A/N I'm back! And I'll be horrifically surprised if anyone so much as remembers me.

I've suspended 'Twisted Trainer Tale' for a while. I don't think I can keep up with the strain of maintaining two stories. One story is enough of a stretch.

Expect an update at least once every two weeks from now on, until December hits. After December, you will get no updates till April 2008. I have these little annoying things called nationwide exams to give.

The worst part is that I'm studying in India and the ICSE Education Board Syllabus comprises rote memorizing. You need to superglue a camera into your skull in order to so much as survive an exam here. Oh, and we don't have objective multiple choice questions here: You have to actually write every single little detail and if you so much as forget one word you get a bunch of marks lopped off…

I'm also posting up a one-shot about MST3002. It tells viewers of my future plans if I ever get around to an MST3003. Don't miss it!

Special thanks to Meowth's Toon Dragon and Hunter. D for their contributions to this and future chapters.

Review Responses:-

Theredone1223: Normally I would take up your suggestion, but I don't really like Persian too much. So I'm going to have to say no. Plus, it's really hard to come up with eccentric personalities.

Orange Sora: I looked up your Shrek parody and would like to say that it's more of a scene-to-scene replication than a parody. You really should mock the movie more, you know.

CuddleyEeveeM: Sorry about the fic riff. I was just running dry there for a moment.

Swifstream: You know, since I'm available all this week, you should probably e-mail me some stuff to beta.

Just Fly a Kite: Thanks!

A Parliament of Owls: As it turns out, I did pretty well in the exams.

Max the Vampire Kleptomaniac: I'm not sure if I'm going to revert Pikachu back to his old self or not. I'll have to see where it goes.

AnimeDutchess: I know you said it's okay for you whenever people update, but I wonder is five months later is what you had in mind…

Jarkes: That really depends on what's funnier: Normal or abnormal? Referring to your review in 'MST3003', I would keep all the guys, except it's difficult to sell the same old stuff all the time. I need new things to maintain popularity, you know. And plus, if these guys are funny, the new guys will be funny too.

Meowth's Toon Dragon: Yes, I got your e-mail… and am acting on it five months after.

Alexis R pokegirl: Hey! You never update either, you know!

Commander Drzewiecki: Have I mentioned just how weird your penname is? Or is it actually a Polish word?

Story:-

"What beest the objective of this quest?" queried Bill Shakespeare, also known as Squirtle the Psychopath.

"Well, we happen to be looking for watch-worthy DVDs," explained Ludicolo as he peered at various movie titles lined up on the shelf cases.

"I have heard thee and thy fellows speak much of these 'DVDs', as you say," droned Billy. "What doth these objects be in fact?"

"Erm… they are like plays," said Crobat. "Only much more technologically advanced and much less interesting."

"I see," quoth Bill. "Dost thou have any of mine writings?"

"Something tells me that Dee-sis, being a murderous world-dominating nutcase, wouldn't exactly be a Shakespeare fan," said Ludicolo sagely.

"Ah, yes," said Bill, before adding under his breath, "Whatever that utterance was meant to convey."

The gang had basically split up to look for movies. Steelix, Charizard and Sceptile, having gotten ticked off by the large amounts of insipid and basically bad movies fed to them, had sent everyone else to navigate and search Deoxys' labyrinthine collection for a GOOD movie, or the consequences would be dire. Since the DVD shelves made up about two-thirds of the spaceship, this activity was to take a pretty long time.

So the three biggies had sent everyone else to look for a decent talkie while they chilled in the living room with all the couches, making Pikachu take care of the hyper babies. They meted this punishment out to Pikachu since the latest bad short had been his idea (Skitty, from initially being overly defensive of Pikachu, had begun snapping at him when this point was brought up).

Suddenly, Crobat, Ludicolo and Billy the balmy turtle heard a commotion on the other side of their shelf. There was an explosion, followed by the sound of DVD cases falling on the ground accompanied by several yowls. Before you could say 'what the heckles', with absolutely no prior warning, metal sheaths extended to seal off all the DVDs on the shelves and keep them from being accessed by anyone.

Ludicolo, Crobat and the ersatz bard walked round to the other, Crobat shrieking, "What in the name of Squirty's fried skull was THAT?"

Skitty and Meowth were picking themselves up off the floor. They were being watched by a hovering and agitated Beautifly and Swellow.

"Ya could have just said, 'no', ya know," said Meowth, looking a little stunned. "Oil I did wuz ask ya out…"

"You tried to kiss me, you had your hand on my back!" yowled Skitty. "And I like someone else!"

Meowth snapped to alert at that. "WHAT? Who?"

"A-HEM!" yelled Ludicolo, drawing the group's attention. "What happened?"

Skitty acknowledged Meowth with a look of pure disgust. "Well, the gentleman here tried to feel me up, so I blasted him with an Overheat."

"Yeah, we got that," snapped Crobat. "We meant, what happened with the DVDs?"

Beautifly and Skitty shrugged. Swellow was frowing. "Actually, I think when Skitty fried him, he was sent flying into some button," said the bird. "It's there on the wall."

Everybody looked at the button (except for Meowth, who was lying on the floor, recovering from his fifth-degree burns). It was labelled, 'Random Movie Play'.

"This can't be good," said Ludicolo.

"If that is the opinion thou holdst," said Bill. (Translation: If you say so.)

Page break thingamajig)

Everyone was now assembled in the living room for the debriefing as to why the DVDs had all been locked. They were especially outraged as to why the thing couldn't have been rearranged so that Squirtle Shakespeare was locked up with the discs.

"As it turns out, Meowth accidentally hit some button called 'Random Movie Play'," said Ludicolo.

"And ya conveniently left out da brutal and savage assault," cried Meowth.

"Yeah, we don't think it's too important," said Crobat.

"So, now what?" asked Donphan.

"I guess the movies will play… randomly," said Crobat.

"We had that part figured out, funnily enough." Charizard spoke for them all.

VREET!! VREET!! VREET!! VREET!!

"WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!" yelled the Pokemon. They all ran to the theatre, with the exception of Pikachu, that is, who, after several harrowing and hair-splitting moments had finally managed to put the babies asleep, was now preoccupied with comforting the bawling infants.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((And here's another one)

"Um, I think I found out the genre of this one," said Sceptile, as he walked out of the projector room. "It's another short ─" Sceptile had to raise his voice to make himself heard over the ensuing groans, "and a horror one. It apparently has zombies and stuff."

"Good thing we put Pikachu on baby duty," smirked Steelix.

The theatre lights dimmed and everyone made a scramble for their seats. ("No, you sicko, you can't sit next to me!!!" SMACK! "OWCHIES! Oil right, I'm movin'…")

Ash's Zombie Killing Spree

"Ah, another suave and sophisticated narration," said Psyduck.

By Commander Drzewiecki

"Um…" said Glalie. "Right."

It was the eve before All Hallows Eve.

In particular, it was a dark and stormy eve before All Hallows Eve.

Ash tossed about in his sleeping bag. He didn't mind thunderstorms, but he absolutely hated them when he was in a tent. Pikachu was curled up into a cute, fetal ball beside him.

"Aw…" said certain feline someone.

"Ash…Ash…Ash…" a calm, ethereal voice called.

"Huh…?" Ash mumbled.

"It's me, Misty… Wake up…" the soothing voice continued.

"Ugh…" Ash grunted. He raised himself up and opened his eyes.

"FOOLED YOU!" the creepy, decapitated zombie of Misty taunted.

"Right," said Glalie.

"There really are no other words for this story, are there?" asked Torkoal.

Ash lost no time. He grabbed his shotgun and pulled the trigger.

"Ah, yes his shotgun," said Bulbasaur. "The one he ALWAYS carries with him EVERYWHERE. He's had that shotgun forever."

BLAM!

Misty's slimy, rotten corpse fell on its knees and crumpled on the ground.

"I must say this is a rather distasteful scene," grumbled Gyarados.

"Holy smokes! What the heck was that all about?" Ash wondered.

"He read my mind," said Foretress.

What the hell was that?! the newly awakened Pikachu exclaimed.

"Gee, I hope that wasn't the real Misty…" Ash pondered.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHH…." Cooed everyone in the theater.

Ash, with his shotgun in his hands and Pikachu on his shoulder, got out of the tent and ran towards town.

When Ash got into town, he felt very relieved. He heard the voices of his friends, May, Misty, and Brock talking amongst themselves.

"Yes, he didn't know where his friends were, but was comforted by the presence of their voices," said Ludicolo.

There was a moment of silence following this sentence.

"You are officially incapable of riffing anything," said Glalie flatly.

Thank heaven, Ash thought. At least I won't have to deal with the zombies alone.

Good gravy, is that Willie Nelson on the radio? Pikachu thought.

Same planet, different worlds.

"HEY! DON'T SAY THAT!"

Sceptile sat bolt upright and looked around wildly, a scowl etched into his face. "Pikachu, what are you doing in here?"

A certain female Pokemon pressed herself deeper into her seat.

In any event, Ash politely strolled up to his friends.

"Hello, guys! How's it going and---HOLY SMOKES!!"

Misty and the gang turned around rapidly and revealed their decomposing faces. The nightmare wasn't over—all of Ash's friends had turned into hell-spawn!

"Much like Deoxys," remarked Charizard.

"HELLO, ASH…" Ash's friends replied in a demonic tone.

"LET'S EAT HIM!" Brock yelled hungrily.

"GET HIM, MAY!" Misty ordered.

"With pleasure…" Malicious May complied softly. She didn't appear too hellish,

"Well, of course not," said Beautifly. "How could she?"

but she seemed scarier than normal.

Ash, confused and scared beyond all belief, brought his 12-gauge to bear.

Pikachu, sensing Ash's wicked plans, sent a small shock at his comrade as well.

"YEOW!" Ash yelped.

"Come on, Ash! Get your act together!" Pikachu barked.

"Wait a minute, you can talk?!" Ash boggled.

"As moich as it may astound hyoomuns, Poykeemaun are capable of communica-shun," said Meowth in not-so-perfect English.

"No time to explain, come on!" Pikachu commanded.

Ash picked his shotgun off the ground, and the two ran off.

Ash and Pikachu soon reached the edge of a forest. After finding a trail inside, the two friends strolled on in.

"I'm getting a bit nervous…" Ash commented.

"How long will it be before this accursed short ends?" wailed Corphish.

"Come on, wimp! There can't possibly anything worse than we've had so far…right? Onward ho!" Pikachu encouraged.

Everyone began to hum the theme to 'Pirates of the Caribbean'.

Good lord, this place is freaking me out… Pikachu thought. He didn't know much about zombies, but Pikachu knew dark forests like this one were one of their favorite hangouts.

"What an amazing discovery! Someone alert the Nobel Committee!" cried Foretress.

The two walked through the woods.

They kept walking.

They kept walking.

They still kept on walking.

"To answer your question, Corphish…" said Glalie.

3 hours passed. Pikachu soon noticed that they were neither getting tired, nor was the sun getting any higher in the sky. The sun hadn't even risen at all. Even then, Pikachu kept the matter to himself.

A Mightyena howled in the distance.

The two still kept on walking. They didn't encounter any forks or turns in the road; the path seemed to be perfectly straight, no matter how far you went. Finally, after what seemed to be a day of nonstop walking, Pikachu spoke up.

"What the hell is wrong with this place?! We'll be going in here for all eternity!"

"Why is this happening?" Ash wondered.

"Because Meowth hit the 'Random Movie Play' button," growled Steelix.

"I'm pretty sure dat was a hypathetical questunn," muttered Meowth in a small voice.

They stopped and saw a small hole, off to the side of the trail.

"Wait a minute! I've seen this hole before. I know what's happening…" Pikachu said.

"What is it? Tell me, man!" Ash commanded.

"It's simple. Whenever we are about 2 yards past the clearing, both of us are teleported back to where we started," Pikachu explained.

"Then there's no doubt that the hole is our way out!" Ash exclaimed confidently.

Ash, with renewed confidence, nose-dived through the hole.

"Catch me if you can!" Ash taunted as he fell.

"I have been unable to locate any grammatical incongruity in this story," frowned Gyarados.

"Now, that's something to be thankful for," murmured Donphan.

Pikachu slapped his head in irritation. Ash had turned as childish and competitive as a five-year-old.

"So, what else is new?" asked Bulbasaur.

"Lord, give me strength…" Pikachu beseeched. There was no-one to beseech to, but Pikachu did it anyway. The little Pokemon jumped into the hole.

The tunnel turned out to be more like an enclosed water slide. Pikachu and Ash slid down the tunnel's unnaturally smooth surface.

"Wahoo! This is awesome!" cheered Ash. After several hours of getting lost and shooting things, a little good-natured fun was perfect.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Pikachu moaned.

"As am I," groaned Gyarados. "How perfectly eerie."

Ash was behaving in a much more immature manner than normal. It irritated Pikachu to no end.

A light appeared at the end of the tunnel and—

WHAM!

Ash and Pikachu slammed into a massive button that went "WHAM!" when one pushed it.

"And of course, the fact that they collided into something while moving at a high velocity did not account for the sound at all," said Marshtomp.

After looking around, the two found themselves in a foggy, dark cemetery deep in the forest.

"Thank heavens, I thought we were dead…" Pikachu sighed, obviously relieved.

"That was just wicked awesome! I'm doing it again!" Ash proclaimed.

"News flash: Ash is an idiot," Pikachu mocked under his breath.

"That's not news!" said Bulbasaur. "It barely counts as information!"

"That isn't news to me at all…" a creepy, dismembered voice commented.

Everyone looked around who in the theater had said that.

"Who the hell was that?" Pikachu asked, frightened.

"Watch your language, Pikachu!" Ash warned.

Someone tapped Ash on the shoulder. Ash spun around and saw…

two zombies, one male and one female. Both wore dull white shirts with blood-red R's on them. The two zombies had decomposed badly.

"Hey! It's Jess and Jimmy!" yelled Meowth. He frowned. "Can't I get a moment away fwom dose two?"

"HELLO, ASH…WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU…" the two reanimated corpses announced in unison. The zombie versions of Misty, Brock, and May joined Team Rocket.

"Whoa… Jesse? James? What happened to you?" Ash asked firmly.

"Didn't shower in the morning?" asked Torkoal.

"Ash… Look behind you…" another dismembered voice called.

Ash spun around the other way and saw a ghostly-looking Pokemon with black skin, a large, red lower jaw, and wispy, cloudy "hair". It was the Nightmare Pokemon, Darkrai!

"Darkrai! So you're behind all this!" both Pikachu and Ash exclaimed.

"Excellent deductions, kiddies…I'm afraid they won't help, though…" Darkrai said, coldly.

Then Darkrai pointed his head towards the sky and chanted in Arabic: "أنا أدعو فصاعدا هذا الناس من ال نثروورلد بوكمونريشترسي سكتشتوفجر… أتيت فصاعدا!"

"Well, why wouldn't he chant in Arabic?" asked Sceptile.

"Yeah, Darkrai and Arabic, makes perfect sense," said Swellow. "You say 'Darkrai' and the first thing that comes to your mind is Arabic."

The ground shook. The tombstones blasted from their place into the sky like rockets. An organ started playing in the distance for dramatic effect.

Everyone began to hum the 'Adams Family' theme song.

Hands, and later bodies, broke out of the graves. Some were men, some were women, and all of them were rotten zombies.

"Like a Marilyn Manson concert!" said Psyduck.

Ash recognized most of the awakened corpses.

"Richie…Tracey Sketchit…Dawn…?" Ash stuttered.

"It's the Graveyard of Dead Pokemon Characters!" Pikachu called out in horror.

"That's right…And soon, you shall join us…but first, we must steal your soul…" Darkrai explained.

Darkrai motioned to his minion and called out "CHARGE!"

"HAH-HAH!" cried Gyarados triumphantly. "I finally found a grammatical error! INCORRECT PUNCTUATION PLACEMENT!! That full stop at the end of the sentence is redundant!"

"As are your grammatical corrections!" Charizard cried back.

All of the zombies charged as one man towards Ash and Pikachu. The two heroes looked around them and saw they were outnumbered.

"Crud, I'm out of ammo…" Ash complained.

"I'm too tired to electrocute anything…" Pikachu whined.

"Well, it looks like we're going down together," Ash and Pikachu said in unison. The situation was hopeless. The zombies started throwing large swords, axes, and other pointy objects so as to kill both heroes.

But then all time stood still. Music started playing in the distance.

It wasn't just any song; it was "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News!

"NOW I'M SCARED!!" yelped Steelix.

"AAAAARRGGHH!!" cried everyone.

"THE HORROR!! THE HORROR!!"

"UGH…BLARGHH…أه شيت!" All the zombies yelled in pain. The rotten corpses fell apart and disappeared in puffs of smoke.

"Arghh! Damn you, Huey Lewis! If you're still alive, I'm going to turn you into the world's biggest basket case…" Darkrai yelled in frustration.

"This isn't the end, Ketchum…" the infernal ghost added. But it was too late. Darkrai fell to the ground and started melting into an acidic foam…

"أنا سأحصل أنتهوي لويس" the demon screamed.

Darkrai disappeared into the ground, still condemning Huey Lewis.

"Where did that music come from?!" the remaining heroes asked, confused but relieved.

"Obviously from the very depths of hell," said Bulbasaur. "What a perfectly asinine question."

"It came from over here, half-wit," an irritated female voice explained.

Ash and Pikachu spun around and saw Cresselia levitating near a boom box.

"Wow… Thanks a bunch, Cresselia!" the heroes said, much impressed.

"Can it, meathead. Next time you need help, you had better try asking for it, instead of just expecting me to show up!" the Lunar Pokemon warned.

"I've gotta scram," she added.

After Cresselia left, Ash's vision started blurring, and everything faded to black…

It was the eve before All Hallows Eve.

In particular, it was a dark and stormy eve before All Hallows Eve.

"NO!" cried Psyduck. "This story cannot be restarting!"

Ash tossed about in his sleeping bag. He didn't mind thunderstorms, but he absolutely hated them when he was in a tent. Pikachu was curled up into a cute, fetal ball beside him.

"Ash…Ash…Ash…" a calm, ethereal voice called.

"Huh…?" Ash mumbled.

"It's me, Misty… Wake up…" the soothing voice continued.

"Ugh…" Ash grunted. He raised himself up and opened his eyes.

"BOO!" Brock yelled.

FIN

"Thank heavens," said Donphan.

While the movie had been playing, unknown by everyone else, Togetic had been fulfilling his promise to Pikachu, repeatedly using metronome in the hopes of hitting Teleport. He had mostly hit minor attacks such as Growl up until now, but when the short ended, he ended up using Zap Cannon. The inaccurate electric attack flew out and smashed into the movie screen. Amperes coursed through the circuitry, frying the wires and shutting down the system.

As every light in the theater exploded and sprayed all the Pokemon with sparks, Steelix groaned.

"Not again……."