Hey,

Here is the chapter of today. A bit shorter than the chapter of yesterday, but that was a long chapter. There's a lot of good about this chapter.

I am so glad that you left so much reviews! Thank you all of you for reviewing every day. Today I won't beg.

Enjoy the chapter,

TempeGeller


Chapter 9: Carry me

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us;

what we have done for others and the world

remains and is immortal.

Albert Pike

Fiyero had to admit after getting a daily therapy, doubt was something that slowly entered your mind and toyed with your emotions. And as time crawled on, he noticed the very idea Elphaba brought doubts to his mind. It seemed that in his head, everything she said became less real. Maybe it was because he hadn't heard her voice in so long. Too long to remember it and to keep a hold of it.

When you were stunned every day, it's hard to imagine that you are in fact right and the others are wrong. And when you're suffering, it's easier to just admit to something. Fiyero, now 14 years old didn't shake like the others, it seemed he didn't need to shake back and forward. He needed to get out of here, when he just arrived they had carried his nanny Meredith beside his cell. She had died after a therapy gone to far, her body was pale white. A rumor told she had a heart attack, because she would never truly be cured. Here he was, all by himself. He only saw the woman Melina once and that once was enough to believe that maybe he was not a judge of character, or maybe he was.

But as time passed, the very image of Elphaba died in his mind and after 2 years in this godforsaken place he was convince, his parents were right. Elphaba was not real. And with that he thought he would have solved all his trouble. Everything that brought him here was gone and as he waited for a pass to get out of here, he received news that turned his world upside down.

"Your grandfather passed away..." Avaric stepped closer to the prison. "Your parents are on their way, they've chosen to get you out. We've given you a positive review, it seems that your friend is gone. It's better.."

"For you maybe.." He stepped beside Avaric and thought about what he just heard. His grandfather was dead, did he care about it? Maybe it had been two years since he had seen his grandfather, but the very idea of him dying made him sad. He cared about his family, even though he didn't see him. As he stepped outside he could smell freedom and all he had to give up for it was a thing his mind had made.

What was he going to do? Maybe he was going to visit Sarima, after that he had to go to the funeral and after that he might just think about starting his life up again. What would his father want from him? Would he need to go school? And would he need to study something he didn't care about.
He smiled as he saw his father carriage pull in front of the building. Baxiana was the first to step out, it seemed that not seeing her son for so long made her emotional. Marrilot had the same expression on his face than he did two years ago and didn't seem to have aged at all. The truth was that for him time had stopped.

"Mother..." Baxiana took Fiyero in her arms. Almost like she was a caring mother, yet in all of this years she made no trial in getting him out of that place. His father gave a small nod to Fiyero, like he was unable to show any more emotion.

"How are you my son?" Marrilot soft bowed his head to Fiyero.

What did he need to respond? Good, it didn't seem like that would be a good answer. He had been threatened bad for 2 years and had lost a friend in the process. So, okay was not something that he could say. He was not okay. His grandfather had died, the emotion ran through his body.

"You can't expect me to say I'm okay..." He turned his face away from his father. "You don't know what it's like in that place. It cost my nanny's life, all because of you!"

"She couldn't be cured." Marrilot opened the door to the carriage. "You could, you should be happy my son. You have a life ahead of you."

Fiyero didn't respond to his fathers voice, he stepped in the carriage. His mother followed him, but even with her he wouldn't share eye contact. His fist pulled together in anger, what happened in that place was wrong and part of him wanted to blow open the entire place, he knew if he became king he would close it down, burn it to the ground and send every member of its staff to jail for treating people in the way they did.

The drive home seemed to long and being in a carriage with his father reminded him of worst moments in his life. He needed to think well about great stuff and everything that made him happy seemed unreal. How could he started doubting about his own senses? Who had thought him to read? If not Elphaba, then who? When his nanny started reading lessons, she was very surprised reading was already a second language to Fiyero. So, what? He shook his head, the first house they stopped in front was Sarima's.

Fiyero stepped out and as one of her sisters opened up, he saw she knew about the 'insane' thing, would everyone be looking at him that way? Sarima stepped of the stairs, she seemed day and night with the last time he saw her. She had grown in her looks and her hair had gotten longer. What two years could do?

"Fiyero." She stepped down the stairs and pulled him in a hug. "Are you okay?"

"Not really.." He shook his head.

"I know what happens in that place." She shook her head. "It's wrong, I hope they didn't hurt you to much. Did you have something to read?"

"I haven't read a book in 2 years..."

"Than I have just the thing for you.." She pulled up a small package. "Your parents told me you were coming out today and I thought a book would be perfect. I.."

"Thank you..." He removed the wrapping from the book. A copy of the scarlet letter came to his eyes.

"It's old, I didn't know if you read it." Sarima spoke "I found it and I was sure you would love it. I tried to send it to that place, but it kept coming back. Rude, if you ask me, if you can't even open up your own mail."

"What did you expect?" He laughed as he pulled the book to his chest. "Thank you for the book."

"No need." Sarima spoke "Can I talk to you alone?"

"Sure."

He followed Sarima up the stairs, through the reading room and down the stairs once more again. They took the small door to the gardens. There were two swings there. They sat down, Sarima was pale. More pale than he had remembered and it almost seemed like she was going to say something. She turned her face to his, almost like she was going to hurt him.
"I hope you won't be.." She paused "Hurt when you hurt this."

"Hurt?" He shook his head. "Why would I be hurt?"

"I sort of met someone." She closed her eyes. "His name is Marten and when you were in that place, we fell in love. I know it's early to say, but I don't want this, I like you Fiyero. I just can't marry you, I mean I want all of the things people talk about. Your heart skipping a beat at the sight of their name and we don't have that."

"Agreed." He smiled "You feel like a sister."

"Just like I said.." Sarima turned away. "And the last thing I want to be caught in is a loveless marriage. I wouldn't the kids to grow up.."

"I get it.." He lifted his head. "What did your parents say?"

"They talked to your parents the first chance they had." She turned her face to the other side. "It's because Marten is the royal song of Ugabu. Your parents were not so happy, they thought I should share the news with you, but they made it clear they want nothing to do with my family. I don't know what's going to happen to your marriage plans."
"I'm not planning on anything.." Fiyero spoke "I'm just planning on getting my life together."
"You know, I will always be your friend, no matter what." She spoke "And how are you holding up with your grandfather?"

"I didn't really know him.." He paused "But does make me look at mortality a whole other way."

"I can understand." Sarima smiled "I just want you to know there's someone out there for you, someone who makes you feel ten times better.."

"There used to be someone..." He stared to her shoes. "She's gone now."

"Than I suggest you find her again?" She stood up. "She must have been really special, to make you like her."
"She's gone." He stood up. "She wasn't real. She was a projection of my mind. That's why I spend all of this years in that place. Because I had to let her go..."

"I didn't know you people could make you believe in a lie.." She stepped to the door. "I know if you believe something is real, there's no way that thing is not real. Anything you stopped believing, I would start believing again."

"Why?"

"Because the only people truly insane in that place.." Sarima smiled "Are the people that work there."

Fiyero returned to the his parents. Sarima waved and made him promise that he would return to her. Just because they weren't getting married, didn't mean they couldn't be friends. His father didn't like that idea, but Baxiana made it clear that it was Fiyero's choice. In her words: 'our sons chooses who he hangs with'. It was funny that she tried to use slang in a total wrong way. And than they stepped in front of a small building, it was the building they used to keep dead bodies. And as he stepped inside, he could smell death all around him. He saw his grandfather. Three years ago he had looked heavy, tanned and warm. Now he looked the opposite. His dark skin had a terrible paleness to it, almost like they put on some blush to make him a bit more alive looking. His lips were blood red and Fiyero was sure that was the effect of man's lipstick. He stared at him, he had never seen a dead person before and it didn't seem like he was going to wake up from a nap. His hands were clenched together and when you touched them, you could feel a certain stiffness to them. If you would pick up his hand, it would fall down with bending once. This image would be something that would never get from his mind.; And as a man spoke words of niceness of his grandfather, he dreamed off. "He was an amazing man, a brave man and he always told the truth." Wrong, his father was a liear, a man that smoked way to much to call it for a ritual and he only thought about himself. Yet he had turned in a saint to his burial.

Fiyero wondered, what would they say if he died? That he was not insane, maybe. Most definitely his stay in that place would not be mentioned. It would be a secret that he would carry to his grave. That's what Elphaba meant when she said 'become a ghost', she was to scared to use the word dead. And than his mind went ot her, was she real? Why was he even questing it?

"It was a beautiful service." His father whispered as the carried the casket outside, when they put it to rest. Fiyero wondered what it mattered, he wouldn't care one bit about the way he was buried. For all that mattered, they would just throw him in the ground without saying anything. That way his memorial would not be slandered with lies about his amazing life. If he would become a drunk idiot, he would like to be put to rest as he was, not at hero. And as Fiyero looked behind him, he stepped in the carriage. His father had no tears in his eyes and didn't say a word, did he feel anything? Fiyero did not know. As he arrived to his home, he left alone. He went back to the place where he was pulled away, yelling for Elphaba. He opened the door and the first thing he noticed was his bed. The covers had been taken away and he needed to ask new ones. The covers that were hanging in front of the hole were still there. Slowly he sat down. He stared, there hadn't been anyone in this room since he went away. He could see that to the layers of dust collecting on the cabinets and the end of his bed. When he stared to the floor, he could see small dots of red. And the same was reflected on the blanket, almost like someone had been bleeding when they came out of the wall. HE raised an eyebrow, how did it get here? Were it the housekeepers that cut themselves to the wall? And had they not said, in fear that his father would be angry, or had someone stolen the covers of his bed. He slowly stood up and moved his hands to the wall. He thought about her as he picked up the ball.

"Catch.." He said as he threw the ball to Elphaba like he used to , but it bounced to the floor. It almost seemed to proved that she wasn't real.

He stood up and went to look for some covers, the night would bring cold to him. Without a cover, it would be to cold for him. And as he found someone, he received dark blue covers for his bed and a brand new cushion with no smell of familiarity. He threw himself on the bed.

"Elphaba, answer me." He said as he turned to the opening. "Elphaba."

But there was no reaction.

He closed his eyes thinking about Sarima. 'If you think it's real, it must be', that was in short words the thing she had said. Yet when he had called out for Elphaba, he didn't hear any reaction. As he closed his eyes, he felt a heavy feeling inside his stomach. He had lost her, Elphaba. With that he closed his eyes.

When he wake, the house was silent. He remembered the situation when he was 4 almost immediately, the day he met Elphaba or the day he made her up, as father like to say. He stared at the ball. He threw it to the wall, once more again, trying to make just as much noise as he wanted. Maybe he wanted to cal her out, just like the day he had met her. Once, twice, tree times, but there was no reaction. Maybe she is on the other side of the house he thought and he threw the ball once again, causing it to make an awful sound. Even for Fiyero it got bad. But he wouldn't give up, he wanted to hear her say to keep it down. He wouldn't keep it down, unless she said so.

"Elphaba, if you want it to be quiet, tell me.." Fiyero threw the ball. "Say something"

He threw the ball once more again and as he kept doing it, he felt sad. His eyes started tearing up, because it felt like proof that she wasn't real to begin with.

"Please Elphaba, say something.." He sat down against the wall. "Show me I'm not crazy?"

"Fiyero." A soft voice came to him. "Is that really you?"
"Elphaba, I could hug your." Fiyero smiled "You are real, 2 years in that institution and you are convince, that everything they say to you is true. I thought..."

"How are you Fiyero?" She sounded like she was in pain. "They didn't make.."

"Elphaba, I'm sorry for letting you to face the world all by yourself"

"I'm a ghost." She stared to her feet. "What bad could have happened to me?"

With those words she remembered the night her father had beaten her up with a baseball bat, all because she talked to Fiyero. Yet she couldn't do anything but thinking about Fiyero in pain.
"I met a woman, Melina." He stared to his feet. "I only met her once, she's still in there. She says she is never getting out. Poor woman lost her daughter."

"That's sad, Yero."

"I missed you, Elphaba." Fiyero touched the wall. "I almost forgot the sound of your voice. That was the worst thing that made me believe that you were not real, I mean how could I forget the sound of your voice. I thought if something was real, a voice wouldn't be so easily lost."

"I..." Elphaba paused "Without you, it was almost like I didn't exist. I was so alone, sometimes being alone is such a bad thing, you think to much. Thinking to much is not good. A mind can be dangerous."
"A mind is a strong thing." He smiled

"Welcome home, Fiyero."