for me. They showed me the quirks of their section of the room and the whole time I couldn't help but think that they both had perfect opportunities to hurt me at night. Great. I blinked once and they left, letting me have time to settle in. Yeah right. What was the point?
I looked to my three bags and sighed, knowing the clothes would get all wrinkled. So I hung them up, not wanting to but I hated wearing wrinkled clothes. And that was all I did. I check my blood sugar and pulled out my song notebook before sitting on the bed. I didn't let my guard down, even though I was alone. I heard the door bell ring and Smith's voice wafted up to my ears, but I ignored him. I heard his briefing about me a few too many times.
I looked back over to my suitcase and sighed, reaching over and pulling out Mr. Teddy-Pants. I set him next to me and looked at him for a second before opening the cover to my notebook.
"Aren't you a little old to have a teddy bear?" A voice called and I instantly looked up, seeing Frankie walking over me. I tensed with every little step he took, expecting pain any moment as I heard his footsteps in my mind, heavy on the wood floor. "It looks old…why do you have it?" Frankie tried again but I looked away from him and closed the notebook. "What's it's name?"
He sat by Mr. Teddy-Pants and inspected him without touching him. I had no doubt he saw the faded gold sewing on his back.
"Mr. Teddy-Pants?" He asked laughter in his voice but I scowled and curled my fingers into fists. No one insulted that bear. No one. "Sorry." He whispered, seeing my reaction. "Joe has a lizard name Sir Scaly Fart." He told me in a hushed voice and I almost smiled. How was he an older brother again?
Frankie looked downstairs. "I won't tell anyone your secrets. I have them too. I know what it is like to go through this." Why was he telling me this? "I was a big brother…but my brother and mom and dad all died in a car accident. They were my only family." Was he trying to relate to me? "I'm just saying if you need anyone to talk to or to take your mind of things, I will listen." He informed me and I raised my gaze to look him in the eye. And I nodded.
I looked to Mr. Teddy-Pants and sighed, grabbing my notebook and opening it to the cover, showing the hidden picture to Frankie. He lost a brother, and lost a sister. I watched his eyes widen as he looked at the perfect little girl on a tree swing, surrounded by flowers. The picture was in black and white but you could clearly see the life and color it held. You could see my sister's black curls blowing in the forgotten breeze. You could see her smile as she looked at her older brother, who was making a funny face…me. You could she her bonnet almost falling off. And you could see her arm wrapped around a new teddy bear in overalls.
"Your sister…and Mr. Teddy-Pant's." Frankie said aloud. He read the name and date I had written under the picture." Natasha…she was 4 in this? And she was 6 when she…I'm sorry." He whispered, handing me the notebook back but I gave no indication I heard him. I looked at the picture, remembering how she refused to smile until I came outside and made a fool of myself. She smiled and the picture was snapped and the next dilemma faced us, getting her off the swing. She hadn't wanted to leave, she always loved swinging. "She's pretty." Frankie whispered before standing, finally hearing the footsteps coming up the stairs. I closed the notebook and shoved it under the pillow to hide it. Obvious and in plain sight were the perfect hiding spots.
"Nick." Looked up as Smith walked over and I stood, looking him right in the eye. I respected him but I didn't trust him. Not after all of those failures. Like this one was going to be a failure. "Will you be ok?" I didn't do anything but he had gotten used to reading my eyes. "I know it's hard…but if you don't stay here for a week and try, I will get laid off and another stranger will take your case. Do you want that?" No I don't. Another person trying to dig into my oil mine. "You will hear from me soon Nick." He left without another word and I watched Joe and Kevin's gaze follow him out the door.
"He doesn't like us…" They both mused and Smith isn't the only one. "Nick, its movie night, if you want to come down and watch it with us…you don't have to if you are not comfortable." Joe rambled and I looked to Frankie and then to the brothers before sitting down on the bed and grabbing my guitar. Actions speak louder than words. "I will take that as a no." Joe told no one before walking back downstairs.
Kevin walked over to me and it took all of my willpower to keep playing and to not cower as he towered over me.
"You may not like it," he started softly, but to me it sounded like he was yelling. "But you are a part of this family now. You can't keep secluding yourself forever." Leave me alone. I can do whatever I want. I am NOT a part of this family. And I never will be. I flinched as I felt his hand on my shoulder and he took the guitar from my hands. He stepped down in front of me…
The smell of the night's bar was heavy on his breath as he kneeled in front of me, his hand on my shoulder preventing me from going anywhere. His eyes were as dull and glassy as the beer he indulged and were filled with anger from some mistake I must have made.
"You r-ruined ev-every-ything to-night Nicky…" He slurred, and I gagged from the horrid smell his breath held. "My gi-rlie d-dumped me cause she found o-out wha-t I di-d t-to you." He whispered, his lips inches from my ear. And I knew he was going to do it again. I shivered and tried to scream for my mom, but his hand clamped down over my mouth. I couldn't fight him. He was 19 and I was 10. He was too big, too strong, too drunk. I couldn't do anything.
His other hand grabbed at my neck while he stood, lifting me off the floor and strangling me. I kicked, but it did nothing. He only kicked back.
"Nick?"
I tried to bite his hand covering my mouth and succeeded but I didn't have the air to scream. Just as black dots started obscuring my vision, I felt myself sailing through the air and something shatter as pain shot through my back. And I was falling…falling…falling…
"Nick!"
I jumped, coming back to here and now. I was shaking uncontrollably, my eyes wide and on Kevin…he was still touching me. I scooted away from him until I hit the wall under the window, leaving the older brother in a confused state. I heard people running up the stairs but I didn't care for them. Get Kevin away from me! Leave me alone! I barely saw Red shooing everyone from the room and I didn't feel the tears prickling in my eyes until they spilled over.
"Nick?" Red asked, kneeling down in front of me and I ignored her, starring widenly t my feet and breathing hard. "What is it baby?" She asked and one word rang through my head. Baby…baby…baby…
"It's ok Baby…everything will be alright." Mom whispered as she held me close after another rough night. She knew what my brother did to me but she couldn't stop it. Father did the same to her. We couldn't call the police because they both threatened Natasha. She wouldn't face them while we were alive.
"Mommy?" I called, not caring about how juvenile I sounded. "I don't want to live here anymore." I cried, holding her tight. "I hate them!"
"I know Baby…" She whispered, holding my closer and running her fingers through my curls. "I know…"
"Oh sweetie…" I felt Red hug me gently, exacting like my own mother would do and that only made me cry harder. I can't stay here…with this family…they reminded me too much of my own…I need to leave…soon. But can I last a week?
I stayed still in Red's hold, not enjoying it but I didn't want to pull away. Because if I did, she would just try again…and if I did, it would bring back so much more. So I willed everything to stop and I pushed everything down and away until it looked like nothing was wrong. After all, my eyes have always looked this haunted and hurt, so really, it was nothing new.
Red let me go at the sudden stop of my tears and the slowing of my shaking and she eyed me worriedly.
"It's not ok to hold it all in…" She whispered, mimicking an old and recently dead friend's words after he found me crying. But holding it all in has worked ever since I was ten, so why would it fail me now? She stood after a minute and whispered something unheard before going back downstairs and leaving me alone. And I stood when I heard a pebble hit the window.
"Carter!" I opened it and looked down, seeing Johnny's cousin standing their, looking at me. She hadn't been able to go to the funeral because she had a concert and her boyfriend didn't want to cancel their last show. "Come with me to Johnny's grave?" Rose asked. Yes, the Rose from the famous number one band, VIP.
I looked to the stairs and heard the movie playing before turning back to her. She fiddled with her red tipped dyed bangs and her dyed black hair as she waited for my answer. Could I handle seeing it twice in one day?
It was better than here though…at least those memories where happy ones.
And I nodded, climbing out onto the fire escape. I didn't care if they missed me or worried for me. I just needed to disappear from this house and from the past. I met the green eyed girl and we instantly walked silently away from the house. We've snuck out like this thousands of times, except I normally used a drain pipe to get down and Johnny was always by our side. We climbed into Rose's red Corvette and she drove to Rose Garden Cemetery in silence.
It always struck me as odd, how we kept coming back here. Johnny and I wrote our first song here, his cousin Rose was born here, bad timing on her mom's part, and Johnny always joked about how he wanted to be buried in a rose garden. And now, in a sense, he was.
I wordlessly led Rose to his grave and she knew I wouldn't talk so she didn't try to get me too. We both sat next to the mound of fresh grass and she laid a black rose, her signature thing, on top, right in front of the headstone.
"Singing herself to sleep
Wrapped in all of the promises
"That no one seems to keep
She no longer cries to herself,
No tears left to wash away
Just diaries of empty pages,
Feelings gone astray
But she will sing
'Till everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
Burn it all down
As my anger reigns"
Rose sang the first song she, Johnny and I wrote together, which was the song that made VIP get recognized.
"Fang didn't want me tonight…I think he is jealous because he knew you would be here." She told me seriously but I shrugged. Like Fang would ever be jealous of a wreck like me. We sat in silence for a minute, her hand resting now on top of Johnny's headstone. "You were like a brother to him…" She whispered. "He would be happy you are here and not down there…he died so it was this way and not that." She whispered and I didn't respond. I just starred at his name as if repeating them in my mind would offer some comfort. But they didn't bring comfort, only more pain. "I'm sorry."
I am too.
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Chibiyu: I own Rose and Fang, I recycled them from my first ever JONAS sequel, Lost Lives. Hehe, thought it was a fun idea. Until Next Update!
