Hi! Sorry I've taken a while to
post this, I haven't had much free time recently and I've also
been working on a new fanfic – watch out for it!
But to
compensate, this chapter is all Edward :)
Finally!
As ever, the biggest thanks to BrittanyPerson. You know
what for ;)
Enjoy!!
Edward's POV
'I'm so sorry' I whispered
as I stroked her soft face. She gazed into my eyes, and held my hand
against her cheek. Her eyes closed.
'You're here now.
Nothing else matters.' a smile warmed her beautiful face.
I was
still uncertain. 'I never should have left you. How could I have
thought I could live without you? I was so stupid.' I murmured,
angry at myself.
A light laugh escaped her lips. Her deep
chocolate eyes met mine as she looked up at me.
'Everything's
going to be okay now Edward' I thrill rushed through me as she said
my name. Her voice was confident, strong.
'But –'I began
before she pressed a finger against my lips, silencing me.
'You
came back to me.' She said simply.
I raised my hand, and gently
moved her finger from my mouth and instead wove my hand though hers.
She placed her free hand lightly on my chest.
'I love you'
her soft voice spoke the words I had been yearning to hear for so
long.
'I love you too.' I vowed. 'Forever.'
I tilted
my head towards her face, and kissed her.
'Bella' I whispered as my eyes
slowly opened, reluctant to leave the image of her behind.
This
was not a memory, nor would it ever be my future.
I was leant against a tree, sitting on the uneven woodland. I glanced around me, but all I could see was the dark, dull woods.
I would never see Bella again. I
knew this.
But telling myself it was one thing, accepting it was
another.
The very thought of never being able to see her face again, never to hold her once more burned through my body, torturing me.
This life I now had was pure hell.
Once it had been heaven, I hadn't wanted – needed- anything more.
But then the perfect walls came crashing down, my reason for life
taken from me almost as soon as she had been put there.
No, that wasn't true. She hadn't
been taken from me. I had left her.
As impossible as it had been,
I had taken myself out of her life. As much as it destroyed me, I'd
had to. I'd had no choice.
I had to keep her safe.
No matter what the cost – an eternity of torment, my body burning to ashes – I would do it.
As long as Bella was safe I could live through anything, even this.
I shouldn't have ever let myself get so close to her; because of me, she had been so close to death. More than once.
The memory of Bella broken on the floor of the ballet studio resurfaced, though it was never far from my mind. That image of her laying there, her blood everywhere, so vulnerable, so close to death, would haunt me – forever.
But what was worse, was knowing that I could have killed her myself, that I had wanted to kill her.
That was the kind of monster I was. I could have killed the one who I loved, and had come far too close to doing so.
No, Bella did not deserve to have something like me in her life, she deserved so much more. She should be happy, be able to love someone who wasn't a threat to her.
The thought of Bella loving somebody else but me was agonizing, but I forced to tell myself that this was what I should want for her.
If I couldn't be with her, I wanted somebody who could, to be there for her and keep her from danger. Or so I tried to tell myself.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't picture Bella with anyone but me. She was my Bella. If I could just see her once more –
NO! I couldn't. Bella had to have a life, and she couldn't if I were with her.
I had to stay away. I couldn't go
back, because even if I went back, just to check on her, I would
never be able to tear myself away from her again.
I wondered how
she was; if she were happy now I was out of her life, if she was
safe. What had she been doing in the long months since I had seen
her?
Thinking over her was painful,
unendurable; so instead I remembered.
It was selfish to retain my
memories, I owed it to her to just let her go, but I wouldn't. They
were all I had, they kept me sane. Reliving them was almost like
being with her again, and I wouldn't give that up.
Now, my mind drifted into the past and I remembered Bella.
I remembered every minute detail of her delicate face.
Her round, inquisitive chocolate
eyes; her soft, warm lips. The deep pink blush, colouring her pale
cheeks.
The way her eyes narrowed questioningly when she didn't
understand something; how she would softly bite her bottom lip when
she was anxious or unsure.
Her heart jumping as our lips met, her
hand running through my hair. . .
I snapped back out of my memories, back into vicious reality.
I exhaled heavily and slowly rose to my feet. My body leant against the tree, causing the old wood to groan in protest.
For a moment I let the excruciating pain consume me. It was overwhelming – impossible that someone could survive it. But I did. It was like a curse, haunting me. The force of it took my breath away. I just stood there, and caved in to the agony.
Eventually, it lessened, though only slightly.
But I was able to think and, unexpectedly, I made a decision.
I was going home. Not to Bella – that was forbidden – but back to my family, wherever they now were.
I didn't want to go back but I knew that I would. I owed them that much, at least. After everything I had put them through these past months, it seemed I had no choice but to, out of love.
I refused to contemplate how my ... actions, had affected them. It was unbearable to even imagine what my departure had done to Bella without acknowledging how hurt my family had been.
I knew that this trip would not be an enjoyable one.
I was still the same as I had been when I had left, and I wasn't about to change.
I wouldn't stay long. Of that I was sure. I would go for long enough to see that they were well, and then I would leave and return to my empty existence.
I sighed. I would have so much preferred for my unexpected return to be just that – unexpected. But with Alice, that wasn't about to happen. I could only pray that she would understand my decision, and realise that I wasn't staying.
I forced myself to stand up straight
and concentrate. I may have been terrible as a tracker, but I should
at least be able to find my family.
Finally, in the light breeze,
I caught the faint scent of them.
I glanced once around the forest and began to run. I could only hope I doing the right thing.
So, what did you think? I hope
you liked it :D
writing in Edward's POV is quite hard. His
thoughts flow through me so easily, but I never know whether I'm
doing him justice.
Oh, and please leave a review! I would love to
hear any thoughts you may have on it.
R xx
